Saturday, May 26, 2007

But seriously....

I know most of my posts are either super serious or downright nutty, so let me go a bit in-between.
Those who know me know that I can be a very expressive guy for all sorts of things but only a select few ever get to know the real feelings I hold inside. That circle is small and hand-picked for reasons that do not belong mentioned in this blog. Suffice it to say, I keep it very close to the vest most times. For the sake of my wife, I am about to break that tradition for just a little while to say publicly, this: I am excited.

Actually, excited is an understatement, but it is very tempered with my need to hold reality close by during all of this. We were close before and things did not work out and the devastation on my wife's face is not something I can handle well. I do not enjoy seeing her in that much pain. I saw it when she was remembering her father with me. I saw it when she was dealing with the realization that she might lose her mother a few years back (thankfully, R. with be around to see her third grandchild be born). I saw it when she considered the possibility that our relationship might be over after a major fight before we were married. And I saw it when we realized she had miscarried a few years back. I don't like seeing it. So, I am very protective of her and her expectations as I want it all in check to ensure if things don't work out for us, she is protected.

Anyhow, that said, we are looking forward because, as my wife indicated in her post, the "feeling" is much different now. When we first set out on this journey, we naively thought about how things would happen and was greatly disappointed when they did not go that way. From timing to finances to medical to everything; it just did not flow right, quickly or consistently. That was frustrating.

Now, in comparison, I feel like we are on the Japanese Bullet Train and we are just trying to hold on and enjoy the ride as things whip by. We have ben at this almost four years. In less than four months, we changed clinics, donors, had financing in place, and are literally ready to do anything and everything required of us as it is asked. I will let Pam tell you the exact details because she loves doing that, but suffice it to say that we are a phone call and a wire transfer away from the next step.

Ever found the perfect car and then had to wait for it to be in stock and for confirmation on financing? This is better!

Ever found the perfect house and got into a bidding war and had to wait to hear if you got it with the conditions you wanted met? Thsi is better!

Ever busted your butt in the hopes of the recognition getting you that great raise and/or promotion? This is better!

Geek alert! I was reading one of my usual tech mags in the "office" when I read a quote from this Linux guru about how "Life is free". It immediately made me laugh and think of writing into the magazine to correct him that Life is nowhere near free. In fact Life started around 20Gs and kept a running tab until sometime to be determined in the future. I was going to just post about that magazine quote but then I sat at the computer and realized that instead of associating the quote with what life costs in terms of jobs, government, earthly goods or anything else, I equated it with bringing a life into the world. That pretty much says it all: I have baby on the brain.

And I think my wife wanted, NEEDED, to know that from me. So, I decided to put it in writing for all to read. I have baby on the brain. And I cannot wait to see my lovely wife with our baby sleeping on her chest the way my little nephew used to. These are exciting times indeed.

Can you feel it?



Pam said...

Thank you hon. :) I know you told me yesterday that you were excited, but this is even better than hearing it. :)

LadyofAvalon56 said...

I'm in tears over here...sheesh...

Anonymous said...

Exciting times to be the master of the obvious! Great news and an unbelievable event for the two of you to share together. Enjoy it dont let go of it.

Kathy V said...

I came via the creme. Somehow when you put in writing for the world to see it makes it more real. So glad that you have babies on the brain. It is an awesome feeling. Thanks for this post.