Baby Wanted: Apply Within

Happy New Year

2012-01-05T11:20:00.004-05:00

I know, I'm five days late to say that, but better late than never. :)

I hope you all enjoyed your holidays and I wish everyone health, happiness and prosperity in the coming year. And I hope that you all achieve your goals as we move forward. (How's that for mushy? ;) )

Anyway, there really isn't anything going on. December was very busy for V and I with hosting our various holiday events we do every year. Chrisdtmas was quieter for us in that we only had 15 for dinner. Yes, I said only. We've had one year where we had 32! Some family and close friends we consider family. We raised our glasses and toasted those who were no longer with us, as well as those who were unable to travel to join us. All in all, a fun filled day was had by all.

On the IF front, we're still in a holding pattern trying to set aside funds. February isn't looking good. I cringe as I look at the calendar knowing that time is ticking away and I've got 8 months. I really don't want to be still waiting in July. Please don't let it take that long.... That biological clock we all hear ticking as we get older? It's like a frickin' gong now.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'm going to leave you with some photos of some my creations from December.

Gingerbread house!

Cupcakes I made for our work Christmas party. Chocolate and vanilla with vanilla buttercream, decorated "Christmas-y".

Birthday cake for special 3 year old. The cupcake was a pan that baked an oversized cake in the shape of a cupcake which I sat on an 8" square. It's a strawberry cake with vanilla buttercream.

This was for a Welcome Baby party for a friend. An 8" cake on top and cupcakes below. The cupcakes were strawberry or vanilla both with vanilla buttercream, decorated in purple to match the baby's room with a flower or butterfly on top. The cake was alternating layers of strawberry and vanilla, with a strawberry puree and vanilla buttercream. Oh, and I made the cupcake stand.

Still here....

2011-11-09T23:01:00.004-05:00

So, another 6 weeks have gone by it seems and I've been negligent here, again.

There hasn't been much going on around here. I've been knitting a baby blanket for a friend's daughter. Baby came 3 weeks early and is healthy but because of this, it wasn't ready, so I decided to take my time and just give it to her when she comes in December. I'll post a picture when it's completely finished. I do have cupcakes and a cake to do for her "Welcome Baby" party being thrown when she's here, so I'll post those pics then as well.

I was reminded that Christmas is 44 days away...can you believe it! So, that means I need to get cracking on updating and sending out my Holiday Cookie Boxes flyer. I don't think it's changing much really, perhaps a different cookie than the biscotti I had.

I also have to start thinking about Christmas cards and actually get them out in early December. Last year I ended up mailing them when we were in Florida on vacation. This year I vow to do better. :)

It looks like we're aiming for February for the FET. V has a plan to deal with the various obligations we have. And he's confident we'll be able to go ahead then. This is okay with me and it gives me 2-3 months to try and get rid of a little of this excess weight.

Anyway, I think that's it for now. I'll leave you with some Halloween treats.

Happy Birthday to Me

2011-09-26T11:05:00.003-04:00

I started blogging 6 1/2 years ago. I had figured that by the time I reached this point in time I'd have anywhere from a toddler to a 5 year old. Apparently I was wrong.

I used to believe the adage V would say "I may not be where I want to be, but I am where I am supposed to be". I don't believe I'm supposed to be here.

Anyway, today is just going to be a quiet day. Nothing special. We'll probably go out for dinner on the weekend or something. I did take the opportunity to make a cake though. :)

It's a banana cake with homemade caramel filling and a chocolate butter cream. It was totally awesome!

I haven't given up on the idea of some sort of raffle for either baked good or knit goods. I just am not sure how to get past the "pa.ypa.l police".

Should I or Shouldn't I?

2011-09-15T13:10:00.004-04:00

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking about this last cycle we have planned. It probably is on my mind off and on during every day, probably because I just don't know when we're going to be able to do it. And I suspect with my birthday two weeks away, that's weighing on my mind as well, wondering when we can do it. I hate the waiting, and more I hate the delay because each month goes by could mean that our chances of success drop as the embryos are frozen, I'm getting older etc.

I've been trying to figure out how I can resolve this because really the delay is financial. With the unexpected expense of my FIL funeral, and some other unavoidable financial obstacles, it just doesn't seem feasible any time soon. I know DH is trying to make the numbers work, but I can't let my hopes up. So, I was thinking if having a raffle here, on my blog. I'm still not sure of the logistics and would have to emails some other bloggers who have done something like this, but I know it's do-able.

In my day job, I'm an IT professional. But in my off time, you all know I bake cakes, cookies and brownies. But what you may not remember is that I also knit. There are some pictures I think on this blog from a couple of years ago of items I knitted for some fellow bloggers new arrivals. So I'm thinking of holding a raffle for some blankets. I say some, because depending on the response, I'd probably knit up 5 baby blankets. I'd do sweaters, but they take way too long. ;) And I hate doing socks. I'd have to coerce my friend, Red, into doing them for me as she can whip them off super fast. I'd also consider putting in a couple of prizes of my "world famous" (in my world anyway - just ask The Smart One and MyReality) brownies. They may only be available for local winners as the cost for shipping them may be prohibitive but I'll have to look further into that. I'm thinking $5 would get you an entry into the raffle and multiples of $5 get you multiple entries.

So what do you think?

Uhm, is this thing still on?

2011-08-18T09:01:00.003-04:00

Uhm, hello, my name is Pam and I'm a very bad blogger.

(Hello Pam)

I've been blogging for 5 years and 4 months. I don't think I ever imagined when I started this blog that we'd be no further along in our journey now than we were then. Since July of last year when we had our last failed cycle there's been a lot or not much going on, depending on how you look at it. It took us 6 months to get through the clinics screening process to be able to move forward with donor embryos. But due to finances (or the lack thereof) and other work/family committments we had to make the decision to delay actually doing the cycle until after July. Well, July has come and gone and with it much family heartache with the loss of my FIL. At this time, I can't say when we will be able to go forward with this cycle. And yes, this will be the last one. Due to finances, and more importantly my age, this really is our Hail Mary cycle. I turn 51 in 5 1/2 weeks. I really can't believe how quickly this year has passed, but more importantly, I'm going to be 51?!?!!??! I really don't feel it. Nor apparently, do I look it. ;)

Our clinic will work with women up to the age of 52 with donor embryos. I really do not want to be still cycling then. I had hoped to be doing all of this will still in my 40s. I hadn't imagined being that person that people might say "I can't believe she's over 50 and pregnant"....and yes, people do and will say that. Some will be my family (not the immediate siblings/parents) but we all know that family can be some of the harshest critics. And there will be some "friends". Recently a friend was talking to V and I about his wife and their kids and how his wife wanted one more and he made the comment that at her age it's too late for her, or something similar. All I could think of was what will he say when he finds out about me (if/when our cycle works). Probably nothing, because he's not that kind of guy, but still...

I haven't told V but I really want to cycle before the end of the year. By my birthday is not possible as we just won't have the money by then. It's not a lot in the grand scheme of IVF but with other committments, we can't do it. The only thing I have told him is that I'm concerned that time will slip away from us and I can't let that happen.

I've been on Wei.ght Wat.chers for the last 7 months (on and off) and have managed to lose and keep off 15lbs. I had hoped to do better and plan to get back on track now that the summer is coming to an end and hopefully lose another 15 before we cycle.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop in and say I'm still here. And for those few of you still reading, thank you for checking up on me and hanging in there. Hopefully I'll be able to give you more positive news by Christmas.

Farewell, Dad

2011-07-10T22:23:00.003-04:00

The world became a little less bright as one of its lights was extinguished last night. After a lengthy stay in hospital, V's father passed away with his family and friends by his bedside.

Mr A. was one of kind. He was warm, friendly, always had a kind word, and could make me laugh. We had a mutual affection for the lottery and we would daydream together about what we'd do with the winnings when we hit it big. As a former mechanic, he would be able to listen while riding in my car and tell me that something wasn't right, and what it was.

