Wednesday, December 01, 2010


So I really don't have anything to say, but I promised you all a picture of the cake I was working on for last Saturday. The cake was for my great niece who was turning 3 and wanted a T.oy St.ory cake. Nothing on the cake was made of wood. :) Technically all of it is edible. The cake was an 11x15 chocolate cake, with chocolate filling, chocolate buttercream covered with fondant.

This weekend is a busy weekend as we hold our Annual Christmas Open House. We're expecting between 50-75 people and I'm so not prepared. LOL. Come back next week and I'll try and post you an update on the event and maybe some pictures.

For those who are celebrating, Happy Channukah!

Friday, November 26, 2010

I'm a bad blogger

I can't believe it's been almost 8 weeks since I last posted. Well I can, but it's still bad. There really hasn't been anything going on worth posting here.

I finally emailed the clinic to find out if the nurse had received the report from the counsellor. Apparently not, and our session was 10 weeks ago. So, she's sent the counsellor my email and is hoping that this will push her into finishing the report and sending it. Once the nurse gets the report, then she can start to look at and refer embryo donor profiles to us. So we continue to wait. It's not totally a bad thing as we really won't be able to do any cycling until the new year.

What I've been doing in the meantime, thanks to My Reality's help, is working on Holiday Cookie Boxes. I decided that this year, maybe I could put my baking skills to good use and make some money towards that upcoming FET in the new year. I'm pretty pleased with how the boxes have turned out and I know the product is good (just tooting my own horn). The only drawback is that I have to have all orders delivered by December 15th as V and I are going on a long awaited vacation.

We're not going anywhere exotic but we are going to be away from all the cold and the snow (which I'm sure will be on the ground by then) over the holidays. We've been planning all year. I had informed him that after last year's very busy, stressful Christmas and all the entertaining that I needed a break. I didn't care where we went as long as it was warm. So, we've rented a house down in Florida for a couple of weeks and we're planning on spending the days sitting by the private pool, drink in hand, relaxing. We may do some stuff down there, we may not. But that's exactly what we need. Can't wait!! Oh and we're going to hook up with the awesome Kym, Frank and El Cinco too!!!

So, if anyone needs help with their holiday baking, or is looking for a yummy gift for someone like their mail or newspaper carrier, a teacher, a work colleague or client, hit me up. I know that shipping to the US can be expensive from Canada, but we may be able to work something out where we ship once we cross the border, or as V has suggested, I could do some baking down there for a couple of days and ship as well. Click here if you want to check out the flyer.

And to entice you just a little bit more, here are some pictures of what I'm offering.

Chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin with cranberries and chocolate hazelnut brownies with pecans.

Lightly decorated sugar cookies and gingerbread.

Hand piped sugar cookies, individually wrapped. There is a snowman, mitten, star santa, and snowflake. All are about 3-4" in size.

Gingerbread houses.

I'll be back in a couple of days with a seriously awesome cake that I'm making for my great niece who is turning 3 tomrrow.

Monday, October 04, 2010


So, this past weekend was the big party to celebrate my golden birthday as a friend calls it. We had about 40 people out to dinner and pool. I think everyone had a great time. I know we did. The food was good as was the company.

So here it is. This is the cake I made for me. :) It's a three tier, topsy turvy cake. Top tier is triple chocolate fudge with chocolate swiss meringue buttercream. The middle tier is white almond with a cherry vanilla swiss meringue buttercream. And the third tier is alternating layers of triple chocolate fudge and marble cake, with the cherry vanilla swiss meringue buttercream. All covered in fondant.

This is a cake I had to have ready for the same day for a client's 50th birthday. Hers is marble cake with vanilla buttercream. Iced in buttercream and decorated with fondant accents.


Updating on the IF front - we're still waiting to get profiles from the clinic. Even though the counsellor said they don't need her report to send them, the nurse says she does to get a better idea of with whom to match us. So, because I know the counsellor is behind in her reports, it will probably be a little longer. I will probably check back in with the clinic by the end of the month if we've not heard anything from them.

That's all for now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

No, you're not in the twilight zone. Yes, I am posting again.

I'll try to be as brief as possible. If Pam and I had been profiled, there is probably no way any machine or human would have thought, "yes, that's a match!"

I'm Trinidadian, she's a munchacake. I'm catholic, she's Jewish. I'm black, she's white. I love roller coasters and horror movies; she, not so much and not at all. I can be loud, demonstrative, brash, arrogant/overly confident, annoying and annoyingly persistent; she can be that if pushed but really is somewhat introverted and can be really quiet. Our families are from two different planets.

