Sunday, June 13, 2010
Happy Anniversary DH!
Today we celebrate six years. Six years of wedding bliss. Yes, we've had our challenges but we've weathered them together and come out stronger. You have always been there to pick me up when I fall. You are my biggest champion and supporter. You make me laugh. You finish my sentences and you steal my thoughts. You push me to be stronger and try new things. You are my best friend. You are my soul mate. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, or ham and eggs. You complete me. I look forward to many more years together. I love you.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Please sir, I want some more?
The answer to that question would be a resounding no.
Right now I’m feeling somewhat defeated, as I told a friend. I don’t talk about much beyond cakes and our final upcoming FET here. I feel like I’m betraying V if I bitch about finances or other stuff that may be of a more personal nature. It’s like the old adage “don’t air your dirty laundry”, so I don’t. But I have to vent, and I’ve already checked with V that he’s okay with this.
Things have been rather tight for us over the last few years financially but we’ve managed, and in that time been lucky enough to do some things we’ve wanted to do including the IVF cycles. Our last FET was in September/08. We had enough stuff coming up in the next 6 months that it seemed prudent to take a break, then there were doctors appointments in an effort to see if we had missed anything, and finally we felt we’d done all we could and the only thing left was to go for it and do the FET. Except that fate had it that financially we weren’t able to do so at the beginning of the year. V knew I really didn’t want to delay too long and we were advised that we should try and do the cycle as soon as possible because of my “advanced” age. :)
For those of you who have been reading along, we thought at the beginning of the year we’d be able to go ahead for March. That got postponed due to finances until April/May. Then we had it all worked out. V works for the public sector and he would be getting a bonus as he has in the past, and we’d be able to go ahead with the cycle in June. Any other expenses, including vehicle license renewals (V’s birthday is this weekend), were covered and I was good with that. We didn’t seem too far off our planned schedule. But oh, how wrong we were. Some unexpected expenses came up and then his employer decided to interpret a new government ruling that was to be effective May 1st how it best suited them, and back dated it, screwing every employee who was eligible for these bonuses. That meant that the bonus he would be getting would be substantially lower than the one that was expected. This now means that no FET in June. And we don’t even know if we can do the FET in July.
To say I am unhappy would probably be an understatement. I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m frustrated, and I have no idea how/if we’re going to be able to do this. I know that V feels the same way. His anger is palpable about how he feels betrayed by the organization he works for. So now, we have to crunch the numbers and see if we can do this in July. I look at the calendar and my birthday is September. It’s a significant birthday. I never thought that I might be 50 and still trying to have our first child. I had hoped (as I have every year for the last 5 years) that I would be pregnant on my birthday. Now, I don’t know. I will now be at the end of the IVF spectrum at 50. This is truly our last chance. I never imagined that I would have to face the real possibility us not being successful.
So, maybe someone will smile down on us and we’ll strike it rich in the lottery. :) We all know that’s impossible. I’d raise the funds somehow if I could figure out a good way. If I could I’d be making and selling cakes out of the back of my van, but that’s not realistic either. I think I would have to get orders for something like 500 cupcakes….I can’t even imagine. LOL.
Anyway….that’s where we are. Not exactly where we wanted to be midway through May.
Right now I’m feeling somewhat defeated, as I told a friend. I don’t talk about much beyond cakes and our final upcoming FET here. I feel like I’m betraying V if I bitch about finances or other stuff that may be of a more personal nature. It’s like the old adage “don’t air your dirty laundry”, so I don’t. But I have to vent, and I’ve already checked with V that he’s okay with this.
Things have been rather tight for us over the last few years financially but we’ve managed, and in that time been lucky enough to do some things we’ve wanted to do including the IVF cycles. Our last FET was in September/08. We had enough stuff coming up in the next 6 months that it seemed prudent to take a break, then there were doctors appointments in an effort to see if we had missed anything, and finally we felt we’d done all we could and the only thing left was to go for it and do the FET. Except that fate had it that financially we weren’t able to do so at the beginning of the year. V knew I really didn’t want to delay too long and we were advised that we should try and do the cycle as soon as possible because of my “advanced” age. :)
For those of you who have been reading along, we thought at the beginning of the year we’d be able to go ahead for March. That got postponed due to finances until April/May. Then we had it all worked out. V works for the public sector and he would be getting a bonus as he has in the past, and we’d be able to go ahead with the cycle in June. Any other expenses, including vehicle license renewals (V’s birthday is this weekend), were covered and I was good with that. We didn’t seem too far off our planned schedule. But oh, how wrong we were. Some unexpected expenses came up and then his employer decided to interpret a new government ruling that was to be effective May 1st how it best suited them, and back dated it, screwing every employee who was eligible for these bonuses. That meant that the bonus he would be getting would be substantially lower than the one that was expected. This now means that no FET in June. And we don’t even know if we can do the FET in July.
To say I am unhappy would probably be an understatement. I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m frustrated, and I have no idea how/if we’re going to be able to do this. I know that V feels the same way. His anger is palpable about how he feels betrayed by the organization he works for. So now, we have to crunch the numbers and see if we can do this in July. I look at the calendar and my birthday is September. It’s a significant birthday. I never thought that I might be 50 and still trying to have our first child. I had hoped (as I have every year for the last 5 years) that I would be pregnant on my birthday. Now, I don’t know. I will now be at the end of the IVF spectrum at 50. This is truly our last chance. I never imagined that I would have to face the real possibility us not being successful.
So, maybe someone will smile down on us and we’ll strike it rich in the lottery. :) We all know that’s impossible. I’d raise the funds somehow if I could figure out a good way. If I could I’d be making and selling cakes out of the back of my van, but that’s not realistic either. I think I would have to get orders for something like 500 cupcakes….I can’t even imagine. LOL.