I remember one very cold winter day about 10-11 years ago, my BIL was up in Bar.rie about 90 minutes away and his vehicle had broken down. So V, Dad an I were going up to help him out except that my FIL's minivan had no heat. None. This was probably one of the first times I'd spent any real time with him. By the time we got up there we were all frozen. During the ride up I quickly built up a thick skin to the family wit. ;) I had been warned but I came prepared. I think I won him over on that trip by being able to hold my own with him.

For anyone who knew him, he was a huge player of the lottery here, both the scratch tickets and the draws. One of our lotteries is called 649. What is ironic is that my father in law passed away at 6:49pm. So Dad, you had the last laugh. If you get an inside edge on the upcoming numbers, send me a sign. :)

Rest in Peace Dad.
1938-2011

It's July already!?!?!?

2011-07-04T16:44:00.002-04:00

Wow, time flies...and if one could say they were having fun it would be okay. It's been eight weeks since I last blogged. I've been reading and occaisionally commenting on other blogs, but I've just not found the time, desire or material to blog....that really sucks.

Anyway, it's July. That means the trip to Vegas for my conference has come and gone (two weeks ago actually) and V and I can start to plan for when we are going to do the final DE FET cycle. I don't want to wait any longer than we have to as I'm not getting any younger. As I said to him the other day, it's a matter of biology. So, I'm really hoping we'll be able to get to it either July or August...hopefully before my birthday in September.

So what's been going on since May 10th? Not a whole helluva lot. Really. So little in fact I can't think of anything specific.

The only thing really going on is my FIL. On June 1st, in the middle of the night, he took a tumble down a flight of stairs. Thankfully V's cousin lives with him as his caregiver and was able to call for an ambulance and get him to the hospital. Some of you already know the details, but out of respect to him and other members of the family I won't go into detail here of his injuries. Suffice it to say, what started out as a fall and some broken bones has become a much more serious situation and we are trying to be optimistic for a postive outcome. Prayers would be welcome.

One thing about tragedy/accident is that it can bring a family together. And if I can say anything positive about this situation it would be that it has brought V and his siblings and mother together and much closer. As I said to him a few weeks ago, it was the first time, in the years that I've known him, that I think I had seen the 5 of them together in one room. I wish the situation could have been different that gathered them together.

So, hug your families, those close to you or call someone you haven't seen in a very long time and just say hello and see that they're okay.

It's May

2011-05-10T17:00:00.003-04:00

And that means it's almost two months since I last posted. But what does one say when there's no IF news and life is just going along as normal on a day to day basis? I guess one thing of note is that we decided to finalize our embryo donor choice so that we were ready to go when we had the funds after July.

What else has been happening? Not much really. It's the usual day to day stuff. With the ever increasing price of gas the commute is making me think more and more of wanting to find something closer to home. But because I'm in a somewhat specialized field, it's not so easy. Meanwhile, I continue making cakes when the opportunity presents itself. And when it doesn't I make them anyway to try out new recipes. Recently I made a family favourite from my childhood. Our birthday cakes were always the same. A chocolate cake with chocolate icing, and of course chocolate ice cream. Not for my Mum, mind you, who really doesn't like chocolate. (I know! Sacrilege!) But for my Dad, me and my brothers that was always the choice. It's been years since I've had that cake because V isn't a big fan of chocolate either. So I made that cake a couple of weeks ago along with a yellow cake I wanted to try. I then paired both of them with a new chocolate ganache filling I wanted to try. And then finally, I made a new swiss meringue butter cream to which I added some of the ganache. OMG! It was amazing. If you've never had it, swiss meringue butter cream is a silky, smooth, not overly sweet icing. Fantastic! It's unlike the typical American butter cream we usually see on bakery cakes. The final verdict for these cakes? Definitely on my cake availability list as well as the ganache. And the icing is now my go-to icing, unless I need something that will crust, in which case I have a great American butter cream recipe.

So fast forward to this past weekend. Somewhat in honour of Mothers Day but not really since my Mum doesn't like chocolate, I wanted to try something new. I've made red velvet before, but I wanted to try out another recipe. And this time I wanted a cream cheese icing that could be piped on a cake and didn't have a really strong cream cheese flavour. Did my research and made 2 dozen cupcakes. With the extra batter I made a single 8" cake layer because I'm going to make some red velvet cake balls this weekend.

Below is a picture of the cupcakes. They really turned out awesome, and the icing was soooo good and not overly sweet. Oh, and I added white chocolate to the icing too. Only thing is the recipe makes 12 cups and I forgot to cut it down. So I now have 9-10 cups of white chocolate cream cheese butter cream. At least I can freeze it. :)

There's not much else going on. We're planning for our first BBQ of the season on the Victoria Day weekend (that's the week before Memorial Day for my US readers). I'll be making some sort of cupcake or cake balls for that event.

We traded in my Grand Caravan last week. It was kind of long in the tooth and I'd racked up the miles with my commute. So I'm am now driving a peppy Do.dge Jou.rney. I liked the van, but I really like the Journey, and its back row folds flat (like the minivan) so cake deliveries will be easy too.

Oh, and finally, I decided that since we weren't going to be able to do our last FET until the latter part of the year, I was going to try and lose some of the extra weight I'd put on over the last year or so. So, I've been doing the two W's since March and I'm down 13. I wish it was more, but I'm okay with that. We're off to Vegas in June for a conference (for me) and I'm hoping I can lose another 10 by then. If I can be down by 25 by the time our cycle rolls around, I'll be very happy.

So, that's all for now. Thanks to those still reading. :)

An update of sorts

2011-03-17T16:40:00.005-04:00

So as you may recall V and I had decided to pursue the use of donor embryos at our clinic. This required a counseling session which we had in mid September. It took until the first week of January before we got confirmation that the report had been completed and received. I figured, great, we should be getting profiles shortly since she said she would keep an eye out for potential matches. (Remember, we were told we were top of the list an they had embryo donors in place, at least as far as we knew.) No such luck. Because V and I weren't in a rush to move forward due to other financial commitments I didn't bug the coordinator at the clinic. That was January.

However, it's now March. In fact it was exactly six months less 6 days since we had our counseling session when I decided I was tired of waiting. I figured I'd give her a poke to remind her we were still here. So I sent a friendly email asking where we stood on donor embryo profiles. It was 5 days before I received a reply which contained two profiles. I was actually considering calling the clinic to see if she was still working there.

The first profile contains two documents outlining the personal/medical history of both the sperm and egg donors. Both in their early 40s three years ago. That in itself isn't a big deal as it is all in when the embryos were created. What I did notice was that they had three children - a 6 year old and 3 year old twins one of whom has Downs Syndrome and couple of other medical issues. My guess were that the eggs were retrieved when the woman was 35-36 as she was 42 at the time form was completed.

The second profile contained only one document which we assumed to be the female. (The coordinator had removed "Wife" and "Husband" off the forms but due to my queries is considering putting them back on".) It said she was 41 with a 6 year old, no medical issues for anyone and again, my guess was that she was 35-36 when the eggs were retrieved.

Obviously if we're going to use donor embryos we would like for the eggs to have come from someone younger than mid-thirties, or at least I would.

So, my email back was to thank her for the profiles and ask the ages of the women at the time of embryo creation and where was the medical information for the sperm donor in the second profile. Her reply a day later confirmed one thing for me. ED#1 was 36 when the embryos were created. ED#2 - the profile turned out to be for the husband because an egg donor was used who was 28 at retrieval.

So, we had been leaning to #2 for other reasons but the age of the egg donor definitely was more favourable to me. I did think, though, that the donor couple should have been able to provide some medical history for their egg donor as they would have had it when they were choosing her.

So I told V that we're not in a rush, we don't have to accept this donor (#2) and we can ask if there any other profiles. I also am considering asking if there is medical history for the egg donor.

We won't be in any position to move forward until after July some time. I'm taking advantage of the forced delay to lose some weight which I know is good for me regardless.

I just wonder if all clinics work this way for embryo donors or am I expecting too much from her?

And so the journey begins....

2011-03-06T22:06:00.002-05:00

Today, V and I drove Michael and his wife to the airport for their trip to the Ma.yo Clinic.

