Saturday, May 26, 2007

The anxiety of man

Ok, so let's get it out in the open: Men are a bit touchy on some subjects and a bit shallow or others. Everything else we are WAY deep.

So, with all due respect and understanding, it is never, EVER going to be a comfortable situation when we are fully aware, complacent and compliant as another man is looking into, probing around and eye to eye with our woman's vajayjay. Fellas, please chime in here at will. We have much invested in that area. We have long walks, incessant talks during the game, agreements when we knew we were right so it was not hidden from us on purpose, strange colours, shared bathrooms, wet shoulders that have been cried on for things we had no interest, understanding or care for, and all the other wonderful idiosyncrasies that come with loving a woman.

Without going all caveman (don't bother with the comments, Geico dude) and not wishing to piss off the feminists in the audience, but that area is ours. Nothing goes near the area without consent from the area's owner and the area's protector. However, some unwritten rule says, if you have an MD after your name, you get a free pass to set up tents in the area. You get to groom the area, invite colleagues to the area viewing, pass out pictures of the area; heck, you even get VIP access to the private room and back door. All for just have two little letters of suffix. Do you know what we men had to endure to get VIP access? Do you?!?!

So, you are probably wondering what triggered this little rant today. Well, it is the joy with which my dear wife announces how the good doctor thinks her woohoo is just dandy. Yep, everything looks right, works right, takes a nice picture right (which I will point out that I am forbidden to do, not that I am looking to do it, but...), responds corrently and is, to quote, "beautiful".

Ahem. I tell you that all the time in the hopes of more frequent visits and all I get is the look of, "Not now", "Not then", "Uhm, no, seriously?" or my personal favourite "If you must, just hurry up." Those more often then the, "My God yes! Why are you waiting? Take me now!" look. So, to wit, I have a new mission in life.

I am going to get two letters suffixed to the end of my name. If they actually have to mean something, it may take some schooling and some more time. If it has to be MD or anything like that, well, I will post about it in a few years. Whatever it takes though, I intend to get the same reaction the good doctor gets the next time I say, "Honey, that is some kind of something-something you have there."


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