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Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Stuff

There's really nothing to update you all with as I am just waiting for Saturday to arrive so I can go in for my CD15 check as he requested.

I can't believe it's already August 21st. The summer is nearly over. TC starts school in 2 weeks. Her Sweet 16 party is in 3 weeks. Lots going on. I've been reading blogs daily. In fact, I checked my Bloglines and I have 99 feeds listed!!! And I believe that 90% of them are actively updating on a semi-regular basis. That's a lot of blogs. But importantly, that's a lot of infertility. These blogs range from people (men and women) who have only been trying a short time, to those who are veterans and have had multiple IVFs. There are adoption blogs in the list. There are a number of Donor Egg blogs. And there are a number of blogs of those who have come out the other side of IF with a healthy baby or babies. I read them all with a variety of emotion. I am thrilled and joyful when someone gets a positive pregnancy test and even more thrilled when they are able to carry that pregnancy through to a live baby. I read all of my feeds because I feel I have a vested interest in what happens. In all cases I've read each blog since it's inception, going back through the archives to follow their journeys on how they have gotten where they are today. I find with the DE blogs, that I'm able to relate more readily to what they are experiencing as it is similar to myself. We may not have arrived at the idea of using donor eggs by the same path but we all have the same emotions when it comes to how it feels.

Many couples who make the decision to use donor eggs usually are doing so because of the age of the woman, or poor response to stims with their own eggs, or in some cases because of previous illness which prevents them from conceiving naturally. As you know, we made the choice because, well, I am old at (now) 46. When we began this journey, I was old by reproductive standards anyway. So, to make the choice, for me, was a no brainer. I wanted to have a child with V.

So, where am I going with this? Lately there have been a number of posts by people who are mourning the loss of the genetic connection to their future child. I understand that loss. And, yes, I too wish that I would be able to look into the face of our children and see my father's nose (poor child), or my mother's eyes, or any other genetic link that I carry from my parents and with my siblings. But I accepted long ago, that this just wasn't going to happen. I know that once I hold that child it won't matter because he/she will be my child. V. and I also feel (as warped as some may think) that since I am carrying the child for 9 months, that some essence of me is transferred to that child, even if it's not my DNA. :)

V. will say "why haven't you ever said anything about this?". But, you know, I'm fine with it. Why lament what I cannot change. I've used this quote of V. before, and I think it applies here too. "I may not where I wanted to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be". This is what we've been working towards for the last 4-5 years. This is how we are supposed to build our family. :) I've embraced it all and am anxiously looking forward to cycling next month. :)

Peace

8 comments:

daisy said...

Hey there!
I wanted to share that I saw a great PBS science show about epi-genetics. Essentiall, depending on environmental parts of a person's DNA can be switched on or off, depending. This is called epi-genetics. It's really facinating and does lend itself to the idea that we are so much more than our DNA we are products of where we come from and how we are raised, and just perhaps, what uterus we are grown within. I have also resolved my DNA feelings, but I found the information facinating. Best of luck with your CD15 scan!
Daisy

Patti said...

Amen. Having an adopted nephew, I think I can safely say that I understand. My adopted nephew is just as much part of my family as those that are genetically related to me. Genetics isn't what makes a child 'yours'...love is. :)

Roni said...

I have said this before and I'll say it again, and I can't say it passionately enough. I have a DS from donor eggs. I love him with every fibre of my being, every breath. And on the other side of my journey, I am absolutely grateful that I am infertile and had to use donor eggs, because otherwise I wouldn't have THIS precious child. My baby.

Drowned Girl said...

That's a great post. Having one son already, there is the genetic link for me. Occasionally I have a moment's sadness that this baby/ies will not have that little bit of me, the bit which is genetics.

But I look at my DS, and I think... all these things about him, his fearlessness, his love of water, his total confidence that he is righht... is that from my DNA? His father's DNA? Or from BEING MY CHILD? I must admit, I think it's from being mine.

Nurture, as much as nature.

We will see ourselves in our children, and we will see our lovely donors, and we will see the essence of any child which is just... himself.

gold star said...

Lovely post.

I'm doing IVF with my partner as her egg donor, and I mourned our child not having her genetics more than she did. She's got all the talent.

But she always says that it's her blood will grow that little baby, and it's her voice it will hear, and her heartbeat that will soothe it, so it will come out a part of her.

I also think there's something cool about a child coming from three people. That's a lot of love and life propelling that little being into existence.

Kami said...

A lovely post. I am moving forward on letting go of my genes and logically I am already there - I can't keep drawing this out hoping that my ever diminishing chances will still get us our lucky baby.

I was also going to comment on the study of epigenetics. One study found they could change the color and size of mice (light brown and large to dark brown and small) depending on what they fed the mother. We will influence how our child's genes are expressed. Let me know if you would like me to find the article for you.

Thanks also for commenting on my blog! It is nice to meet a fellow DE'er. It sounds like we will be virtual cycle buddies - my donor should have her retrieval around Sept 23rd.

Good luck!

thrice said...

It's seems that you have made peace with your journey. Good luck with your next cycle!!

Pam said...

I think I saw that article Kami. I believe Rae had linked to it on her blog. Very interesting what it said.
And yes, it does look like we'll be cycling at the same time. :)