Wednesday, May 10, 2006

What do you think?

Why is it that some people try so hard to have a baby and can't, yet others manage to do so without really trying?

Who really cares that Brit*ney Spea*rs has managed to get knocked up again? Granted she's 20 something and her husband probably is so excited to be married to her that he can't keep is pants on. But come on, pregnant again???

Then there are the Duggars. They are a religious family who have, as of October, 2005, 16 children ranging in age from newborn to 17. And they are planning on having more!!!

And finally, what about the British couple who are expecting a baby? She's 63 and he's 61. Apparently she was "perfect" for the treatment. How many people who have gone through IVF, and were well within the "acceptable" age that many clinics will perform IVF, were told that they were perfect, or conditions were excellent for success yet have had failure after failure? Yet this couple were lucky enough to have one embryo transferred and be successful on their first attempt.

Now I'm not going to say that any of these people are not deserving. (Maybe Brittany should grow up a bit first before having anymore, but I digress.) But for those of us who have been trying to have children, it can be someowhat discouraging to read about these families. Who am I to say that the Duggars shouldn't have any more kids. And who should say whether or not 63 is too old to have a child. I'm 45. Some would say I'm too old. After all, when I'm 65, my future child would be graduating high school. Does that make me too old? None of us can say it's right or wrong. Some would argue that nature didn't intend women in their 60s to have children. My initial reaction when I first heard the story was to say that it's wrong. But in retrospect, and after reading the articles and seeing the news stories, I've decided that I can't say it's wrong. I don't know that I would go through the process at 65 but I will at 45.

Some would say, why not adopt if you want a child so badly. That's not such a simple question. In Ontario, there are more adoptive parents than there are infants and toddlers. Although one is likely to be able to adopt an infant from overseas, International adoption is very expensive. In fact, it's more expensive than the route V. and I are currently taking. This is not to say we are against adoption, it's just not where we are right now.

Sorry it's been a somewhat rambling post.


Anonymous said...

Having gone through somewhat of the same ordeal as you guys I totally understand where you are coming from. Nice post and I couldn't have said it better myself.
You will get there!

x said...

I feel the same. I am so sick of hearing about Britney Spears on my morning news. It is too bad children aren't handed out to the deserving.

Penny said...

I don't know that I'd want to pass someone's idea of "deserving" to have kids. After all, perhaps the Ex and I wouldn't have been considered "deserving" and I can't imagine life without my Wondertwins.

Having said that, I do think that life is sometimes dreadfully unfair and it seems those that *should* have the babies are the ones that have the trouble.

Believe me, Britney will have her troubles. That marriage is a train wreck and we all know it.

All said, I do feel your frustration. I feel it everytime I see one particular customer of ours who bitches that her baby's father won't give her support, she's living on welfare and doesn't have any plans to get off it...and is talking about how she'd love another child.

If ya can't afford the first one, lady...

Hang in there - your turn will come, God willing. I have a good feeling about it, lady. Honest I do.

Now, about the waiting and playing of cards... when are we meeting?

Pam said...

Maybe deserving wasn't the correct word but regardless I don't think one of these three families is any less deserving than anyone else. However, for those who have been trying for such a long time, it can be difficult to watch and see how "easily" some others are able to conceive and grow their families.

As for Patti and her Wondertwins - why would you have thought that you and the Ex would be less deserving than anyone else? You aren't a drug addict, you don't drink to excess, you don't beat or abuse your kids, you're a normal sane person who is raising two amazing kids. Between you, Mark and the Ex the WT have turned into respectful, well-adjusted kids who one day hope to have a brother or sister.

Dtrini said...

My only comment to this is that I am concerned for those that really don't want kids but are too stupid to wear protection then bring unwanted kids into the world to be neglected and abused. I am concerned about those people who bring the kids into the world to get a larger welfare check or to sell them in various ways to feed their drug and alcohol habits. I am concerned about those who call themselves parents, then ignore the child because their hatred for the ex-partner is so consuming or they are so-self abosrbed with their new life that the child is left out of the picture. Do I want someone dolling out passes to whom they think is worthy? Absolutely not. I do not have a problem though with a bonafide convicted abuser or otherwise deviant human being being altered so that they do not bring another life into the world to be exploited by their sick, deparved selves.

Penny said...

Thanks, Pam.

Everyone has concerns about how they "rate" as a parent. Guess I'm no different.

Thanks for the nice words about the Wondertwins, too. They're pretty darn good kids!