Merry Christmas!!

We hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas, a Happy New Year, and all your wishes come true for 2008.

I've been tagged - Male Edition

Since my DW was tagged, and I don't have any TMI stories to share right now, I figured I would tag myself and join in the fun.

Christmas Meme

1. Egg nog or Hot Chocolate?
Egg nog. I hunt for different varieties for just drinking and then premium for the Christmas morning special: Egg nog, rum and sometimes cinnamon. Mmmm.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Who is this Santa person? We wrap everything and then try to save the paper for next year; usually is a lost cause.

3. Coloured lights on tree/house or white?
Very few plain white lights look good to me. I like the colours, I like the blinking and I like the ones that have random patterns.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope. But bring some cheerleaders into the neighbourhood and that might change.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
When my wife says to.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
I also love baked ham. I love turkey with real cranberry jelly. I love the Trini dishes my wife has gotten so good at making.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child.
Having family friends Parang at our house, three o'clock in the morning. Walking into the smell of fresh bread and sweetbread and other baking my mother did while we were out at midnight mass. Waking in the morning, opening gifts, eating breakfast with everyone, eggnog all day, and on and on.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
When I realized that the guy in the red suit kept changing each time I saw him.

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve?
As a child, we used to get to open one gift before bed. Everything else waited until we woke up Christmas morning. It was quite a time. Now, we do it all on Christmas day.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
I like a full tree. Something on every branch basically. Blinking things, things that makes sound, spray snow, the works!

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
I love snow, hate the extreme cold and wind chill.

12. Can you ice skate?
I can watch it on TV without gagging but my incredible sh*tty sense of balance keeps me off skates and the children safe.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I am a do or die Toronto Maple Leafs hockey fan. Since Pam and I got together, she has know that Saturday night is called HNIC (Hockey Night in Canada) night in our house. She has heard me saying "Dougie" this and "Dougie" that as No. 93 Doug Gilmour is my favourite player of all time. So, she sneakily goes off and buys me a rather expensive, authentic Gilmour jersey for Christmas about three years ago. I was speechless and I cried as it was the single most significant gift that anyone has ever given to me because I had not asked for it, did not expect it and it was something that means so much to me. I am tearing up now just thinking of the day. Next.

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Family. Food. Drink. But mainly family (and friends).

15. What is your favorite Holiday dessert?
Don't really have one but I love creme brulee, which Pam makes exceptionally well.

16. What is your favorite Holiday tradition?
Going Paranging early Christmas morning. To explain quickly, it means going from house to house of family and friends, waking them up, to share some food and drink and best wishes for the season. I will try to find a link that explains it better.

17. What tops your tree?
An angel. It has been in my family for over 30 years.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both :)

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
Nat King Cole - A Christmas Song. If this does not play in my house, it is not Christmas. Lots of other classics from Bing Crosby and others plus some more contemporary favourites from Destiny's Child, Barenaked Ladies, Mariah Carey, Boys To Men, Sounds of Blackness and others.

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum. Big ones that take a week to finish.


So, I'll tag:
Famine
Wizdom
Spiff

I've been tagged

I've been tagged by Daisy. Since I met and married V. I've come to love celebrating Christmas with him and his family, although I do celebrate Channukah with my family (a bit). I'll answer the questions as best I can. :)


Christmas Meme

1. Egg nog or Hot Chocolate?
Hot Chocolate, with marshmallows. Can't stand the taste or texture of egg nog.

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
I don't know. Doesn't he bring them wrapped? ;) (Personally, I wrap.)

3. Coloured lights on tree/house or white?
Both. We've got coloured lights some of which are static and others flash. V. likes the movement. We've only got one string of static coloured lights up on the house, only because we've just not had the time but I like those white icicle lights.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nope.

5. When do you put your decorations up?
The lights outside never come down. The tree goes up when we get around to it, on occasion as late as the 23rd. This year it was up on the 8th as we were hosting a Christmas poker potluck.

6. What is your favorite holiday dish?
I love baked ham.

7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child.
Going to family friends who grew up with my Dad for Christmas day. Closest we ever got to celebrating Christmas.

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
Never was an issue as a jewish kid. :)

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas eve?
V. and I sometimes give each other a gift as midnight strikes on the 25th.

10. How do you decorate your Christmas tree?
Lights, bells, balls and tinsel garlands and V. has a drummer boy set which can either hang in the tree or set up underneath and plays a variety of christmas carols on bells.

11. Snow! Love it or dread it?
I love snow, hate the cold.

12. Can you ice skate?
Yes but haven't for years.

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
I think it was the first Christmas V. and I celebrated and he surprised me with a Se.ga Dream.cast.

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Family

15. What is your favorite Holiday dessert?
Not a fan of dessert really. Usually too full by that time.

16. What is your favorite Holiday tradition?
Since I met V, it's making the traditional Trinidadian Christmas fare, like Black Cake, Sorrel and Ponch de Creme and often amazing friends who can't believe a white, Jewish girl can do this.

17. What tops your tree?
An angel.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both :)

19. What is your favorite Christmas song?
O Holy Night by Sounds of Blackness (from the Night Before Christmas album). This is one of my favourite Christmas albums. If you like Gospel, you have to hear it. This is the closest I can get to providing a sound bite - http://www.mp3.com/albums/56850/summary.html

20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yuck. Not really a fan of peppermint.


So, I'll tag:
Patti
Thrice
Baby Step
Gil
and Aurelia

CD17

Well, it's CD17 of a normal cycle. Not much is going on. V. is sick with this cold that seems to be primarily a cough. Normally not a big deal except that last Thursday he had such a violent bout of coughing, we ended up in Emerg because he'd pulled or torn a muscle in his rib cage. He's now got to deal with a great deal of pain if he coughs and is trying very hard a) not to cough and b) not to re-injure himself. And on top of that, we get 25cm of snow on Sunday. Being the kind of man that he is, he insists that he's not going to let me clear it myself. We've got a double driveway that is about 1.5 car lengths long. Thank goodness we have a snow blower otherwise I'd have shovelled out two paths on each side to fit the wheels of the cars. Needless to say, we've got a nice clear drive, and with the supposed mild weather we're supposed to be getting (at least Toronto), it is supposed to all melt by Christmas. However, we live just east of Toronto, so I'm not sure that applies to us. I'll post some snow pics later.


(Sorry for the really disjointed post. Life is quite boring as we move towards our FET.)

I'm home!

Finally, I'm home for good. Well, at least until January some time. I spent the last 7 days in Dal.las, which was nice from a weather perspective. However, my colleague who was doing the work down there with me was sick and being a man, doesn't know how to suck it up and do his share. Needless to say, I probably did about 80% of the work. However, I came home sick, again. Hopefully I can shake this quickly. We're hosting our annual Christmas Poker Potluck on Saturday (our turn this year) and I've got a few things to prep for that, as well as help V. get the house in order and the tree up. Then, next week is our annual Christmas Open House, so I've got to start baking and planning for that next.

I know V. already did, but I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words on my last post. It means a lot knowing that most of you can relate to the loss one feels. Since I've basically been working non-stop since mid way through the 2WW, I've not really had a chance to sit and be with V. I'm looking forward to finally being able to just snuggle up with him and watch tv or whatever.

We're planning on doing the FET in late January. We couldn't have done it this month because CD1 came while I was in Dal.las and I wouldn't have been able to get to the clinic on CD2. So, we've decided that we'll do it in late January. By my calculations, if my cycles stay their normal 28 days, I should get my next cycle at the end of this month, and then the January cycle should be in the 3rd week. I have one more business trip which is supposed to be in January and we want to wait until it's done with. I'm pushing for that trip to be the week of January 14th so I'm back well before I expect the next cycle. There shouldn't be a problem with that. And since that trip is in Calif.ornia, I'm hoping that V. can take some time and come on that one.

So, things are moving along. I've got enough to keep me busy until then.

If anyone would like to join us for the Open House, please let me know and I'll include you on the Evite.

Feliz Navidad!

Crap crap crap

I got back last night from another long day of traveling, although not as bad as the trip down. I'm home for two days which is long enough to kiss my husband, hug the child, do laundry, get my beta test and pack again to leave Friday for Dallas.

Anyway, I got home last evening with an empty bladder because I was dying when I got off the plane. As you know I had an agreement with V. that I wouldn't POAS while I was away. So, I stayed true to my word and didn't. I did, however, pick up the pee sticks while I was away to make sure we had them. It wasn't until later in the evening that I peed on two different sticks and both came up negative. I was pretty resigned at that point that it was negative, but V. wanted to be sure with the blood test, as did I. I knew that I still had to go in this morning for the test.

I finally got out of the house way later than intended as it's a long drive downtown in rush hour. Got in. Did the test. Went to work. It's been agony waiting for the call. I've had concerned friends texting and msn-ing asking if I've heard. I think they were more anxious than we were. :)

The call came in a little while ago. Negative. If we want to do another cycle I just need to go in on CD2. I had to msn V. to let him know, since I'm at work. I know that if I'd called him, I would have lost it.

