Another Month Goes By

Well, it's what I expected. Another month has come and gone and nothing has happened. CD1 will be tomorrow. I can't say I feel upset or anything. I guess in my case I feel it's going to be such a long shot that if it does happen naturally we will be ecstatic. But because we're so prepped for it not to work for us, I don't go through the highs and lows that many of you do when you have a failed cycle. Don't get me wrong, I am disappointed. But I guess I'm not feeling it as strongly as some others may. Am I moved to tears, no. Am I sad, yes because it's another month going by and nothing.

I'm busy now prepping for 24 for Christmas Day (yes I know, I'm insane), so if I don't get back to blog before then, V. and I just want to say thank you to all of your support this year and we would like to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and hope that 2007 brings you all everything you want, wish for and dream about. Health, Happiness and Prosperity to all.

P&V

Yes, I'm still around

I'm a bad blogger. Bad! I have broken the rule of blogger etiquette. If one wants people to come and visit your blog, one needs to post on a (semi)regular basis. I have been derelict in my duty. I humbly apologize (Pam bows her head).

It's been a hectic, busy, exhausting two weeks since my last post. On the TTC front, there's nothing going on. I'm basically in the 2ww and AF is due to appear on the 24th. So in the meantime, I've been working my butt off both at the office and at home. V. and I are still madly unpacking boxes to get ready for Christmas. However, we had our Open House on the 17th which was a rousing success. Everyone thought we were insane to host a party for upwards of 35-50 people two weeks after we moved. But was great fun and everyone had a blast. There was tons of food and drink. Many of my family thought I had way too much food, but I had to remind them that the other half of my family is West Indian. For anyone who is/knows a West Indian, they're a hungry, thirsty lot. :) At the end of the day, we had some, but not a lot of food left, quite a number of empty alcohol bottles, and satisfied friends and family I consider that a successful night. And to top it off, my brother and his family surprised us by being able to join us. They'd driven in from Chicago the night before so it was a treat to see them, and have them see our new place.

However, because of all the prep involved leading up to the day (ie. baking, cooking, cleaning) I was exhausted Sunday night. Oh, and I also set up the Christmas tree at 2am on Sunday morning to make sure that it was up, decorated and ready for the party. I've not truly recovered from the sleep deprivation as yet, but I'm on vacation from tomorrow, so I intend to catch up and recoup. After all, we're hosting the family for Christmas Day so that means another couple of days of prepping and cooking in anticipation of their arrival. It's always a lot of work, but for those of you who know me, know I thrive on this kind of thing. I love hosting parties. I stress about the menu before hand and if I'll have enough (although I've never run short), but in the end, it all turns out well. And Christmas is going to be fun. For the first time in the 8 years I've known V. this will be the first time we will have everyone here. Hopefully V.'s brother and his family will be able to come into town for a few days, we've got V.'s cousin and his girlfriend in from Trinidad, his parents, his sister and her grown kids, his cousins and their families, my mom and my younger brother (the Chicago contingent will have returned by then), and a friend who would otherwise be spending the holiday alone. At last count, if everyone is able to make it, we're looking at 22 people. This is going to be great! I'm looking forward to it. I'll let you know how it all goes.

If I don't get back to posting until after Christmas, I want to wish you all a Merry Christmas, Happy Channukah, Happy Kwanzaa, Merry Christmukah, Happy Festivus and whatever other holiday you may celebrate.

We now pause for this PSA...

Do a good deed and light this candle . Bristol- Myers is donating a dollar to AIDS everytime someone goes to their website and moves the match to the candle and lights it. Please forward this to your friends to spread. It takes one second to raise a dollar.

https://www.lighttounite.org/

Never again!

Okay, we've moved. That had to be the worst moving experience I've ever had. The movers were fine, although there was some damage for which we'll need to put in a claim, but the guys were friendly, personable and didn't complain about some of the stuff they had to move (ie. gym-quality treadmill, big screen tv). However, it took all friggin' day! Fourteen hours later and they were done. PLUS IT RAINED. HARD!!!!! I hate moving. :(

Now we've got the joyful job (not!) of unpacking everything. Of course, we haven't made this easy for ourselves. We've got two weeks to get the place in order (or at least the boxes hidden away) as we host our annual Christmas Open House on the 17th. Anyone in the Toronto/GTA area who wants to come, let me know. :) Then a week later it's Christmas and we're hosting the whole family at our place. That about 22 people at last count, with special family coming in from Trinidad this season. It's going to be great! I love entertaining as Patti knows so I'm looking forward to it, but I haven't had time to sit down and plan anything. I know it will all come together but I'll probably drive V. to drink in the process. :) Hmmm, he may not have a problem with that. We'll see.

Anyway, we're back to trying again for December. Today is CD8, so the 2ww will be ending just before Christmas. This time around I've added in the chinese remedy that I'd been given a year or so ago to see if it will help. Who knows. If I can find the time, I'll probably go get the other "remedy" I was advised to use from the west indian side of the family and see if it helps. As they say, every little bit helps.

Anyway, that's it for now. Just wanted to give an update and not let you all think I was awol. :)

Call the cows back

TMI warning for those of you who don't want to know about periods, cows and such.

It's official. It didn't work this month. Today is CD1 so we will call the cows back from the field and get them back to work. I knew it was going to be a long shot so although I'm disappointed, I'm not devastated. Sometimes I think I should be. Maybe I've distanced myself from it all so as not to get so emotionally invested in it each month. Regardless, V. and I will be trying again this month. Wish us luck.

On the home front, it's been incredibly busy, stressful and tiring. We're moving in three days, so we've been going full speed with the packing and all. We had my SIL and a friend V. used to work with come in on Friday night to help pack up the kitchen. It was like they were on overdrive. My kitchen is empty now save for 3 cups, plates, forks, knives. The cupboards are bare. We retained the microwave, kettle and toaster so that means eating anything that gets heated in those appliances, or take out. I had to rescue my container of tea before it got packed. That is a necessity for me in the morning. :) We were able to take a load over to the new house Friday night with the help of my nephew so he and my SIL could see the new place. Saturday brought over another good friend to help V. and TC start moving the boxes. Because we couldn't get a truck until 5pm, they must have done 4 or 5 round trips using our trailblazer. During all this V. was stuck at the new place waiting on Rogers who was coming to install our phone, cable and internet. They were supposed to be there between 2 and 5. The phone tech was there at 2:30 but the other tech didn't show until 6pm! V. was not happy, besides being kept waiting, he'd only had breakfast and was forced to drink a Blue. (He hates Blue.). But by the time he got back there was KFC waiting, the truck was there as I'd gone to pick it up, and three more willing helpers. We loaded up our truck so I could head out and pick up another friend and her two boys. We were going to be unpacking the kitchen, and the boys would be helping unload the truck 2 hours later when they arrived. We got a lot done in the kitchen but I'll be reorganizing for a while as I decided where things should be. Sunday proved to be an off day as we were all extremely tired. V. is continuing to move a couple of loads each day between now and Thursday so as to reduce the amount the movers are going to do and how much it's going to cost us.

I think we've done pretty well so far. Murphy has risen his ugly head and I woke up with a cold today. I'm hoping that it doesn't get much worse than this bad sore throat I've got. Regardless, three more days and then we're in the new place!!! We're all very excited and looking forward to celebrating the holidays there.

That's it for now.

Update

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. It's been crazy busy at home and work. Thankfully it looks like I won't be travelling to Dallas before the end of the year. That just means I've got 4 trips in early 2007 rather than three, probably in January and February. We're still packing up for the move. That's happening in 9 days! V. was able to arrange to get the keys to the house this Saturday so this will allow us to move all the boxes and more fragile items this weekend thereby reducing time/cost for the movers on the 30th. However, it also means that packing is being kicked up a notch in the hopes of getting as much boxed as possible. So with that in mind, I'm taking Wednesday and Thursday off for packing. Fun. :) So, that's it for now. I'll try and give more informative/frequent updates in the next few weeks. :)

Ciao

All is right with the world

V. is home. I'm sleeping again. The cows have found their way home again. Nuff said. :)

Flying solo, for now

V. has gone to Las Vegas with the guys until Thursday. That's 6 days of just me home. He'll be back early Friday morning some time. I've just come back from 5 days in Chicago, and it looks like I'll be going to Dallas in two weeks. This will be the longest period of time that the two of us will have been apart since we've been together.

To pass the time, besides going to work, I'm going to be packing for our move at the end of the month. I'll happily take assistance, but the basement is off limits Patti. :) My goal for the week is to pack the main floor. This means all the glassware and such in the dining room, as well as all the DVDs and games. And for those of you who know us, this means well over 1000 DVDs. I'm confident I can do this. I've allocated tomorrow as the main packing day.