Until his condition made it impossible to continue, Michael has DJ'd at a local community radio station, for a lot longer than I have known him. He has helped out when the station was doing a funding drive for themselves. He's been there to help raise money for other things. When the station said they wanted to host the funding drive to raise money, he was humbled. Little did he know the impact he had had on the West Indian community of his city as well as the city in general He found out soon enough during the afternoon of the radio show where friends and colleagues led a show and spoke of him. The people of the community rallied and came together and with the help of the station, another station and several other events, helped raise enough money for Michael to the clinic and make that appointment on Monday.

I want to thank anyone and everyone who helped with a kind word, a prayer or a donation. We are truly honoured and humbled by your generosity. This is just the beginning, but what a beginning!! There will be other fund raising events over the next several months once we find out what's in store for Michael. We are sure there will be additional visits to Minnes.ota and hence the need for the fund raising events. I know that V and I have discussed a bowling night and silent auction.

So, if anyone locally is interested in hearing when we have these events, please just drop me an email and I'll be sure to keep you in the loop.

Again, thank you.

Now, let's hope that House is on duty this week and fix Michael!!!

Call for Help

2011-02-08T12:43:00.003-05:00

I realize I haven’t blogged since the beginning of December, and with my first post of 2011, I’m asking for your help instead of updating. I promise I’ll post an update in a later post.

Asking for financial help, regardless of how much, is something I find difficult to do. As much as I wanted to do some sort of fundraising for V and I when we were in the thick of TTC, we didn’t. I felt that we should be able to figure this out ourselves. I guess my pride got in the way.

However, today I’ve put that pride away. I’m asking today for help for my brother in law, Michael, V's brother. Michael is 37 and is the father of two young boys, ages 3 and 6. I’m going to paste here the letter that his wife wrote and sent out to friends and family. I know how hard that must have been for her and I’m proud of her. She’s doing everything she can to help her husband, to save his life.

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Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you may already know, I am actively involved in fundraising for my husband’s medical treatment of Rhabdomyolysis at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota, USA. I am contacting you on behalf of my husband Michael Assivero and family to request your support in the form of a financial donation toward his medical treatment.

What is Rhabdomyolysis and how did we get here?

For those of you who are not familiar with Rhabdomyolysis, it is a potentially life-threatening syndrome resulting from the breakdown of skeletal muscle fibers with leakage of muscle contents into the circulation. Approximately one third of adult patients with Rhabdomyolysis develop renal failure if not adequately treated. My husband has suffered severe effects tied to this disease for the past “7” years (2 or 3 major episodes a year). You can get a better grasp of Rhabdomyolisis on the following websites. Michael suffers from the non-trauma, infection related version.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhabdomyolysis

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/rhabdomyolysis/article_em.htm

At this time, the Ontario medical system has determined they are unable to cure the effects of this disease and are unable to identify next steps in his treatment. Through research we have identified that the Mayo Clinic in the US is willing to explore alternate treatments.

Michael has been seen by many doctors in Ottawa and as far as Barrie and London, ON regarding this issue over the past 7 years. After fighting (and thankfully winning the fight) with colon cancer in 2009 we noticed that his ability to battle back from an episode of rhabdomyolisis was decreasing and the pain was no longer going away in between hospital visits.

In September of 2010 he was hospitalized for 9 days. During this episode his creatine kinase (CK) levels reached 88,000 (the highest it has ever been – normal level for a male is under 400), and since then he has not fully recovered. The various specialists he has seen to this point have reached the end of their collective knowledge base and have taken to “treating” the episodes by admitting him to hospital, flushing his system with IV fluids, giving him painkillers and waiting for the CK levels to drop to a non life threatening level rather than looking for an overall cause and/or solution. Meanwhile, Michael is still in pain and continues to deal with the deteriorating effects of the disease.

The Mayo Clinic’s Patient Estimating Service has forecasted the following expenses for the initial visit;
- Testing - $15,000 USD
- Transportation/Accommodation - $ 2,000 USD
The initial visit is for testing and hopefully diagnosis. Once the testing is done, the Clinic would be in a better position to provide details on possible treatments and their associated costs.

While transportation costs for the initial visit have already been donated, I am sincerely asking for your help by contributing financially towards Michael’s medical treatment. Please understand that any donation amount will be welcomed. Funds raised in excess of what is needed for his treatment will be used to start an education campaign in Canada for doctors and the general public to hopefully stop anyone else from having to suffer needlessly in a similar situation.

I am not sure if I can put in to words how much this disease has affected our family. Michael puts on a brave face when he’s out and even fought through the pain to help at CHUO’s annual Christmas fundraiser. What most people haven’t seen is the 3 days it takes to recover from a day like that. Most people haven’t seen the tears in his eyes when he can’t hold Nathaniel in his arms for more than 30 seconds or not being able to play soccer with Matthew-Michael. There are days where he literally doesn’t get out of bed. I wouldn’t say he is anywhere close to giving up, but it really has taken its toll on him mentally and physically.

Michael is scheduled to visit the Mayo Clinic March 7, 2011, so if it is at all possible, please forward donations on or before February 20, 2011.

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If you knew Michael, you know that he will have exhausted all his resources before asking for help. If you feel you can help, a bank account has been set up in his name. Please contact me directly and I will send you that information.

You can also donate online via Interac e-Transfer at participating banks utilizing my address.

Even if you feel you can't help financially, please keep Michael and his family in your thoughts and prayers that they are able to find a way to beat this.

Cake!

2010-12-01T22:59:00.006-05:00

So I really don't have anything to say, but I promised you all a picture of the cake I was working on for last Saturday. The cake was for my great niece who was turning 3 and wanted a T.oy St.ory cake. Nothing on the cake was made of wood. :) Technically all of it is edible. The cake was an 11x15 chocolate cake, with chocolate filling, chocolate buttercream covered with fondant.

This weekend is a busy weekend as we hold our Annual Christmas Open House. We're expecting between 50-75 people and I'm so not prepared. LOL. Come back next week and I'll try and post you an update on the event and maybe some pictures.

For those who are celebrating, Happy Channukah!

I'm a bad blogger

2010-11-26T12:16:00.006-05:00

I can't believe it's been almost 8 weeks since I last posted. Well I can, but it's still bad. There really hasn't been anything going on worth posting here.

I finally emailed the clinic to find out if the nurse had received the report from the counsellor. Apparently not, and our session was 10 weeks ago. So, she's sent the counsellor my email and is hoping that this will push her into finishing the report and sending it. Once the nurse gets the report, then she can start to look at and refer embryo donor profiles to us. So we continue to wait. It's not totally a bad thing as we really won't be able to do any cycling until the new year.

What I've been doing in the meantime, thanks to My Reality's help, is working on Holiday Cookie Boxes. I decided that this year, maybe I could put my baking skills to good use and make some money towards that upcoming FET in the new year. I'm pretty pleased with how the boxes have turned out and I know the product is good (just tooting my own horn). The only drawback is that I have to have all orders delivered by December 15th as V and I are going on a long awaited vacation.

We're not going anywhere exotic but we are going to be away from all the cold and the snow (which I'm sure will be on the ground by then) over the holidays. We've been planning all year. I had informed him that after last year's very busy, stressful Christmas and all the entertaining that I needed a break. I didn't care where we went as long as it was warm. So, we've rented a house down in Florida for a couple of weeks and we're planning on spending the days sitting by the private pool, drink in hand, relaxing. We may do some stuff down there, we may not. But that's exactly what we need. Can't wait!! Oh and we're going to hook up with the awesome Kym, Frank and El Cinco too!!!

So, if anyone needs help with their holiday baking, or is looking for a yummy gift for someone like their mail or newspaper carrier, a teacher, a work colleague or client, hit me up. I know that shipping to the US can be expensive from Canada, but we may be able to work something out where we ship once we cross the border, or as V has suggested, I could do some baking down there for a couple of days and ship as well. Click here if you want to check out the flyer.

And to entice you just a little bit more, here are some pictures of what I'm offering.

Chocolate chip, peanut butter, oatmeal raisin with cranberries and chocolate hazelnut brownies with pecans.

Lightly decorated sugar cookies and gingerbread.

Hand piped sugar cookies, individually wrapped. There is a snowman, mitten, star santa, and snowflake. All are about 3-4" in size.