We have two frozen embryos. V. thought maybe we'd do one and one, but I told him that I'd rather do both on the next cycle because as we all know, they may not make it through the thaw. Anyway, we've decided that since I have one more trip for work coming up in January, we're going to wait until afterwards to do the cycle.

I don't want to think beyond that cycle if it doesn't work. I have no idea what we'll do. I have to admit, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. :(

Welcome home

So, today Pam returns home, which in itself is neither here nor there for all of you but it is fairly significant in these parts. First, the child and I miss her when she gone. Second, we tend to eat healthier when she is here (though I have done MUCH better this time out). Really though, today, it is the third reason that matters most. With her return, it means that we can get the blood test done tomorrow to confirm what will probably the fastest pee this side of the Eskimos (sorry, Inuit is it now?). My wife has been very good at respecting my wishes to not POAS until she returns home so as to not rob me of the suspense and anticipation with her. I suspect we will be doing this as soon as she can get upstairs so dinner will have to wait.

I have pretty much just dropped the thought of today deep into the subconscious but now that the day is here, I have to admit to some anticipation and angst as I not only want to know, I only want one possible answer and cannot believe it to be anything but that one answer. This definitely strays from my usual frustratingly and annoyingly realistic outlook. Sue me! I saw my great niece last night (my nephew and his girlfriend gave birth to a six pound seven ounce little joy named Maya yesterday) and was unable to hold her due to a bad cold. I remember what it was like when I was in that position and I do long for that feeling again.

Good thoughts everyone. :)

Ciao.

It's Sunday morning and I am up.

As per the title, that is the only reason I am posting right now. Yeah, I know; I made you look. Sorry about that. Normally, about an hour ago, my DW would have come out of the bedroom to wake my sorry tail that once again fell soundly asleep on the couch and she covered up with a blanket. As it is, with her away, I still fall asleep on the couch with the TV and light on after ushering the child to bed. However, I rarely sleep well and tend to get up before any of the alarms go off from fear that I would oversleep and be late; yes, even on weekends.

So, I have been up from just before 4AM and took advantage of TMN's (The Movie Network, for our US cousins) Bond-apallooza that has been going on all week since they debuted showing Casino Royale. This included showings of the original, psuedo-Bond version with David Niven and Peter Sellers (they also showed back to back Scarface movies with Al Pacino and then the original). So, I ended up watching most of the now barely tolerable License to Kill. Unlike a lot of folks, I don't think Timothy Dalton was horrible in the role but I do see how bad the writing and some of the acting was in it. Seeing it now, it definitely makes it seem less believable by suspended beliefs standards. The child and I watched Casino Royale together on Friday night; she is on punishment but I hate watching movies alone anymore. Besides, I have been so sick and not sleeping well this week, I ended up dozing off on the chaise till morning not long after the movie started.

The child can be a handful at times, and we have had our challenges recently but there is no doubt that she loves us. While Pam has been away, she has been watching over me, making sure I eat, take my vitamin C and my various medications. Tonight I was very emotional with her because far too often nowadays it just seems like we are so disconnected and distant. That is not how I grew up and not at all how I envisioned my parenting. I often question myself in that regard and hope I have learned enough over the last sixteen plus years to be able to correct some of my missteps the next time around. My parents may not have been perfect but, they did lots of things right to have helped me become the person I am today and for that I thank them.

I hope one day, our children will feel the same way.

DW, I miss you.

Peace.

V.

Delta? Never Again.

So, I'm in Kentucky until Tuesday. That in itself is not bad. Getting here was unbelievable?

We were supposed to fly Amer.ican through Chicago yesterday. We were at the airport 2 hours before our flight. Got through US Customs and security without incident. I told them I had injectible meds in my carry on with syringes (with a letter from the doctor) and they didn't even bat an eye. Went through the x-ray machine, my laptop and stuff, and they said thanks, you're fine. Meanwhile my colleague had them go through his bag. We're early enough that we go and grab breakfast before our flight. Our flight is scheduled to leave at 8:10am. At about 7:45-7:50 they haven't started boarding yet, and the captain is on the phone. Shortly after there's an announcement that there is a problem with the plane and it's a "no go" situation. Great, this means we're not going anywhere soon. Eventually she says they have to re-route everyone on the flight and it would be best if everyone one was in one line. At the time she says this my colleague is somewhere in the men's room and I've got to get our stuff over to the line. Thankfully my laptop bag is on wheels and his laptop bag wasn't very heavy. (V. would have had my head had I lifted anything heavy.)

Fast forword two hours and we're finally being re-routed. At this point we've missed their next flight to Chicago although we don't know when the connecting flight would have been. So instead she says there is a Delta flight leaving 40 minutes later, connecting through Cincinnati. We made it down to that gate (we had to take a shuttle) and onto the smallest plane I've ever seen. It was a Canadair Regional jet. I'm only 5'1" and this was the first time I've stood in an aisle of a plane (if you call this narrow strip an aisle) and was able to put something in the overhead compartment without standing on the seat. Oh, and the seats were made for very small people. Luckily the plane was half full so we were each able to sit in our own row (of 2) so it was more comfortable that way.

We get into Cincinnati on time and have an hour to make our connection. Of course, it's in a different terminal or at least a different area of that terminal and we have to take another shuttle to get there. When we board this plane, which is completely full, we're not sitting together, but one in front of the other. I lucked out because the person I was to sit beside moved to another row with a friend and I had an empty seat. My colleague was behind me with a seat mate who was taking up 1.5 seats. There are only 2 seats in the row. Luckily this gentleman suggested he move into the seat next to me. So we ended up sitting together anyway, listening to this man snore for the whole hour.

The weather for both flights was raining. I found that the second flight must have had more turbulence because I was nauseous through most of the flight. Once I got some fresh air, it was a bit better.

Anyway, we finally arrived at the office around 4:15, after checking into the hotel, about 2 hours later than planned.

I will never fly Delta again. At least not by choice.

-----------------

So on the waiting front, nothing going on. Boobs don't seem to be hurting quite as much. However, they seem to have grown to the size of cantaloupes (sorry Famine, Skibum and BIL - TMI). I know V. isn't complaining. :)

I also seem to have developed a reaction to the PIO. I'm not sure why after 2 weeks, but both hips have these red areas and are incredibly itchy. What's interesting though, is that the redness isn't at the site of the injections, but several inches below. Who knows. Thankfully it doesn't bother me constantly. I'm going to continue the shots and deal with the reaction when I get back and go in for my beta. Not much I can do from here in terms of getting an alternate progesterone product anyway.

Today is 12dp3dt.

Hey! I rate!!

So I got this from Thrice. Pretty cool, huh? Oh, and I rate higher than V.'s blog. Hee hee.

Half way

Well, sort of. Normally, I'd be half way through the 2ww but since I'm going to be out of town, I've got 4 extra days.

In any case, there's really nothing to report. Apart from sore boobs, which I think is more from the PIO than anything else, I feel fine. I haven't noticed anything else. Perhaps it's too early. I seem to be more tired in the evenings, but I think that's also the PIO.

So, all in all, it's going well. I've basically been taking it easy for the past week. V. has a watchful eye on me and doesn't let me do anything it seems. I've been fighting a cold the past 6 days as well, and thankfully it's almost gone I think, or should be by the time I've got to fly to Bards.town. I've not taken anything to relieve the symptoms so I've been a bit miserable the past couple of days. Even though they said I could use Tyl.enol products, I didn't want to take the chance.

So, other than that, not much is happening around our place.

Bursting with goodness

TMI Alert - Now, I know the regular readers probably wonder why I post and almost always put in a TMI alert. Simply put, when Pam posts, it is the documentation of a wonderful journey towards having a child. When I post, it is the perverted view of some horndog trying to take advantage of a beloved family member or the perverted view of some horndog trying to take advantage of himself. So, this little blurb allow those family members and friends not particularly interested in my sick perversion to gracefully ignore the post until the next time Pam writes in. OK, now that we have that cleared up, I'll continue with my post.

So, I am on call this week as that which goes with my job, I have to babysit an issue for most of the night. So, Pam comes in to tell me goodnight after unsuccessfully hunting for the vaporizer she hoped would alleviate her stuffy nose. In saying good night, we somehow (thankfully) got around to the topic of the soreness and fullness she is feeling with her breasts and nipples. Being the thoughtful, kind and caring husband that I am, I agree to examine the areas for her to ensure that everything is okay. After all, in a few months this area will be a permanent drive-through window to which I will be barred all access. So, while things are still in construction and remodeling, it is best I take advantage of whatever sneak peeks I am afforded.

We determined, after careful examination, that things were simply sore and progressing and that is just what WE will have to live with for the next while. I did offer my services to help offset gravity each evening she got home but apparently this arrangement would be too cumbersome to execute. Alas, I will keep my options open and offer my services again when I see the need arises.

Seriously though, I am not sure that my DW was prepared for the ever watchful eye of her husband. I give her the look when I see her exerting herself for no reason, when I see her lifting the heavy laptop bag instead of using the built-in wheels, and when I see her moving about when she need only ask for something to be done or moved or brought. No, as she exclaims, she is not an invalid. However, she will probably end up on bed rest part way through the pregnancy. My view is, if that is coming up anyways, why not air on the side of over caution as we work to ensure that bed rest is needed. As an IT person, it is my job to be anal and paranoid. As a husband, it is my duty and pleasure to be that way to help ensure that things go the way we hope they will. She may as well enjoy it now because she knows when the playoffs start, that goes the way of the dodo.