Meanwhile, I've given V. instructions to enjoy himself. They'll be hitting the casino, but they're also going to go to Area 51 and the Grand Canyon. He's going to have a blast! He gets back on the 10th, which coincidentally will be CD10 for me. So, a week from now we get onto the task of TTC. Just in time before I get sent on the next trip.

Anywayk, that's it for now.

Waiting Game

Up until now, all V. and I have been able to do is wait. We've counted the days, waited the 4 months the doctor requested. It's been tedious, but I have to admit that it's gone fairly quickly. Maybe I'm saying that to make myself feel better. :) In any case, the wait is done. IT HAS ARRIVED!!!! I'll save you from TMI, but I'm sure you can all figure it out. :) Not only is it November, but come the 11th of the month when V. returns from Vegas, it's time to begin the quest again! Yippee!!!!

It's never an easy road, is it?

Well, it is two days to November and to say there is some anticipation and agitation means that one would not have a clue. Forget the whole "life changing experience" that we are trying to engage in, let's just deal with trying to create the timing to create the experience. This week, Pam is off to Chicago on work-related items until Friday. I am on call this week so I could not go with her. That and the fact that on Saturday morning, I am leaving with a buddy and his friends to wing it down to Buffalo enroute to Las Vegas. So, by the time she gets home, we may have twelve hours together before we are apart for another week.

Oh yeah, throw in everyday stress, work stress, stress with the child, worrying about financing this little adventure, worrying about ill friends and family and anything else you can throw into the pot and it does not make for a very relaxed evening.

Oh yeah, don't let me forget our upcoming move. Not only from one house to another, one postal code to another, one city to another, one area code to another. For me, this is a huge deal because as a Taurean, I am not real up on change. To clarify, I love the idea, just VERY slow to execute it. So, even though this is only two suburbs away, this is really difficult for me in a way. I have lived almost all my 36 years in Canada in Scarborough (with brief stints in Toronto, Markham and North York). Over 20 of those years were never lower than Sheppard, nothing higher than barely over than Finch. I am looking forward to moving into the house in Ajax (still a rental but brand new). Sad to be further away from certain friends and family but glad to be near my sister (20 mins), my Godson (15 mins), RS (7 minutes driveway to driveway, she measured) and some friends in Whitby (15-20 mins each); not to mention the mounds of people we know in Pickering that will see us more often now. Well, maybe not. :)

So, there is a lot of stuff going on in November. I just want to make sure we can concentrate on the task at hand. I know that sounds a bit cold but let's face it here. We need the optimum conditions for both Pam an myself. We need to be relaxed. We need the right temperatures and indicators. We need the absence of inhibitors. We also need a clean room. None of which really lends to a whole romantic feeling in the process. I know there will be a certain amount of that in that we are both excited to give it the old, natural college try again but I am resigned to the truth and reality that this is going to be all baby-making sex this month. We are going to perform and perform often and I am simply going to have to live with that and like it.

Sigh. All that necessary, mandatory sex. Woe is me. ;-)

Away again

Well, I'm away again, but this time for work. I'm in Chicago with a colleague to upgrade servers and desktops at our plant here. My brother and his family live here so I've just returned from spending the evening with them. My niece and nephew are 10 and 15. They are smart, funny, and I love spending time with them. Tonight we carved pumpkins. It was a nice way to begin the trip. I'm here until Friday and then I get back and V. is away for a week. It sucks that we're apart for almost 2 weeks (with just Friday night together). However, there's enough to keep both of us occupied while home alone since we're moving in a month. It's almost November which means I'm anxiously awaying the arrival of me period (sorry, TMI) because that means that V. and I can start to try again. Timing should work such that when he returns from his Vegas trip with the guys it will be time to try in earnest. The only thing that will/can bugger up this plan is if my company sends me to Dallas the week of November 13. Hopefully this will work out for us. Our fingers are crossed.

A one in a million chance

It's absolutely facinating that something like this actually happens. It's not the first time I've seen this, and I'm sure it's not the last. I recall the story last year of the mixed race British couple who also had twins where one was dark and one was light. I also remember reading a story in People magazine of a couple who had young sons who are now around 10 and how they were handling things.

Some pix of Cuba

Here are a few pictures that V. took while we were on vacation.

These two are the view we had from our room. Amazing! :)




The resort had three connected pools with a bar in the middle. We were also just a brief walk to the beach.





This is Revolutionary Square wfrom here Fidel Castro makes his speeches.



We visited Necropolis Cristobal Colon, which is Havana's most famous cemetary. It is known as, Havana's 'City of the Dead', because we were told that there are 2 million people buried there, and in it lies the grave of La Milagrosa, a woman who died in 1901 during childbirth, was mourned by a heartbroken husband and is revered by Cubans as their unofficial saint. As the story goes she died in childbirth and so did her in son. They were buried together, with the child at her feet. Her husband was so distraught that he'd visit her grave, sometimes 3 times a day. He's knock on the lid to let her know he was there, and when he left, he'd back away and never turn his back until he could no longer see the grave. When her body was exhumed a number of years after he death, her body was still intact as if she'd just been buried. As well, the child was now in her arms. Because of this she was viewed as a saint. Now, many people visit her grave and pray asking for wishes to be granted. Many of these visitors are women who are unable to have children. So, when V. and I heard this story, it seemed that we should take advantage of being there. So we too said a prayer to La Milagrosa hoping that our wish could come true as well. For read about this legend go here.



It's interesting where you meet others going through the same IF journey as we are. We were speaking with our favourite bartender at the resort and asking if she had children (to determine what we'd be giving her from our treats stash). It turned out that she and her husband didn't have children and were working with a doctor. I believe she even made the motion and mentioned injections. So, it's a pretty small world.

Pumpkin carving templates

HP offers a couple of templates for free. Something to do if your house front is typically bare.

Pumpkin carving templates

Miscellaneous Stuff

Okay, why do I have ads for con.sti.pa.tion on my blog? I know I haven't been blogging about anything remotely connected.

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Speaking of the ads...go ahead and click them. :) They won't bite. The money raised from them will go towards our IF fund.

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It's been a while since I've mentioned it, but if you're a new visitor (or an old one who's been lurking), go ahead and sign the guest map. You'll find it over there on the right -->

Trip Update

I was going to link to V.'s blog with this post, but decided that I'd just copy if verbatim for ease. Sorry about the length but you'll understand as you start reading. :)

V. said:

We're baaaaaaaack! There is a story to tell.
Our hiatus is over, unfortunately, and we have returned thus far back to a semi-normal existence in Toronto. So, there is quite a long story to tell but if I break it up into several posts, some of you will end up reading it backwards. As such, I decided that you will just have to bear with me and perform some scrolling. So here goes...

A couple of months ago, not sure if it was the end of July or the beginning of August, I decided that what my Pam needed the most for her birthday was a vacation. She's been under some stress from work and some amount of stress as we try to move forward with our family plans and, admittedly, some stress from her husband (though he would claim it was giving the goose as good as the gander received, but that is for another post). Anyhow, I set about researching the vacation spots and also queried some friends about where they have been, especially my eventual top accomplice, BT from the pond.

I told very few people in the beginning (BT, BB at work and Patti) because loose lips sink ships but also, since the date was way off in September, the less people constantly in contact with her that knew, the less likely I would seriously have to hurt someone for accidentally tipping her off. I decided that I wanted to go the week before her birthday and, it being a surprise, I thought the best way to do this was to make all arrangements without her knowing. Later, I added getting her to the airport, sending her on a bit of a wild chase and filming her reaction; this addition would prove problematic as you will see soon.

Not to bore you with the intricate details, suffice it to say that while I can fool the lady pretty easily, doing so over an extended period of time was a real pain. I actually thought I would end up at the doctor's from all the stress. From the time I decided to do this, I had to lie countless number of times, conceal emails, MSN conversations and money transactions (hard with a joint account) and lie about where the money was going to (my upcoming Vegas trip *truth* and my upcoming monitor purchase from my nephew *false*). The monitor purchase had fallen through some time ago and I relied on her inability to remember certain facts to allow me to pull that one off; it worked brilliantly. However, when you get used to a person acting a certain way, it breeds suspicion when they deviate from that path. She was definitely thinking that something was going on but she was not sure what. I covered many times by provoking small arguments (and one large one near the end of this when I almost gave up) to get her mind elsewhere.

So, everything was on track. I was handling the lady, I had the time booked off of work, I had contacted her boss and booked her time, I had started saving up the funds and I was narrowing down the desired destination. I even successfully danced around Pam planning an adult gaming night on the first Saturday we were away (which prompted immediate emails from BB and Patti). It was all coming together until an unforeseen factor entered the fray; my MIL. This was not a purposeful interruption since she too knew nothing but it was powerful enough to change my course. Some longtime family friends, ones that could not make our wedding, were going to be in Toronto the Monday we were to be away and she also wanted us to attend dinner on the Friday for Erev Rosh Hashanah. The latter I could have gotten out of but the former was a big deal. OY! So, on the week I was to book it all, we were to leave and the surprise was to be sprung, I had to change our plans; ALL of them.

