Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I turned 46. It's been a quite day, much like any other. I've received birthday wishes and cards from many. A very nice wallet from my mom, and an amazing handmade afghan from Patti. Thanks Patti!! It's a quiet evening for V. and I. We're hitting a movie tonight. I think it will probably be Jet Li's Fearless. I've heard the story is a bit hokey, but the fight scenes are incredible. Plus it's a chinese language film. We've always been fans of the foreign films, so subtitles won't be a problem.

That's it, and hope you're all having a great day!


We saw Fearless. It was pretty good flick. We liked it. The storyline was a bit hokey but the fight scenes really were amazing. V. didn't realize it was in Chinese until I told him, but that didn't matter a bit. We then went to dinner at Canyon Creek Chop House for some really good food. V. had a perfectly cooked rib eye and I had their cedar planked salmon. Mmmmm. And they brought us champagne on them with a sparkler for me because V. said it was my birthday. A very nice way without being embarrassed by raucous singing. :)

All around a very nice way to spend the evening with my honey. Thanks Hon! Love you!

Friday, September 22, 2006

Thursday, September 21, 2006

L'Shanah Tova

V. and I would like to wish you all a happy, health and sweet New Year. As you look towards the coming year be proud of your strengths and accomplishments, and may all your dreams come true.

L'Shanah Tova

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Word Play

I've been tagged by Annemarie. I was given four words to talk about...then I'll tag four others with four other words.

My words: chill, remedy, music and relate

Chill: I like to do this and I often am this. Lately I’d rather just sit back, relax and watch the world go by. There’s nothing better than having no plans forcing you to do something. However, I’m forced to go into the office where I get a chill from the frigid a/c system we’ve got.

Remedy: Usually a remedy is required to cure/fix something. But since I’m not ailing, I haven’t needed one. However, just in case, a dose of ice cream is always a good remedy for anything that ails you.

Music: A staple in our house. We’ve got eclectic tastes so have everything ranging from 80’s house music, jazz, R&B, rock can be found. My iPod has great music on it.

Relate: this has taken on a new meaning in our house. It’s been a little while since my surgery so we’re now able to relate whenever we want. I think the cows are home to stay. :)

I'm tagging Patti, Jenny, Meri-ann and Nikki.
Your four words are: surprise, inhale, ice cream, and reality


A family friend once told me long ago during a fairly difficult period in my life, "Don't worry about things you have no control over." I really believe in that and I do my best to let the uncontrollable events and trials in life roll off my back like so much water so I can move on. Unfortunately, sometimes, there are things that shift my attention and I end up fixated on something I know full well I am basically powerless to change or affect. It is these events and times in life that are the most mind-numbing and frustrating.

I speak about many things in this post, none of which I am at liberty to disucss right now (and this is not the right blog for those anyhow). That said, this whole process falls in that category because except for donating/producing/having extracted the seeds of life, I really have no control over this situation of ours. That annoys the hell out of me, frustrates me to no end, and keeps me up at night.

Most of all, it scares me.

I worked hard to have a modicrum of control over what happens to me, my immediate family and the things I worked hard for. It is not easy to place something so important to me and my family in someone else's hands (or tube, or lab or...). Sigh. Just venting today. Two more months. I'll be here. I'll be up. See you then.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Mall Rats

I read a lot of IF blogs everyday (thank god for bloglines). There are so many people out there that have been struggling for so long, and others for much less than me. I remember thinking when I've read their posts of how they feel when the see a pregnant woman or get invited to baby showers "it doesn't bother me". And I figure, maybe I'm just not as affected in that way by it all. And I still don't get upset by it. I love shopping for baby gifts, especially baby clothes. So anyway, V. asked me to pick up a gift for a colleague of his who had a baby last November and as she was bringing her into the office, he would go down and see her. So I head off to Sherway Gardens on my lunch hour to pick up a gift. Now this mall is about 10-12 minutes away from my office on the highway, so not a problem to get to but when on earth did it get so friggin' big???? Needless to say, I ended up walking the entire mall because I started at The Bay (one of their anchor stores) and ended up buying the gift at Sears (anchored at the complete other end). Anyway, to get back to my original point of how one feels seeing pregnant women. It doesn't usually bother me mainly because these women are all strangers to me. So I'm walking through the mall during the hour I was there and at every turn there were pregnant women, women with babies, women with toddlers, strollers everywhere!!! It's as if the mall is a magnet for them. I think I must have counted 20 pregnant woman.

I promise, when it's my turn, I won't go hang out at the mall. :)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Hear ye, hear ye

[depressing post alert – proceed at your own risk]

In 2 weeks I turn 46. I have to say, I am not where I expected to be at this stage in my life – professionally or personally. I didn’t think I’d be trying to conceive my first child at this age. But then again, I didn’t meet the man I wanted to marry until I was 38. And that in itself was a long, uphill battle for us, with several things to overcome. V. and I were lying in bed this morning talking about stuff (I don’t remember exactly what lead to my comment) and I said “I’m old”. He was astonished that I said that and more concerned that I actually felt like that. In all the years he’s known me I’ve never had issue with my age probably because I’ve never looked it nor acted it. People are always surprised when they find out what my age actually is. I have to admit, I think this year is the first time that I truly feel that I’m old. I look at our families, our friends, and their kids – both young and old. We’ve got friends who have had a baby in the last 6 months, and others who are expecting their third in the next six months. We’ve got family and friends who have kids as young as 2 and others with kids who are in their 20s. That's where I thought I’d be by now, watching my children graduating high school or college by now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed by where I am, just saddened by the fact that we don’t always get what we want. However, as V. has said to me many times, I may not where I wanted to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be.