Peace.

Victor

And now the wait begins...

Sorry for the delay in updating. I'll go back to yesterday and I'll apologize in advance for the long post.

I was expecting a call Friday to let me know what time transfer was going to be today. There was never any expectation that we'd be doing a 5-day transfer so all day long I was calling into the home machine to check messages even though I'd specifically asked them to call me cell phone. By 2pm I'd still not heard anything so I called into the office. I reached our nurse at 2:30 who checked and said they still didn't know but she'd make sure someone called. By 4pm I was extremely antsy and agitated that I'd not heard and called back in. Being a Friday i think that the office might close at 4:30 but I'm not sure. No one answered so I left a detailed message hoping that someone would pick that up that before 5, and if not then, first thing this morning.

Well, this morning arrives. I've got an acupuncture appointment schedule at 9 (or so I thought) so V and I leave the house by 8:20am. Along the way I called in to the clinic to find out what's going on and the person I spoke with was extremely surprised I hadn't heard and asked if I been sure to have checked for messages. I assured her I had and she went off to check for me, after making sure I wouldn't hang up (I had no intention). Our nurse comes back on the line and said that she did call yesterday and left a message on the number I had given her. I told her I didn't get it, but that it didn't matter. She told me that our transfer was scheduled for 11:30 which was more than enough time to get down after my acupuncture appointment, and fill my bladder. We get to the acupuncture clinic just after 9 and find that I'm booked for 10 which is not a good thing because it would be very tight to get downtown from their since we needed to be sure to arrive at 11:15.

It turns out that it's not a problem and they were able to do my session and we were done by just after 10. Just as we were leaving I got a call from the nurse saying that the doctor had gotten a call from the hospital and had an emergency he had to deal with. Immediately I'm thinking she telling me because either they're pushing the transfer off until Monday or someone else was going to be doing it. It was neither. She said they were calling everyone and asking them to come earlier. I assured her we were on our way down and only about 30-40 minutes away. We had out to the car. V. drives this time and I start drinking. I finished off my large mug of tea and a bottle of water within 15 minutes. I grab another water and continue to sip on that. We arrive at the clinic at 10:45 and head off to the IVF Suite, my bladder feeling sufficiently full.

After changing into gown, booties and hair net, and V. into his smock, mask and surgical mask we're taking into the room. I get up onto the table. They've got a little window that leads into where the embryologists are, or at least where the embryos are stored and call out that I'm there and they need the embryos. They also have me tell the embryologist my name to ensure I am the right person and such. The doctor comes in and tells them as well.

They get me into position. The ultrasound technician does a quick scan and, having a full bladder, says not to push back on her. I guess that changes the orientation or something for the transfer. Besides the screen to my right which shows what the ultrasound tech and doctor see, there is a larger LCD screen off to my left. They took the petri dish that the embryos were in and place it under a camera/magnifier and it's displayed up on this screen. They verify that the name on the petri dish is mine, and then they zoom in on the embryos so that we can see them.

The doctor says that of the six embryos, four had "made it all the way" and the other two were a little slow. Of the four, we were transferring two and freezing two. He said they were all grade A and the two we were transferring were 8-cell and 9-cell. The slower two were going to be left a little longer to see if they would go to blastocystand could be frozen. I'm expecting we'll get a call on Monday about that, but he didn't say for sure. So we are looking at the lcd screen at the embryos and the doctor, nurse and tech says "look at those embryos. beautiful. beautiful embryos". So of course I asked him if he said that about all the embryos he transfers and in unison I get "no". V. and I laughed. I guess I wanted to make sure that these truly were great embryos.

We get down to business. On the ultrasound screen that V. and I can see, I see that the tech has measured my lining (looked like 13 to me now). We could see where the catheter entered the uterus and then we could see the two embryos as they were released into the uterus. We didn't get any pictures of the embryos but here's what an 8-cell embryo looks like (remember - not ours).



What we did get was a picture of the actual transfer. You can see the catheter as well as the two embryos. I'll get V. to scan it and then I'll upload it here.

So now we wait. The dreaded two week wait (2WW) for me will be 2 1/2 weeks because I have to go on a business trip. I have to go in for the blood test (beta for those uninitiated) on November 24th. However, I leave for Bardstown, KY on November 21st and don't get back until the 27th, so I will go in on the 28th. They won't do the test before I leave. I then leave again on the 30th until December 6th. I'll be 5 weeks when I go in for the initial blood test and if it's a positive, I'll probably have to go back on the 7th for a second beta and probably an ultrasound because I'll be 6w2d then. For now though, we need to get through the next 2.5 weeks. I've promised V. I won't pee on a stick (poas) while I'm away because as he puts it, we've gone this far together. So why would I deprive him of finding out the results together. But OMG, it's going to be so hard not to poas

How old are you?

While I wait for the call from the clinic, I figured I'd give you a little light reading. I'll post when I get the call.

You Are 27 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

The results are in

I've been pretty much on tenderhooks today waiting for my cell phone to ring. You see, before we left the clinic yesterday I'd specifically asked them to make a note in our file to use my cell for any calls that had to be made. We'd also been told that if we hadn't heard by 2pm to call into the office because they may not make the calls before noon due to monitoring appointments.

So, 1:30 rolls around and I decide to call home to check the machine there. What do you know, we got a call at 10am!!! We had only left the house this morning at about 9:40 so just missed it. (I called the clinic back and asked them to please make a note to call my cell for tomorrow.)

In any case, and keep in mind that we are sharing our donor with another recipient couple so we are splitting the eggs that were retrieved, we got:

6 eggs retrieved
6 eggs fertilized!!!!

We got a 100% fertilization rate! My hubby has Super Determined Sperm!!!

I have to say I'm over the moon with this, well we are of course. My biggest fear, as many of you can attest, was to be told that either none had fertilized, or only a couple did and we could have nothing to freeze. Granted we're not quite there yet, but the message also stated that we had six beautiful embryos, so I can only think positively that these are going to be graded well tomorrow.

So, depending on how they fare, we will find out tomorrow when I get the call to say what time transfer will be on Saturday. We will be transferring two embryos and freezing whatever is left.

Will advise tomorrow about transfer.

Welcome to the Spermatorium! (sung to Welcome to the Jungle... sort of)

EDITOR'S NOTE: If you do not like visuals, strong language and too much information about V. is going to make you gag with a spoon, you should skip this post in its entirety and wait for the next update from Pam. Also note, this is being posted on Thursday but back dated to Wednesday in order to keep the posts in order. I may also add some more to it as I am a bit rushed to allow Pam to enter in her next post.

Written in notes on my Crackberry.

Two and a half hours late, hot tea into my groin on the way down after falling asleep while Pam was driving in immense traffic, sent to the semen collections rooms in Andrology, had to ask directions from a woman walking around with her two daughters (who I am sure she had to explain that Andrology was a fancy term for toss-off area), enter the sperm collection area that is divided into a waiting area and several lockable rooms equipped with a DVD player, a VHS player and magazines. I took the first room that was empty and found all but one DVD was gone (even though they are supposedly magnetically encoded to sound an alarm if they are removed from the room) and it was a DVD-R titled "Freshman Fuck Dolls". There was also a VHS machine with a tape sticking out with a title of "Wright Stuff" and in the cabinet marked "Magazines, Videos" there was one magazine: Fashion. Are you kidding me? That's like getting off on the cosmetic pictures in Vogue or Cosmopolitan. Surely they could do better than that?!?!

Besides the sink (duh) and a chair that is made of material that seems to be capable of being hosed down on the front lawn for easy cleaning, there sat a night stand of sorts with mounds of Kleenex and other assorted sizes of absorbent material. I noticed a handle that seemed like a drawer and pulled it open and found more appropriate magazines inside: six issues of Playboy, two issues of Penthouse and the 1993 Swimsuits issue of Sports Illustrated. On the floor between the table and the chair was another magazine whose cover was missing but seemed to feature only card-carrying 18 and 19 year olds. Oh yeah, these folks are really on the pulse of the soft and hard core porn industry. The final items in the drawer were two tubes of HealthCare Plus lubricating jelly. I see. No KY heated sensation thingy as seen on TV eh? Very well.

So I sit here jotting notes because this really is a strange process, I am tired, there has been a LOT going on this week and I am generally distracted at the moment. Ah well, I have a job to do so better secure the BB in a safe, dry spot and get to "reading" some informational, educational and witty material in those magazines. Back in a flash. LOL.

Update:
So the VCR is a bust and either won't play or cannot be seen because I cannot get the TV to change to the correct channel. There was a second DVD in the player though titled "Teenage Sinsations". Maybe they should look into connecting up an FTA unit or Rogers On-Demand to provide a better range of selections. The other issue is that the Sony LCD TV simply plays through the built-in speakers. Uhm, riiiight. So everyone on the other side of the extremely thin walls in here (I can hear the office people work and the AC fan go on and off) can nod there heads on which item you selected to view. Not exactly the privacy that would make one feel comfortable. How about at least the option of disposable headphones like they give out on the airlines? Five bucks for a little peace of mind is a great investment in my books. Did I mention they are doing construction as well? And I can here the ins and outs (pun intended) of this very busy office. Sigh, I may be a while.