I cancel my vacation at work, I contacted her boss and got him to change her vacation and I started anew on finding where we were going. It ended up that our most favourite day, Friday the 13th, would be when we would be booked to leave. For those not familiar with our story, I proposed to Pam on Friday the 13th, my brother was married on the 13th and we were married on the 13th; the number is a lucky one for our family. Of course, the longer this thing dragged on, the more Pam was asking questions, coming into my desk area when I was online with vacation deal places or when telling conversations with BT were on my screen. I worked around her being off the Wednesday before we left when I was supposed to be buying the tickets and I successfully got her to change a hair appointment to cut and colour it the same day. Thankfully, she left the next day (Thursday) to go to work and I was able to go and buy the tickets at the travel agency. I also rigged the money can so I would know if, after our last row, she went into it to check on the funds.

As it turns out, fate is a funny thing. Our current rental home has had, to put it mildly, some challenges recently and requires repairs that the landlord quite simply is not, and has never been, prepared to perform. We have lived there for fours years and it was time for a change. We had looked at a number of places but nothing suited what we wanted until we saw this place in Ajax. It was a large, never lived in, four-bedroom and 2.5 bathroom home. Unfortunately, it came with not-so-bright owners and when we made our offer, they turned it down over a decision to not eat one month (more details later). So, we continued working on this and found another house not too far from there but thought they would not be willing to lower the asking price on the lease. The intricate details will soon follow but in six hours we saw the ad online, called the agent, met her and saw the house, made an offer, answered some concerns, answered the owner's counter-offer and signed the lease. As it turned out, that was good for us, but bad for my surprise plans as we now had to certify a rent cheque, drop off the cheque, receive more copies of papers and another item. All this in the Thursday and Friday before we left.

Add to the rental madness another matter I had to deal with which also stretched over the last two days before we left and the fact that both parties were late on Friday conducting business and Houston, we had a problem. So, on Friday, I had to make like I was going to work after the morning appointment (which dumbdumb forgot his briefcase downtown and had to reschedule later in the morning, wasting an hour of my time), wash some clothes I knew she would want to wear, pack, visit the dollar store for Cuban gifts, visit CAA for new luggage locks, get some necessary work done and emails answered, meet the two people I needed to and then out to the lady to spring the whole surprise. I was doing fine until the packing at the end as I was delayed in trying to reduce the overstuffed bags to something that did not cost a king's ransom to get on the plane (bloody hell, when did the allowance drop so low?); this, combined with the delayed meetings, would prove fatal to my plans in the end. Oh yeah, it also rained and the f**king people in Toronto cannot drive when anything but clear, dry roads present themselves.

I finally headed out super late, hit LOADS of traffic on the highway and got to Pam's office only 45 minutes before we were to leave. I gave my story with the look of dread on my face (the receptionist had to hold her laughter as I had to explain to her what was going on) and Pam went off to explain why she had to leave to her boss' boss as her boss was out of the building (something else unexpected). We got going and was really cutting it tight. I got into the loop around Terminal 3 and gave up on the surprise, telling her in the car. Her immediate reaction? Anger. She could not leave she says. She had things on her desk she says. Her car was still at work she says. Covered. Covered. Covered.

I had planned all of it down to the last detail. My father was on his way to her work where the keys sat with the receptionist to her car. Her boss had already asked her for the secondary support phone for the weekend and was going to pack up and put away her laptop into the server room. The neighbour was going to gather all of our mail and newspapers and hold it for us. Our vacation time at work was booked off. Our families and friends (most of them) were notified. My MIL and LB had our flight and hotel info in case of emergency. Everything was taken care of to the last detail; everything except for me and the stuff I had no control over.

The meeting issues earlier were enough of a delay to throw my entire plan off course. While they had to be done and there was simply no way to get around them, we were buggered. Pam was at the desk, I was parking, the Skyservice dude was not willing to help us in any way and, yes, WE MISSED THE FLIGHT!! Never had I felt worse than at the moment I failed my wonderful wife. This was to be the surprise of a lifetime, the perfect caper, the best thing I had ever done for her and we were standing there at the counter, ten minutes removed from a wonderful vacation. To her credit, the lady at the Signature Vacations counter did her best but there was simply nothing that can be done. Such is the new world order due to the terrorist attacks and the rising cost of travel. So, we were left to decide whether to forfeit the vacation or pay ridiculous money for one-way flights to get down to Varadero, Cuba on another airline.

My baby wanted a vacation and what my baby wants, my baby gets. While I was speaking to our travel agent, my LB called and was speaking to Pam who conveyed the gory details of a plan gone horribly off the tracks. Special thanks goes to LB and family as he stepped up and got the flights arranged with Avion Travel and the lovely and helpful agent there. Pam and I made our way back to the car in valet parking at the Park 'N Fly where they gave us a free day since we had not actually used the time. We headed back to her work where she retrieved her laptop, cleared her desk and briefly explained to her boss and co-workers and then headed home for a night's rest.

We actually got little rest as we unpacked everything and Pam repacked it all (I had about three hours sleep in the last 48 so was pretty baked) until the two main bags were within an acceptable overage (7lbs). We got some sleep and then in the morning we went to the travel agency to get the new tickets, off to STC to reschedule her eye doctor appointment, get a battery for the camcorder, get shampoo from Shopper's Drug Mart and shoes at SportChek. Ok, we were running behind time but still okay. We headed home to pack the carry on luggage when we got a bright/not-so-bright idea. We had read that the shows at the hotel were pretty cheesy (they were) so we thought about LB's family with the little lad's portable DVD player and decided to pick one up on the way to the airport. We took some time picking out some movies to take with us and loaded up to head out.

A quick trip to Future Shop turned into a mini-adventure when the unit we were looking at on the display was not operational due to a bent pin. We had them fix this as we checked models. When that was fixed, we asked for that model and another person had to go in back and check for that. When he returned, he handed it to another twit who would not relinquish it as we told him we still had a CD case to get. We then had to tell senor dipshite to bust a move as we had a plane to catch. We left him in the aisle as we knew we could find the case faster than he could. We did, found him again as he failed to keep up with us, paid and left. Now, in the truck, we strip the parts out of the box, took out all the DVDs from the cases and placed them in the case holder and then headed off. Naturally, we hit traffic going north on Kennedy. I headed up the 404 back to the 407 for some good old fashioned law breaking because we were not missing this plane.

Naturally, there was an issue this time getting the car into the Park 'N Fly. Naturally, we were behind time. Naturally, by the time we got to the counter, they had started boarding and we were on the cusp of missing the plane AGAIN. Hell no!! We got to buddy at the counter who basically yelped that we needed to go see someone over at check-in as he printed the tickets for us. The young East Indian man was courteous and helpful while his bitchy broad co-worker decided that repeatedly telling us we are "very late" instead of helping her co-worker get it done was more helpful. Our bags were over the mark of course, and should have cost us about fifty bucks to send, but we were so late that they simply slapped "HEAVY" orange stickers on both and told us to run to security. We were running when yelping man ran after us to give us what turned out to be return tickets which we would never use because we were coming back on the flight we already paid for. We turned the corner and hit security where Pam explained we were trying to make a plane and is there a quicker line. We got shuffled to the furthest one away and went through but had to wait as they did the wand test (sniffer for explosive materials). We then had to hurry down an escalator, past some shops and to the gate which was thankfully one of the first ones you hit.

There was still a line and we got in it, with about eight people filling in behind us. Pam's throat had started to hurt but she decided not to pop out quickly to the shop behind us to get throat lozenges. We filled out the sheets that they needed to collect at the gate that the dippy twit upstairs said we could do on the plane and give to the flight attendant. We boarded the plane and settled in for our first flight to Cuba. Excited. Tired. And annoyed with the loud, ignorant, middle-eastern twits sitting behind us who insisted on putting a knee or something into Pam's chair back, yapping much louder than is necessary on a plane and just being unnecessarily difficult and demanding to the rather competent staff.

At this point though, it mattered not. We were finally on vacation, we were leaving the wet and cold for the dry and humid. We were finally getting some rest. Hallelujah!!!!

Special thanks goes to my main accompli: BT from the pond, Patti and B-McBain. Thanks also goes to the ladies at Avion Travel for all their help and support. And last but not least, an enormous amount of thanks and appreciation goes to our LB whom without the Saturday flight might not have happened at all. Much love.

To come in a couple of days, an account of the Cuba trip itself and some pictures (and possibly a video) of the trip.

We're Back!!

