Monday, March 31, 2008

Thank you isn't enough

I wanted to thank each and everyone one of you who has visited, and commented and offered your support over the past week. I don't think I realized just how many people were hoping and praying that this cycle was going to be it for us.

I don't think anything has hurt quite as much getting the call that confirmed this cycle was a negative. Even though I had poas, and was prepared for the call, the pain was still more than I could have imagined. It's right up their with the pain that I had with the death of my father many years ago, and the death of one of my best friends last year. I don't wish that pain on anyone.

However, I'm here. I'm managing. It still hurts and I suspect it will for quite a while. I don't think a day goes by that there aren't some tears. However, it's not as bad as it was last week. And it won't be as bad next week.

I have to give special thanks to my BIL and SIL who, this weekend were driving from our nation's capital to visit friends in Barrie which is north of Toronto and took a detour from their route, at 11:45pm on Friday night to stop and give me a hug and then they continued on their way. They stopped to give me a hug! It was unexpected and what I needed. Thank you guys you're the best and I love you both.

I also have to say that I am married to the best man in the world. I don't think I could have gone through this week without V. I love him dearly. He was there for me in whatever capacity I needed him, mostly as a shoulder to cry on, and still is. (mind you he always is). I just wish for a moment he could stop being the strong one, the protector. I know he was grieving, but he just wouldn't let me see it, unless I asked him how he was, and even then he was more concerned about me. Honey, I love you now and forever.

So, I have not thrown in the towel. At the time I really didn't think we had any options as we just don't have the money to do another fresh cycle, and as you know we've got nothing left on ice. However, V has said we are going to continue and I have to believe him. I'm not sure how we're going to do that at the moment, but I have to have faith in him. We've got a follow up appointment scheduled with our doctor on April 19th. I'm not sure what he will be able to tell us about this cycle. As Aurelia said, we pretty much did everything we could. We were told we had great embryos, they do assisted hatching for all FETs, I was on baby aspirin, prednisone, fragmin and PIO. It just wasn't meant to be. I don't know if I should take a list of questions with us and if I did I'm not sure what should be on that list. We intend to ask him about the waiting list for the in-house donor pool and what the costs are associated with that. I'd prefer another shot with a donor so that we have a genetic connection to V. but we're going to ask him about donor embryos as well. Who knows, maybe we'd get lucky there. In any case, we've got three weeks before we find out what could be our next steps. Maybe in the meantime we'll win the lottery. J Everyone cross your fingers!!

Again, thank you everyone.