UPDATE 2:
When all was said and done (twice), I had to pop (pun intended) into the other two rooms to check out the "selections" in there. Room one had nothing it it (so much for the magnetically encoded security) and room two had three titles: Latinas, Black Velvet and another copy of the Dolls. As the technician and my wife were waiting on my Herculean efforts, I decided not to screen these other two and made my way back to the main office. The same lady that took us in also retrieved my precious package from my hands and I saw DW sitting in the waiting room. She was a bit worried about me, thinking the stress of the last few days would affect me. It does and it did but one has to "focus" (just for you LB) on the task at hand and the reason one is here so while it may take a bit longer, it was going to happen. I had to sign a bunch more forms and then we had to see practitioner M. We had an instructional meeting on how Pam is to stab her ass and fill it with progesterone oil everyday for the next three months. Poor DW. We paid for all the stuff, gathered our copies of the bills and left. As it was very late, I let Pam go off to work while I took the GO train home.

UPDATE 3:
Missed the damn train so I went in to get my ticket and could have sworn that either DW or this nutty ticket lady said 1:30PM was the next train. I apparently heard incorrectly and therefor missed the 1:13PM train as I munch on my yummy and super cheap Union Station pizza from Pizza2Go. I sent a note to DW and turned on the iPod to watch BB8. I made the 2:13PM train and, rolling through Scarborough, I reached my brother (still in town from Ottawa with his family) and he agreed to retrieve me from the station. I was sitting there watching my show when I realized we were again at a full stop. Oh crap! Yep, doors closed, train moving, I had missed my train stop and was headed to Whitby. Another frantic SMS to LB and he was on his way to Whitby to pick me up. Sigh, nothing is ever so simple anymore, is it?

Peace.

Victor

Retrieval

Not mine, the donors. But you all knew that. :)

So V. and are expected in the clinic today for 9am. He's there to do his bit, and I'm there to learn how to do the PIO shots and get my meds. V. has a post that will come shortly about his experience.

Today did not start out the way we had hoped. We woke up early with the intention to leave by 7:30 which is normally more than enough time to get downtown from the eastern suburbs. However, today is the day that there was a major accident on Toronto's major highway that closed it just west of where V. and I would have gotten on. So we decided to take another route in the hopes we'd still get down in time. However, the fates were against us as it took us over an hour to reach the other major highway, which is normally a 15 minute drive. By the time we actually reached the clinic it was 10am and 2.5 hours later. Needless to say, I was a little stressed. I had called in a couple of times to advise them that we were on the way.

Once we got in it was fairly routine. V. went off to do his business and I sat and waited for him. Once he got back we went to see the nurse and get the meds. I had built up the PIO shots to such a degree that I was extremely nervous about them. However, my fears were unfounded. I had to give myself this first shot today and I found that it didn't hurt at all. However, there was a fair bit of stinging afterwards and for a little while. I know now that I need to massage the area after the injection. So, for my part, it went fairly well.

The donor's retrieval was today. I was told that I'll get a call tomorrow giving us the number of follicles retrieved and the number fertilized.

So, for now, I have no news on that front, but I will definitely be posting when I get the call.

We're looking at Saturday for a three day transfer unless told otherwise on Friday.

So, that's it for now. Look for V's post shortly.

Perfect

First, sorry for the late post. It's been a helluva couple of days that I won't go into here.

So, I went in today to get my lining checked as it was day 8 of the estrace. It was measured at 10. Pretty good as I understand. Perfect according to my doctor. :)

I then met with the nurse. She said that retrieval is on for November 7th and transfer will be November 10th. I asked if she could tell me how many follicles the donor had at her last appointment. She said she didn't know off hand but thought it was about 15-16 follicles. She said there could be more because they don't always measure them all, and we'd obviously know on Wednesday at retrieval.

So V. and I are now taking doxycyline for three days. I'm to go in with V. on Wednesday so that can show me/us how to do the progesterone in oil (PIO) shots which begin that day as well. I have to admit, I'm not looking forward to that aspect of all of this, especially because I'm travelling for work just at the tail end of the two week wait. I'll have to take a look online for some tips and tricks with the PIO injections.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Donor Update, sort of

I really don't have any concrete numbers regarding the donors response to the gonal-f. I wish I did. However I had emailed the nurse on Thursday (Nov 1) to ask her if she had any information. All she said was that "the u/s on the 30th indicated multiple++ folicules on both ovaries..I take that as 'very good' response so far.....She'll be seen here tomorrow......" which meant that she was flying into Toronto that afternoon I believe, and all subsequent blood work and ultrasounds would be done by my clinic rather than by her local clinic and sent up to my clinic for any decisions.

So I'm taking that as good as I've got nothing else to go on. I had emailed on Friday for an update but didn't get a response. I'm not going to bug them over the weekend as I'm in for a lining check on Monday, so I'll get an update then. At that point, they should be able to tell me if she's going to trigger that day as well to stay with the November 7th estimated retrieval date.

I'll let you know what happens. We are sooooo close. :)

CD2

So today is CD2 and I've got a killer migraine. Gotta love those hormones. Anyway, I was back at the clinic today. Everything is still on track. I'm now on estrace - 4mg three times a day, orally. He was telling me to take them when I get up in the morning, when I go to bed at night, and mid day and then he says "and don't forget!". I guess he's had a number of patients that have forgotten. So, anyway, I'm back for a lining check on November 5th which is 8 days from now. We should have a much better idea if retrieval will be the 7th or if it will be shifted off a day or so. That all depends on the donors response to the stims. I checked with the nurse today and she said I can email or call her and get an update on the donors response any time. So, I'll probably do that in the next day or so. Will update when I find out anything.

Fortnight

That's right. If we stay on track for a November 7th retrieval, that's just shy of a fortnight. :)

I took my last bcp yesterday so now I'm just waiting for my period. That should be Sunday if the last 4 cycles are indicative. At my acupuncture appointment last night I ask for extra needles that move blood and chi (apparently they go together) in the hopes that my period would come quicker. I don't expect it to but with the additional needles last cycle, I had a flow that was better than anything to date on while on the pill. It will be interesting to see just how light this one will be given that my last was 2 weeks ago.

If the donor is on track she should be starting stims tomorrow as she would be starting 12 days before the estimated retrieval date. I've emailed the agency to ask if I'll be getting updates on follicle count and such but I've not heard back. I've been getting updates on everything else, so I'd like to think that we'd get this information as well. If not, you know I'll be asking when I'm at the clinic next week.

Anyway, that's all for now.

Midway Point, sort of

Not much to report. I'm on day 7 of the pill and have 5 more days to go. It's just a matter of waiting, but I have to admit time is passing fairly quickly. I'm still going to acupuncture twice a week. Except for a couple of points, I find it relaxing.This time next week I'll be waiting for my cycle but will be about 2 weeks away from transfer!

I've added a new blog to the blog roll over on the right. Not an egg donor blog, but one written from the man's perspective. Frank has a wicked sense of humour and a way with words that will have you laughing out loud. Go and take a peek.

And finally, Patti and Mark have just completed their first IUI and got a positive beta. Woohoo!! Go and congratulate them!

Donor Update

So, I wasn't going to email the agency (since she had yet to reply to my last emails), but I figured I could probably get the information about the donor's protocol I wanted. So I emailed and got a reply within 15 minutes!

She started lupron last Saturday and is set to start gonal-f twelve days before her estimated retrieval date of November 7th.

So if course I start looking at the calendar and counting days and start stressing because the timing just seems off to me, not that I'm an expert.

By my calculations:

Lupron start October 13
Gonal-f start October 26
This means she's on lupron for 13 days where everything I've read says 7-10 days. Has anyone been on lupron for this long?

For me, I'm currently on day 3 of the birth control package. I'm to take it for a total of thirteen days which makes it October 25th. At that point, I wait for my period (which takes 4 days on the pill) and on CD2, go back to the clinic. That puts me back at the clinic on October 31st. At that time, they put me on estrace. (He is not going to be putting me on lupron.) But from all my reading, I should be on estrace for about 10-11 days which essentially is the same timing period as the donor is on gonal-f. Well, if she starts stims on October 26, and I'm not going to be starting estrace until October 31, something seems amiss. I know that when she gets her HCG shot, the amount of estrace I take would be decreased and I'd start taking progesterone

Plus, what if her retrieval date is moved up because they start her stims earlier than the 26th or she reaches maturity ealier, then what?

So of course, I called my nurse but I knew she wouldn't be there. Left her a somewhat rambling message and then told her I'd follow up with an email. I send her a fairly detailed email with the dates and my concerns. I hope to hear from her either by phone or email tomorrow. Will update when I find out.

But the donor has started lupron!

Update:
I spoke with the nurse this morning. She checked out the dates and said we should still be okay with the current protocol, but she did say to take the pill for one day less. So I'll be taking it for twelve days, then stopping, getting my period and going in on CD2 which is October 30th. Oh, and she did say the other recipient is on a similar protocol.

