Dreams

This isn't the hopes and dreams post that you may have been expecting. Yes, we do have the hope and dream of one day adding to our family. And I haven't given up on that dream yet...although I have to admit there are days when I really wonder if it will happen and why it hasn't yet. This is about sleep dreams, the ones that you wake up and can't remember enough about what it was about to tell someone, but you have enough of a recollection to know there must be a reason for the dream.

I believe I dream most nights, and I usually can remember what they are about, especially when they are disturbing and scary. Those are the kinds you don't want to fall back to sleep because you're afraid the dream will pick up where it left off. However, the dreams I've had off and on over the last several weeks have all had a distinct theme. In them, I am pregnant. I never see myself (which I have had happened in dreams), and I don't remember who else may appear in the dream. But I do know that our clinic has played a role in getting us where we are today. There is talk of IVF. And I am never newly pregnant, nor am I ever at the stage where we're ready to deliver. It's always midway. And when I wake up I don't really remember anything except that in this dream I was pregnant.

As I've told V, and those who know me IRL (plus I've probably written it in older posts), the next cycle whenever it may be, is never far from my mind, and I probably think about it almost every day. Because we do have those last embryos on ice right now, and we're hoping to be able to do the FET in June or July (I know it keeps getting later), I do think about the cycle. Perhaps it's in my sub-conscious and that's why it is appearing in dreams. However, over the last few years as we really got involved in the cycles, I never had dreams like this. Why now?

Unfortunately, I would say I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist when it comes to our achieving our dream. You all know that there is nothing I want more than to see our dream come true. My three year blogaversary is coming up in two weeks....but we've been trying for five years. In those five years we've done 7 IUIs both with clomid and with injectibles, donor egg #1 IVF and FET, and donor egg #2 IVF and FET and with those 11 attempts, we've had one BFP on the fresh cycle with donor #2. Our final FET is with the last embryos from donor #2.

I want to believe that the dreams I'm having are some sort of door into the future letting me know that we may just be able to achieve our goal, and the by hoping, wishing and praying the final FET will be golden.