However, with all of that, she is the one person that gets me the most on this planet (with a couple of very good friends coming close) and the one person I can truly be fully open with. When we are together, I want her in another room (if my show or game is on). BUT, when we are apart, my system is on constant cosmic watch for her presence and rejoices when we are reunited once again.

I can go anywhere with anyone and not worry about what she is thinking. Most times though, I wish it was her that was there with me to experience and enjoy the things that I do. She is my companion, my confidant, my love and my rock. I know that if fate split us in some fashion, we would each carry on but I know that I would never be the same without her.

I am privileged to have been in the last 12 years of your first fifty years, my love. I hope I am lucky enough to see the next fifty with you as well. See you in the bucket; we have a list to deal with. :)

Love you.
(Yes, I know I put my name there. Sheesh, ya'll are just so alert aren't ya?)

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Half a Century

That is how old I am today. Today I turned 50. It sounds so old, yet I don't feel it, and from people's reactions when they find out, it seems I don't look it either.

Normally I don't go in for much fanfare for my birthday. I enjoy doing that for others. But this year, I've decided that 50 is an milestone that should be celebrated with friends and family. (We'll be doing so next weekend as last night we attended a wedding of two very good friends). And for those who are wondering who makes the birthday cake for the cake lady (because I have been asked); I will be making my own cake. :) What it looks like is a secret, so come back next week when I post that cake as well as another that I have to make for a colleague of V's who is also celebrating her 50th.

I look back on the last 50 years (that just sounds like forever) and wonder would I have done anything differently, and apart from wishing my younger self had been more savvy in the savings department, I'd have to say no. Because had things gone differently I wouldn't be here today celebrating with V, the love of my life. I can only assume that we likely wouldn't have met and we never would have started down any road together. But I have to say that when V and I started this particular journey more than 6 years ago, I never expected to reach this milestone and not have a child or children to join in our celebration. It's been a long journey, and one full of frustration and, at times, heartbreak. But for those of you who have stuck with us know, we're not quite done yet. So, to borrow a line from V, I may not be where I want to be, but I am where I'm supposed to be.

I hope that the coming year brings exciting changes for both of us and that we can continue to grow old(er) together. (Yes, hon, I know, I already am older. :) ) As I've wished every year for my birthday, I hope that next year brings us the only gift I really want.

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Counselling Session

Yes, if you've read V's post, you know we finally had that session with the social worker yesterday.

We were booked in for 8:30am. Getting into the downtown core from the eastern end of the GTA is a challenge any morning. But yesterday with 90 minutes allowed we were still late. We left at 7am and got there at 9am. I had called in at 8:30 to let them know we were downtown but stuck in traffic. Once we secured parking (our usual lot is closed for renovations) we got up to the clinic at 9:10. I knew the appointment was schedule for an hour and I said to V that I hoped she wasn't going to say she didn't have time and we'd have to reschedule. We were very lucky. She didn't have another appointment until 10am.

Anyone who has had to go through this type of appointment whether it's for donor egg or donor embryo, has had the same discussions. She asked us about ourselves, as about us as a couple, and then moved onto more important questions.

She first asked if we'd talked about what we were doing with anyone. We have done so with select friends and very limited family. She said that if we were successful we'd have to decide if we were going to tell anyone, who and how much. And in terms of any children, we'd have to decide the same. The usual answer is "I'll tell when he/she asks" but how does a child know to ask? V thought telling before puberty made sense, whereas I thought more around 5-6 in a more simplistic version of how they were conceived. She made a really good point. When you have this discussion you want to make it about the child's conception not about trust. So, if you wait until the child is a bit older, when you think they can understand (or even wait until they're in their teens) they could respond with "why didn't you tell me before?" making it a trust issue. So, she's recommended that you start talking about it as early as 3 years old. A toddler will just accept it as that's how all children are conceived and won't know to ask why didn't you tell me before because there is no before.

She asked us how we felt about contact with the donors. We thought we would be agreeable to meeting them if they wanted to meet us. Because any other children the donors have would be full siblings, she also raised the question, what if the child wants to meet them. We said we were fine with that as well. This brought her to the difference between adoption and donor embryo conception. I had explained that for me, I didn't find any difference between using a donor egg vs a donor embryo because my genetics isn't involved either way. I was a little disappointed I'd be giving up the genetic link to V, but I likened it to adoption in that there would be no genetic link to either of us in that regard. She made an important statement, one that I hadn't thought about. For a child, when they are adopted they may want to meet their biological parents to find out why they were given up. Whereas with donor embryo conceived children there are no other parents. They know that they were wanted and that it took great lengths and great expense to have them.