Sorry for the sudden absence last week. But it was just as sudden for me. With the help of my manager and several of our friends, V. managed to plan and execute a huge surprise. It's one of those things we all want our husband/wife/significant other to do for us at some time. It seems that my devious husband had managed to plan a week away without me finding out. He'd been working on it for several months, had gotten my manager to okay the time off, pack and get me to the airport without me knowing the real reason. He showed up at my office with some cockamamy story that we had to go to the airport to pick up his aunt because his father had screwed up and couldn't do it. It helps that my office is about 10 minutes from the airport, so for me, this wasn't such a strange request. I was oblivious to all and bought right into the whole story. It turns out there was no aunt to pick up, rather, we were leaving!!!!

We have just returned from an amazing week in Varadero, Cuba!!!! Neither of us had been before, and it was a perfect way to relax from the stresses at home and work. The weather was perfect. Clear blue skies, hot (easily mid to upper 80's every day), and no rain at all, even though it's still the rainy season. We spent lazy days at the beach or by the pool. One afternoon we went into Varadero to visit the flea market and pick up souvenirs. Another day we took a tour into Havana and walked around Old Havana and New Havana, seeing Revolutionary Square among many other sites. But V. had promised me several years ago that our next trip to a beach resort I would be able to just sit in the sun and relax. With a pina colada in one hand and my book in the other, it was heaven.

We returned home at 2am this morning to find that the ceiling in our guest room had caved in from all of the rain we've had over the past several months. Our landlord has been told several times about the leaking and not done anything about the roof. Somehow, I don't think he can put it off any longer. Thankfully we're moving at the end of November. :)

Anyway, apart from the downer on our return, our week away was amazing!!!

I'll update later when V. has posted about our trip on his blog and put in a link to his or ask him to post his story of how he did this. :)

Back and feeling more rested :) Now to go and catch up on everyone's blogs!

We are on hiatus!

My lovely wife will explain in further detail when she gets the opportunity. Chat at you in a week or so. :)

Enjoy.

V

All Quiet on the Eastern Front

Sorry I haven't been around. There's really not much going on here. It's just a waiting game for time to pass so we can move on to trying on our own and then if that doesn't work, moving to IVF. There are periods where it feels like time is standing still, and then others where the weeks ar flying by. Right now - it's standing still. As you know we have to wait until November before we can start trying. That's still a month away. There is stuff to occupy me at work but the time is still going to go slowly. Sigh....hopefully something will turn this around.

That's it. I'll try and post more frequently. :)

Happy Birthday to Me!

Today I turned 46. It's been a quite day, much like any other. I've received birthday wishes and cards from many. A very nice wallet from my mom, and an amazing handmade afghan from Patti. Thanks Patti!! It's a quiet evening for V. and I. We're hitting a movie tonight. I think it will probably be Jet Li's Fearless. I've heard the story is a bit hokey, but the fight scenes are incredible. Plus it's a chinese language film. We've always been fans of the foreign films, so subtitles won't be a problem.

That's it, and hope you're all having a great day!

UPDATE:

We saw Fearless. It was pretty good flick. We liked it. The storyline was a bit hokey but the fight scenes really were amazing. V. didn't realize it was in Chinese until I told him, but that didn't matter a bit. We then went to dinner at Canyon Creek Chop House for some really good food. V. had a perfectly cooked rib eye and I had their cedar planked salmon. Mmmmm. And they brought us champagne on them with a sparkler for me because V. said it was my birthday. A very nice way without being embarrassed by raucous singing. :)

All around a very nice way to spend the evening with my honey. Thanks Hon! Love you!

Gentle Persuasion

An interesting read.

Gentle Persuasion

L'Shanah Tova

V. and I would like to wish you all a happy, health and sweet New Year. As you look towards the coming year be proud of your strengths and accomplishments, and may all your dreams come true.

L'Shanah Tova

Word Play

I've been tagged by Annemarie. I was given four words to talk about...then I'll tag four others with four other words.

My words: chill, remedy, music and relate

Chill: I like to do this and I often am this. Lately I’d rather just sit back, relax and watch the world go by. There’s nothing better than having no plans forcing you to do something. However, I’m forced to go into the office where I get a chill from the frigid a/c system we’ve got.

Remedy: Usually a remedy is required to cure/fix something. But since I’m not ailing, I haven’t needed one. However, just in case, a dose of ice cream is always a good remedy for anything that ails you.

Music: A staple in our house. We’ve got eclectic tastes so have everything ranging from 80’s house music, jazz, R&B, rock can be found. My iPod has great music on it.

Relate: this has taken on a new meaning in our house. It’s been a little while since my surgery so we’re now able to relate whenever we want. I think the cows are home to stay. :)

I'm tagging Patti, Jenny, Meri-ann and Nikki.
Your four words are: surprise, inhale, ice cream, and reality

Philosophy

A family friend once told me long ago during a fairly difficult period in my life, "Don't worry about things you have no control over." I really believe in that and I do my best to let the uncontrollable events and trials in life roll off my back like so much water so I can move on. Unfortunately, sometimes, there are things that shift my attention and I end up fixated on something I know full well I am basically powerless to change or affect. It is these events and times in life that are the most mind-numbing and frustrating.

I speak about many things in this post, none of which I am at liberty to disucss right now (and this is not the right blog for those anyhow). That said, this whole process falls in that category because except for donating/producing/having extracted the seeds of life, I really have no control over this situation of ours. That annoys the hell out of me, frustrates me to no end, and keeps me up at night.

Most of all, it scares me.

I worked hard to have a modicrum of control over what happens to me, my immediate family and the things I worked hard for. It is not easy to place something so important to me and my family in someone else's hands (or tube, or lab or...). Sigh. Just venting today. Two more months. I'll be here. I'll be up. See you then.

Ciao.

Mall Rats

I read a lot of IF blogs everyday (thank god for bloglines). There are so many people out there that have been struggling for so long, and others for much less than me. I remember thinking when I've read their posts of how they feel when the see a pregnant woman or get invited to baby showers "it doesn't bother me". And I figure, maybe I'm just not as affected in that way by it all. And I still don't get upset by it. I love shopping for baby gifts, especially baby clothes. So anyway, V. asked me to pick up a gift for a colleague of his who had a baby last November and as she was bringing her into the office, he would go down and see her. So I head off to Sherway Gardens on my lunch hour to pick up a gift. Now this mall is about 10-12 minutes away from my office on the highway, so not a problem to get to but when on earth did it get so friggin' big???? Needless to say, I ended up walking the entire mall because I started at The Bay (one of their anchor stores) and ended up buying the gift at Sears (anchored at the complete other end). Anyway, to get back to my original point of how one feels seeing pregnant women. It doesn't usually bother me mainly because these women are all strangers to me. So I'm walking through the mall during the hour I was there and at every turn there were pregnant women, women with babies, women with toddlers, strollers everywhere!!! It's as if the mall is a magnet for them. I think I must have counted 20 pregnant woman.

I promise, when it's my turn, I won't go hang out at the mall. :)

Hear ye, hear ye

[depressing post alert – proceed at your own risk]


In 2 weeks I turn 46. I have to say, I am not where I expected to be at this stage in my life – professionally or personally. I didn’t think I’d be trying to conceive my first child at this age. But then again, I didn’t meet the man I wanted to marry until I was 38. And that in itself was a long, uphill battle for us, with several things to overcome. V. and I were lying in bed this morning talking about stuff (I don’t remember exactly what lead to my comment) and I said “I’m old”. He was astonished that I said that and more concerned that I actually felt like that. In all the years he’s known me I’ve never had issue with my age probably because I’ve never looked it nor acted it. People are always surprised when they find out what my age actually is. I have to admit, I think this year is the first time that I truly feel that I’m old. I look at our families, our friends, and their kids – both young and old. We’ve got friends who have had a baby in the last 6 months, and others who are expecting their third in the next six months. We’ve got family and friends who have kids as young as 2 and others with kids who are in their 20s. That's where I thought I’d be by now, watching my children graduating high school or college by now. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not disappointed by where I am, just saddened by the fact that we don’t always get what we want. However, as V. has said to me many times, I may not where I wanted to be, but I am where I’m supposed to be.

So this brings me to my birthday. People ask if I’ve told V. what I want. He’s asked in the past months what I want. And as always I reply, I don’t know. I know I can be the most difficult person to buy for at times. He and I have most of the near latest gadgets when it comes to technology because we are both geeks (I’ve cut him off from buying the latest). So when looking to technology for a gift, it’s often too late. :) He recently asked I’d be interested in taking an introductory flying lesson. We were on our way to visit friends who'd recently moved back to Toronto (and their new baby) on the Labour Day weekend and were driving past Buttonville Airport (I think) and saw a sign. I thought it an interesting idea, but I don’t know if I gave him my usual non-committal response. I probably did. I guess the idea of taking one lesson is cool, but it’s not like we’re in a position to continue taking flying lessons, so what’s the point?

If just anyone were to ask me what I’d want for my birthday, I’d probably say I don’t know. But that’s a lie. I do know what I want and right now it’s unattainable. I want to be pregnant. Of course I want a child, but let’s not get greedy. I’d take pregnant right now. However, that’s not possible at this time because we’re still in the doctor imposed waiting period. And even if it were possible, we all know it doesn’t just happen because we want it.

