And so it begins for a final time

We are at the commencement of our final DE FET cycle.
I was at the clinic yesterday for what they called a follow up appointment, even though it's not really.  They booked me that way rather than as a new patient, even though I probably still had the same blood work done.

So I arrived for my noon appointment, on time.  Went through about 10-15 minutes while they tried to figure out where my chart would be since I was last there June 2010.  Yep, three years almost exactly.  In the end they found it down in their archive department.

So, as usual, I took up my seat in the waiting room because I needed to see him first.  However, nothing has changed in the three years.  Did I really expect it to?  Nope.  Anyway, as before, at that time, he's basically finished seeing his daily monitoring patients, with just a few still lingering. So he is back and forth between the OR and the offices as he performs retrievals and transfers, seeing patients in between.

I had arrived with a full bladder as requested.  About 12:30, I knew it would be a wait so I went to "pee a little".  At 1:30pm I went to ask how much longer because at this point. the bladder is full again.  They were going to call over to the OR to see how long.  I went and "peed a little" again although this time it was a little more than before.  Ah, sweet relief.  Do you know how hard it is to stop peeing when you need to go?    He finally saw me at 1:45pm.  This is why I didn't bring V to this appointment.  It really wasn't necessary.  I knew the drill.  And besides, he works nights, so he was supposed to be sleeping.

Anyway, in sitting down with him, I brought him up to speed as to why it took us so long to get back to do this cycle.  As you all know it's been predominantly funds.  We're finally at the point where we have the money to do the cycle.  There isn't any overage really.    He says the three donor embryos are good.  We shouldn't be concerned that they've been frozen since 2002.  The donor couple had four frozen but in 2006 they thawed one.  So I extrapolated and figure they were successful twice with this batch.  The were probably successful with their initial retrieval, or possibly a FET.  Then they thaw one and don't need the other three.....so, I figure two kids from this bunch of embryos.  We should have a decent chance of success.  He didn't say otherwise.  So, he goes through everything, asks where I am in my cycle (CD2) and then says, do you want to start now.  So I said sure, why not.  I supposed one more month wouldn't have killed me considering we're moving  in 3 weeks, and transfer would be around the 23/24th.  He mentioned we're going to do the usual 4mg of estrace three times a day, 5mg progesterone twice a day, and an 81mg baby aspirin once a day.  I've been taking 5mg folic acid, the baby aspirin, 100mg of B6 and 1000mcg of B12 every day for the last three years, so I'm already on the baby aspirin.   He'll also add in the 2500iu of Fragmin starting the day of transfer.  Plus he wants to add in Intralipid 20%.  More on that in a bit.  He wanted me to go for full blood work, full ultrasound, see a nurse, then him again, and also wanted me to get an ECG done.

So, I hit the vampire lounge.  She used a butterfly needle (they don't usually) and I didn't feel a thing. Seriously, not even the pin prick.  She then proceeded to fill about 16 vials.   Then, back to my seat in the waiting room.

On to the ultrasound. At this point I'm feeling comfortable.  I can tell the bladder should be okay even if she were to do it now.   About 10 minutes later I think, she called me back and did the ultrasound.  Mid point I was able to completely empty my bladder.  She even said dry dry. She didn't want anything in it. LOL.  I did my best.    Then it was back to the waiting room.

I've lost track of timing at this point but it's probably close to 2:45 or 3pm.  The DE nurse called me back.  I gave her the sad story of why we had taken three years to get back into the clinic.  She was sympathetic to the delay and understanding about the finances as I explained we now had the funds for the cycle.  She then goes over what the RE had said in regards to the meds.  She also gets me "compassionate" meds - a new bottle of the Estrace which will keep me going for just over 2 weeks and 7 syringes of the Fragmin as well.  I'll just get prescriptions for them later as they're covered on our plans thankfully.

So I am due back in on the 16th for cycle monitoring and will probably transfer all three embryos on May 23rd. When he asked how many we were transferring I said all of them. He said "are you prepared for twins?" I answered with a yes. And when we were out at the reception desk as he got the different requisitions, he mentioned selective reduction. I said we'd face that if we had the opportunity. So, I just want to get to transfer at this stage.


She then gets into explaining this Intralipid 20%.  Apparently there have been studies that how shown that it it makes the uterus more hospitable to the embryo aiding in implantation  The implanting embryo is being fought by the body's immune system, and this reduces that possibility. It is being used for those who have had repeat failures  but my RE mentioned it in terms of my age as well.  Another helpful article is this one.  She explains that it's administered intravenously and can take 2-3 hours.  So I would go in for cycle monitoring then held over to the OR suite where the procedures are done and have them hook me up.  So then she drops the bomb that I didn't even think of when the RE mentioned it.  The cost.  It's $300 per application.  The first one would be next week, May 16th which is the 10th day of the cycle.  And then, if pregnancy is achieved, it's every two weeks until 12 weeks.  So that means 5 additional applications depending on when they start.  That's an additional $1500 which was not budgeted.  So now the cost of this cycle has almost doubled.  And the kicker is that even though this has a DIN number, it's not covered under either of our plans and V has a really good plan.  So that's an out of pocket expense.  And it has to be paid for before they give it to you.

