Anyone that really knows me knows that I can be THE most patient person in the world, even to ridiculous and unnecessary lengths. Those people also know that once my patience runs out... DUCK!
My patience has not run out yet but it is wearing thin. I have the position of worrying on my own and dealing with my wife's concerns as well; it wears you down after a while. Now I know that shite happens sometimes and when manipulating nature, there is no exact science. That said, when you are told certain things and given certain paths to feelings of assurance, it is a bit of a letdown when it all does not go as planned and run as clockwork.
I realize that life is going on for the donor too but that does nothing to minimize our angst in the process as we wait to get to the step we have been waiting to get to for years. There is nothing left to hold us up financially, emotionally, spiritually or even physically. The oven is hot and ready for the bread to be baked. It just seems a little unfair and cruel that the yeast has yet to show up. :) I know it is not a deliberate act or change of heart or anything like that but it is still very frustrating.
On the weekend, we were over by Pam's aunt for a gathering of to celebrate Sukkot. One of the guests had recently adopted a child at birth, a cute little boy, who was now nine months old. Pam did not say a word about it but I know my wife. We just want our turn to show off our child at the next gathering. We want to give all those who pledged free babysitting services the opportunity to fulfill those pledges. We just want that little bundle of joy to nurture into a fine, productive (and powerful) adult who will help (and rule) the world.
Is that so much to ask? Anyhow, we continue to wait and I continue to be patient.
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As I told V., maybe because this was family, I didn't think "what about me" when I saw them with the baby. What I thought was, how lucky they were to have been able to adopt an infant, at birth, domestically. She got to cut the cord! I guess having a fellow "infertile" in my midst, changes things. Maybe because I know that our turn is coming. I'm more frustrated that the agency hasn't answered my emails about the donor's status. I should get an update tomorrow though when I go into the clinic.
Don't worry dear. On a moment's notice, I am ready to go completely Trini on their candy-asses!
I find the seemingly endless waiting and the uncertain result scrape at the edges of my mind like sandpaper.
V, I am so glad you post too. I love reading both of your posts. The waiting, I've done it a lot, can be agony! Then, when it is time to get the cycle underway, it's a crazy hurry up and wait game. Mental torture. I am wishing you peace and comfort during this crazy time!!
Niobe - my mind is usually okay with it all as it is occupied with other things as well. However, as the prepared for time arrives, my mind shifts direct focus and now it's not a happy camper.
Daisy, thank you, I am glad you enjoy the ramblings of two nutbars like ourselves. I think we got spoiled when we moved to this clinic and it was like an F-15 in afterburn. Now it feels like we are in a LeCar, going uphill in the winter time.
Ah well, we continue to wait. Patiently. :)
I am right there with you! May things easily fall in to place soon.
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