So if anyone was thinking about giving me something for my birthday. Don’t. Please. I’d rather that the money (if it’s my family) was put towards the probable IVF in November (if our attempt prior to that doesn’t work). If someone else was thinking it, I’d rather you donated the money to a charity of your choice. I don’t want any fuss. This isn’t a milestone birthday. I’d rather just spend the evening quietly with my husband. I have a pass that’s valid only in my birthday to go to a Cineplex theatre which I intend to use. I hope my husband will join me. :) But other than that, I don’t want anything else.

Sorry this turned into a depressing post. It’s been sitting in my head for a little while and I guess this morning’s comment brought it out. I'll go crawl back into my cave for a while and think about how lucky I am to have a husband who loves me for me, and doesn't care a lick about my age.

All quiet here

Not much going on. It's a rainy Saturday. This was supposed to be a "no plans" weekend for us so we could get some much needed clean up done. We're determined to purge those items we don't need either through a garage sale, giving away or throwing them away. However, we're heading to the Argo-TiCat game today with some friends. Mark and Patti would normally go with us as they're big Argo fans, but Patti had her surgery yesterday. She'll be home today so go visit her and give some bloggy love for a speedy recovery.

Sweet and Sour

Many times a year, there are family gatherings that we either host or attend. Inevitably at these events, there are people with new and old children around. The old children are kids we used to pick up that now work at Wonderland; kids whose cheeks you used to pinch that you now wonder if that clothing item is appropriate for their age. And, as will always be in a large family, there are the really young children and/or babies.

As anyone in our circle will tell you, we are the most favourite aunt and uncle and I am the best Godfather. I treat my two Godchildren like my own kids and they know that I feel that way about them. As such, I command a certain level of respect from them, which they give easily. In return, I give easily the attention and care that they command of me. My Goddaughter, in pond land, is turning Sweet Sixteen in November; we are all terrified at the thought. She is a very good kid and there are no worries about her path in life, but life is different than when we were sixteen so we have extra concern. My Godson turned thirteen last month and his mother is having a bit of a time adjusting to the fact that she now is the mother of a teenager in the house. She is calling on me to be more involved in his life. It is not that his father is not there (he is, and he is great with them all), it is just that as a Roman Catholic, we really take the honour of our position as Godparents very seriously. God forbid that something happens to the parents, but we have to be in the children's lives so the transition would not be a second traumatic event in their lives. Anyhow, enough of that as nothing is happening to their parents.

Our various little nieces, nephews and cousins absolutely adore us because we are the ones who will crawl on the ground with them, let them crawl all over us like a jungle gym, listen to their umpteenth call for attention and (I'm sure it is not the top of the list) we give the best presents. While we try not to go over the top, we tend to be generous in the gift giving and can be counted on either for the gift the child loves or the parents hate (i.e. that noisy, battery-operated, lighted thing that drives them nutso).

Sorry, back to the babies topic. Naturally, my dear wife will gravitate to new or young life like a moth to a flame' that is not a criticism, merely an observation. This weekend, while the little lad from Ottawa lay on her and was falling asleep as he so often likes to do with "Auntie", she looks over to me and says, "I really want one." All I could feebly offer up was, "I know." There is simply nothing else I could say because I do know and it breaks my heart that one of the few things she has ever asked me for in our life together (eight years now) I cannot just give to her. I am hoping that come November, we can simply relax and try together one last time and, barring no results, move calmly but quickly to the next step and process. Nothing would mean more to me right now than to give her this gift. I have been blessed to experience it myself (though it does not feel like a blessing these days, long story about teenagers and divorce) and I want her to enjoy those same feelings.

We are two months away from various decisions to be made. Regardless though, the end result and goal stays the same: a new Trini in the house.

Victor

Hello, I lost my calendar, so...

Can ya tell me if it is November yet? Not yet? Dang. Ok, I'm fine. I can deal with it. No problems here. Thankfully, I am not in a Seinfeld bet.

Time moves so slowly when you want something to happen and so quickly when you need more time or you are trying to avoid doing something or having something happen. This year, with all going on, it feels like time just likes using me as a pinata and decides when to screw me over. While it is seemingly standing still as we try to press forward, it is whipping along in many other respects. Ah well, learn to deal with it right?

Ok, now, how about now? Is it November yet?

"Do It Yourself" at your own risk...

All I can say is TraceyF posted this last year. While catching up on her blog it had me laughing so hard my colleagues must have thought me insane. It strengthened my resolve to NEVER "do it yourself" but always see a professional. I don't know who the woman was who experienced this, but it deserves another posting. Thanks Tracey!



Hair removal 101...God love the woman who shared this...

All hair removal methods have tricked us with their promises of easy,
painless removal - The epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...the
wax.

My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home, fix dinner,
and play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should pull the wax out of
the medicine cabinet. So I headed to the site of my demise; the
bathroom. It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot
wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get
warm and you peel them apart, press it to your leg (or wherever else)
and hair comes right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean
I'm no girly girl; I am mechanically inclined enough that I can figure
it out. *YA THINK!!!*

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this
phrase haunts me!)

I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
OK so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward
body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire. With my next wax strip I move
north.

After checking on the kids I sneak back into the bathroom, for the
ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one
foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure I apply the was strip
across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my
v-g-na and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek Yes, it was a
long strip)

I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!

Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of
the strip. crap!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly
and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to
see my trophy - A wax covered strip with my hairy pelt that has caused
me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX???


Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...................remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put
my foot down. noo!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of the cell door.
V-g-n-Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the
bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please
don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off". Hot water!!
Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the
bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt
and I can gently wipe it off right???

*WRONG!!!!!!!*

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now,
the only thing worse that having your nether businesses glued together
is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub.
In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!! God bless the man that convinced me
I should have a phone in the bathroom!!!!! I call my friend thinking
surely she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone.
It's a very good conversation starter "So, my butt and who-ha are stuck
to the bottom of the
tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does
try
to hide the laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is
located on bottom "Are we talking cheeks or hole or what?" She's
laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and
she suggests I all the number on the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!!
I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through
various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor.
Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot
wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry
shaving the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity
has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land.


My friend is still talking with me and my hand reaches towards the
saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. What
do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids, scared the dickens out of my friend,
but I really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!


I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief
and despair.................................

THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......................ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So I shaved it off. Heck, I'm numb at this point.



Next week I'm going to try hair color......


original

November!!

Today was the follow-up appointment for my surgery. Since it was in the middle of the morning, I actually got to sleep in and take my time, a luxury I don't get on a normal business day. I got down there with time to spare. They office wasn't busy because she was on OB call with the ER so they can't fill her schedule just in case there's an emergency downstairs.

So anyway, I don't have to wait more than 10 minutes before she comes to get me. I really really like her. She's young, hip and has such a great bedside manner. And a fun sense of humour. I had brought a really cool MP3 player with me that has the ability (besides doing video) to record sound as well. So V. showed me how to work it so I could tape the appointment since he couldn't be there. When she calls me in she's looking at me with this big silly grin. She's genuinely happy to see me and when I ask why the big grin she says "have you lost weight?" God I love this woman. :) In actuality, I probably have lost 3 or 4 pounds since she saw me July 12th but it's always nice to have someone say something.

I pulled out the U10 and set it recording telling her that I'm going to tape our conversation since V. can't be there. She calls out to the device "hello, hi there, hello" just to him. :) I then hop up on the table and she takes a look at the scars, pokes around a bit and deems me in great shape. Asked how things were as well. For the most part, I'm doing really well. I've got no pain at the incision sites, but sometimes get little pains. Since I had my appendix out about 6 years ago, I'm fairly sure that these pains are just little things that will go away - nothing to be concerned about. The only thing I do have that is a bit of a pain is that when my bladder is full (and that's fairly often since I drink 2 litres of water a day minimum). It's pretty painful and of course once my bladder is empty, it still hurts as it returns to its regular size. I mentioned this. She asked if it was like that before the surgery (nope) and I said it showed up about 2-3 weeks ago which correlates with when I went back to work and resumed my water intake. She said keep an eye on it and let her know if it gets worse. My own personal diagnosis says that this is because a) I've got further to walk to the bathroom now that our office area moved so it's full longer b) the main fibroid's location was posterior in my uterus and was distorting it's shape. I'm pretty sure that she told me at an earlier appointment that the fibroids were pushing my uterus up and back so now that it's settled back down to where it belongs; it's just above my bladder. So when my bladder is full, it's pushing into the uterus. Who knows if I'm right, but it sounds good to me.