Gingerbread houses.

I'll be back in a couple of days with a seriously awesome cake that I'm making for my great niece who is turning 3 tomrrow.

Cake!

2010-10-04T13:40:00.003-04:00

So, this past weekend was the big party to celebrate my golden birthday as a friend calls it. We had about 40 people out to dinner and pool. I think everyone had a great time. I know we did. The food was good as was the company.

So here it is. This is the cake I made for me. :) It's a three tier, topsy turvy cake. Top tier is triple chocolate fudge with chocolate swiss meringue buttercream. The middle tier is white almond with a cherry vanilla swiss meringue buttercream. And the third tier is alternating layers of triple chocolate fudge and marble cake, with the cherry vanilla swiss meringue buttercream. All covered in fondant.

This is a cake I had to have ready for the same day for a client's 50th birthday. Hers is marble cake with vanilla buttercream. Iced in buttercream and decorated with fondant accents.

________________

Updating on the IF front - we're still waiting to get profiles from the clinic. Even though the counsellor said they don't need her report to send them, the nurse says she does to get a better idea of with whom to match us. So, because I know the counsellor is behind in her reports, it will probably be a little longer. I will probably check back in with the clinic by the end of the month if we've not heard anything from them.

That's all for now.

No, you're not in the twilight zone. Yes, I am posting again.

2010-09-28T12:47:00.002-04:00

I'll try to be as brief as possible. If Pam and I had been profiled, there is probably no way any machine or human would have thought, "yes, that's a match!"

I'm Trinidadian, she's a munchacake. I'm catholic, she's Jewish. I'm black, she's white. I love roller coasters and horror movies; she, not so much and not at all. I can be loud, demonstrative, brash, arrogant/overly confident, annoying and annoyingly persistent; she can be that if pushed but really is somewhat introverted and can be really quiet. Our families are from two different planets.

However, with all of that, she is the one person that gets me the most on this planet (with a couple of very good friends coming close) and the one person I can truly be fully open with. When we are together, I want her in another room (if my show or game is on). BUT, when we are apart, my system is on constant cosmic watch for her presence and rejoices when we are reunited once again.

I can go anywhere with anyone and not worry about what she is thinking. Most times though, I wish it was her that was there with me to experience and enjoy the things that I do. She is my companion, my confidant, my love and my rock. I know that if fate split us in some fashion, we would each carry on but I know that I would never be the same without her.

I am privileged to have been in the last 12 years of your first fifty years, my love. I hope I am lucky enough to see the next fifty with you as well. See you in the bucket; we have a list to deal with. :)

Love you.
Victor
(Yes, I know I put my name there. Sheesh, ya'll are just so alert aren't ya?)

Half a Century

2010-09-26T01:13:00.003-04:00

That is how old I am today. Today I turned 50. It sounds so old, yet I don't feel it, and from people's reactions when they find out, it seems I don't look it either.

Normally I don't go in for much fanfare for my birthday. I enjoy doing that for others. But this year, I've decided that 50 is an milestone that should be celebrated with friends and family. (We'll be doing so next weekend as last night we attended a wedding of two very good friends). And for those who are wondering who makes the birthday cake for the cake lady (because I have been asked); I will be making my own cake. :) What it looks like is a secret, so come back next week when I post that cake as well as another that I have to make for a colleague of V's who is also celebrating her 50th.

I look back on the last 50 years (that just sounds like forever) and wonder would I have done anything differently, and apart from wishing my younger self had been more savvy in the savings department, I'd have to say no. Because had things gone differently I wouldn't be here today celebrating with V, the love of my life. I can only assume that we likely wouldn't have met and we never would have started down any road together. But I have to say that when V and I started this particular journey more than 6 years ago, I never expected to reach this milestone and not have a child or children to join in our celebration. It's been a long journey, and one full of frustration and, at times, heartbreak. But for those of you who have stuck with us know, we're not quite done yet. So, to borrow a line from V, I may not be where I want to be, but I am where I'm supposed to be.

I hope that the coming year brings exciting changes for both of us and that we can continue to grow old(er) together. (Yes, hon, I know, I already am older. :) ) As I've wished every year for my birthday, I hope that next year brings us the only gift I really want.

Counselling Session

2010-09-16T12:31:00.003-04:00

Yes, if you've read V's post, you know we finally had that session with the social worker yesterday.

We were booked in for 8:30am. Getting into the downtown core from the eastern end of the GTA is a challenge any morning. But yesterday with 90 minutes allowed we were still late. We left at 7am and got there at 9am. I had called in at 8:30 to let them know we were downtown but stuck in traffic. Once we secured parking (our usual lot is closed for renovations) we got up to the clinic at 9:10. I knew the appointment was schedule for an hour and I said to V that I hoped she wasn't going to say she didn't have time and we'd have to reschedule. We were very lucky. She didn't have another appointment until 10am.

Anyone who has had to go through this type of appointment whether it's for donor egg or donor embryo, has had the same discussions. She asked us about ourselves, as about us as a couple, and then moved onto more important questions.

She first asked if we'd talked about what we were doing with anyone. We have done so with select friends and very limited family. She said that if we were successful we'd have to decide if we were going to tell anyone, who and how much. And in terms of any children, we'd have to decide the same. The usual answer is "I'll tell when he/she asks" but how does a child know to ask? V thought telling before puberty made sense, whereas I thought more around 5-6 in a more simplistic version of how they were conceived. She made a really good point. When you have this discussion you want to make it about the child's conception not about trust. So, if you wait until the child is a bit older, when you think they can understand (or even wait until they're in their teens) they could respond with "why didn't you tell me before?" making it a trust issue. So, she's recommended that you start talking about it as early as 3 years old. A toddler will just accept it as that's how all children are conceived and won't know to ask why didn't you tell me before because there is no before.

She asked us how we felt about contact with the donors. We thought we would be agreeable to meeting them if they wanted to meet us. Because any other children the donors have would be full siblings, she also raised the question, what if the child wants to meet them. We said we were fine with that as well. This brought her to the difference between adoption and donor embryo conception. I had explained that for me, I didn't find any difference between using a donor egg vs a donor embryo because my genetics isn't involved either way. I was a little disappointed I'd be giving up the genetic link to V, but I likened it to adoption in that there would be no genetic link to either of us in that regard. She made an important statement, one that I hadn't thought about. For a child, when they are adopted they may want to meet their biological parents to find out why they were given up. Whereas with donor embryo conceived children there are no other parents. They know that they were wanted and that it took great lengths and great expense to have them.

Those are the things that stick with me from yesterday. In spite of our bumpy first meeting over the phone, she turned out to be a very nice person and it was clearly evident why having us come down in person made sense.

Her report isn't required for us to move onto the next stage. If there was any reason why she wouldn't recommend us for the donor embryo program, she would have told us yesterday. So now we move on to viewing and choosing a profile. I suspect it will be a few days before we get anything from the clinic.

Diminutive Redemption

2010-09-16T03:41:00.004-04:00

So, we met with the counselor this morning. DW was afraid that I would be going in all pissed off before the meeting even started. I'm a first impression kind of person and our initial encounter would normally have had me tell this lady what she could do with herself and be done with it. Alas, the stakes are much higher so I acquiesced and put on my "good" hat.

As I am a night owl, waking up early and then moving immediately are usually mutually exclusive actions for me. As such, this morning was painful in getting up, getting ready, getting out and then driving for what ended up to be approximately two hours from our home in the east end of the GTA to downtown. Not a recipe for the happy-happy-joy-joy. DW had already called in our being late due to traffic so we were prepared, but hoping to be wrong, on being told we could not meet due to the time. As luck would have it, her next appointment was at ten, not nine-thirty so we were still able to meet.

I'll let DW detail out all the questions but suffice it to say that we understood why the meeting was necessary and why the face to face was preferred. I surmised that the doctor's (who is shorter than DW) initial brashness was due to being flustered with the people who gave her wrong information so that she appeared unprepared when she spoke with us. With that in mind, I closeted the Louisville and did my best to assuage her by expressing clearly that this is something we BOTH wanted, were ready and prepared to experience. I feel confident that we were able to get that across to her effectively and await the next phase in this step of our journey.

