Thursday, May 11, 2006

Telling her wasn't as bad as I expected

So for the past 6 months, as you know, V. and I were waiting for the appointment with the doctor to evaluate the fibroids. Well, during that time I didn't say anything to my mother about the fibroids or the pending surgery. I wasn't afraid to tell her, but I didn't want to tell her without more informations. I needed to tell her BEFORE the surgery rather than after. Letting her find out afterwards would be bad thing. I also had to make sure she knew before either of my brothers were told. Now my brother and sister in law in Chicago are both doctors, so we've kept them in the loop with what we've been doing. We hadn't told my younger brother but only because he's so busy with work and travelling that we don't see him often and never had an opportunity. I feel really bad about that because I don't like that he's the only one who doesn't know. I don't know if my older brother has said anything to him but if he does know, he's not let on.

Like I said, I wasn't afraid to tell my mother, but I wasn't sure just how she'd take it. Our relationship has its ups and downs like most mother-daughter relationships but overall I think we get along quite well. And I do love my mother. She's always supported my choices and decisions albeit with some comments tossed in at times. I don't think she does it intentionally, but some of her comments can be negative. Because of her own medical history, she is worried and concerned about me and how all the meds and hormones that I've taken and will continue to take when we move to the IVF stage may affect my own health. She was so concerned that at one point she felt she couldn't support our decision because of this. However, I think she has come to realize that we've researched and discussed and made our decision and are moving ahead with or without her. Because of that, I think we may have gained a little more respect from her because of this. I'm not sure, maybe I'm seeing what I want to see. Who knows. :)

So, last week I finally told her. Her reaction was, well, normal. Calm. Understanding. Normal. She asked some questions about the surgery and stuff. She even knows who my doctor is. Maybe that's why she didn't make a big deal about it all. I guess I could have told her sooner. :)

Oh well. Now just to tell my younger brother. We're seeing him at my mother's on Sunday, so perhaps we'll fill him in on what's been going on then. Once he knows, I'll call Chicago and update everyone there with the latest information.

I haven't told my family about this blog yet. Haven't figured out when/if I'll be doing that. That will be for another time.



x said...

I am so glad that it went well with your mom. That is a relief and it is good to have family support.

I wouldn't dream of telling my family about my blog.

Dtrini said...

We found out my BIL knew already (loose family lips, DW was not amused or happy that she cannot trust her immediate family members to shut it).

On the revealing the blog, well, there are things in here that could be potentially embarassing to both. Let's just say that not everyone enjoys our particular flavour of caustic, sometimes in your face, humour and confrontation. Frankly, not our problem, but I do understand DW's angst. So, it is her blog and I support her decision to reveal or not reveal it either way.

On the MIL, well, since she may read this someday, let me put it this way. She needs to listen more to what we say and how we say it than to compare it to what she thinks or someone else in the family feels or any outside influence in any way. This is our life and we will live it our way. Period. I love her like my own mother but my responsibility is to my family first and anyone that knows me knows that means to the death. I am sure it won't come to that though. :)

Pam said...

I will admit I was ticked off that my brother did know before we'd had the chance to tell him. It's not that he knew, because I was going to tell him, but that someone in my family felt that our IF trials and tribulations was fodder for their conversations. I know others out in the IF community experience similar familial behaviours. So I this doesn't excuse the behaviour, but I guess we could look at it as them being caring and concerned and wanting to express that to someone. Just wish they'd ask me first. :)