Crap crap crap

I got back last night from another long day of traveling, although not as bad as the trip down. I'm home for two days which is long enough to kiss my husband, hug the child, do laundry, get my beta test and pack again to leave Friday for Dallas.

Anyway, I got home last evening with an empty bladder because I was dying when I got off the plane. As you know I had an agreement with V. that I wouldn't POAS while I was away. So, I stayed true to my word and didn't. I did, however, pick up the pee sticks while I was away to make sure we had them. It wasn't until later in the evening that I peed on two different sticks and both came up negative. I was pretty resigned at that point that it was negative, but V. wanted to be sure with the blood test, as did I. I knew that I still had to go in this morning for the test.

I finally got out of the house way later than intended as it's a long drive downtown in rush hour. Got in. Did the test. Went to work. It's been agony waiting for the call. I've had concerned friends texting and msn-ing asking if I've heard. I think they were more anxious than we were. :)

The call came in a little while ago. Negative. If we want to do another cycle I just need to go in on CD2. I had to msn V. to let him know, since I'm at work. I know that if I'd called him, I would have lost it.

We have two frozen embryos. V. thought maybe we'd do one and one, but I told him that I'd rather do both on the next cycle because as we all know, they may not make it through the thaw. Anyway, we've decided that since I have one more trip for work coming up in January, we're going to wait until afterwards to do the cycle.

I don't want to think beyond that cycle if it doesn't work. I have no idea what we'll do. I have to admit, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. :(