Anyway….that’s where we are. Not exactly where we wanted to be midway through May.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Still here
Apparently I have not improved as a blogger...yet again, 3+ weeks have passed without even a hello or anything..and I let my 4 year blogaversary go by...ah well.
In any event, nothing to report, except that my *%*&% period decided to show up three days early! Three days!! Who knows when it will decide to show up in May or even June for that matter. Based on the current date and my 27-28 day cycle, we're still on track for a June FET, basically mid June. That works for both of us.
I've been doing some research to see if I could find anything to corroborate the lovely Amanda's suggestion to start the fragmin earlier in my cycle, rather than waiting for the day of transfer as my RE does, and when to actually begin taking it. And I found something!!
I had found this blog one day, which is written by an RE in California. I don't recall how I came across it, maybe it was on Mel's LFCA but in any case, it was a good find. And it was obvious that somehow he was being asked questions and he was posting the questions and his answers on his blog. But it didn't appear that the questions were being posted as comments to the blog, nor did they appear to be posted to his face.book account. I started googled for a bit and finally found that he is one of the REs who answers questions in the Inferti.lity section of this website. I posted my lengthy question outlining my IF history, and subsequently a follow up and both my questions and his answers can be found here.
The fact that he starts heparin/lovenox (same as fragmin) at the start of the cycle with the baby aspirin and prednisone makes me feel good. I was going to do it anyway, but now I may actually tell my RE that I'm going to. ;) After all, this is our last chance and I'm going to try and throw the book at it all.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. We're about 7 weeks away from the beginning of our FET. Hopefully the planets will align and all will be good for us. :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
In any event, nothing to report, except that my *%*&% period decided to show up three days early! Three days!! Who knows when it will decide to show up in May or even June for that matter. Based on the current date and my 27-28 day cycle, we're still on track for a June FET, basically mid June. That works for both of us.
I've been doing some research to see if I could find anything to corroborate the lovely Amanda's suggestion to start the fragmin earlier in my cycle, rather than waiting for the day of transfer as my RE does, and when to actually begin taking it. And I found something!!
I had found this blog one day, which is written by an RE in California. I don't recall how I came across it, maybe it was on Mel's LFCA but in any case, it was a good find. And it was obvious that somehow he was being asked questions and he was posting the questions and his answers on his blog. But it didn't appear that the questions were being posted as comments to the blog, nor did they appear to be posted to his face.book account. I started googled for a bit and finally found that he is one of the REs who answers questions in the Inferti.lity section of this website. I posted my lengthy question outlining my IF history, and subsequently a follow up and both my questions and his answers can be found here.
The fact that he starts heparin/lovenox (same as fragmin) at the start of the cycle with the baby aspirin and prednisone makes me feel good. I was going to do it anyway, but now I may actually tell my RE that I'm going to. ;) After all, this is our last chance and I'm going to try and throw the book at it all.
Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. We're about 7 weeks away from the beginning of our FET. Hopefully the planets will align and all will be good for us. :)
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
I'm a bad blogger
Three weeks have gone by. But really, there's nothing going on to blog about. Nothing on the IF front. It looks like we're going to have to delay until June. I've spoken to V and told him that I really don't want to delay past that so we're working towards the FET for June. I'm really hoping that since my cycle will be right at the end of May that we're looking at a June 11th transfer date..at least that's how the dates are working out now, and makes transfer on Friday so I have the weekend to chill. I really, really don't want to wait for my June cycle because that makes it a July (9th) transfer date. Anyway, we'll just have to hope and pray it all works out. It's always in the back of my mind that I'm not getting any younger and we're getting closer and closer to my birthday in September, and this is my last chance to really get what I want. Fingers are always crossed.
Meanwhile, I've been taking the prenatal vitamins my OB gave me, as well as the baby aspirin every day. She gave me enough for 9 weeks. I'll save 2 weeks worth for the 2ww after transfer and switch back to the multivitamin, 5mg folic acid, the B6 and B12 vitamins, plus the baby aspirin prior to transfer. And, after talking to Amanda several weeks ago, I will probably add in a fragmin injection during the 10-12 days leading up to transfer. Not sure I'll tell the RE though. ;) He'd be having me take the fragmin from the day of transfer anyway, and who knows...maybe the extra will help. He'll also have me taking estrace and prednisone during that time as well.
See, nothing new...nothing going on on the cake decorating side of things either. I have some cakes and fillings to test to see what works etc. I am booked to do a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's in September. Finally have finalized a design for that, so now just need to determine what she wants for cake and filling. She says "it doesn't matter" but I know it does.
Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you all had a good Easter or a good Passover, depending on what you celebrate. Spring is here, so I hope everyone enjoys the warmer weather as the days go by.
Meanwhile, I've been taking the prenatal vitamins my OB gave me, as well as the baby aspirin every day. She gave me enough for 9 weeks. I'll save 2 weeks worth for the 2ww after transfer and switch back to the multivitamin, 5mg folic acid, the B6 and B12 vitamins, plus the baby aspirin prior to transfer. And, after talking to Amanda several weeks ago, I will probably add in a fragmin injection during the 10-12 days leading up to transfer. Not sure I'll tell the RE though. ;) He'd be having me take the fragmin from the day of transfer anyway, and who knows...maybe the extra will help. He'll also have me taking estrace and prednisone during that time as well.
See, nothing new...nothing going on on the cake decorating side of things either. I have some cakes and fillings to test to see what works etc. I am booked to do a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's in September. Finally have finalized a design for that, so now just need to determine what she wants for cake and filling. She says "it doesn't matter" but I know it does.
Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you all had a good Easter or a good Passover, depending on what you celebrate. Spring is here, so I hope everyone enjoys the warmer weather as the days go by.
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