As DW told the doctor, I tend to not say a whole lot but when I do, it is typically with purpose. I spoke purposefully today as this is important. I hope that message was delivered clearly.

OK, done talking. Nite.

Latest news

2010-08-30T15:49:00.003-04:00

Basically there is no news.

We were scheduled to have a phone consult with one of the clinic's counsellors last week on the 25th. I was told by the Admin making our appointment that this could be a phone consult because the clinic is downtown, I work in the west end, V works north of the city and we live in the east end. So getting both of us downtown to an appointment really isn't that easy to coordinate during the hours the counsellor works.

So we were scheduled for 1pm and we're both ready. I got the call and put her on hold while I switched phones to a more private area and got V on the line and then conferenced everyone in together. We get through the introductions and she starts off asking ages and then "how many children do you have?" So V and answers "one from a previous marriage" and I say "we don't have any together". Well, that was the beginning of the downhill ride. She thought we were the donors, not the recipients and she sounded a bit annoyed by the fact that we weren't and she wasn't prepared for a recipient consult (on the phone). I found her tone accusatory in a way, and somewhat defensive for some reason. She asked why we couldn't come into the office for this appointment. I explained the logistics of where we were and that I was told by the Admin at the clinic that a phone consult was fine. Well, that just wouldn't do and she had no sympathy for our travel logistics.

I understood the need to have us in front of her, to read our body language, facial expressions etc, and because V can be rather quiet during these type of things. I indicated that we'd been through a similar counseling session three or four years ago when we were preparing to use donor eggs (it's actually 5 years ago this month) and asked if we needed to go through it again? She asked where and I indicated it was with the old clinic but that the report had been forwarded to Dr. L and should be in our file. She said that she needed us to come in for an appointment and that she could come in for 8:30am if that worked for us, but she was going to first check with Dr. L. if we needed to go through the process again and look for our previous report. She said someone would call us.

It's not been quite a week yet. So, I figure I'll wait until the latter part of this week and send an email to the DE coordinator and ask her for an update. With the Labour Day weekend approaching, I doubt we'll get any information until after that.

Another post about cake

2010-08-24T17:03:00.006-04:00

So, it's been quiet around here as we wait for our counselling session. It was supposed to be last week but we had to reschedule. However, it is tomorrow afternoon. Once we're over that hurdle we should start getting donor profiles and we can move forward.

However, in the meantime I've been making cakes. In fact the next several weeks is a cake extravaganza.

This past weekend was all cake all the time.

I made this cake for my niece for her 19th birthday. It was actually last week, but her family was in town this weekend so we celebrated her birthday with this cake.

Then I took a class with Bronwen Weber yesterday. You may know her from the Food Network Challenges.. Anyway, she was in town for two days giving two classes. I was lucky enough to be able to take her class yesterday where she taught us how to carve a cake and use an airbrush. Here's what we made. And yes, he is ALL cake. :)

Besides those cakes, I also made two dozen cupcakes for my nephew and brother....just because. :)

Upcoming cakes include:

1 - a soccer themed cake for a friend because V lost a bet during the World Cup
2 - possibly a 50th anniversary cake for my Aunt and Uncle
2 - a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's
3 - a 50th birthday cake for myself
4 - a birthday cake for my nephew who will be turning 6

And in amongst all of this I'm starting to think about Christmas cookies and how to promote them for the holidays.

Lots going on to take my mind off the other "stuff".

Thank you and an update

2010-07-28T14:01:00.003-04:00

I wanted to thank everyone who has commented on my last post. It really gives one an emotional boost to see so much support from so many of you. It's meant a lot to us to have you all in our corner and ready there to offer hugs, a shoulder and also cheer us on if we choose to move forward.

In the last couple of weeks I've been in touch with our clinic and the nurse that handles the embryo donations. Our time line has changed somewhat because we actually completed a profile. I was told originally that because of the number of people on the waiting list it could be up to a year before we were going to be selected. We were accepting of that, after all what other choice did we have if we wanted to minimize our costs. We were sent the profile document to complete which included a description of both of us and what we did as well as a section that required us to rate different criteria we considered important when choosing a donor, much like what we did when we were choosing an egg donor. We had little requirements. Although we would love a couple of mixed race to be donating embryos, we know it's a pretty slim chance. So really, that wasn't super important, nice but not critical. Religion wasn't an issue for us as we're Jewish and Catholic. The only point that I rated at a 5, the highest rating, was previous success in their cycle. I wanted to at least be going into a FET knowing that the couple who had donated the embryos had been successful in growing their own family. And really, when you think about it, the odds are in our favour that this the case, otherwise they wouldn't be donating embryos.

So, having completed the profile, I dropped it off at the clinic because I had to go in to drop off the unopened PIO vials they were being kind enough to refund for me. In talking with the business manager about what we were doing, while my refund was being processed, she went off to see the nurse who had been given our completed profile and came back to tell me that we were now at the top of the list because we were way ahead of others because they hadn't even completed a profile. Why would you request to be put on the list if you weren't going to take the next step? Anyway, their actions, or lack thereof, is a benefit to us, and so we we've moved onto the next "hurdle".

It's not a hurdle really, but an inconvenience. We have to meet with their counselor. I was hoping that because we'd had met with a counselor back when we were beginning the egg donor process, we could just use that evaluation because really, what's changed? I supposed our frame of mind, feelings etc could have, but likely not. The inconvenience isn't so much having to go through this, but just figuring out how. Because the clinic is located downtown and I work out in the west end, V works in the north end of the city and we live out in the east end suburbs, figuring out when we could schedule this appointment was a problem. Luckily we were able to schedule the appointment as a conference call. So in two weeks we'll have a three-way conference call with the counselor.

Following that session, and I guess approval on her part, we'll be moving onto the matching process. We will be emailed profiles much like we were when we were choosing an egg donor. Once we've made our choice, then we move onto the FET. There isn't a huge rush. As I told V I would like to cycle by October rather than wait into the new year but we'll see how it goes.

So that's where we are.

Next Steps

2010-07-13T22:37:00.005-04:00

We saw the RE this afternoon to discuss "the next steps". It was a brief meeting really. I mean what can he say except "I'm sorry". He said that these three embryos were of lesser quality than the others we had, but at no time did he say they were poor quality. He did say the embryologist was surprised that they didn't make it. Out of our two donors and all the embryos, this is the first time we've had a cycle cancelled. I have to say that this is so much worse than getting a BFN. Not knowing if the changes we made in this cycle were going to be the difference makes it that much harder. And not knowing if we're going to have any more chances to try is devastating.

He laid out our options...I already knew them.

1. New donor
2. Surrogate with new donor
3. Donor Embryo
4. Do nothing (I added this one)

Financially, without a lottery win, options 1 and 2 are just not possible. IMHO the surrogacy option would probably have our biggest chance of success as we'd be able to select a proven donor and proven surrogate. However, realistically, that's just not going to happen. With a price tag of $50-60K, like I said, a lottery win would be required. So really, this option is off the table.

Option 3 is our most logical choice due to cost as it's not much more than doing a FET...just some additional administrative costs, counseling appointment, and some other things. So financially, a do-able option. It's a waiting game as we have no idea how long it may take to get donor embryos through the clinic. They do have them but he didn't know how long the waiting list was. We'll be filling out the necessary paperwork and we're going on their waiting list. We've decided that bi-racial embryos are not critical. We are eligible to be on the list as they will consider women up to 52.

Option 4 is most realistic. My next birthday is a significant one, and only 10 weeks away. As I approach 50 I didn't expect to be childless or still pursuing my first (and probably only) child. Back when we were working out the finances for our first donor my mother asked "is this guaranteed". I told her no.

I never thought I'd be predicting our future.
I never imagined that V and I would have to face the reality that we weren't going to have children in our life (other than his daughter from his first marriage).
I never thought I wouldn't look into the face of a child of mine and see V.
I never thought that I wouldn't be able to give my Mom any more grandchildren.
I never thought I'd never be able to name a child after my Dad.
I never thought I wasn't going to be celebrating the milestones and accomplishments of my child.
I just never thought it would be like this.