Those are the things that stick with me from yesterday. In spite of our bumpy first meeting over the phone, she turned out to be a very nice person and it was clearly evident why having us come down in person made sense.

Her report isn't required for us to move onto the next stage. If there was any reason why she wouldn't recommend us for the donor embryo program, she would have told us yesterday. So now we move on to viewing and choosing a profile. I suspect it will be a few days before we get anything from the clinic.

Diminutive Redemption

So, we met with the counselor this morning. DW was afraid that I would be going in all pissed off before the meeting even started. I'm a first impression kind of person and our initial encounter would normally have had me tell this lady what she could do with herself and be done with it. Alas, the stakes are much higher so I acquiesced and put on my "good" hat.

As I am a night owl, waking up early and then moving immediately are usually mutually exclusive actions for me. As such, this morning was painful in getting up, getting ready, getting out and then driving for what ended up to be approximately two hours from our home in the east end of the GTA to downtown. Not a recipe for the happy-happy-joy-joy. DW had already called in our being late due to traffic so we were prepared, but hoping to be wrong, on being told we could not meet due to the time. As luck would have it, her next appointment was at ten, not nine-thirty so we were still able to meet.

I'll let DW detail out all the questions but suffice it to say that we understood why the meeting was necessary and why the face to face was preferred. I surmised that the doctor's (who is shorter than DW) initial brashness was due to being flustered with the people who gave her wrong information so that she appeared unprepared when she spoke with us. With that in mind, I closeted the Louisville and did my best to assuage her by expressing clearly that this is something we BOTH wanted, were ready and prepared to experience. I feel confident that we were able to get that across to her effectively and await the next phase in this step of our journey.

As DW told the doctor, I tend to not say a whole lot but when I do, it is typically with purpose. I spoke purposefully today as this is important. I hope that message was delivered clearly.

OK, done talking. Nite.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Latest news

Basically there is no news.

We were scheduled to have a phone consult with one of the clinic's counsellors last week on the 25th. I was told by the Admin making our appointment that this could be a phone consult because the clinic is downtown, I work in the west end, V works north of the city and we live in the east end. So getting both of us downtown to an appointment really isn't that easy to coordinate during the hours the counsellor works.

So we were scheduled for 1pm and we're both ready. I got the call and put her on hold while I switched phones to a more private area and got V on the line and then conferenced everyone in together. We get through the introductions and she starts off asking ages and then "how many children do you have?" So V and answers "one from a previous marriage" and I say "we don't have any together". Well, that was the beginning of the downhill ride. She thought we were the donors, not the recipients and she sounded a bit annoyed by the fact that we weren't and she wasn't prepared for a recipient consult (on the phone). I found her tone accusatory in a way, and somewhat defensive for some reason. She asked why we couldn't come into the office for this appointment. I explained the logistics of where we were and that I was told by the Admin at the clinic that a phone consult was fine. Well, that just wouldn't do and she had no sympathy for our travel logistics.

I understood the need to have us in front of her, to read our body language, facial expressions etc, and because V can be rather quiet during these type of things. I indicated that we'd been through a similar counseling session three or four years ago when we were preparing to use donor eggs (it's actually 5 years ago this month) and asked if we needed to go through it again? She asked where and I indicated it was with the old clinic but that the report had been forwarded to Dr. L and should be in our file. She said that she needed us to come in for an appointment and that she could come in for 8:30am if that worked for us, but she was going to first check with Dr. L. if we needed to go through the process again and look for our previous report. She said someone would call us.

It's not been quite a week yet. So, I figure I'll wait until the latter part of this week and send an email to the DE coordinator and ask her for an update. With the Labour Day weekend approaching, I doubt we'll get any information until after that.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Another post about cake

So, it's been quiet around here as we wait for our counselling session. It was supposed to be last week but we had to reschedule. However, it is tomorrow afternoon. Once we're over that hurdle we should start getting donor profiles and we can move forward.

However, in the meantime I've been making cakes. In fact the next several weeks is a cake extravaganza.

This past weekend was all cake all the time.

I made this cake for my niece for her 19th birthday. It was actually last week, but her family was in town this weekend so we celebrated her birthday with this cake.

Then I took a class with Bronwen Weber yesterday. You may know her from the Food Network Challenges.. Anyway, she was in town for two days giving two classes. I was lucky enough to be able to take her class yesterday where she taught us how to carve a cake and use an airbrush. Here's what we made. And yes, he is ALL cake. :)

Besides those cakes, I also made two dozen cupcakes for my nephew and brother....just because. :)

Upcoming cakes include:

1 - a soccer themed cake for a friend because V lost a bet during the World Cup
2 - possibly a 50th anniversary cake for my Aunt and Uncle
2 - a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's
3 - a 50th birthday cake for myself
4 - a birthday cake for my nephew who will be turning 6

And in amongst all of this I'm starting to think about Christmas cookies and how to promote them for the holidays.

