Ok, so don't tell the wife, but...

I've been thinking a lot these days; more of an off and on passing set of thoughts of a random nature on various topics. However, after this weekend, a few thoughts are no longer random and I think it is because when you come face to face with something, it moves it from your sub-conscience to your conscience.

Our daughter is away at camp for a couple of weeks in Huntsville. We surprised her on the weekend by going up for Visitor's Day when we told her that we would not be as it was too hard to go up there three consecutive weekends in a row. Needless to say, she was super excited when we showed up (even after being so down when Patti tricked her by saying she didn't think we were coming). I think her reaction meant more to me than she will ever know. All a parent ever wants is to know they are loved, wanted, needed and appreciated by their child(ren). And though we have had some doozy moments in the very recent past, we still see that little girl in her that wants and appreciates her mother and father being there for her.

We saw lots of examples of that theme echoed throughout the camp as parents and kids were reunited for a few hours of a wet Sunday afternoon. Younger kids and older teenagers held court as parents invaded their turf and shared a little in what they get to experience 24-7 for varying lengths of time during the summer. One particular group though showed this even more than the others; this was the special needs children.

There was one girl, whose condition we do not know and did not recognize, that was incredibly energetic and extremely strong. This was evident by the effort exerted by her father as he tried his best to keep her from running off and either hurting someone or hurting herself even more (there was a large bruise/cut on her left leg from an obvious earlier mishap). While being able to communicate in some way, she was unable to speak, had a short attention span and moved in rapid, but jerky movements that was determined but not flailing. There were a few kids that have Down's Syndrome and a few others we were introduced to that did not have any appearances that pointed out differences, but the way the staff spoke with them indicated that they were special needs. We had a student join my class in high school that was in a wheelchair due to cerebral palsy so I am not unfamiliar with the challenges a special need imposes on the person's life and those around them. However, seeing that father struggling with holding his young daughter back (she may be about 15) hit me visually, emotionally and spiritually. It took everything to hold back tears. Naturally, I lied to my wife when she asked if anything was wrong. Actually, I take that back because nothing was wrong. What it was can only be explained as "real".

We are an older couple, using a scientific and medical procedure to create the greatest miracle there is. Even at its most natural and most pure, anything can happen. Introduce new factors into the mix and you have the potential of issues escalate exponentially. Now, I am not being a negative ninny or looking only at everything that could happen. I am simply facing the reality that was put before me and wondering what we would do. Naturally we want the best possible outcome and we will keep focussed and optimistic for that result. For the first time, I do not want to be the realist in this process because it means dealing with an area I don't want to deal with. I will have the strength should that time come. I just hope it never does.

To all those parents with special needs children, I admire and salute you for your dedication and strength. Your child may never be able to properly express their gratitude to you but I believe they understand and appreciate all you do for them. I saw that yesterday and I understand that today. I pray for the strength tomorrow and I hope that I won't need it.

Peace.

Lazy Saturday

Today was one of the first weekends in a while where V. and I could actually sleep in. TC is up at camp for two weeks so it's been quiet around here. I was able to relax until about 10am which for me is late. :) After we got ourselves organized and such, we hooked up with E and BB and headed down to the Tas.te of the Dan.forth which is an annual street food festival here in Toronto. The weather was perfect. Hot and sunny. We stopped in at our favourite Cuban restaurant for some Mojitos and then made our way to one of our favourite greek restaurants for some calamari and lamb souvlaki. After this, although all of us were quite full, we made our way slowly back to the car and then headed out along the Dan.forth to the Ice Cr.eam Fact.ory for, of course, some ice cream. Huge scoops for $2.50. Can't beat that!!

(Warning, TMI coming up now for all you male/squeamish readers. Skip the next paragraph.)

Anyway, so, I think CD1 is here. It's hard to tell to be honest. It's been probably 15 years since I've been on the pill. So, when I took the last pill on Monday I wasn't sure how many days would pass before my cycle would start. Being the geek that I am, I went and googled for the info and confirmed what I thought, that it would be 2-3 days after I took the last pill. That would make it Wednesday or Thursday. Well, I actually started spotting on Friday. Usually my cycle starts like that, but by the evening I've essentially got a reasonable, red flow. And by the next day, it's very definitely CD1. However, this morning, there wasn't much of a flow, and it was this brown sludge (I warned you guys) The only reason I really need to know which day is CD1 is because I've got to start the birth control pills again on CD2. I was figuring that today actually is CD1 even though I don't have a regular heavy flow as normal but I consulted with BB today and she concurred. She said that it's because I was on the pill and this is how it would until I was completely off it. So, based on her expert opinion, I'm considering today CD1 and I'm going to start the pill tomorrow.