Cancelled

2010-07-13T10:51:00.002-04:00

We had three embryos. None survived the thaw. It's never a good thing with the doctor calls you. I'm devastated. This is worse than a BFN because we didn't even get a chance to see if all the changes would have made a difference. There really are no words. We're going to meet with him later this afternoon to talk about next steps, but short of using donor embryos, I really don't see any. Thanks for sticking by us during all of this.

T-4 and counting

2010-07-09T16:51:00.005-04:00

So I was in for my lining check today. He said it was 12B which is what they want. I know the 12 is the measurment in millimetres, I believe. The B, he said, refers to the triple stripe appearance. So we're all good in that regard.

We're booked for transfer on Tuesday. They'll give me a call on Monday to say what time, but it's usually booked for mid day. Luckily V is able to get the day off which will be nice to have him with me.

So,starting tomorrow, I am adding doxcycline, twice a day, 4 medrol tablets once a day for four days, and the PIO shots begin. The medrol is new for me. I was told it was to help with implantation. What I found online was that it sometimes taken when assisted hatching is being used which it is for my frozen embryos. It is taken to suppress any inflammatory reaction that might occur between the embryo(s) and the endometrial lining.

So, hopefully everything will align and all these differences we're doing will have a positive impact.

And what would a post be without a cake..... Here's one I made last week for a class I was taking. 8" pina colada cake with pineapple buttercream filing and a coconut buttercream icing, covered with fondant and painted.

That's all for now.

And so it begins...

2010-06-27T22:09:00.006-04:00

Yes, you read that right. It's CD2 and we're cycling!!!

It seems that the stars were aligned and things fell into place a few days ago and we were able to go ahead with our final cycle.

In the midst of all the G.20 nonsense going on downtown, I had to go to the clinic on today for blood work and ultrasound to get started. Considering the rioting and violence that was going on the previous night, I wasn't sure if the clinic was going to be open as is located down in the area where the protesters were roaming around last night. I gave them a call in this morning to be sure they were open and then headed down. Traffic was very light, and so I got downtown in record time. I usually park in the hospital garage but it was closed up as were other parking garages, so I had to find street parking. Luckily not a problem. It was rather surreal walking down to the clinic to pass police officers stationed on the street with their riot gear hanging off their belts. (Police headquarters is up the street from the clinic.)

Anyway, once up in the clinic, it was business as usual with a packed waiting room. Signed in on the boards for blood, ultrasound and to see the RE. It was probably an hour wait to be called for ultrasound (blood took 2 minutes). I had a trainee tech as well as the head ultrasound tech, so I was part of a teaching session. Not a bad thing because it meant they discussed what they were seeing so I had confirmation that I have a very small subserosal fibroid (which I knew). My OB had told me back in December about it and didn't seem concerned. I forgot to mention it when I talked to the RE. I'll have to try and remember to ask him when I'm back for the lining check.

When I finally got in to see him, we discussed that the protocol is essentially the same as the last. However, he was agreeable to me starting the fragmin today with the rest of the meds. He also looked over the blood results from March when I was there and asked if I'd ever had my thyroid tested. I said no, even though like every other overweight female I've thought that it's sluggish. :) In any case, the results showed that the number has gone up since December (I had written them down, but can't find them now) and I'm now showing as borderline. So he called over to the lab to ask them to run my TSH, T3 and T4 and as well put me on Levothyroxine.
So, my daily med schedule is as follows:

7am (when I get up)

5mg folic acid
50mg B6
1000mcg B12
baby aspirin
4mg estrace
5mg prednisone
2500 iu fragmin
0.05mg Levothyroxine

3pm
4mg Estrace

7pm
2500iu Fragmin

11pm
4mg Estrace
5mg prednisone
multi vitamin

I had to put reminders in my blackberry to make sure I remembered the mid day meds. ;)

So, I have to go back in 10-13 days based on my schedule for a lining check, and depending on how it is, transfer would be 3 days later. Based on my past response, I've not usually had an issue building my lining, so if I go back in on July 8th or 9th, then transfer would be the 12th (no Sunday transfer) or 13th.

So that's where we are. :)

And just because a post is not complete without a cake photo, here is a picture of the cupcakes I made last night....

Orange-Almond cupcake with Orange buttercream
Margarita cupcake with Lime buttercream
Chocolate cupcake with Marshmallow cream filling and Vanilla buttercream
Peanut Butter cupcake with Chocolate ganache and peanut butter cups

The chocolate ones taste just like a Hos.tess cupcake. :)

An update, sort of?

2010-06-13T10:41:00.003-04:00

Well, it's not really an update because nothing has really changed. We're still in a holding pattern, with the hope that we'll be able to cycle in July. It's not too late for June if something changes as I'm about 10 days away from CD1 but I'm not holding my breath for that.

Thank you to everyone who made suggestions about fund raising. There were some great ideas. I've been busy baking cakes for a couple of paying customers (my first!) which has kept me busy. I was trying to figure out how I could do an online bake sale through my blog. I kept running up against the whole shipping issue. Anyone local could always pick up an order but it could get expensive to ship, especially outside of Canada. Sending cookies and brownies are easy, but I'd want to offer up cupcakes as well. Anyway, I'm still working on that idea...meanwhile, I've got a basic website pulled together. I've got to do it up properly and fix the images, but at least there's a web presence.

And, what would a post be without a picture of a cake...
These are up on the site, but here are the last two cakes I made.

Happy Anniversary DH!

2010-06-13T10:34:00.002-04:00

Today we celebrate six years. Six years of wedding bliss. Yes, we've had our challenges but we've weathered them together and come out stronger. You have always been there to pick me up when I fall. You are my biggest champion and supporter. You make me laugh. You finish my sentences and you steal my thoughts. You push me to be stronger and try new things. You are my best friend. You are my soul mate. We go together like peanut butter and jelly, or ham and eggs. You complete me. I look forward to many more years together. I love you.

Please sir, I want some more?

2010-05-13T16:07:00.002-04:00

The answer to that question would be a resounding no.

Right now I’m feeling somewhat defeated, as I told a friend. I don’t talk about much beyond cakes and our final upcoming FET here. I feel like I’m betraying V if I bitch about finances or other stuff that may be of a more personal nature. It’s like the old adage “don’t air your dirty laundry”, so I don’t. But I have to vent, and I’ve already checked with V that he’s okay with this.

Things have been rather tight for us over the last few years financially but we’ve managed, and in that time been lucky enough to do some things we’ve wanted to do including the IVF cycles. Our last FET was in September/08. We had enough stuff coming up in the next 6 months that it seemed prudent to take a break, then there were doctors appointments in an effort to see if we had missed anything, and finally we felt we’d done all we could and the only thing left was to go for it and do the FET. Except that fate had it that financially we weren’t able to do so at the beginning of the year. V knew I really didn’t want to delay too long and we were advised that we should try and do the cycle as soon as possible because of my “advanced” age. :)

For those of you who have been reading along, we thought at the beginning of the year we’d be able to go ahead for March. That got postponed due to finances until April/May. Then we had it all worked out. V works for the public sector and he would be getting a bonus as he has in the past, and we’d be able to go ahead with the cycle in June. Any other expenses, including vehicle license renewals (V’s birthday is this weekend), were covered and I was good with that. We didn’t seem too far off our planned schedule. But oh, how wrong we were. Some unexpected expenses came up and then his employer decided to interpret a new government ruling that was to be effective May 1st how it best suited them, and back dated it, screwing every employee who was eligible for these bonuses. That meant that the bonus he would be getting would be substantially lower than the one that was expected. This now means that no FET in June. And we don’t even know if we can do the FET in July.

To say I am unhappy would probably be an understatement. I’m sad and I’m angry and I’m frustrated, and I have no idea how/if we’re going to be able to do this. I know that V feels the same way. His anger is palpable about how he feels betrayed by the organization he works for. So now, we have to crunch the numbers and see if we can do this in July. I look at the calendar and my birthday is September. It’s a significant birthday. I never thought that I might be 50 and still trying to have our first child. I had hoped (as I have every year for the last 5 years) that I would be pregnant on my birthday. Now, I don’t know. I will now be at the end of the IVF spectrum at 50. This is truly our last chance. I never imagined that I would have to face the real possibility us not being successful.