Lots going on to take my mind off the other "stuff".

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Thank you and an update

I wanted to thank everyone who has commented on my last post. It really gives one an emotional boost to see so much support from so many of you. It's meant a lot to us to have you all in our corner and ready there to offer hugs, a shoulder and also cheer us on if we choose to move forward.

In the last couple of weeks I've been in touch with our clinic and the nurse that handles the embryo donations. Our time line has changed somewhat because we actually completed a profile. I was told originally that because of the number of people on the waiting list it could be up to a year before we were going to be selected. We were accepting of that, after all what other choice did we have if we wanted to minimize our costs. We were sent the profile document to complete which included a description of both of us and what we did as well as a section that required us to rate different criteria we considered important when choosing a donor, much like what we did when we were choosing an egg donor. We had little requirements. Although we would love a couple of mixed race to be donating embryos, we know it's a pretty slim chance. So really, that wasn't super important, nice but not critical. Religion wasn't an issue for us as we're Jewish and Catholic. The only point that I rated at a 5, the highest rating, was previous success in their cycle. I wanted to at least be going into a FET knowing that the couple who had donated the embryos had been successful in growing their own family. And really, when you think about it, the odds are in our favour that this the case, otherwise they wouldn't be donating embryos.

So, having completed the profile, I dropped it off at the clinic because I had to go in to drop off the unopened PIO vials they were being kind enough to refund for me. In talking with the business manager about what we were doing, while my refund was being processed, she went off to see the nurse who had been given our completed profile and came back to tell me that we were now at the top of the list because we were way ahead of others because they hadn't even completed a profile. Why would you request to be put on the list if you weren't going to take the next step? Anyway, their actions, or lack thereof, is a benefit to us, and so we we've moved onto the next "hurdle".

It's not a hurdle really, but an inconvenience. We have to meet with their counselor. I was hoping that because we'd had met with a counselor back when we were beginning the egg donor process, we could just use that evaluation because really, what's changed? I supposed our frame of mind, feelings etc could have, but likely not. The inconvenience isn't so much having to go through this, but just figuring out how. Because the clinic is located downtown and I work out in the west end, V works in the north end of the city and we live out in the east end suburbs, figuring out when we could schedule this appointment was a problem. Luckily we were able to schedule the appointment as a conference call. So in two weeks we'll have a three-way conference call with the counselor.

Following that session, and I guess approval on her part, we'll be moving onto the matching process. We will be emailed profiles much like we were when we were choosing an egg donor. Once we've made our choice, then we move onto the FET. There isn't a huge rush. As I told V I would like to cycle by October rather than wait into the new year but we'll see how it goes.

So that's where we are.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Next Steps

We saw the RE this afternoon to discuss "the next steps". It was a brief meeting really. I mean what can he say except "I'm sorry". He said that these three embryos were of lesser quality than the others we had, but at no time did he say they were poor quality. He did say the embryologist was surprised that they didn't make it. Out of our two donors and all the embryos, this is the first time we've had a cycle cancelled. I have to say that this is so much worse than getting a BFN. Not knowing if the changes we made in this cycle were going to be the difference makes it that much harder. And not knowing if we're going to have any more chances to try is devastating.

He laid out our options...I already knew them.

1. New donor
2. Surrogate with new donor
3. Donor Embryo
4. Do nothing (I added this one)

Financially, without a lottery win, options 1 and 2 are just not possible. IMHO the surrogacy option would probably have our biggest chance of success as we'd be able to select a proven donor and proven surrogate. However, realistically, that's just not going to happen. With a price tag of $50-60K, like I said, a lottery win would be required. So really, this option is off the table.

Option 3 is our most logical choice due to cost as it's not much more than doing a FET...just some additional administrative costs, counseling appointment, and some other things. So financially, a do-able option. It's a waiting game as we have no idea how long it may take to get donor embryos through the clinic. They do have them but he didn't know how long the waiting list was. We'll be filling out the necessary paperwork and we're going on their waiting list. We've decided that bi-racial embryos are not critical. We are eligible to be on the list as they will consider women up to 52.

Option 4 is most realistic. My next birthday is a significant one, and only 10 weeks away. As I approach 50 I didn't expect to be childless or still pursuing my first (and probably only) child. Back when we were working out the finances for our first donor my mother asked "is this guaranteed". I told her no.