So this brings me to my birthday. People ask if I’ve told V. what I want. He’s asked in the past months what I want. And as always I reply, I don’t know. I know I can be the most difficult person to buy for at times. He and I have most of the near latest gadgets when it comes to technology because we are both geeks (I’ve cut him off from buying the latest). So when looking to technology for a gift, it’s often too late. :) He recently asked I’d be interested in taking an introductory flying lesson. We were on our way to visit friends who'd recently moved back to Toronto (and their new baby) on the Labour Day weekend and were driving past Buttonville Airport (I think) and saw a sign. I thought it an interesting idea, but I don’t know if I gave him my usual non-committal response. I probably did. I guess the idea of taking one lesson is cool, but it’s not like we’re in a position to continue taking flying lessons, so what’s the point?

If just anyone were to ask me what I’d want for my birthday, I’d probably say I don’t know. But that’s a lie. I do know what I want and right now it’s unattainable. I want to be pregnant. Of course I want a child, but let’s not get greedy. I’d take pregnant right now. However, that’s not possible at this time because we’re still in the doctor imposed waiting period. And even if it were possible, we all know it doesn’t just happen because we want it.

So if anyone was thinking about giving me something for my birthday. Don’t. Please. I’d rather that the money (if it’s my family) was put towards the probable IVF in November (if our attempt prior to that doesn’t work). If someone else was thinking it, I’d rather you donated the money to a charity of your choice. I don’t want any fuss. This isn’t a milestone birthday. I’d rather just spend the evening quietly with my husband. I have a pass that’s valid only in my birthday to go to a Cineplex theatre which I intend to use. I hope my husband will join me. :) But other than that, I don’t want anything else.

Sorry this turned into a depressing post. It’s been sitting in my head for a little while and I guess this morning’s comment brought it out. I'll go crawl back into my cave for a while and think about how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me for me, and doesn't care a lick about my age.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

All quiet here

Not much going on. It's a rainy Saturday. This was supposed to be a "no plans" weekend for us so we could get some much needed clean up done. We're determined to purge those items we don't need either through a garage sale, giving away or throwing them away. However, we're heading to the Argo-TiCat game today with some friends. Mark and Patti would normally go with us as they're big Argo fans, but Patti had her surgery yesterday. She'll be home today so go visit her and give some bloggy love for a speedy recovery.

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Sweet and Sour

Many times a year, there are family gatherings that we either host or attend. Inevitably at these events, there are people with new and old children around. The old children are kids we used to pick up that now work at Wonderland; kids whose cheeks you used to pinch that you now wonder if that clothing item is appropriate for their age. And, as will always be in a large family, there are the really young children and/or babies.

As anyone in our circle will tell you, we are the most favourite aunt and uncle and I am the best Godfather. I treat my two Godchildren like my own kids and they know that I feel that way about them. As such, I command a certain level of respect from them, which they give easily. In return, I give easily the attention and care that they command of me. My Goddaughter, in pond land, is turning Sweet Sixteen in November; we are all terrified at the thought. She is a very good kid and there are no worries about her path in life, but life is different than when we were sixteen so we have extra concern. My Godson turned thirteen last month and his mother is having a bit of a time adjusting to the fact that she now is the mother of a teenager in the house. She is calling on me to be more involved in his life. It is not that his father is not there (he is, and he is great with them all), it is just that as a Roman Catholic, we really take the honour of our position as Godparents very seriously. God forbid that something happens to the parents, but we have to be in the children's lives so the transition would not be a second traumatic event in their lives. Anyhow, enough of that as nothing is happening to their parents.

Our various little nieces, nephews and cousins absolutely adore us because we are the ones who will crawl on the ground with them, let them crawl all over us like a jungle gym, listen to their umpteenth call for attention and (I'm sure it is not the top of the list) we give the best presents. While we try not to go over the top, we tend to be generous in the gift giving and can be counted on either for the gift the child loves or the parents hate (i.e. that noisy, battery-operated, lighted thing that drives them nutso).

Sorry, back to the babies topic. Naturally, my dear wife will gravitate to new or young life like a moth to a flame' that is not a criticism, merely an observation. This weekend, while the little lad from Ottawa lay on her and was falling asleep as he so often likes to do with "Auntie", she looks over to me and says, "I really want one." All I could feebly offer up was, "I know." There is simply nothing else I could say because I do know and it breaks my heart that one of the few things she has ever asked me for in our life together (eight years now) I cannot just give to her. I am hoping that come November, we can simply relax and try together one last time and, barring no results, move calmly but quickly to the next step and process. Nothing would mean more to me right now than to give her this gift. I have been blessed to experience it myself (though it does not feel like a blessing these days, long story about teenagers and divorce) and I want her to enjoy those same feelings.

We are two months away from various decisions to be made. Regardless though, the end result and goal stays the same: a new Trini in the house.


Friday, September 01, 2006

Hello, I lost my calendar, so...

Can ya tell me if it is November yet? Not yet? Dang. Ok, I'm fine. I can deal with it. No problems here. Thankfully, I am not in a Seinfeld bet.

Time moves so slowly when you want something to happen and so quickly when you need more time or you are trying to avoid doing something or having something happen. This year, with all going on, it feels like time just likes using me as a pinata and decides when to screw me over. While it is seemingly standing still as we try to press forward, it is whipping along in many other respects. Ah well, learn to deal with it right?

Ok, now, how about now? Is it November yet?