So now I'm back to we don't have the all money we need.  I know it's not something I have to do.  But the studies seem to indicate it's a good thing, and he's recommending it.  I don't think he suggests these things just for the hell of it.  I've also been reading on line on different forums that people have used it and been successful when previous IVF cycles haven't worked.

I know V.  He's looking at the overall cost, and I don't blame him.  We've budgeted for the cost of the cycle and the PIO (sort of) which is reimbursable.  So, what do I do?  I don't have money coming out of my butt nor do I have a money tree growing in the backyard (I wish).  On top of all of this we're moving in 3 weeks and may end up at my Mom's for a month while we fine a place.  We still haven't got anything to move into.  So we've got moving costs, storage expenses.  Do I contact the business office and see if they'll let me work out a payment plan of some sort?  If the expense had been reimbursable, I could have probably made some sort of payment plan knowing that the $300 was coming back to be applied to the next application. 


Sigh.....why does something always happen to us just when things seem to be going our way???

It's been almost three months

since I last posted. It could be because there hasn't really not much going on here.  However, I've been meaning to put up some pictures and fill you in on some things, so I'll just go with bullet points.  Probably easier to list things that way.

• We had a great visit with Gil, hubby and Petite last month.  It was so great to be able to hang out for a weekend rather than our usual 2 hour brunch when we're in their neck of the woods.
• DH is working a hellish schedule right now but it's lots of overtime.  Although I don't see him much because he's working nights the OT will be helpful in our need for first and last for our upcoming move.  We've seen a number of things but nothing has been perfect.  We saw a place this week that would have been okay, but the appliances weren't full size.  I could have lived with them, but really, why puts a super small fridge in an apartment and a smaller than full size stove?  We're still looking, but confident we'll find something soon . We have to be out by the end of May and there is lots of stuff out there.
• I got in touch with the clinic this week to make sure there weren't any surprises.  Our savings schedule had us on track for May which is about 4 weeks.  However when I heard back from the nurse, although everything is in place (we have three embryos with our names on them) the price has gone up again, only $250, but still, that's an extra two weeks.  So, it looks like it could be June.  I'm trying to be as  optimistic as possible for this cycle.
• They've also requested that since it's been a few years since I was a a patient, they want a new referral from my family doctor (I've never really understood that request) and I need to go in to meet with the RE before we cycle.  I'm assuming it's more to go over everything and run initial bloodwork in case he wants additional testing.  So, I've spoken to my family doctor's secretary and she's getting the referral taken care of and I'm booked in for what they're calling a follow up appointment with the RE on May 6th.  I just happens that this appointment is going to fall right around my next CD2.  So who knows, if the funds are in place, we might be able to start right then.  Not holding my breath.  We've had so many things get in the way....
• So since we last met, I've been busy baking.  I've finally mastered the art of the cake ball.  I've always had this aversion to them because of the texture. However, I had cake and icing left over after making my brother's birthday cake (more on that in a minute) so I gave it a whirl. They were a chocolate cake with a bit of a chocolate swiss meringue butter cream, dipped into either white chocolate or dark chocolate.

• February is a busy month for birthdays in my family.  However, the only person who had a significant birthday was my younger brother.  He didn't want a party (he was hanging with his friends the night before) and just wanted a family dinner at my Mum's for my mother, me, DH and himself.  My mother had asked me to make a cake for him.  We've always had a family birthday cake since we were all small,  what we've always referred to as "cc and ic" which is chocolate cake and ice cream.  She expected a standard 8" round cake for him, as did him.  I did use the family recipe but changed up the icing to my SMBC.  But for two years I've had a cake in mind for him with the expectation that he would be having a party, so a larger cake than your standard 8" round.  I decided to screw that and make what I always was intending to make.  My brother has played the violin since he was 9 years old.  He's very good.  So now, in his free time he has a trio that plays clubs, bars, weddings etc.  So, I made him a life size violin.   I have to say that at that time this was my most challenging to date but I'm extremely proud of the way it turned out.  And he loved it!  My mother was astounded.



• Whenever I go in for a hair cut, my hairdresser's assistant always asks to see the latest cakes.  When I went in a month ago, the latest cake was the violin.  My hairdresser, who never gets overly awed by any of the cakes, reacted completely differently.  He was astounded and very impressed, so much so that he took my phone and went and showed someone else.  He then sat down and told me he wanted to discuss business (very seriously and all) and asked how much for a guitar cake.  His oldest son was turning 30 (which was a milestone and celebration because he has an illness and wasn't expected to live past 11) and he played the guitar.  He was looking for an actual size guitar.  This order was more challenging in that the violin because it was much bigger.  The board it's sitting on is 24"x48".  It was definitely my most challenging cake so far.  It wasn't perfect, but everyone was very impressed.  And it tasted good too!

