Wednesday, September 12, 2007

What would Brian Boitano do?

I've been trying to formulate this post in my head for a few days and have found it very difficult to put my thoughts down. Although not as eloquent as V. can be, I am not usually at a loss for words.

My father would have been 73 last month. However, he passed away suddenly and unexpectedly 22 years ago, several months before my 25th birthday. Julie's post of the sudden death of her father last month hit very close to home. I could understand and relate to her feelings of loss. The unfairness of it all. At the time, I selfishly wondered on who's arm I'd walk down the aisle when I got married. It still feels as if it were yesterday. I have gotten over the loss of my dad, but the emotions are still there as V. can attest. In fact, just writing this brings tears to my eyes.

For those of you not familiar with Julie's blog, she and Paul are embarking on their quest for a second child, this time using donor eggs. She wrote recently about how she thought her father might react to the news that one of his grandchildren might not be biologically hers. This got me thinking about my father.

My dad was a conservative Englishman. He was much older than my mother, as I am older than V. He was set in his ways and didn't like change. In spite of my dad's reticence at times, he would eventually warm up to people and embrace them. He loved his family, and was fiercely protective of us all. He was respected by all who knew him. He expected his children to want to be the best at whatever we did, and for the most part, we delivered. He loved us all, and as the only daughter and middle child, I know that he had my back at all times. I've been told I had him wrapped around my little finger. V. never got the chance to meet him and for that I am sorry. I know he would have welcomed V. into the family.

With the start of our upcoming protocol I've been thinking about him lately, wondering what he would have thought. I would like to think he would have been proud of me and what and who I've become. I think he would have been aghast that I've put our story out on the internet, but that's because he was such a private person. However, I believe he would have understood and accepted that it was important for me, for us, to proceed with donor eggs so that I could carry our child(ren). I think ultimately that his goal for me would have been that I was happy. And Dad, I am. I wish you were here to experience this with us, and meet your next grandchild. I miss you.

**And for those of you who wondering about the title of this post, I am a huge fan of the South Park Movie. Ask V. The words to the song follow, and I can actually see my dad in some of it. :)

What Would Brian Boitano Do?

Stan, Kyle, Cartman

What would Brian Boitano do
If he was here right now,
He'd make a plan
And he'd follow through,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

When Brian Boitano was in the olympics,
Skating for the gold,
He did two sow cows and a triple lutz,
While wearing a blind fold.

When Brian Boitano was in the alps,
Fighting grizzly bears,
He used his magical fire breath,
And saved the maidens fair.

So what would Brian Boitano do
If he were here today,
I'm sure he'd kick an ass or two,
That's what Brian Boitano'd do.

I want this V-chip out of me,
It has stunted my vo-ca-bu-lar-y.

And I just want my Mom
To stop fighting everyone

For Wendy I'll be an activist, too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano would do.

And what would Brian Boitano do,
He'd call all the kids in town,
And tell them to unite for truth
That's what Brian Boitano would do.

When Brian Boitano travelled through time
To the year 3010,
He fought the evil robot king
And saved the human race again

And when Brian Boitano built the pyramids,
He beat up Kublia Khan

Cuz Brian Boitano doesn't take shit from an-y-body

So lets all get together,
And unite to stop our Mom's
And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano do.

And we'll save Terrance and Phillip too,
Cuz that's what Brian Boitano dooooooo,
That's what Brian Boitano do.


Anonymous said...

HI Pam, I found your site over at Redbook with Julie from ALP. For the last 4 years, I've been watching all my favorite infertile bloggers, Julie included, become pregnant and have children. A little over a year ago, after 5 IVFs and countless cancelled cycles, we decided to try donor eggs. 3 IVFs (fresh) and 7 FETs later, we have 5 frozen embryos left and still no baby. 1 chemical pregnancy but that's it.

This is my last shot at bearing a child myself. Next we will try gestational surrogacy then adoption but in the meantime- how excited am I that there are finally some people blogging about donor cycles! And I know Julie will be right on top of all the scientific data that I can trust so - woo hoo! Welcome to the club and good luck on your donor cycle. I sincerely hope yours (and Julie's) turns out better than mine have.

For the record, I'm 44, diagnosed with premature ovarian failure (since the most eggs I ever got on my own with the most stims you can use was 4 - I was only 39 then). I live in Connecticut. I will be following your journey with much interest!

Susan (sorry for anonymous post - don't have google id or blog)

Anonymous said...

oh - and I forgot - you are SO MY TYPE of chick - I LOVE Sout Park ... subversive social commentary and good fun even if it is sometimes a little over the top.

Pam said...

Thanks Susan. :)