Stuff

There's really nothing to update you all with as I am just waiting for Saturday to arrive so I can go in for my CD15 check as he requested.

I can't believe it's already August 21st. The summer is nearly over. TC starts school in 2 weeks. Her Sweet 16 party is in 3 weeks. Lots going on. I've been reading blogs daily. In fact, I checked my Bloglines and I have 99 feeds listed!!! And I believe that 90% of them are actively updating on a semi-regular basis. That's a lot of blogs. But importantly, that's a lot of infertility. These blogs range from people (men and women) who have only been trying a short time, to those who are veterans and have had multiple IVFs. There are adoption blogs in the list. There are a number of Donor Egg blogs. And there are a number of blogs of those who have come out the other side of IF with a healthy baby or babies. I read them all with a variety of emotion. I am thrilled and joyful when someone gets a positive pregnancy test and even more thrilled when they are able to carry that pregnancy through to a live baby. I read all of my feeds because I feel I have a vested interest in what happens. In all cases I've read each blog since it's inception, going back through the archives to follow their journeys on how they have gotten where they are today. I find with the DE blogs, that I'm able to relate more readily to what they are experiencing as it is similar to myself. We may not have arrived at the idea of using donor eggs by the same path but we all have the same emotions when it comes to how it feels.

Many couples who make the decision to use donor eggs usually are doing so because of the age of the woman, or poor response to stims with their own eggs, or in some cases because of previous illness which prevents them from conceiving naturally. As you know, we made the choice because, well, I am old at (now) 46. When we began this journey, I was old by reproductive standards anyway. So, to make the choice, for me, was a no brainer. I wanted to have a child with V.

So, where am I going with this? Lately there have been a number of posts by people who are mourning the loss of the genetic connection to their future child. I understand that loss. And, yes, I too wish that I would be able to look into the face of our children and see my father's nose (poor child), or my mother's eyes, or any other genetic link that I carry from my parents and with my siblings. But I accepted long ago, that this just wasn't going to happen. I know that once I hold that child it won't matter because he/she will be my child. V. and I also feel (as warped as some may think) that since I am carrying the child for 9 months, that some essence of me is transferred to that child, even if it's not my DNA. :)

V. will say "why haven't you ever said anything about this?". But, you know, I'm fine with it. Why lament what I cannot change. I've used this quote of V. before, and I think it applies here too. "I may not where I wanted to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be". This is what we've been working towards for the last 4-5 years. This is how we are supposed to build our family. :) I've embraced it all and am anxiously looking forward to cycling next month. :)

Peace