She asked us when we wanted to start trying again. I told her that was one of V.'s questions. It's not like we haven't been practicing or anything, but we obviously can't do anything that will risk me getting pregnant until she gives us the okay. I went in armed with the knowledge that when we start the protocol with the clinic that it will take about 6 weeks before we reach embryo transfer, so I was hoping she would say November. That is about midway of her original 3-6 months. Sure enough, I didn't even have to say anything, she said November. That means after my November period, we can start to try. I'm happy with that.

She goes through the reports that she's got and says that the pathology report for the fibroids says that they were benign which is also great news. It's rare for them to be malignant but always a relieve when she confirms all is well. She gave me a copy of the reports for my records and one for my family doctor and sends me on my way. Her parting words were essentially that we better let her know when we're expecting. I told her not to worry, that we'd be back as we had every intention of having her be my OB. :) And with that I was on my way.

So knowing that V. wants to try again I let him know when I got to the office what she'd said. He's a bit disappointed because he sees that as three months. However, I reminded him that my cycles are only 28 days and that my November cycle will be right at the beginning of the month. In fact, I checked the calendar. I will actually be getting 2 cycles in October, one at the beginning and one at the end, so as soon as he gets back from Vegas we're good to go.

I told her that V. wants us to try to see if we can conceive naturally before we move to the donor scenario. I'd love for us to have a child that was biologically ours but there is so much going against us for that and I know V. would too (as evidenced in his post below).

1. I'm going to be 46 next month. There is a less than 5% chance that we will conceive naturally. I know it's possible, but it's so much harder.
2. Also, being 46 means that there is a greater chance of birth defects and disability. "The risk of having a child with Down syndrome increases in a gradual, linear fashion until about age 30 and increases exponentially thereafter (Figure 1).8 The risk of having a child with Down syndrome is 1/1,300 for a 25-year-old woman; at age 35, the risk increases to 1/365. At age 45, the risk of a having a child with Down syndrome increases to 1/30." If you look at the chart associated with that link, that is a greater than 3.5% chance of having a Downs child. This scares the hell out of me.


Now don't get me wrong, if V. wants to try we will, but I want him to be realistic. It's taken so long to get to where we are I don't want to take much time trying to conceive naturally, especially once we've managed to secure the funds necessary to move forward with the donor. Now, don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying that having a child with our donor means absolute success. I'm being realistic here. However, it greatly increases our chances of success, while bringing down the percentage to less than 0.5% to having a Downs baby.

Anyway, we'll wait and see how things go. In the meantime, everything is looking positive and we're moving forward. Always a good thing.

Tomorrow's Checkup

So DW is off to the checkup with Dr. L alone. Unfortunately, we are buggered by timing as we do not want to reschedule since the doc is so in demand. I have to be in class for work for the next four days so I cannot attend with her. While we are not really concerned about complications or issues, it will be a bit of relief when we get the official clearance from the doctor. One thing DW has to speak to her about, though, is this uncomfortable feeling she gets in her abdomen when her bladder is full. It may be nothing but it seems to happen all the time now so I am a little concerned about that. The other obvious thing we want to know is when we can continue forward with our plans. Let me tell you, while everything else moves forward, I am anxious to give it the old college try to get things doing the natural way. I hate DW having to go through all of this (as well as our good and extremely generous friend). Plus, if somehow it can be a product of us both, I know it would mean something extra to us both, especially after all this time and trials. Don't get me wrong, I am not frowning upon any opportunity for parenthood with my dear wife, but I'd be lying if I said I did not wish there was not some miracle that would allow us to have it between us alone.

Such is life. I just want my wife to get a clean bill of health. Anything beyond that is simply gravy in my eyes. I was blessed in life with my first child. I was blessed again when I found my soul mate and life partner. I will be equally blessed when, by whatever means, we become parents together. We have a lot of living and loving and we hope to have yet another child(ren) to share that with. And the child wants a sibling or two so we would like to give her that too. Time will tell, but we will keep hoping and we will keep trying.

Thanks for your continued support during our little adventure. Peace.

We apologize for the change in programming

In case some of you have seen some posts appear and then disappear, I wanted to clear up any confusion. No you have not lost your minds. My husband has his own blog (see my blog roll) as well as being a contributor to this one. He claims that when he uses the Blog This option when he's on a web page, it defaults to my blog. So I end up reminding him that he's done it again and I move his post. One day, he may remember. :)

Tagged!

I was tagged by Penny.

1. YOUR ROCK STAR NAME: (first pet and current street name)

__________ Oakridge - yeah I was deprived, no pets except a turtle and I don't think it had a name.

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy)

Esther Tootsie Roll

3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your middle name)

P. Sar

4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal)

Blue Tiger

5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born)

Sarah Toronto

6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 2 letters of mom's maiden name and first 3 letters of the town you grew up in.)

Ass-Pa-Ne-Tor - somehow, anything with Ass in it just sounds wrong

7. Terrorist Name:

no comment

8. SUPERHERO NAME: (your favorite color, favorite drink)

The Blue Blizzard - I know that's not really a drink, but it sounds good :)

I'm tagging Jenny, AnnMarie, Shazz, and Meri-ann

They found their way home!

Woohoo!!





For anyone who's not following this post will help make sense. :)

What's in a name?

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:

a = Fantasia
b = Chesty
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:

a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

My maiden name: Princess Leather Thong
My marreid name is: Princess Sparkle Heat

Borrowed from NikkiNix

Progress is normal (TMI for some)

I'd say my recovery is progressing at a normal rate, apart from my lapse in judgement this weekend when we went to visit my BIL and SIL in Ottawa who have a 23 month old. Auntie was in high demand. Considering I was a little sore the next day, I probably did a bit too much with him, with the lifting and all. But it was fun!

From a cycle perspective (TMI to follow), I got my period for the first time since the surgery and it was right on schedule. For that alone I was thrilled. I've always been 28-29 days like clockwork, and sure enough, 29 days it was. Plus, the best part (if there can be a best part for this) is that it was a normal flow. None of this "the flood gates have opened run for your lives" flow. No longer do I need to use double protection of the super variety. Yippee!!! And on top of all that, it 4 days and it was done. (I know, some of you probably hate me.) Plus it seems like the extreme back aches may have stopped. I still get the headaches, but not the blinding migraine type. So all in all, I'd say things are going pretty well.

Surgery was 4 weeks ago today! Two more months of imposed rest, then we'll see where we are.

And now for something completely different

One of the many things that V. and I have in common is our warped sense of humour. Within days of meeting each other we discovered a mutual love of Monty Python. We were both quoting lines from Holy Grail that those around us just didn't get. So when the Broadway show, Spam-a-lot, opened we both knew that it was something we wanted to see. This summer the touring show has come to Toronto for a limited run ending September 10th.

As an early birthday present (mine isn't until late September) V. took me to dinner and the show on Friday night. Dinner was very nice at Baton Rouge. We ended up eating at the bar because the restaurant was full due to it being summer, Friday night, as well as the first day if the Caribana weekend (which we aren't participating in this year). I have to say the show was absolutely hysterical and definitely earned it's 2005 Tony for Best Musical. We laughed through the whole show. I think the woman next to me was crying she was laughing so hard. It was money well spent.

If you're a Monty Python fan, go see the show. If you're not, then watch Holy Grail, Lfe of Brian and a bunch of the other MP movies, and you should be good to go.

Get Fuzzy....no not that kind

These guys always make me laugh.




Reprinted without permission from Comics.com

Do you or don't you?

As I'm in this required waiting period while I recover from surgery, I have lots of time to think and ponder. Of course, a day doesn't go by that I don't calculate when we may be able to start the protocol. However, that's not all that runs through my head.

V. and I have on several previous occasions said that when we get pregnant we weren't telling anyone for 3 months. However, I put it to him the other day, what do we do now that I have loyal readers who are supporting us through all of our ups and downs, offering advice, support and just being there as an ear? How do you not say anything to family, but let those who are riding the roller coaster with you, be happy (or sad) with you? The problem here is that we have many of our friends and few family members reading the blog. So it makes it that much more difficult to tell one group when parents and siblings may be kept in the dark. A further possible "complication" was if there was any validity to a supposed superstition that my cousin had told me about back when she was expecting her first child. She said that there was a jewish superstition that if someone asked if you were pregnant you weren't supposed to lie and say no (if you were). Now I'd never heard of such a thing, and when I googled, I couldn't find anything online either.

So, I thought I'd ask Projgen, a Jewish woman who is on this IF ride as well and is extremely knowledgeable in the practices of her/our faith. I wanted to know if she was aware of any such superstition. She hadn't heard of it either, but she responded with an answer that was helpful in terms understanding where that superstition could have originated. I'm going to quote her answer in its entirety. Thank you Projgen for you help.

I've never heard of a superstition about lying about being pregnant, but in general, Judaism frowns on lying. Prevaricating is okay, but outright lying is bad ;) Maybe someone in your cousin's immediate family combined the idea of not lying and pregnancy and made a new custom/superstition! In my in-law's family no one would ever wear green - they believe there is a superstition about Jews wearing green. Can't find any information about that, either, so I have a feeling some family member long ago must have been wearing green and died a tragic death. So, therefore, wearing green is bad.