Halloween Came Early

Mel had this great idea to have a candy exchange. Being a huge choco-holic, I decided to participate. Who knew what I'd get? I had so much fun being able to go to one of our local stores that carries all that cool candy from when I was a kid (remember Popeye cigarettes and the licorice stick thingy that you dipped in all that powdered sugar?) to pick treats to send. Anyway, I got paired up with Dmarie (check out her post of what I sent her) and received her most amazing box of treats today.

I got home today to find that V. had picked up the mail and there in the living room was a rather heavy box. I opened it up and, well just look below to see what yummy treats she sent. :) Of course, as soon as V. saw the Butterfingers he begged to have one. He's a huge Peanut Butter and Chocolate fan, so I will have to ration when he gets a Butterfinger or a Peanut Butter cup. :)

Thanks D!!

We have lift off!!!

It seems that we're good to go, finally!

V. and I went into the clinic today. The doctor said "you know the drill" and headed off to get the status on the donor. He was only gone a few minutes. He walked back into the room and said November 7 for retrieval. I of course did my internal happy dance and said I guess the donor's bloodwork came back the way he wanted and he responded with something like "everything is where it should be".

So, I'm to stop the pill today, wait for my period and on CD2, start a new package. I'm to take it for 13 days, stop the package and on CD2 go back into the clinic which looks to be on or about October 31st. The timing seems off to me if retrieval is currently estimated to be 7 days later. We'll have to wait and see.

This is killing me

Yes, by that I mean we still aren't any further along that yesterday.

I went into the clinic this morning for the usual blood letting and wanding. I got in there at 7:20am with the hopes that I would get out within 2 hours so I could actually make it to work on time (haha, I kill myself). My clinic has a first-come-first-serve policy, so when you arrive you sign in on the necessary sheets. So for me that's always blood, ultrasound and my doctor's sheet. I was #26 for blood, #28 for ultrasound and #8 on his list. It didn't take long for the blood work mostly because there were a number of people not sitting in that waiting area when their name was called, and then it didn't take much longer for ultrasound. So I was sitting in the main waiting room, reading my book waiting for the doctor. Now the other doctors in this clinic all seem to arrive between 8 and 8:30 but my doctor decided that arriving at 8:55am was a good idea. So, even though I was 8th on his list, he didn't call for me until almost 10am. I think I read almost 50 pages.

Because we're using a donor he usually has to go and check with the donor coordinator at the clinic to see what the status is. So off he goes, and I pull out my book because it usually takes him 5-10 minutes. It was about 10 today because he called the agency himself to see what was going on. He came back to say that he has lit a fire under them because the donor hadn't gone for the tests that she was supposed to have done last Monday on the 24th!!!!! Apparently there had been some storms in the state she lives (he mentioned the state, but I won't say here). I find it difficult to believe she couldn't have found the time to have gone at some point. In any case, he said they've made the request again, and he's obviously gotten somewhat annoyed with the agency coordinator because I think she's dropped the ball a bit on this issue. He should have test results by my next visit.

So, I'm to go back next week on the last or second last day of the pill package I'm currently on in case he needs to have me continue a little longer. That makes it Monday or Tuesday. They should have an idea by then where the donor is in her cycle and he said that we may be able to go forword without waiting for her to have a period. Isn't there something he can prescribe to her to jump start it? Anyway, I decided I'm going to go on Monday because it's Thanksgiving here and I don't have to worry about being late for work. An added bonus is that V. is going to come with me because he doesn't get to very often and he wants to talk to the doctor and make sure it still makes sense for us to continue with this donor. I still feel good about her, and we've been told they've had success with her in the past. I don't think we'll be told to change donors at this point, at least not yet.

That's it for now...oh, and I got to work at 10:45am.

Job has left the building.

Anyone that really knows me knows that I can be THE most patient person in the world, even to ridiculous and unnecessary lengths. Those people also know that once my patience runs out... DUCK!

My patience has not run out yet but it is wearing thin. I have the position of worrying on my own and dealing with my wife's concerns as well; it wears you down after a while. Now I know that shite happens sometimes and when manipulating nature, there is no exact science. That said, when you are told certain things and given certain paths to feelings of assurance, it is a bit of a letdown when it all does not go as planned and run as clockwork.

I realize that life is going on for the donor too but that does nothing to minimize our angst in the process as we wait to get to the step we have been waiting to get to for years. There is nothing left to hold us up financially, emotionally, spiritually or even physically. The oven is hot and ready for the bread to be baked. It just seems a little unfair and cruel that the yeast has yet to show up. :) I know it is not a deliberate act or change of heart or anything like that but it is still very frustrating.

On the weekend, we were over by Pam's aunt for a gathering of to celebrate Sukkot. One of the guests had recently adopted a child at birth, a cute little boy, who was now nine months old. Pam did not say a word about it but I know my wife. We just want our turn to show off our child at the next gathering. We want to give all those who pledged free babysitting services the opportunity to fulfill those pledges. We just want that little bundle of joy to nurture into a fine, productive (and powerful) adult who will help (and rule) the world.

Is that so much to ask? Anyhow, we continue to wait and I continue to be patient.

For now.

V

Happy Birthday, Pamela

Hmmm. Yep. That pretty much covers it. :)

Happy Birthday To Me!!

I find it hard to believe that I'm 47. I'm told I don't look it, and I certainly don't feel it (most of the time). I know some people think I'm insane to want to have children at my age. What can I say. I am a bit "off" at times. I'm sure V. and others will agree, and perhaps that's what makes me, me. :) I don't know. Regardless, I had hoped we would have either already had the retrieval and/or transfer or just coming up to it at this point in the month, but alas, it is not to be. That will be in another few weeks. I know that last year around this time I was in a totally different place mentally than I am today. I think knowing that we are so much closer to our goal has changed my outlook on everything. I have a really good feeling about it all, and hope that it translates into good news in the future.

So, for now, I will enjoy my day with my family and friends. Dinner is at my Mum's and for the first time in years, I've asked her to make me the family birthday cake that I grew up with. Mmmm....it's a really good chocolate cake. Those who know me, know I have a weakness for chocolate. :)

So, everyone have a good day because I certainly plan to. :)

Oh, and thanks Ellen, for the birthday wishes! I can't believe you remembered!

Not much to report on the TTC front **UPDATED*

(TMI warning for the male readers)

I haven't heard anything from the agency or the clinic if the donor has gotten her period or not. I really hope she has. Maybe I'll be a pest and email to find out. ;) Meanwhile I've been off birth control for 5 days. Yesterday I started spotting and such. I find it really hard to tell when CD1 is during these "pill periods" because they are so different than my normal cycles. Usually I spot for an afternoon but get flow by the evening and it's obvious by the next day I've got my period. These cycles are weird. Yesterday I started spotting but it changed from brownish to reddish some time in the afternoon. Today it's much of the same; no real flow, but it's red, and sometimes bright red. So now I'm torn between deciding if today is CD1 or yesterday is CD1. The only thing impacted by this decision is when I am to restart the pill. I've been told start it on CD2. So, is that today or tomorrow? I'm leaning to today which means I've got to take it when I get home, and then take it tomorrow morning for CD3 so I'm back on my regular morning routine. Sigh. I really hope we get past this stage.


Update

So as of today (Saturday) I haven't heard anything back from the agency but I emailed the nurse who coordinates the donors to see if she knew anything further about the status of the donor. Basically she said that they're still waiting. She hasn't had a full flow period in a month but she's had some stressful happenings that may have affected things. She's got an appointment for bloodwork on Monday to see where she is in her cycle and when they can get her started on her meds. She has been on birth control during this time. So, all we can do is wait. She's knows we're anxious to start and frustrated by the delay. But the best thing she said was "I have a good feeling about this. We've had good success in the past using this donor." So, all we can do is continue to wait and hope that we're able to being shortly. I'm a little more optimistic now about our success since we've sort of been told that she's a proven donor. That's information we don't get from the agency.

Anyway, that's it. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Update to last post ***UPDATED***

This is an update to my last post . For those of you who haven't read it go ahead and read it now, I'll wait.

So, to summarize, lesbian couple goes through IVF to have a child. Say they tell the doctor they only want one child. Doctor transfers two embryos resulting in twin girls. Couple now suing the doctor.

There have been many comments mostly arguing that they had options during the pregnancy, and there is little sympathy to their situation.

Here's another article that describes things in a bit more detail.

1. The twin girls are now three.
2. The birth mother now feels that her relationship with her partner might not survive due to the stress of knowing they were having twins.
3. Birth mother no longer has the same capacity to love as before the birth of the girls.
4. They don't have that "couple" relationship that they had before.

Well, as Ellen K. said in the comments to the last post, they are dumbfucks! What did they expect to happen after they had twins? They are experiencing the same things that other couples do who now have children. Of course they are no longer a couple, and able to do "couple" things. Things change with children. Suck it up Buttercup!!

I will be surprised if the courts find in their favour at the end of the trial.