I never thought I'd be predicting our future.
I never imagined that V and I would have to face the reality that we weren't going to have children in our life (other than his daughter from his first marriage).
I never thought I wouldn't look into the face of a child of mine and see V.
I never thought that I wouldn't be able to give my Mom any more grandchildren.
I never thought I'd never be able to name a child after my Dad.
I never thought I wasn't going to be celebrating the milestones and accomplishments of my child.
I just never thought it would be like this.


We had three embryos. None survived the thaw. It's never a good thing with the doctor calls you. I'm devastated. This is worse than a BFN because we didn't even get a chance to see if all the changes would have made a difference. There really are no words. We're going to meet with him later this afternoon to talk about next steps, but short of using donor embryos, I really don't see any. Thanks for sticking by us during all of this.

Friday, July 09, 2010

T-4 and counting

So I was in for my lining check today. He said it was 12B which is what they want. I know the 12 is the measurment in millimetres, I believe. The B, he said, refers to the triple stripe appearance. So we're all good in that regard.

We're booked for transfer on Tuesday. They'll give me a call on Monday to say what time, but it's usually booked for mid day. Luckily V is able to get the day off which will be nice to have him with me.

So,starting tomorrow, I am adding doxcycline, twice a day, 4 medrol tablets once a day for four days, and the PIO shots begin. The medrol is new for me. I was told it was to help with implantation. What I found online was that it sometimes taken when assisted hatching is being used which it is for my frozen embryos. It is taken to suppress any inflammatory reaction that might occur between the embryo(s) and the endometrial lining.

So, hopefully everything will align and all these differences we're doing will have a positive impact.

And what would a post be without a cake..... Here's one I made last week for a class I was taking. 8" pina colada cake with pineapple buttercream filing and a coconut buttercream icing, covered with fondant and painted.

That's all for now.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

And so it begins...

Yes, you read that right. It's CD2 and we're cycling!!!

It seems that the stars were aligned and things fell into place a few days ago and we were able to go ahead with our final cycle.

In the midst of all the G.20 nonsense going on downtown, I had to go to the clinic on today for blood work and ultrasound to get started. Considering the rioting and violence that was going on the previous night, I wasn't sure if the clinic was going to be open as is located down in the area where the protesters were roaming around last night. I gave them a call in this morning to be sure they were open and then headed down. Traffic was very light, and so I got downtown in record time. I usually park in the hospital garage but it was closed up as were other parking garages, so I had to find street parking. Luckily not a problem. It was rather surreal walking down to the clinic to pass police officers stationed on the street with their riot gear hanging off their belts. (Police headquarters is up the street from the clinic.)

Anyway, once up in the clinic, it was business as usual with a packed waiting room. Signed in on the boards for blood, ultrasound and to see the RE. It was probably an hour wait to be called for ultrasound (blood took 2 minutes). I had a trainee tech as well as the head ultrasound tech, so I was part of a teaching session. Not a bad thing because it meant they discussed what they were seeing so I had confirmation that I have a very small subserosal fibroid (which I knew). My OB had told me back in December about it and didn't seem concerned. I forgot to mention it when I talked to the RE. I'll have to try and remember to ask him when I'm back for the lining check.

When I finally got in to see him, we discussed that the protocol is essentially the same as the last. However, he was agreeable to me starting the fragmin today with the rest of the meds. He also looked over the blood results from March when I was there and asked if I'd ever had my thyroid tested. I said no, even though like every other overweight female I've thought that it's sluggish. :) In any case, the results showed that the number has gone up since December (I had written them down, but can't find them now) and I'm now showing as borderline. So he called over to the lab to ask them to run my TSH, T3 and T4 and as well put me on Levothyroxine.
So, my daily med schedule is as follows:

7am (when I get up)

5mg folic acid
50mg B6
1000mcg B12
baby aspirin
4mg estrace
5mg prednisone
2500 iu fragmin
0.05mg Levothyroxine

4mg Estrace

2500iu Fragmin

4mg Estrace
5mg prednisone
multi vitamin

I had to put reminders in my blackberry to make sure I remembered the mid day meds. ;)

So, I have to go back in 10-13 days based on my schedule for a lining check, and depending on how it is, transfer would be 3 days later. Based on my past response, I've not usually had an issue building my lining, so if I go back in on July 8th or 9th, then transfer would be the 12th (no Sunday transfer) or 13th.

So that's where we are. :)

And just because a post is not complete without a cake photo, here is a picture of the cupcakes I made last night....