It sounds like you know the more common superstition of not telling anyone you are pregnant until after the first trimester. The background to that (so I've been told) is that when people are very happy for you, wishing you well, you get distracted with self-pleasure, providing HaSatan (not the xtian Satan: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satan) an opening to come and steal the baby's neshama, or soul. After 3 months, the baby is strong enough (and the chance of miscarriage plummets) to protect itself from HaSatan. Personally, I think that stems from the fact that the majority of miscarriages happen in the first 3 months, so the HaSatan story came about as explanation. But also, it saves the parents having to deal with multiple explanations if they were to announce it to everyone right away, and then Gd forbid, miscarry. That would too much additional emotional trauma.

So an explanation, but I'm still back to what do we do when the time comes?

I'm leaning towards keeping it real and telling everything on the blog. After all, I started writing here to keep a journal of what we were going through, knowing that there would be (unfortunately) thousands of others in the same situation would I would be able to draw strength from, as well as support others myself. How do I go through our protocol, keeping everyone in the loop, and then when it's time for the two week wait, and the betas, not say a word? I don't know if I could do that? What would you do? How have you handled this?

TMI alert (you are forewarned)

While I am in an espousing frame of mind, I have to touch upon a subject that is both personal and touchy. With DW's operation comes certain obvious concerns and cautions. Having any surgery, even less invasive surgery as the one she went through, modifies the body in ways it was not meant to have happen. You cut into the adominal wall tissue and muscles, move organs around, cut and stitch some internals items... it all affects you and the ability to do the normal things you would find yourself doing.

Now, since all of you are familiar with the what, where, why, when and how's of her operation, I think you have an idea of what we can and cannot do. She cannot bend like she normally would. She attempted to pass me a pillow by twisting her upper body and nearly passed out from the pain. She cannot lift anything overly heavy (not that she was Ms. Atlas before) and nearly dropped a number of things that she had no bloody business attempting to lift so early on in her recovery. She cannot press or be pressed upon as she is still sore and hurting where she incurred what amounts to essentially "multiple stab wounds". And it is in this last part that I have heard a particular comment a number of times that I think I want to address now.

For those of you who do not know me, I have grown in girth over the last few years and am at my heaviest ever. I want to lose the weight; I think I am not mentally ready to do what it takes just yet. Now, I still buy off the rack, can tie my own shoes, can fit in most reasonably sized standard seating (including the confines of the POS car) and yes, I can still see my winky and keep it clean. The problem is that with a protruding belly, I would definitely be pressing upon the lady's sensitive areas during "relations". So, for the foreseeable future, relations are simply out of the question. Add to that the moritorium on plowing AND seeding the field for three to six months and the picture is looking pretty grim in the fun department.

A number of folks have taken it upon themselves to point out this obvious fact. Really, I may be a little sensitive to this as I am the one experiencing it but there really is not a whole lof humourous to this fact of our current life. We are married just over two years now; we are newlyweds. We are newlyweds trying to have children. All of which points in every direction to "relations". Now, forgive me DW, it was not like I had a standing invitation to the party before; I had to make a lot of my own invitations, if you get my drift. So, when you are after water in the desert and someone comes along and buries the one oasis you know about, you get a touch sensitive on the subject.

Somewhere after she turned 40, DW stopped looking at herself as I see her. (Here is where I generate more hate mail). My DW was never Halle Berry or Heidi Klum. What she was and is to me is a real woman. She has real curves which I like to touch and hold on to. She has a real personality which I like to interact with. She has a lovely rack which I like to get lost in at every opportunity she allows me to. And I enjoy "relations" with her whenever the stars align to allow that blessed act to happen.

So, no, it is not easy not being able to "relate" at ALL. Since we have gotten together, I have "related" with no one else and I don't want to as DW "relates" quite well, thank you. I was prepared from the outset for this as I am a realist and I knew this would be the first thing to go. And, DW, I am not writing this to make you feel guilty or sad in any way whatsoever. We have a goal and this is one more step to attain it and when we "relate" again, we'll "relate" the hell out of the place. I just miss you right now. Maybe one of these ladies can make you hear and understand that I think you are sexy as hell and I'd keep you occupied and "relating" all day long if allowed.

It's just nothing to joke about any more. At least not until I get a few in me. :)

Ciao.
PS For those squirming and now looking to write me emails about "Dude, I did NOT need to know all of this" just remember that I warned you in the title of the post so, stop yer bitchin' and moanin'.

For the record...

I am very excited about the prospect of holding new life in my hands; one shared by Pam and I. This is no way diminishes my unlimited love for my first born, but this would be a child between us that we experienced together from the start. There is a special bond to that set of experiences that you cannot manufacture or replace. So, while TC (the child) is a part of our family and a part of us, this will be on a different level. Yeah, I hear the Dr. Phil theme song too. Moving along.

I have no trouble spending money; anyone of our family and friends can attest to that. I do not tend to spend it frivolously unless it is something really cool (bluetooth headphones) or really unique (full boxed set of Friends and Matrix universe in their own unique cases). When we moved to the place we are in now, we had a large 19-ft living room to fill with stuff, so we did. Pam wanted the largest big screen available at the time so we bought it. We have watched it for nearly four years, hosted parties and sporting events (i.e. Superbowl, Stanley Cup Playoffs, World Cup Finals) and watched far too much TV and movies on it. We have a huge DVD collection (over 1100 at last count) because we love movies and I love the extras that come with them.

These are all things though. And make no mistake, for my wife's dreams, I would give them all up in a New York minute to make them come true. I remind my wife of the money issue because we simply do not have the funds in a bank right now; it will take time to raise them. As such, she needs to exercise realistic timelines and goals and leave the pie in the sky Gantt chart for the fairy folk. If it comes to liquidating every damn thing from the TV to the DVDs to the POS car she drives (the Roo stays) to the computers and assorted equipment, then it will work out that way. I don't know. She does not know. It will happen but it is not yet written how. So, all i want if for her to work within that realism.

If we have specific dates, then we can start working towards that date. We don't know Jack yet and frankly Jack will not appear until after her follow-up with the doctor, whose word is the only one that matters at the moment. When we have something concrete from her, Pam will be surprised at what I will do to ensure we have the funds when we need them. I will do things she has never seen me do (i.e. like move quickly). I will humble myself in ways she has yet to witness. She has no clue.

But she will.

Tag!

I've been tagged by V.


Things can be fun in fours.
---------------------------

four jobs I have had in my life:
1. hotel front desk clerk
2. amusement park ride attendant
3. accounting clerk
4. Lotus Notes Administrator

four movies I watch over and over:
1. Legally Blonde 1 & 2
2. Miss Congeniality
3. U571
4. Oliver!

four places I have lived:
1. Toronto (Forest Hill)
2. Toronto (North York)
3. Mississauga
4. Toronto (Scarborough)


four TV shows I love to watch:
1. Iron Chef (original and America)
2. Amazing Race (one of many reality shows we like)
3. What Not to Wear
4. Hell's Kitchen


four places I have been on vacation:
1. Hawaii
2. St. Martin/Sint Maarten
3. Dominican Republic
4. Florida

four websites I visit daily:
1. Bloglines to for my daily blog updates
2. Gmail
3. Canoe
4. Yahoo mail

four of my favorite foods:
1. Crab legs
2. Lamb
3. Sushi
4. good BBQ

four places I would rather be right now:
1. at home relaxing
2. Hawaii
3. St. Martin
4. anywhere away from family drama ;)

four favorite bands/singers:
1. James Taylor
2. Barenaked Ladies
3. Prince
4. Gwen Stefani
_______________________________________________

I will tag the following people for some interesting answers:
1) Chris
2) Jenny
3) AnnMarie
4) Ellen
5) Meri-Ann

Leave me a note when you have completed yours.

Update

It's been 9 days and I'd say I'm almost back to normal. I've taken off the steri-strips since they didn't come off on their own. I've three very small, maybe 1/8 inch, incisions and one somewhat larger incision. Larger is relative, but compared to the others, it's huge at about a 1/2 inch. It also happens to be the one that is low down on the left in my groin and the one that also tends to hurt the most.

I've been up and about every day, granted I've been working from the couch most days. Last night we headed out to do a couple of errands including some groceries because that's one thing I know I can't do. Lifting anything with any kind of weight definitely causes some discomfort. V. pushed the cart and I led the way. We were almost done when I realized that I was hurting due to the pace I was leading us through the Great Canadian Superstore (one of our larger grocery stores). Keep in mind, I wasn't running or anything, just my normal pace, however, I've now realized that I am not up to that speed yet. :) Needless to say, I slowed down then. We had an (non-IF) appointment we had to go to this afternoon and I was definitely moving a bit more slowly today. I've also had more pain (more like a dull ache than actual pain) today, probably because of yesterday's adventure.