UPDATE

I was reading Julie's post of this issue and it says that testimony by the couple indicates that they told the doctor they only wanted one child. So, just before the mother was sedated for embryo transfer she ask the doctor that only one be transferred. He warned her that even a single embryo transfer could result in twins, yet she said "I only want one." The doctor has not disputed this but admits to the mistake that he neglected to advise the embryologist who loaded the catheter with two embryos.

So, is the doctor at fault here? Absolutely. But at the same time, the couple had options that could have been exercised during the pregnancy. Julie makes some other points as well which you can read if you jump to her post.

To sue or not to sue

Australian mom sues doctor because she had twins after fertility treatment

An interesting article, and one that promotes discussion both for and against.

This woman and her partner under went fertility treatment with donor sperm to have a child together. They were specific with their doctor that they only wanted one child. When it came time for transfer of embryos, the doctor had the embryologist transfer two embryos into the woman's uterus. (The writer said 'implanted'. I hate when they don't use the correct terminology.). Both embryos implanted resulting in non-identical twin girls. The couple is devastated, so much to the point where they considered placing one child up for adoption. They are now suing for the estimated costs to raise one of these girls.

Now, there is argument on both sides for this. As I told V. I can understand them being upset because they were clear with their doctor that they only wanted one child. The doctor knowing this should not have transferred two embryos as there is always the change that both will implant resulting in twins. I don't know if they are able to sue, however. When I read that they had considered placing one child up for adoption and obviously changed their mind (can you imagine how that child might feel finding that out later in life), I was astounded. I don't believe they didn't know the doctor was going to transfer two embryos. This is something that is discussed and decided on jointly.

Anyway, what do you think?

Delayed, sort of

Today was a busy morning for me. I was out of the house very early because I needed to get into the clinic so that I was out if there with enough time to get to my acupuncture appointment.

I signed the three sign-in sheets (bloodwork, ultrasound and doctor's) at 7:45am. There were about 10 ahead of me on the bloodwork sheet, 15 ahead of me on the ultrasound sheet and I was third on the doctor's list. Third!! Totally unheard of. But it means nothing if you haven't at least had your ultrasound. Plus at 7:45 he hadn't even made an appearance. As per my routine, I went back to the blood work area and sat down to wait about 10-15 minutes before I was called in. Once that was done, the ultrasound didn't take too much longer, so I was back sitting in the waiting room reading my book. I finally heard the doctor's voice calling the first two people on the list at 8:45. By the time I saw him, it was just after 9. I updated him that I was on CD36 which meant day 35 of taking the birth control. He went off to find out the status of the donor, and because I hadn't gotten a reply to my inquiry at the agency about her status, I was anxious to find out what he knew.

He came back to tell me that her period was being sluggish and hadn't actually shown up. What?!?!? I was told last week that she was spotting and was expecting to get it over the weekend. Apparently that didn't happen. He then said "she's not pregnant. We got her tested." Well thank god for that. I'm not sure what we (or the other recipient couple) would be doing at this stage if that were the case. My response was "that would be a good thing" and he smiled. (He seems to be in a more receptive mood when you see him early in his day. (Note to self: try to get in as early as possible in future). So, he told me to stop the pill today and on CD2 start it again. I'm to go back in on CD15 (day 14 of the pill) at which point I hope we are able to move forward. I took the opportunity of his lighter mood to ask him a couple of questions.

1. Will you be putting me on lupron or straight to estrace once we are able to move forward. His response "you won't be on lupron" which I liked because I wasn't looking forward to the possible headaches as I already suffer from migraines.

2. What do you think of chinese herbs? I already knew he was pro acupuncture but I didn't want to take the recommended herbs if he wasn't on board with it. His answer was what I expected which was "don't take anything other than what he recommends as they don't know how it might interact with the current meds". I was okay with that because I wanted to defer to his recommendation rather than assume it might be okay to take them. So, I let my acupuncturist know that I wouldn't be taking them. V. will be relieved (me too) as this is an expense we won't have.

I wanted to ask him if I should be taking baby aspirin or not. My family doctor had recommended I take back when we first started trying but that was with my own eggs. Now, I'm not sure if it's beneficial or not. I'd heard that it is often recommended for women who've had recurring miscarriages. I've had 2 so I don't know if it applies to me or not. I'll have to try and remember to ask him that when I'm in next.

So I got out of the clinic by 9:20am. This was a record for me. A visit under 2 hours is rare. This allowed me to head down to the drugstore to get the prescription filled. I was also able to confirm with the pharmcist that he carries Estrace and the PIO (in sesame oil) so that will be good.

I then had some time to kill before acupuncture, so I headed uptown to that clinic and then read my book for about a half hour. Once I'd been needled, I had one more errand and then I headed home.

So I'd say, all in all, a fairly productive day, although not necessarily the news I wanted to hear about the donor. But it's all good and we're getting closer.

Retrieval/transfer - likely 3rd week of October I think

My wife has nothing on my nerdness!

What would Brian Boitano do?

I've been trying to formulate this post in my head for a few days and have found it very difficult to put my thoughts down. Although not as eloquent as V. can be, I am not usually at a loss for words.

My father would have been 73 last month. However, he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 22 years ago, several months before my 25th birthday. Julie's post of the sudden death of her father last month hit very close to home. I could understand and relate to her feelings of loss. The unfairness of it all. At the time, I selfishly wondered on who's arm I'd walk down the aisle when I got married. It still feels as if it were yesterday. I have gotten over the loss of my dad, but the emotions are still there as V. can attest. In fact, just writing this brings tears to my eyes.

For those of you not familiar with Julie's blog, she and Paul are embarking on their quest for a second child, this time using donor eggs. She wrote recently about how she thought her father might react to the news that one of his grandchildren might not be biologically hers. This got me thinking about my father.

My dad was a conservative Englishman. He was much older than my mother, as I am older than V. He was set in his ways and didn't like change. In spite of my dad's reticence at times, he would eventually warm up to people and embrace them. He loved his family, and was fiercely protective of us all. He was respected by all who knew him. He expected his children to want to be the best at whatever we did, and for the most part, we delivered. He loved us all, and as the only daughter and middle child, I know that he had my back at all times. I've been told I had him wrapped around my little finger. V. never got the chance to meet him and for that I am sorry. I know he would have welcomed V. into the family.

With the start of our upcoming protocol I've been thinking about him lately, wondering what he would have thought. I would like to think he would have been proud of me and what and who I've become. I think he would have been aghast that I've put our story out on the internet, but that's because he was such a private person. However, I believe he would have understood and accepted that it was important for me, for us, to proceed with donor eggs so that I could carry our child(ren). I think ultimately that his goal for me would have been that I was happy. And Dad, I am. I wish you were here to experience this with us, and meet your next grandchild. I miss you.




**And for those of you who wondering about the title of this post, I am a huge fan of the South Park Movie. Ask V. The words to the song follow, and I can actually see my dad in some of it. :)



What Would Brian Boitano Do?


Stan, Kyle, Cartman

What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan
And he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

When Brian Boitano was in the olympics,
Skating for the gold,
He did two sow cows and a triple lutz,
While wearing a blind fold.

When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
And saved the maidens fair.

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today,
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

I want this V-chip out of me,
It has stunted my vo-ca-bu-lar-y.

And I just want my Mom
To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy I'll be an activist, too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano would do.

And what would Brian Boitano do,
He'd call all the kids in town,
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do.

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
And saved the human race again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kublia Khan

Cuz Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from an-y-body

So lets all get together,
And unite to stop our Mom's
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano do.

And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano dooooooo,
That's what Brian Boitano do.

I'm an Uber Cool Light-Weight Nerd

So I have nothing to say and I was reading NearlyDawn's blog and decided to see just how much of a nerd I was.





I think I need some work in some areas.

It's nearly time.

I thought I knew last night (well, more like 3AM) what I wanted to say here but now I am at a loss for words. In about a month, an event will occur that will be life-changing no matter what and that has to give a person pause. I won't put it in print here, but I am the realist so I have the burden of preparation on my shoulders; it can be a painful weight at times. However, it does not feel so bad this time as the anticipation and excitement is building.

I am excited and anxious more for my wife than anything else. She has been through so much already and has endured so much already. I just want the best possible outcome for her so we will make concessions and do any and everything to increase our percentage of success going into the procedure. This is going to be a major milestone in our little family's life and we'll be making sure all the details are recorded for prosperity.

OK, so enough with the seriousness, time for a little levity. Speaking to the male side of like couples, what suggested reading/viewing material can you provide a list of that will help PRODUCE maximum output? I've already ruled out Playgirl, Over 55 and Mature. All suggestions will be properly screened and scrutinized for effectiveness.

Well, that's it for now. I probably will not post unless necessary until everything has been completed. I'd say wish us luck but we don't need luck. We have a very competent clinic and doctor, we have an excellent donor, we have a very positive recipient and we have LOADS of support, love and caring on our side. That is way more than a lot of people have at any time in their life so we are already blessed. BUT, we'll take a little extra blessing with great humility and thanks. :)

Ciao.

V

Clinic Update

So I went in today as requested. Nothing special to report. Because of the long weekend, they didn't have a report on the donor to know where she stood in terms of her cycle. I had received an email last week saying that she was expected to start her period in a few days but I didn't hear anything further if she had. So, they told me that they would get in touch with the donor agency and get back to me.