Orange-Almond cupcake with Orange buttercream
Margarita cupcake with Lime buttercream
Chocolate cupcake with Marshmallow cream filling and Vanilla buttercream
Peanut Butter cupcake with Chocolate ganache and peanut butter cups

The chocolate ones taste just like a Hos.tess cupcake. :)

Sunday, June 13, 2010

An update, sort of?

Well, it's not really an update because nothing has really changed. We're still in a holding pattern, with the hope that we'll be able to cycle in July. It's not too late for June if something changes as I'm about 10 days away from CD1 but I'm not holding my breath for that.

Thank you to everyone who made suggestions about fund raising. There were some great ideas. I've been busy baking cakes for a couple of paying customers (my first!) which has kept me busy. I was trying to figure out how I could do an online bake sale through my blog. I kept running up against the whole shipping issue. Anyone local could always pick up an order but it could get expensive to ship, especially outside of Canada. Sending cookies and brownies are easy, but I'd want to offer up cupcakes as well. Anyway, I'm still working on that idea...meanwhile, I've got a basic website pulled together. I've got to do it up properly and fix the images, but at least there's a web presence.

And, what would a post be without a picture of a cake...
These are up on the site, but here are the last two cakes I made.

Happy Anniversary DH!

Today we celebrate six years. Six years of wedding bliss. Yes, we've had our challenges but we've weathered them together and come out stronger. You have always been there to pick me up when I fall. You are my biggest champion and supporter. You make me laugh. You finish my sentences and you steal my thoughts. You push me to be stronger and try new things. You are my best friend. You are my soul mate. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, or ham and eggs. You complete me. I look forward to many more years together. I love you.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Please sir, I want some more?

The answer to that question would be a resounding no.

Right now I’m feeling somewhat defeated, as I told a friend. I don’t talk about much beyond cakes and our final upcoming FET here. I feel like I’m betraying V if I bitch about finances or other stuff that may be of a more personal nature. It’s like the old adage “don’t air your dirty laundry”, so I don’t. But I have to vent, and I’ve already checked with V that he’s okay with this.

Things have been rather tight for us over the last few years financially but we’ve managed, and in that time been lucky enough to do some things we’ve wanted to do including the IVF cycles. Our last FET was in September/08. We had enough stuff coming up in the next 6 months that it seemed prudent to take a break, then there were doctors appointments in an effort to see if we had missed anything, and finally we felt we’d done all we could and the only thing left was to go for it and do the FET. Except that fate had it that financially we weren’t able to do so at the beginning of the year. V knew I really didn’t want to delay too long and we were advised that we should try and do the cycle as soon as possible because of my “advanced” age. :)

For those of you who have been reading along, we thought at the beginning of the year we’d be able to go ahead for March. That got postponed due to finances until April/May. Then we had it all worked out. V works for the public sector and he would be getting a bonus as he has in the past, and we’d be able to go ahead with the cycle in June. Any other expenses, including vehicle license renewals (V’s birthday is this weekend), were covered and I was good with that. We didn’t seem too far off our planned schedule. But oh, how wrong we were. Some unexpected expenses came up and then his employer decided to interpret a new government ruling that was to be effective May 1st how it best suited them, and back dated it, screwing every employee who was eligible for these bonuses. That meant that the bonus he would be getting would be substantially lower than the one that was expected. This now means that no FET in June. And we don’t even know if we can do the FET in July.

To say I am unhappy would probably be an understatement. I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m frustrated, and I have no idea how/if we’re going to be able to do this. I know that V feels the same way. His anger is palpable about how he feels betrayed by the organization he works for. So now, we have to crunch the numbers and see if we can do this in July. I look at the calendar and my birthday is September. It’s a significant birthday. I never thought that I might be 50 and still trying to have our first child. I had hoped (as I have every year for the last 5 years) that I would be pregnant on my birthday. Now, I don’t know. I will now be at the end of the IVF spectrum at 50. This is truly our last chance. I never imagined that I would have to face the real possibility us not being successful.

So, maybe someone will smile down on us and we’ll strike it rich in the lottery. :) We all know that’s impossible. I’d raise the funds somehow if I could figure out a good way. If I could I’d be making and selling cakes out of the back of my van, but that’s not realistic either. I think I would have to get orders for something like 500 cupcakes….I can’t even imagine. LOL.

Anyway….that’s where we are. Not exactly where we wanted to be midway through May.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Still here

Apparently I have not improved as a blogger...yet again, 3+ weeks have passed without even a hello or anything..and I let my 4 year blogaversary go by...ah well.

In any event, nothing to report, except that my *%*&% period decided to show up three days early! Three days!! Who knows when it will decide to show up in May or even June for that matter. Based on the current date and my 27-28 day cycle, we're still on track for a June FET, basically mid June. That works for both of us.