So, maybe someone will smile down on us and we’ll strike it rich in the lottery. :) We all know that’s impossible. I’d raise the funds somehow if I could figure out a good way. If I could I’d be making and selling cakes out of the back of my van, but that’s not realistic either. I think I would have to get orders for something like 500 cupcakes….I can’t even imagine. LOL.

Anyway….that’s where we are. Not exactly where we wanted to be midway through May.

Still here

2010-04-30T16:14:00.002-04:00

Apparently I have not improved as a blogger...yet again, 3+ weeks have passed without even a hello or anything..and I let my 4 year blogaversary go by...ah well.

In any event, nothing to report, except that my *%*&% period decided to show up three days early! Three days!! Who knows when it will decide to show up in May or even June for that matter. Based on the current date and my 27-28 day cycle, we're still on track for a June FET, basically mid June. That works for both of us.

I've been doing some research to see if I could find anything to corroborate the lovely Amanda's suggestion to start the fragmin earlier in my cycle, rather than waiting for the day of transfer as my RE does, and when to actually begin taking it. And I found something!!

I had found this blog one day, which is written by an RE in California. I don't recall how I came across it, maybe it was on Mel's LFCA but in any case, it was a good find. And it was obvious that somehow he was being asked questions and he was posting the questions and his answers on his blog. But it didn't appear that the questions were being posted as comments to the blog, nor did they appear to be posted to his face.book account. I started googled for a bit and finally found that he is one of the REs who answers questions in the Inferti.lity section of this website. I posted my lengthy question outlining my IF history, and subsequently a follow up and both my questions and his answers can be found here.

The fact that he starts heparin/lovenox (same as fragmin) at the start of the cycle with the baby aspirin and prednisone makes me feel good. I was going to do it anyway, but now I may actually tell my RE that I'm going to. ;) After all, this is our last chance and I'm going to try and throw the book at it all.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say. We're about 7 weeks away from the beginning of our FET. Hopefully the planets will align and all will be good for us. :)

Hope everyone has a great weekend.

I'm a bad blogger

2010-04-06T15:11:00.002-04:00

Three weeks have gone by. But really, there's nothing going on to blog about. Nothing on the IF front. It looks like we're going to have to delay until June. I've spoken to V and told him that I really don't want to delay past that so we're working towards the FET for June. I'm really hoping that since my cycle will be right at the end of May that we're looking at a June 11th transfer date..at least that's how the dates are working out now, and makes transfer on Friday so I have the weekend to chill. I really, really don't want to wait for my June cycle because that makes it a July (9th) transfer date. Anyway, we'll just have to hope and pray it all works out. It's always in the back of my mind that I'm not getting any younger and we're getting closer and closer to my birthday in September, and this is my last chance to really get what I want. Fingers are always crossed.

Meanwhile, I've been taking the prenatal vitamins my OB gave me, as well as the baby aspirin every day. She gave me enough for 9 weeks. I'll save 2 weeks worth for the 2ww after transfer and switch back to the multivitamin, 5mg folic acid, the B6 and B12 vitamins, plus the baby aspirin prior to transfer. And, after talking to Amanda several weeks ago, I will probably add in a fragmin injection during the 10-12 days leading up to transfer. Not sure I'll tell the RE though. ;) He'd be having me take the fragmin from the day of transfer anyway, and who knows...maybe the extra will help. He'll also have me taking estrace and prednisone during that time as well.

See, nothing new...nothing going on on the cake decorating side of things either. I have some cakes and fillings to test to see what works etc. I am booked to do a 50th birthday cake for a colleague of V's in September. Finally have finalized a design for that, so now just need to determine what she wants for cake and filling. She says "it doesn't matter" but I know it does.

Anyway, that's all for now. I hope you all had a good Easter or a good Passover, depending on what you celebrate. Spring is here, so I hope everyone enjoys the warmer weather as the days go by.

Sock it to Me 2010

2010-03-17T20:30:00.003-04:00

Thanks to the organizational skills of the lovely Kym, and wonderful Brown Eyed Girl, I no longer have cold feet. :)

was a beautiful sunny day today, nice and warm and I arrived home to find a box with these -

What makes these extra special is that it's not one, but two pairs of kickass socks!! Both of them are so cool. But what makes these extra special arriving today, on St. Patrick's Day, is that one pair has shamrocks all over them!! When the upcoming FET happens, I'm going to have to decide which socks to wear. :) Thank you Brown Eyed Girl!! :)

When Kym organizes SITM, it's a way to bring the IF community closer together and give us the opportunity to "meet" others. The support I've gotten from the IF community has been huge. Although we've been struggling without success for almost 5 years, I've had so many wonderful women (and men) commenting and cheering us on. It really makes a huge difference to know that there are others out there that understand. And I've been fortunate enough to meet some of you IRL like Aurelia and Gil. And even though I don't know many of you, I feel like "we could hang" as V would say. So to all of you I would like to say thank you for your kind words, the hugs, and the advice.

And so it begins....sort of

2010-03-08T14:26:00.004-05:00

So, two days ago was CD2...normally this would signal the start of a cycle and in a way it does...sort of.

V and I have decided that we're going to do the final FET either in April or May, although it's looking like it will likely be May. So, I figured that I would head into the clinic on CD2 of my March cycle to say hello, indicate our intentions, find out costs and see if any blood work needed to be done since it's been about 14 months since we've cycled. 14 months!! For some reason, in my head, I was thinking it was less than a year which just wasn't possible.

Anyway, nothing has changed, except perhaps their signup process for ultrasounds and that's much improved. I got in just as monitorong was ending at 10am as I had an appointment for a haircut before that. I explained to the receptionist why I was there and we decide that I should just sign up for ultrasound as I will likely have extra bloodwork. I sign my name, take my number (52, I think they're ast 42) and sit down and proceed to wait. The waiting room is pretty busy (see, nothing has changed) and there are about a half dozen toddlers running around, all under 2. That's the only reason I don't like going on the weekend. I've never really had the same feelings as others at seeing children in the waiting room, as I understand it can be a necessary evil. But with us leading up to our last cycle, it is a little more difficult.

I wait for about an hour to be called for the ultrasound, and I believe I was the last one on the list. Very nice tech who've I've not seen before. We chatted about stuff, she did her thing and then I was sent back out to the waiting room to be called to see the RE. It was probably about 20 minutes until he called me into one of the rooms where I waited about 10 minutes while he saw someone first.

We chatted. I filled him in on what's been going on IF-wise and gave him copies of the blood test results from the OB and Internist as well as the reports from the pelvic u/s and sonohysterogram I'd had in December. I mentioned we were looking to cycle in April or May (but I think he promptly forgot or didn't hear me as he was reading). I also mentioned that they tests showed I was heterozygous for MTHFR. He basically dismissed this with a wave of his hand and said 40% of women have this issue. I know that it's not the answer for why our cycles have failed, and he agreed that we have great embryos and my uterus is excellent (so says my OB). However, he agreed that taking the 5MG of folic acid make sense. Even if he didn't agree, I'd still be taking it. And I'm thinking I will add the B6 and B12 with it but I'm not sure what the daily amount would be. Anyone have any ideas? In an email chat with Amanda she gave me some insight into her past protocols, specifically the one that gave her Adam, and I'm now considering starting the Fragmin a bit earlier in the cycle. Normally I am told to start the immediately following transfer, but maybe a couple of days earlier? Any ideas here?

So, for now, I am continuing to take the 5mg of folic acid and a baby aspirin each morning and I'm taking a regular multivitamin in the evening. I'll go back into the clinic on CD2 of the month we decide we're doing the FET and it's about 13 days from then to transfer. If it is April, then we're looking at CD2 being on or around April 3rd...I can say for sure, we aren't doing it then. So that means May would be the month with transfer occuring the weekend of V's birthday.

Anyway, that's all the news that's fit to print. Hope everyone is having a great day on this glorious, sunny day!

Good news, bad news?