Well, they finally got back to me this afternoon and I am to continue on the pill for another 10 days and go back in on the 15th. Hopefully I'll be getting an email from the agency giving me an update on the donor's status as well. I'm thinking we're looking at first week of October for retrieval. We'll see.

UPDATE: I decided to email the donor agency to see what the donor's status was. She's been spotting the last day, so CD1 should be in the next 24hours!!

Which came first? The sperm or the egg?

I was going to just put in a comment on the previous post but found the topic needed its own spotlight. I'll probably get in trouble for this but oh well; it won't be the first time.

The last time I checked, sperm is referred to as the "seed of life". This is from literature, movies and various religions. As much as the egg the female produces is the foundation of life, the spark that allows life to grow is provided from the male's sperm. As the genetic material, our chromosomes, are provided equally between the two, it would seem that neither is more important than the other. Neither side has been replicated artificially so if one part is missing, life simply is impossible.

Now, while I will more than concede that female donaters have a longer protocol, a move invasive procedure and more than likely a greater attachment to their "gift", I don't think ALL men who walk into a clinic, or agree for a friend, to "produce" genetic material to order RIGHT NOW should be painted with the same disconnected brush. A stranger may just toss-off in order to make a quick buck and has no thoughts of where that could eventually lead, but those who either know the person/couple it is going to or is donating for a higher purpose go through a lot more than a momentary euphoric feeling.

I cannot speak as one who donated for money but I can speak as one who is a part fo the process and I can surely say that the supporting role only has the invasive procedure missing from the equation. I get all of the worry, stress, concern, anxiety, joys and disappointments that my partner does and I would go so far as to say a bit more since I shoulder not only my own but hers as well. While I will agree we have it easier, I would never allow anyone to say we have it "easy".

Just a quick thought. :)

Ciao.

Donor Update

Apparently they're just waiting for CD1 to start the protocol and from what I've been told that should start any day now, hopefully over the weekend. Once it's started, I should get a timeline for her protocol and a better idea of retrieval dates. They're still saying late September/early October alhtough our doctor says late September. I've asked what her protocol is mostly because no one has said and I don't know. I'm not sure if they'll tell me or not but I can't see why not. I was going to speculate as to what I thought it might be but decided that it would be pointless. So, we go forward anxiously waiting to hear more.

I have started wondering what we should give the donor as a thank you. I haven't talked to V. about this yet, but I will. I don't feel right not giving her something. I know we aren't allowed to identify ourselves to her, and we won't. But what does one give someone you don't know but who is giving you a very very precious gift? I've been looking at her profile again and she likes pottery and scrapbooking. Would a small piece of pottery be okay? Not being a scrapbooker I have no idea what someone might want. Should we be looking at giving her some thing from Lush, Body Shop or H2O? Or maybe a gift card someplace? I know that she will be in Toronto for probably 5 days, something like that. Do we give her a gift card to the large mall downtown for her to buy what she'd like? A gift certificate to a restaurant? It all sounds so impersonal for what she's doing for us. Help!

Anyway, that's if for now. I hope everyone has an enjoyable Labour Day weekend.

Acupuncture

So, as you know, I've been going for acupuncture once a week for the past 4-5 months as we waited for everything to fall into place. I went in tonight for my weekly needling and to find out what the status. Now that things are moving forward and we're looking at a late September retrieval, it was determined that it was time to move to twice a week sessions. I'm actually looking forward to it as it a) makes it all seem like things are moving forward and b) I really enjoy it. I find it totally relaxing and often drift off during treatment. My treatments have always been on my front but now that we're moving to twice a week, they'll be alternating between my front and my back. I've not been using the chinese herbs, primarily because of the cost. They can cost as much as $60 a week and are obviously not covered on my health plan. I wonder if they can be claimed as a medical expense on our taxes? In any case, they want me to start taking the herbs, at least for the 2 days before and including transfer (mostly to calm me) and then change herbs and take others for the two week wait and inwards. V. has said yes, take them, we'll make sure we have the money. But I'm so not looking forward to them. I can smell the herbs whenever I'm at the clinic for treatment, and I'm pretty sure that the taste is very much like the smell. This is going to be soooo unpleasant. Has anyone else ever used the chinese herbs?

A quick word (maybe) and a milestone.

Milestone.

I don't think my DW realized it but she has hit 150 posts on this blog of hers. And to think that I had to poke and prod her to actually start it because she did "not know what to say on it". I think she knows what to say on it now and does so quite well. So, congrats my dear and looking forward to many more posts.

Quick word.

When you look at my immediate family's current make up you will find my mother, my father, my two older siblings (brother and sister respectively), myself and my little brother. My older brother and sister have a different biological father than myself and my little brother. Now, that probably comes as a surprise to some of you that are close to me and I can explain that simply as this: in my family, it does not matter.

We were well aware that our fathers were different BUT we were told as early as we could understand that there was no "half" or "step" in our house; we were brothers and sisters. Period. It is that foundation that has me detest the use of the term so much today. When TC is in school, she tells them that Pam is her mum NOT her step-mother. I did not make her say this as she simply embraced the philosophy that she learned from my upbringing. She knows that there will not be half or step used when we are blessed enough to expand our family.

So, when it comes to the question of DNA and such with this child we hope to be blessed with via the usage of donated eggs, it really is a moot point in my personal opinion. Plain and simple, the way I see things is this: my wife is going through the trouble of the procedure to become impregnated. My wife will be the whole waddling like a penguin for nine months. My wife's feet and back with be the ones swollen and sore during that time. My wife's womb will be the chamber that new life will grow in. My wife's vijayjay will be the conduit for the new life to enter the known world. And it is the cord they cut from my wife to my second (or more) child(ren) that kept them alive with nourishment from her system.

For anyone listening, let me be perfectly clear, this child will be OUR child. Nuff said.

Goodnight. :-)

Not much to report

I went in to see the doctor today. When I finally saw him, he went off to check the donor's file and confirmed that we will be doing retrieval late September. He couldn't tell me anything more than that. I'm on CD15, but day 14 of the 21 pill Marvel0n pack, so he's told me to finish the pack and gave me another one which I am to begin as soon as the current one is finished, so no period for me now (yippee!!). He said to come back in September 5th and we should know more then. Since he asked me if I was Estrace yet (easier than checking the file) I am expecting him to start me on that in 11 days or at least give me the prescription to start shortly after that. I'm not sure if I mentioned this before but I've got to do some travelling for work in September/October/November to the last three of our sites that need upgrading. It's Murphy's Law that of course the first site is scheduled for September. Thankfully my manager knows what's going on, although not in detail, and will work around my clinic requirements. So, I confirmed with the doctor that I could travel the week of September 16th. I think this will likely be the week before the donor comes up to Toronto as I'm thinking retrieval could be quite close to my birthday on the 26th. I'll consider that good luck, thank you. :)

So, it looks like I'll be in Bardstown, Kentucky the week of the 17th for about 5 days. Oh joy. I was going to say I could look on the bright side because I was told by the plant manager at the site that it's Bourbon Festival week, but I just checked and it's September 11-16. :( Maybe we can get in early enough on the 16th to partake. Either way, I've been instructed by several people that I MUST bring them back some Kentucky bourbon. Think customs will notice if I buy a separate bag just for the liquor? ;)

Stuff

There's really nothing to update you all with as I am just waiting for Saturday to arrive so I can go in for my CD15 check as he requested.

I can't believe it's already August 21st. The summer is nearly over. TC starts school in 2 weeks. Her Sweet 16 party is in 3 weeks. Lots going on. I've been reading blogs daily. In fact, I checked my Bloglines and I have 99 feeds listed!!! And I believe that 90% of them are actively updating on a semi-regular basis. That's a lot of blogs. But importantly, that's a lot of infertility. These blogs range from people (men and women) who have only been trying a short time, to those who are veterans and have had multiple IVFs. There are adoption blogs in the list. There are a number of Donor Egg blogs. And there are a number of blogs of those who have come out the other side of IF with a healthy baby or babies. I read them all with a variety of emotion. I am thrilled and joyful when someone gets a positive pregnancy test and even more thrilled when they are able to carry that pregnancy through to a live baby. I read all of my feeds because I feel I have a vested interest in what happens. In all cases I've read each blog since it's inception, going back through the archives to follow their journeys on how they have gotten where they are today. I find with the DE blogs, that I'm able to relate more readily to what they are experiencing as it is similar to myself. We may not have arrived at the idea of using donor eggs by the same path but we all have the same emotions when it comes to how it feels.

Many couples who make the decision to use donor eggs usually are doing so because of the age of the woman, or poor response to stims with their own eggs, or in some cases because of previous illness which prevents them from conceiving naturally. As you know, we made the choice because, well, I am old at (now) 46. When we began this journey, I was old by reproductive standards anyway. So, to make the choice, for me, was a no brainer. I wanted to have a child with V.