I'm hoping to get back into the office next week. Although I've been a passenger with V. in the truck, I haven't driven my car yet. I've got a 35-40 minute commute each morning on the 401 across Toronto. Not a drive I enjoy in my normal state, so I'm not sure how it's going to be next week. On top of that, I'm not sure yet if sitting at my desk for 8 hours is a reasonable expectation. I've made it clear to my manager (or more his manager) that I'm not sure how things are going to work next week. I've also made it clear that I won't be lifting anything for quite a while. Being in IT, it seems there's always some lifting of desktops and stuff. So I'll have to get the others in my group to do that or me if necessary.

That's it for now. Later.

News and Stuff

The doctor from the Montreal clinic called me on Sunday afternoon. I really like her and we've only had the chance to meet with her once. She called because she was told I was concerned about the eligibility of our donor since D. has turned 37. However, before we discussed that she asked me how I was and how the surgery went. She just wanted to make sure I was feeling well and stuff.

Anyway, I explained that I thought their age limit was 36 and that with D. turning 37 a couple of months ago, that was going to change things. After all, we aren't going to be able to proceed with the IVF until I'm fully recovered from the surgery. She told me that 37 is their age limit so D. is still able to be our donor. Yeah! She said they have the same success rate with 36 and 37 year old donors - 60% success rate, and a 50% success rate for on going pregnancies beyond 12 weeks. That to me sounds like pretty good odds. We talked about my surgeon's request that we not get pregnant for 3 to 6 months. She said she doesn't usually require longer than 3 months because she doesn't find it makes a huge difference. She's suggest that we discuss it with Dr. L. at our follow up next month and see what she thinks. La Docteur (she's also Dr. L. so I'm not sure how to differeniate) said that if we can begin the protocol in September with our cycles in September, then by the time we reach the time to do the transfer (and it's interesting, she mentioned transferring 3 depending on embryo quality) it would be about 5 months anyway. So this is all good news!

So I tell V. all of this and say that we should be able to move forward in September. He says "if...." and I say "I know, I know, it's if we have the money". I know he's worried about it, and we've got other financial committments as well, but I wish he would be less pragmatic and get excited about this kind of news. I know he wants this as much as I do. But I also know he doesn't want me to get hurt or be disappointed.

So how do we find/raise the money? I hate ads on blogs and websites, and yes I'm guilty of putting the google ads on my pages. But I figure if I can raise money by people clicking them, then that's a start. I've clicked the links myself and some of the pages are interesting. So if I get 1000 clicks, I can raise half the required money. :) Then I wondered if anyone has ever had a "jack and jill" type event to raise funds for something like this? I've thought about putting together a casino night, but for that we require money to invest in it to get the poker tables and stuff, plus we'd then have to "come out of the closet" to friends and family who aren't aware of our struggle and what we're going through. The amount of money required for the tables and dealers isn't huge, but I'm not sure I'm ready for family to find out. If I had a talent at a craft like Julie, I'd have a raffle like she did. But alas, I am not. So that leaves asking friends or immediate family for a loan. V. and I are quite capable of repaying that loan, but with other financial committments, saving that money (in a timely fashion) isn't likely to happen. So I'm probably going to have to bite the bullet and speak to my family. Not a conversation I'm looking forward to. Sigh.... At least I don't have to do that just yet.

Seven Things

I've been tagged by AnnMarie!

7 things I'd like to do before I die...
1) lose 30 pounds and keep it off
2) have a child (or two)
3) go on a cruise to the South Pacific
4) see the Seven Wonders of the World
5) buy a house
6) win the lottery (enough to retire on - I'm not greedy)
7) travel to Asia, Africa and Australia

7 things I can't do...
1) speak another language
2) ride a unicycle
3) skate backwards
4) write code for Lotus Notes (I'm an Administrator not a Developer)
5) tolerate ignorance
6) deal with flying bugs
7) be around cats (allergies)

7 things that attracted me to my husband...
1) his sense of humour
2) he's an IT geek like me
3) his integrity
4) his loyalty to family and friends
5) how giving he can be with friends and family
6) how excited he gets with technogoly (remember he's an IT geek :) )
7) his determination and focus

7 books that I love...
1) anything James Patterson
3) anything Clive Cussler
4) Angels and Demons by Dan Brown
5) A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving
6) any Maeve Binchy
7) Harry Potter (all of them)

7 movies I can watch over and over...
1) Miss Congeniality
2) Bring it On
3) U571
4) Oliver!, Oaklahoma, Sound of Music (basically any movie musical)
5) Prinmcess Bride
6) Legally Blonde 1 & 2
7) Rush Hour 1 & 2


7 people to tag...

I'm not sure who's already done this one, so if you're reading this, consider yourself tagged! :)

Definitely feeling better

Third day home, feeling better, more mobile, still hurting but nothing extreme and I could finally shower. I think that was the best part. :) I've left the tape on over the incisions (vounds (not wounds) as my grandmother would have said). I think for now I'll let them come off on their own accord.

So I've been doing some work, catching up on blogs, reading and I heard this on the news. So of course I had to go find it on the net because for SURE there had to be an article or 12 about it. It seems that this couple went through IVF three years ago and had triplets. She thought, with two older daughters at the time, that after the triplets they were done. After all, that's a nice size family - 5 children. But it seems that without any kind of fertility treatment they managed to conceive quadruplets - the odds for that is 1:800,000. Now they are a family of 11. Mother and babies are doing well. Before the quads were born they were all living in a one bedroom apartment. It sounds like they are going to continue to live there. That's 7 children under the age of 3. I'm not sure I'd want to be their neighbour. :) Oh, and the father lays carpet. And honourable profession. Good he's not a plumber - someone would accuse him off laying too much pipe. ;) Hee hee. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Anyway, this has become somewhat rambling. I mention this not because I think it's wrong and someone should have spoken to them about selective reduction because I don't think it's any business of mine. I wish them well, I'm glad everyone is healthy. I just wish it could have been me or one of "us" in the IF world. And it's not like I want quads. We'll be happy with one and ecstatic with two. I think terrified may be the right word if it were three. :) I know at my current age of 45 that if it I were in her position, I would want my doctor to make sure I knew all of the health risks to me and the babies so an informed decision could be made.

Anyway, I'm rambling and probably not making a whole lot of sense.

I wish the family well as I do with everyone out there who is cycling, on their two week wait, or currently pregnant. Good luck to everyone.

Yes, I'm back

I'm home, tired, sore, but definitely better than yesterday. V. has basically given you the details of the day. There's not much to fill in there. This morning was my first taste of food since Sunday night. It's amazing how good a piece of whole wheat toast and scrambled egg can taste. I know he wanted to see the doctor this morning, but she really didn't say anything different from what she told him yesterday. I do like her and when we get to the next step, she'll definitely be my OB. She's friendly, personable, funny and caring. Don't find that to easily in people these days (except all you guys).

Anyway, got home after stopping to pick up naproxen for the swelling, Tylenol 3s for the pain, and those lovely stool softeners to combat the constipating effect of the codeine.

I'm not at all happy that the 3 month wait has now become a 3-6 month wait. I know it's important, and I definitely wouldn't do anything to jeopardize our future, but 6 months!?!?!?!?! That will definitely throw a wrench into our plans as our donor, wonderful D., is now borderline for being considered a donor due to her own age, so we're waiting to hear from the clinic. I know we could start now and just have them freeze whatever they get, but I'd really rather be able to have a fresh transfer when the time comes. So based on what they say will determine where we go from here. I mentioned it yesterday while my mother and brother were there, indicating that this wasn't a favourable thing and it seemed like my mom may be coming round to the whole idea. I think seeing our determination with me having the surgery has helped her understand just how important this is to both of us. Perhaps this will change her stance on financial assistance. I'll deal with that when the time comes. I even mentioned to her that if our plans take a right turn, I'll be looking at other alternatives for donor eggs, like South Africa (could go meet Tertia :) ), and other overseas alternatives. Compared to the US, it wouldn't cost us much more than doing it here. But I digress, for now.

And yes, V. was correct. I did fire up the laptop. Not just to catch up on blogs, and blog, but to deal with some work stuff. It seems that they've decided to clean house again, and there were about 11 people let go yesterday. So, as the email administrator, I had to process the terminations and forwarding of their mail, because it seems my manager didn't do it. I think he may have denied them access to the server, but that doesn't take care of the forwarding of their mail to their manager, or giving that person access to the former user's existing mail. Anyway, spend about 4 hours doing that and so have emailed my manager advising him to only use 1/2 sick day for today.

Anyway, that's it for now as the phone rang and I lost my train of thought.

I'm off to catch up on some blogs and relax. Thank you for all your good wishes and prayers.

Oh and for the record, V. came up a little while ago to get me to stop working. Didn't work. ;)