**UPDATE: It's confirmed. Today is CD1. :)

(End of TMI session.)


So, since I'm starting the pill tomorrow, that means I'm due back at the clinic on August 25th which is CD15. I'm not sure what's going to happen then, but hopefully we'll have a much better idea of where the donor is in her cycle and if she's started her protocol. I'm not really sure how he says we're still on track for late August/early September but maybe he's considering that as when we can start the protocol? Based on Daisy's calendar I don't see how we can be going to retrieval or transfer that early. My guess is that we're likely to be going to retrieval/transfer later in September which would make it right around my birthday. As V. has always known, if you were to ask me what I want for my birthday there would be only one answer. This is the first year that I might actually get what I want. :) Fingers are crossed we're on schedule for transfer in early September.

That's it for now.

Life goes on

without any real change.

Well, I guess that's not entirely true. Today V. and I went to the clinic. I'd been told to come back when I was on day 20 of taking the pill. Being a holiday here in Ontario, it seems that everyone not only showed up late to the clinic but with their husbands in tow. V. and I had every intention of getting in early, but we didn't get there until just before 10 thanks to a flat tire on my car. It was packed in their very large waiting room so we sat down to wait. I was able to get my blood draw done right away, but the sign up list for the ultrasound and to see the doctor was quite long. So we settled in for a long wait. V. had brought my video iPod and caught up a three old Grey's Anatomy shows we had missed during the season while I continued with my book (and finished it while there). I don't know how long it took, but at least an hour passed before I finally had to go empty my over full bladder. Of course, as I came out to go sit back down, they called me. However, the empty (or near empty) bladder didn't pose any problem. After the u/s I went back out the waiting room and continued to read and doze off. Periodically I would check the board to see where I was and how many were ahead of us. Finally, at about 12:40 we got called. Yeah!!! However, we had another 15 minute wait while the doctor saw two people ahead of us. I think we were his last patients of the day for the monitoring and we say him at 1:05pm!!! Before you say anything about being kept waiting, we know. He's notorious for taking his time with his patients which is why you try to get in early when you're doing the monitoring as it's first come first serve.

Anyway, while we were waiting to see him at the end I got an email from the agency that said "Just wanted to let you know that we are hoping for a late September/early October retrieval and transfer time with your donor. We are needing to make sure her cycles are regulated before starting medical protocol which should be happening soon." Of course, I read this and get ticked off because it looks like we're going to be pushed a month. It's not that a month is a long time, it's just that I want to go. now. :) Anyway, V. says to email back and ask why the delay and when is the donor's cycle due to start. I told him lets wait and see what the doctor says because he's really the one who's driving this process.

So, we get in to see him. He looks at the chart and then he posed a question that V. and I can't recall right now. But it basically allowed me to let him know what we had just found out that morning regarding the delay. He was surprised and went off to check with the donor coordinator at the clinic. He came back a few minutes later and said that we were still on track for late August/early September!!! Woohoo!!!! So, I've stopped the birth control pill as of today and am waiting for CD1. I guess it should show up Wednesday or Thursday??? I'm to start the pill again on CD2 and take it for 14 days and then go back in to see him on CD15. He said we'll know better then what's going on with the donor.

So I'm still confident that we're on track with our original plan. I'll know better in two weeks.

That's all I got. Hope everyone had a great weekend and has a good week.

Finally got an update

I finally heard from the agency regarding the status of the donor's blood work. I'd emailed late Friday evening and emailed again this morning to get an update.

Apparently she's done her bloodwork and it's at my clinic for analysis. She said they are now just waiting for the donor's CD1, which she says is unknown, to begin her protocol. I'm not exactly sure what her protocol is but I will ask when V. and I go into the clinic on Monday as that's the day I'm due in. I think I might have another month on the pill in order to wait for the donor's CD1 and synch with her. I'll need to get some information from the clinic to find out the next steps. Hopefully I can get some dates from them.

I'm staying optimistic that we're still on track for the end of August beginning of September but I don't know when her CD1 is expected. Hopefully it's not too far off.

For those of you who have already embarked on your DE cycles, any idea what the donor's protocol is in terms of when her CD1 starts?