So, where am I going with this? Lately there have been a number of posts by people who are mourning the loss of the genetic connection to their future child. I understand that loss. And, yes, I too wish that I would be able to look into the face of our children and see my father's nose (poor child), or my mother's eyes, or any other genetic link that I carry from my parents and with my siblings. But I accepted long ago, that this just wasn't going to happen. I know that once I hold that child it won't matter because he/she will be my child. V. and I also feel (as warped as some may think) that since I am carrying the child for 9 months, that some essence of me is transferred to that child, even if it's not my DNA. :)

V. will say "why haven't you ever said anything about this?". But, you know, I'm fine with it. Why lament what I cannot change. I've used this quote of V. before, and I think it applies here too. "I may not where I wanted to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be". This is what we've been working towards for the last 4-5 years. This is how we are supposed to build our family. :) I've embraced it all and am anxiously looking forward to cycling next month. :)

Peace

Latest Update

Okay, this is short. The agency emailed an update on the donor.

Just wanted to let you know that we will be looking forward to a late September retrieval for your donor. I will keep you updated when we set her medical protocol which will be in the next two weeks. Talk with you soon!

This actually fits more along the line about what I figured it would be based on what the date is now and where I am. I think our doctor actually means late August/early September for when our protocol is set to begin when he says we're on track. That would make more sense since it's about 6 weeks from beginning to transfer. I don't see how we could be at retrieval in 3 weeks if the donor hasn't begun her protocol. So, again, I'll know better in a week and a half when I see the doctor.

That's it for now.

Ok, so don't tell the wife, but...

I've been thinking a lot these days; more of an off and on passing set of thoughts of a random nature on various topics. However, after this weekend, a few thoughts are no longer random and I think it is because when you come face to face with something, it moves it from your sub-conscience to your conscience.

Our daughter is away at camp for a couple of weeks in Huntsville. We surprised her on the weekend by going up for Visitor's Day when we told her that we would not be as it was too hard to go up there three consecutive weekends in a row. Needless to say, she was super excited when we showed up (even after being so down when Patti tricked her by saying she didn't think we were coming). I think her reaction meant more to me than she will ever know. All a parent ever wants is to know they are loved, wanted, needed and appreciated by their child(ren). And though we have had some doozy moments in the very recent past, we still see that little girl in her that wants and appreciates her mother and father being there for her.

We saw lots of examples of that theme echoed throughout the camp as parents and kids were reunited for a few hours of a wet Sunday afternoon. Younger kids and older teenagers held court as parents invaded their turf and shared a little in what they get to experience 24-7 for varying lengths of time during the summer. One particular group though showed this even more than the others; this was the special needs children.

There was one girl, whose condition we do not know and did not recognize, that was incredibly energetic and extremely strong. This was evident by the effort exerted by her father as he tried his best to keep her from running off and either hurting someone or hurting herself even more (there was a large bruise/cut on her left leg from an obvious earlier mishap). While being able to communicate in some way, she was unable to speak, had a short attention span and moved in rapid, but jerky movements that was determined but not flailing. There were a few kids that have Down's Syndrome and a few others we were introduced to that did not have any appearances that pointed out differences, but the way the staff spoke with them indicated that they were special needs. We had a student join my class in high school that was in a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy so I am not unfamiliar with the challenges a special need imposes on the person's life and those around them. However, seeing that father struggling with holding his young daughter back (she may be about 15) hit me visually, emotionally and spiritually. It took everything to hold back tears. Naturally, I lied to my wife when she asked if anything was wrong. Actually, I take that back because nothing was wrong. What it was can only be explained as "real".

We are an older couple, using a scientific and medical procedure to create the greatest miracle there is. Even at its most natural and most pure, anything can happen. Introduce new factors into the mix and you have the potential of issues escalate exponentially. Now, I am not being a negative ninny or looking only at everything that could happen. I am simply facing the reality that was put before me and wondering what we would do. Naturally we want the best possible outcome and we will keep focussed and optimistic for that result. For the first time, I do not want to be the realist in this process because it means dealing with an area I don't want to deal with. I will have the strength should that time come. I just hope it never does.

To all those parents with special needs children, I admire and salute you for your dedication and strength. Your child may never be able to properly express their gratitude to you but I believe they understand and appreciate all you do for them. I saw that yesterday and I understand that today. I pray for the strength tomorrow and I hope that I won't need it.

Peace.

Lazy Saturday

Today was one of the first weekends in a while where V. and I could actually sleep in. TC is up at camp for two weeks so it's been quiet around here. I was able to relax until about 10am which for me is late. :) After we got ourselves organized and such, we hooked up with E and BB and headed down to the Tas.te of the Dan.forth which is an annual street food festival here in Toronto. The weather was perfect. Hot and sunny. We stopped in at our favourite Cuban restaurant for some Mojitos and then made our way to one of our favourite greek restaurants for some calamari and lamb souvlaki. After this, although all of us were quite full, we made our way slowly back to the car and then headed out along the Dan.forth to the Ice Cr.eam Fact.ory for, of course, some ice cream. Huge scoops for $2.50. Can't beat that!!

(Warning, TMI coming up now for all you male/squeamish readers. Skip the next paragraph.)

Anyway, so, I think CD1 is here. It's hard to tell to be honest. It's been probably 15 years since I've been on the pill. So, when I took the last pill on Monday I wasn't sure how many days would pass before my cycle would start. Being the geek that I am, I went and googled for the info and confirmed what I thought, that it would be 2-3 days after I took the last pill. That would make it Wednesday or Thursday. Well, I actually started spotting on Friday. Usually my cycle starts like that, but by the evening I've essentially got a reasonable, red flow. And by the next day, it's very definitely CD1. However, this morning, there wasn't much of a flow, and it was this brown sludge (I warned you guys) The only reason I really need to know which day is CD1 is because I've got to start the birth control pills again on CD2. I was figuring that today actually is CD1 even though I don't have a regular heavy flow as normal but I consulted with BB today and she concurred. She said that it's because I was on the pill and this is how it would until I was completely off it. So, based on her expert opinion, I'm considering today CD1 and I'm going to start the pill tomorrow.


**UPDATE: It's confirmed. Today is CD1. :)

(End of TMI session.)


So, since I'm starting the pill tomorrow, that means I'm due back at the clinic on August 25th which is CD15. I'm not sure what's going to happen then, but hopefully we'll have a much better idea of where the donor is in her cycle and if she's started her protocol. I'm not really sure how he says we're still on track for late August/early September but maybe he's considering that as when we can start the protocol? Based on Daisy's calendar I don't see how we can be going to retrieval or transfer that early. My guess is that we're likely to be going to retrieval/transfer later in September which would make it right around my birthday. As V. has always known, if you were to ask me what I want for my birthday there would be only one answer. This is the first year that I might actually get what I want. :) Fingers are crossed we're on schedule for transfer in early September.

That's it for now.

Life goes on

without any real change.

Well, I guess that's not entirely true. Today V. and I went to the clinic. I'd been told to come back when I was on day 20 of taking the pill. Being a holiday here in Ontario, it seems that everyone not only showed up late to the clinic but with their husbands in tow. V. and I had every intention of getting in early, but we didn't get there until just before 10 thanks to a flat tire on my car. It was packed in their very large waiting room so we sat down to wait. I was able to get my blood draw done right away, but the sign up list for the ultrasound and to see the doctor was quite long. So we settled in for a long wait. V. had brought my video iPod and caught up a three old Grey's Anatomy shows we had missed during the season while I continued with my book (and finished it while there). I don't know how long it took, but at least an hour passed before I finally had to go empty my over full bladder. Of course, as I came out to go sit back down, they called me. However, the empty (or near empty) bladder didn't pose any problem. After the u/s I went back out the waiting room and continued to read and doze off. Periodically I would check the board to see where I was and how many were ahead of us. Finally, at about 12:40 we got called. Yeah!!! However, we had another 15 minute wait while the doctor saw two people ahead of us. I think we were his last patients of the day for the monitoring and we say him at 1:05pm!!! Before you say anything about being kept waiting, we know. He's notorious for taking his time with his patients which is why you try to get in early when you're doing the monitoring as it's first come first serve.

Anyway, while we were waiting to see him at the end I got an email from the agency that said "Just wanted to let you know that we are hoping for a late September/early October retrieval and transfer time with your donor. We are needing to make sure her cycles are regulated before starting medical protocol which should be happening soon." Of course, I read this and get ticked off because it looks like we're going to be pushed a month. It's not that a month is a long time, it's just that I want to go. now. :) Anyway, V. says to email back and ask why the delay and when is the donor's cycle due to start. I told him lets wait and see what the doctor says because he's really the one who's driving this process.

So, we get in to see him. He looks at the chart and then he posed a question that V. and I can't recall right now. But it basically allowed me to let him know what we had just found out that morning regarding the delay. He was surprised and went off to check with the donor coordinator at the clinic. He came back a few minutes later and said that we were still on track for late August/early September!!! Woohoo!!!! So, I've stopped the birth control pill as of today and am waiting for CD1. I guess it should show up Wednesday or Thursday??? I'm to start the pill again on CD2 and take it for 14 days and then go back in to see him on CD15. He said we'll know better then what's going on with the donor.

So I'm still confident that we're on track with our original plan. I'll know better in two weeks.

That's all I got. Hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good week.