Counselling Session

Yes, if you've read V's post, you know we finally had that session with the social worker yesterday.

We were booked in for 8:30am. Getting into the downtown core from the eastern end of the GTA is a challenge any morning. But yesterday with 90 minutes allowed we were still late. We left at 7am and got there at 9am. I had called in at 8:30 to let them know we were downtown but stuck in traffic. Once we secured parking (our usual lot is closed for renovations) we got up to the clinic at 9:10. I knew the appointment was schedule for an hour and I said to V that I hoped she wasn't going to say she didn't have time and we'd have to reschedule. We were very lucky. She didn't have another appointment until 10am.

Anyone who has had to go through this type of appointment whether it's for donor egg or donor embryo, has had the same discussions. She asked us about ourselves, as about us as a couple, and then moved onto more important questions.

She first asked if we'd talked about what we were doing with anyone. We have done so with select friends and very limited family. She said that if we were successful we'd have to decide if we were going to tell anyone, who and how much. And in terms of any children, we'd have to decide the same. The usual answer is "I'll tell when he/she asks" but how does a child know to ask? V thought telling before puberty made sense, whereas I thought more around 5-6 in a more simplistic version of how they were conceived. She made a really good point. When you have this discussion you want to make it about the child's conception not about trust. So, if you wait until the child is a bit older, when you think they can understand (or even wait until they're in their teens) they could respond with "why didn't you tell me before?" making it a trust issue. So, she's recommended that you start talking about it as early as 3 years old. A toddler will just accept it as that's how all children are conceived and won't know to ask why didn't you tell me before because there is no before.

She asked us how we felt about contact with the donors. We thought we would be agreeable to meeting them if they wanted to meet us. Because any other children the donors have would be full siblings, she also raised the question, what if the child wants to meet them. We said we were fine with that as well. This brought her to the difference between adoption and donor embryo conception. I had explained that for me, I didn't find any difference between using a donor egg vs a donor embryo because my genetics isn't involved either way. I was a little disappointed I'd be giving up the genetic link to V, but I likened it to adoption in that there would be no genetic link to either of us in that regard. She made an important statement, one that I hadn't thought about. For a child, when they are adopted they may want to meet their biological parents to find out why they were given up. Whereas with donor embryo conceived children there are no other parents. They know that they were wanted and that it took great lengths and great expense to have them.

Those are the things that stick with me from yesterday. In spite of our bumpy first meeting over the phone, she turned out to be a very nice person and it was clearly evident why having us come down in person made sense.

Her report isn't required for us to move onto the next stage. If there was any reason why she wouldn't recommend us for the donor embryo program, she would have told us yesterday. So now we move on to viewing and choosing a profile. I suspect it will be a few days before we get anything from the clinic.

Diminutive Redemption

So, we met with the counselor this morning. DW was afraid that I would be going in all pissed off before the meeting even started. I'm a first impression kind of person and our initial encounter would normally have had me tell this lady what she could do with herself and be done with it. Alas, the stakes are much higher so I acquiesced and put on my "good" hat.

As I am a night owl, waking up early and then moving immediately are usually mutually exclusive actions for me. As such, this morning was painful in getting up, getting ready, getting out and then driving for what ended up to be approximately two hours from our home in the east end of the GTA to downtown. Not a recipe for the happy-happy-joy-joy. DW had already called in our being late due to traffic so we were prepared, but hoping to be wrong, on being told we could not meet due to the time. As luck would have it, her next appointment was at ten, not nine-thirty so we were still able to meet.

I'll let DW detail out all the questions but suffice it to say that we understood why the meeting was necessary and why the face to face was preferred. I surmised that the doctor's (who is shorter than DW) initial brashness was due to being flustered with the people who gave her wrong information so that she appeared unprepared when she spoke with us. With that in mind, I closeted the Louisville and did my best to assuage her by expressing clearly that this is something we BOTH wanted, were ready and prepared to experience. I feel confident that we were able to get that across to her effectively and await the next phase in this step of our journey.

As DW told the doctor, I tend to not say a whole lot but when I do, it is typically with purpose. I spoke purposefully today as this is important. I hope that message was delivered clearly.

OK, done talking. Nite.

Latest news

Basically there is no news.

We were scheduled to have a phone consult with one of the clinic's counsellors last week on the 25th. I was told by the Admin making our appointment that this could be a phone consult because the clinic is downtown, I work in the west end, V works north of the city and we live in the east end. So getting both of us downtown to an appointment really isn't that easy to coordinate during the hours the counsellor works.

So we were scheduled for 1pm and we're both ready. I got the call and put her on hold while I switched phones to a more private area and got V on the line and then conferenced everyone in together. We get through the introductions and she starts off asking ages and then "how many children do you have?" So V and answers "one from a previous marriage" and I say "we don't have any together". Well, that was the beginning of the downhill ride. She thought we were the donors, not the recipients and she sounded a bit annoyed by the fact that we weren't and she wasn't prepared for a recipient consult (on the phone). I found her tone accusatory in a way, and somewhat defensive for some reason. She asked why we couldn't come into the office for this appointment. I explained the logistics of where we were and that I was told by the Admin at the clinic that a phone consult was fine. Well, that just wouldn't do and she had no sympathy for our travel logistics.

I understood the need to have us in front of her, to read our body language, facial expressions etc, and because V can be rather quiet during these type of things. I indicated that we'd been through a similar counseling session three or four years ago when we were preparing to use donor eggs (it's actually 5 years ago this month) and asked if we needed to go through it again? She asked where and I indicated it was with the old clinic but that the report had been forwarded to Dr. L and should be in our file. She said that she needed us to come in for an appointment and that she could come in for 8:30am if that worked for us, but she was going to first check with Dr. L. if we needed to go through the process again and look for our previous report. She said someone would call us.

It's not been quite a week yet. So, I figure I'll wait until the latter part of this week and send an email to the DE coordinator and ask her for an update. With the Labour Day weekend approaching, I doubt we'll get any information until after that.

Another post about cake

So, it's been quiet around here as we wait for our counselling session. It was supposed to be last week but we had to reschedule. However, it is tomorrow afternoon. Once we're over that hurdle we should start getting donor profiles and we can move forward.

However, in the meantime I've been making cakes. In fact the next several weeks is a cake extravaganza.

This past weekend was all cake all the time.

I made this cake for my niece for her 19th birthday. It was actually last week, but her family was in town this weekend so we celebrated her birthday with this cake.




Then I took a class with Bronwen Weber yesterday. You may know her from the Food Network Challenges.. Anyway, she was in town for two days giving two classes. I was lucky enough to be able to take her class yesterday where she taught us how to carve a cake and use an airbrush. Here's what we made. And yes, he is ALL cake. :)



Besides those cakes, I also made two dozen cupcakes for my nephew and brother....just because. :)


Upcoming cakes include:

1 - a soccer themed cake for a friend because V lost a bet during the World Cup
2 - possibly a 50th anniversary cake for my Aunt and Uncle
2 - a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's
3 - a 50th birthday cake for myself
4 - a birthday cake for my nephew who will be turning 6

And in amongst all of this I'm starting to think about Christmas cookies and how to promote them for the holidays.

Lots going on to take my mind off the other "stuff".