• Finally, V and I will be married 10 years  in 2014. I can't believe how fast the time has passed, and we've been TTC for most of that time.  Anyway, two couples we are friends with will be married 15 years and 20 years in 2014.  For the last 5 years we've talked about going on a trip together to celebrate our anniversaries.  It was supposed to be a 5-10-15 trip, but it's going to be the 10-15-20 trip.  And it's happening for sure.  We've gotten together to start planning budget, destination(s) and timing.  It looks like August 2014.  We're not sure yet, but we wanted it to be somewhere none of us has ever been, and we wanted it to be a unique.  This is going to be fun!

Anyway, that's all there is for now.  I'm putting cakes on hold until after the move.  It's possible that I'll have to limit what I do due to space limitations.  I'll keep baking, but guitar's may not be on the list. LOL.

I'm still here....

I'm not sure if anyone else is though. LOL.

Apparently I last posted in September. That's pretty sad. But then again, there hasn't been a whole lot going on.

V and I still have to move, that hasn't changed, but we're seriously considering a huge downsize. It's time we took control of our living situation, and not gave that control to someone else. So we're considering moving into a 2 bedroom (maybe 3 depending on price) apartment and purging everything we don't require. We are currently in a large 4 bedroom house and have tons of stuff. So, we are planning on liquidating everything we don't need. For those of you who know us IRL, that's huge. Our plan is to give ourselves 1-2 years in this new place with the expectation that at the end of that period we will have cleaned up our finances AND saved enough for a downpayment. I think it's do-able.

V and I had the above conversation in the car on our way back from a weekend visit to my BIL/SIL in our nation's capital. Ad we were lucky enough to meet up with Gil, her DH and Petite. Three hours sitting around a table is just not long enough. But, we've got a weekend tentatively booked for them to come hang out with us. Woohoo!!!

During that converstion, I posed the question to V. "what if our final cycle is successful" in regards to space in this new place. There was silence to which I added "or don't you want to do this anymore". I knew I had put him on the spot, and when he said "I didn't want to have this conversation in the car", I knew my answer. We had a frank conversation as we drove. He explained how he felt and why, and that he didn't want me to have to go through this anymore. We had tried so many times. I explained to him that with the failed cycle 3 years ago, we never got the chance to do the last attempt, and with that cycle we were doing a number of things differently in the hopes it was the one. I told him that I needed to do this final cycle, that I had to do it. It would be the only way I would be able to close the book on this chapter of our lives, regardless of the outcome. I also told him that we almost had all of the funds we needed through my saving each month and that given our current saving scheme, I figured about 10 weeks would be it. He was worried that if the cycle fails that he will have a partner who will always be sad and unhappy. I assured him that this wasn't the case. Yes I would be sad, but I wouldn't let it affect us or our relationship, and that time would heal everything. So, given our conversation we are back on track and hoping to accelerate the saving plan to get to our goal before the end of March.

So, to close out, I figured I'd give you some photos of some of the projects I had in the November and December.

These were some of the cookies I did in November for my cousin's daughter's wedding.

These next two pics are of chocolate covered strawberries also done for the wedding, made to look like tuxedos and wedding gowns. I did some in milk and some in dark chocolate.

The Jack Skellington cookies were done as a surprise for the daughter of a my "sister from another mister". She is a huge fan of the movie franchise and I knew she would get a kick out of them.

Finally, this was the 4th birthday cake for her little brother

Happy Birthday to me.

Yep, today is my birthday. It's really nothing special. V and I have on plans, perhaps grab sushi for dinner. I'm not even making myself a cake. :) I've had enough cake lately due to some family gatherings to last me a while. And since we have a wedding in 6 weeks, I'm trying to be good. I've still got my goal to lose 10-20lbs by the time we're finally able to cycle. I'm hoping that might happen in 6 months. I feel like I keep pushing the date back. Sigh. It's always something. The lastest wrench we got thrown at us was by our landlord who came to tell us personally that she will be selling the house. Not immediately, thankfully. She's given us as much time as we need, but likely March or April next year. So add that the the pile of financial requirements we have. I really feel that sometimes we're being told to give up this idea of a child, and move on to something else. Except I can't. I know that I'm in a minority (at least in our cirlces) where at 52 I could be having our first (and only) child.

I hope my birthday wish comes true.

Edited to add:

Oh, and today is Yom Kippur, the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar. As most of you may recall, although Jewish, I'm not observant, so I'm not fasting and I don't go to services. This is the third time it's fallen on this day. It happens every 19 years, so on previous occurences, I got to celebrate by fasting. We usually ended up having the birthday dinner another night.