I've been doing some research to see if I could find anything to corroborate the lovely Amanda's suggestion to start the fragmin earlier in my cycle, rather than waiting for the day of transfer as my RE does, and when to actually begin taking it. And I found something!!

I had found this blog one day, which is written by an RE in California. I don't recall how I came across it, maybe it was on Mel's LFCA but in any case, it was a good find. And it was obvious that somehow he was being asked questions and he was posting the questions and his answers on his blog. But it didn't appear that the questions were being posted as comments to the blog, nor did they appear to be posted to his account. I started googled for a bit and finally found that he is one of the REs who answers questions in the Inferti.lity section of this website. I posted my lengthy question outlining my IF history, and subsequently a follow up and both my questions and his answers can be found here.

The fact that he starts heparin/lovenox (same as fragmin) at the start of the cycle with the baby aspirin and prednisone makes me feel good. I was going to do it anyway, but now I may actually tell my RE that I'm going to. ;) After all, this is our last chance and I'm going to try and throw the book at it all.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. We're about 7 weeks away from the beginning of our FET. Hopefully the planets will align and all will be good for us. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I'm a bad blogger

Three weeks have gone by. But really, there's nothing going on to blog about. Nothing on the IF front. It looks like we're going to have to delay until June. I've spoken to V and told him that I really don't want to delay past that so we're working towards the FET for June. I'm really hoping that since my cycle will be right at the end of May that we're looking at a June 11th transfer least that's how the dates are working out now, and makes transfer on Friday so I have the weekend to chill. I really, really don't want to wait for my June cycle because that makes it a July (9th) transfer date. Anyway, we'll just have to hope and pray it all works out. It's always in the back of my mind that I'm not getting any younger and we're getting closer and closer to my birthday in September, and this is my last chance to really get what I want. Fingers are always crossed.

Meanwhile, I've been taking the prenatal vitamins my OB gave me, as well as the baby aspirin every day. She gave me enough for 9 weeks. I'll save 2 weeks worth for the 2ww after transfer and switch back to the multivitamin, 5mg folic acid, the B6 and B12 vitamins, plus the baby aspirin prior to transfer. And, after talking to Amanda several weeks ago, I will probably add in a fragmin injection during the 10-12 days leading up to transfer. Not sure I'll tell the RE though. ;) He'd be having me take the fragmin from the day of transfer anyway, and who knows...maybe the extra will help. He'll also have me taking estrace and prednisone during that time as well.

See, nothing new...nothing going on on the cake decorating side of things either. I have some cakes and fillings to test to see what works etc. I am booked to do a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's in September. Finally have finalized a design for that, so now just need to determine what she wants for cake and filling. She says "it doesn't matter" but I know it does.

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you all had a good Easter or a good Passover, depending on what you celebrate. Spring is here, so I hope everyone enjoys the warmer weather as the days go by.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Sock it to Me 2010


Thanks to the organizational skills of the lovely Kym, and wonderful Brown Eyed Girl, I no longer have cold feet. :)

was a beautiful sunny day today, nice and warm and I arrived home to find a box with these -

What makes these extra special is that it's not one, but two pairs of kickass socks!! Both of them are so cool. But what makes these extra special arriving today, on St. Patrick's Day, is that one pair has shamrocks all over them!! When the upcoming FET happens, I'm going to have to decide which socks to wear. :) Thank you Brown Eyed Girl!! :)

When Kym organizes SITM, it's a way to bring the IF community closer together and give us the opportunity to "meet" others. The support I've gotten from the IF community has been huge. Although we've been struggling without success for almost 5 years, I've had so many wonderful women (and men) commenting and cheering us on. It really makes a huge difference to know that there are others out there that understand. And I've been fortunate enough to meet some of you IRL like Aurelia and Gil. And even though I don't know many of you, I feel like "we could hang" as V would say. So to all of you I would like to say thank you for your kind words, the hugs, and the advice.

Monday, March 08, 2010

And so it begins....sort of

So, two days ago was CD2...normally this would signal the start of a cycle and in a way it does...sort of.

V and I have decided that we're going to do the final FET either in April or May, although it's looking like it will likely be May. So, I figured that I would head into the clinic on CD2 of my March cycle to say hello, indicate our intentions, find out costs and see if any blood work needed to be done since it's been about 14 months since we've cycled. 14 months!! For some reason, in my head, I was thinking it was less than a year which just wasn't possible.

