We saw the RE this afternoon to discuss "the next steps". It was a brief meeting really. I mean what can he say except "I'm sorry". He said that these three embryos were of lesser quality than the others we had, but at no time did he say they were poor quality. He did say the embryologist was surprised that they didn't make it. Out of our two donors and all the embryos, this is the first time we've had a cycle cancelled. I have to say that this is so much worse than getting a BFN. Not knowing if the changes we made in this cycle were going to be the difference makes it that much harder. And not knowing if we're going to have any more chances to try is devastating.
He laid out our options...I already knew them.
1. New donor
2. Surrogate with new donor
3. Donor Embryo
4. Do nothing (I added this one)
Financially, without a lottery win, options 1 and 2 are just not possible. IMHO the surrogacy option would probably have our biggest chance of success as we'd be able to select a proven donor and proven surrogate. However, realistically, that's just not going to happen. With a price tag of $50-60K, like I said, a lottery win would be required. So really, this option is off the table.
Option 3 is our most logical choice due to cost as it's not much more than doing a FET...just some additional administrative costs, counseling appointment, and some other things. So financially, a do-able option. It's a waiting game as we have no idea how long it may take to get donor embryos through the clinic. They do have them but he didn't know how long the waiting list was. We'll be filling out the necessary paperwork and we're going on their waiting list. We've decided that bi-racial embryos are not critical. We are eligible to be on the list as they will consider women up to 52.
Option 4 is most realistic. My next birthday is a significant one, and only 10 weeks away. As I approach 50 I didn't expect to be childless or still pursuing my first (and probably only) child. Back when we were working out the finances for our first donor my mother asked "is this guaranteed". I told her no.
I never thought I'd be predicting our future.
I never imagined that V and I would have to face the reality that we weren't going to have children in our life (other than his daughter from his first marriage).
I never thought I wouldn't look into the face of a child of mine and see V.
I never thought that I wouldn't be able to give my Mom any more grandchildren.
I never thought I'd never be able to name a child after my Dad.
I never thought I wasn't going to be celebrating the milestones and accomplishments of my child.
I just never thought it would be like this.