Anyway, nothing has changed, except perhaps their signup process for ultrasounds and that's much improved. I got in just as monitorong was ending at 10am as I had an appointment for a haircut before that. I explained to the receptionist why I was there and we decide that I should just sign up for ultrasound as I will likely have extra bloodwork. I sign my name, take my number (52, I think they're ast 42) and sit down and proceed to wait. The waiting room is pretty busy (see, nothing has changed) and there are about a half dozen toddlers running around, all under 2. That's the only reason I don't like going on the weekend. I've never really had the same feelings as others at seeing children in the waiting room, as I understand it can be a necessary evil. But with us leading up to our last cycle, it is a little more difficult.

I wait for about an hour to be called for the ultrasound, and I believe I was the last one on the list. Very nice tech who've I've not seen before. We chatted about stuff, she did her thing and then I was sent back out to the waiting room to be called to see the RE. It was probably about 20 minutes until he called me into one of the rooms where I waited about 10 minutes while he saw someone first.

We chatted. I filled him in on what's been going on IF-wise and gave him copies of the blood test results from the OB and Internist as well as the reports from the pelvic u/s and sonohysterogram I'd had in December. I mentioned we were looking to cycle in April or May (but I think he promptly forgot or didn't hear me as he was reading). I also mentioned that they tests showed I was heterozygous for MTHFR. He basically dismissed this with a wave of his hand and said 40% of women have this issue. I know that it's not the answer for why our cycles have failed, and he agreed that we have great embryos and my uterus is excellent (so says my OB). However, he agreed that taking the 5MG of folic acid make sense. Even if he didn't agree, I'd still be taking it. And I'm thinking I will add the B6 and B12 with it but I'm not sure what the daily amount would be. Anyone have any ideas? In an email chat with Amanda she gave me some insight into her past protocols, specifically the one that gave her Adam, and I'm now considering starting the Fragmin a bit earlier in the cycle. Normally I am told to start the immediately following transfer, but maybe a couple of days earlier? Any ideas here?

So, for now, I am continuing to take the 5mg of folic acid and a baby aspirin each morning and I'm taking a regular multivitamin in the evening. I'll go back into the clinic on CD2 of the month we decide we're doing the FET and it's about 13 days from then to transfer. If it is April, then we're looking at CD2 being on or around April 3rd...I can say for sure, we aren't doing it then. So that means May would be the month with transfer occuring the weekend of V's birthday.

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print. Hope everyone is having a great day on this glorious, sunny day!

Sunday, February 28, 2010

Good news, bad news?

So, those who've been with us for the last while know we've got 3 embryos on ice waiting for us to do our final FET. Before we went ahead we wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything we or the doctors had missed that might point to why the previous 4 cycles (2 fresh DE and 2 FET DE) had failed.

The results from the bloodwork my OB did revealed that I was heterozygous for MTHFR. This in itself doesn't mean that's why they cycles failed, just that it may have contributed to everything overall. The OB then sent me to an Internist to see if she had any other insight.

I saw her last week for followup on the bloodwork she had done. She had sent me for T3, T4 and TSH, anticardiolipins and redid the lupus anticoagulant screen. The latter two tests didn't show anything unexpected and my T3, T4 and TSH were all within normal ranges (3.9, 15 and 2.32 respectively). So again, there's nothing definitive as to what could be contributing to the failed cycles.

So, it's good news in a way but bad news if I was hoping for something to be "wrong".

So, meanwhile, I have been taking 5mg of folic acid since the beginning of the year. I've been trying to get more exercise as that was something the internist said was important, more so than reducing body weight (although I'm trying there too).

We're planning on doing the final "Hail Mary" cycle in April. I should be seeing CD1 this week so I'm going to go into the clinic to reacquaint them with me (it's been 6 months) and make sure they don't need to do any blood work (I doubt it), give them copies of the blood work results from the OB and Internist, and find out the costs for 2010 since it seems they're in the process of updating the website. Based on this appointment we'll decide if we're going with early April or late April.

So, this is where we are. I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past while. There's really not been anything going on here to report on. I've been reading blogs and commenting occasionally and keeping up with all of you.

Thanks for reading (if you still are).

Oh and if you're just here for the cakes...this is the latest one. V thought the character looked like from Par.k.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh My!

Okay, well maybe monkey and rabbit and frog and pig and lamb....

What am I talking about, you ask? Well for the past couple of weeks I've been taking a couple of one day project classes for figure molding. Figure molding is the "art" (I use that term loosely in connection to me) of molding gum paste into figures to use as decoration on cake projects.

A few months ago I also took a one day class to make a shoe out of gum paste. These are popular on bridal show cakes... I think it turned out pretty good.

Check it out! And while you're at it, check out who else is at the front of the class for Mel's Show and Tell

And I'm sorry I've been away for so long...I didn't realize it was almost two months!