2010-02-28T13:28:00.003-05:00

So, those who've been with us for the last while know we've got 3 embryos on ice waiting for us to do our final FET. Before we went ahead we wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything we or the doctors had missed that might point to why the previous 4 cycles (2 fresh DE and 2 FET DE) had failed.

The results from the bloodwork my OB did revealed that I was heterozygous for MTHFR. This in itself doesn't mean that's why they cycles failed, just that it may have contributed to everything overall. The OB then sent me to an Internist to see if she had any other insight.

I saw her last week for followup on the bloodwork she had done. She had sent me for T3, T4 and TSH, anticardiolipins and redid the lupus anticoagulant screen. The latter two tests didn't show anything unexpected and my T3, T4 and TSH were all within normal ranges (3.9, 15 and 2.32 respectively). So again, there's nothing definitive as to what could be contributing to the failed cycles.

So, it's good news in a way but bad news if I was hoping for something to be "wrong".

So, meanwhile, I have been taking 5mg of folic acid since the beginning of the year. I've been trying to get more exercise as that was something the internist said was important, more so than reducing body weight (although I'm trying there too).

We're planning on doing the final "Hail Mary" cycle in April. I should be seeing CD1 this week so I'm going to go into the clinic to reacquaint them with me (it's been 6 months) and make sure they don't need to do any blood work (I doubt it), give them copies of the blood work results from the OB and Internist, and find out the costs for 2010 since it seems they're in the process of updating the website. Based on this appointment we'll decide if we're going with early April or late April.

So, this is where we are. I'm sorry I've been AWOL for the past while. There's really not been anything going on here to report on. I've been reading blogs and commenting occasionally and keeping up with all of you.

Thanks for reading (if you still are).

Oh and if you're just here for the cakes...this is the latest one. V thought the character looked like Cart.man from Sou.th Par.k.

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh My!

2010-02-11T15:42:00.005-05:00

Okay, well maybe monkey and rabbit and frog and pig and lamb....

What am I talking about, you ask? Well for the past couple of weeks I've been taking a couple of one day project classes for figure molding. Figure molding is the "art" (I use that term loosely in connection to me) of molding gum paste into figures to use as decoration on cake projects.

A few months ago I also took a one day class to make a shoe out of gum paste. These are popular on bridal show cakes... I think it turned out pretty good.

Check it out! And while you're at it, check out who else is at the front of the class for Mel's Show and Tell

And I'm sorry I've been away for so long...I didn't realize it was almost two months!

Latest update

2009-12-24T13:29:00.003-05:00

This past Tuesday V and I headed off to the referral I had with a doctor of internal medicine, we'll call her Dr. C. My OB/Gyn thought it wouldn't hurt to get the referral just to see if she had any other ideas about what we could to do better our chances on our last cycle we'll have in the new year.

She was very nice. Said that being heterozygous MTHFR isn't enough, and somewhat weak but definitely agreed that the 5mg of folic acid was a very good idea. She also mentioned the baby aspirin and fragmin during the cycle, which I indicated we had done in the past.

She did say that losing weight wasn't the big thing, but getting regular exercise. Yes, it doesn't hurt to drop the weight but she said she wanted me to get regular daily in the form of walking or something similar, just for 20 minutes a day. I did intend to put that back into my routine once Christmas was past as we have a treadmill in our room and I used to get up before work and do 30-45 minutes daily while watching our local morning show. So I will be doing that for sure. I will be improving my daily diet as well....way too many cookies and such these last month (see previous cookie post).

She also sent me back to the lab for additional blood work to check my thyroid and redo one of the previous tests. So I've had blood taken for T3, T4, Free TSH, Anticariolipins, and the retest on the Lupus anticoagulant screen (no I don't have lupus) because apparently I tested postive at the last blood work and they want to see if it's a transient result.

So, for the next two months I will increase my daily exercise, improve my diet, and begin taking the increased amount of folic acid. I go back to see her February 23rd for a followup.

V and I are hoping to be able to do the last cycle in March or April.

As this is Christmas Eve, I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a safe and Happy New Year and may the coming year bring you all joy, love, happiness and laughter.

Cookies

2009-12-16T23:59:00.007-05:00

December is the month where I go a little overboard with baking for Christmas. We do a lot of entertaining and I like to have a variety on hand for such occasions. Plus both V and I take cookies to work for colleagues. The first two weekends in December are the two where we host large events...namely our poker potluck event, and our annual open house party. In total, we probably had over 80 people come through, so I like to have lots of food and cookies.

Below is an array of what I did this year. :) Yes, I know.... I need help.

Gingerbread, Molasses cookies, Shortbread, White Chocolate Macaroons, Pointsetta Shortbread (the molasses, shortbread and macaroons were from a cookie exchange).

Cherry Poundcake, S'mores bars, Cherry Almond bars, a sandwich cookie from cookie exchange, Cranberry Oatmeal cookie, Sugar Cookies, Chocolate Pecan Sandies, Chocolate Cherry cookies.

A variety of iced sugar cookies, gingerbread cookies and rolled chocolate cookies.

Gingerbread Sleigh

Santa Cupcake Cake

I had dinner with Gor.don Ram.say

2009-12-16T23:18:00.005-05:00

Okay, maybe I didn't have dinner with him but I cooked dinner with him.
Okay, maybe not "with" him, exactly. But he was in my kitchen....uhm, okay on my tv....and I was cooking with him as he cooked. Yeah that was it. But it was still pretty cool.

He was on F.ox last night showing Coo.kalong Live with Gor.don Ram.say. It was pretty cool. He claims that we can all make a three course meal for four in one hour and he was going to prove it. He had several celebrities in the studio to help him out, as well as a number of people in their homes on skype that were going to cook along. As long as you knew about the show in advance you were able to download the ingredient and equipment list in advance and make sure you had everything you needed to make the three dishes.

We love GR from his other shows. And I already knew he spoke quickly, but OMG! I found that initially it was a challenge to keep up with him but we were able to get through the hour with three quite good dishes.

Angel Hair Pasta with Shrimp, Chili and Tomatoes
Steak Diane with Sauteed Potatoes and Peas
Quick Tiramisu

Check out what others are showing at Mel's Show & Tell.

Update of sorts

2009-12-02T00:04:00.003-05:00

I know, it's been a while since I've been here. Sorry about that. There just hasn't been anything to say, and how many times do you want to see cookies or cakes. Oh, you do? Okay, look for a Christmas cookie post soon.

Anyway, since we last met I had my pelvic and transvag ultrasound as well as the sonohysterogram. Today (Dec 1) was the followup with my OB/Gyn to see what if anything resulted.

Going in I'm not sure I wanted to find out something was wrong or not. And if something showed up in the results would we be able to point a finger at it to say that's why the cycles didn't work?

If you recall (and if you don't go here)she sent me for a laundry list of blood tests. She asked me today of my RE had ever done any of them and I said I really didn't know but I didn't think so.

The ultrasounds and the sono didn't yield anything new. They confirmed that I have two very small fibroids and that I have a "beautiful uterus". The blood work all came back normal except I am heterozygous for MTHFR. This is a pretty good explanation of MTHFR.

Beautiful uterus, good 8-9 cell day-3 embryos, good donor; all things saying conditions are favourable for a successful cycle. RE had me on fragmin (blood thinner) and baby aspirin along with some other meds during the cycle. So my OB has suggested I could benefit from more folic acid, like 5mg. I was only supplementing with the 1mg tablets from the drugstore. So, she has given me a couple of months worth of prenatal vitamins to take. Meanwhile she is referring me to a doctor of internal medicine just to see if she has any additional insight before we do the final cycle. She did think we shouldn't put off doing the last cycle once we were ready to go, probably because of my "advanced maternal age". :) She didn't come out and say that, but I'm sure she thought it. I also need to make a concentrated effort to try and lose some weight before then as well.

Anyway, that's where we are now. I don't have a date for the referral appointment yet. I'll let you know, when I know.

Meanwhile, I'll have some cookie pictures online soon.

Show & Tell: Cake.....

2009-10-30T16:17:00.005-04:00

What would a Show and Tell be without another cake...but this time it's got a theme. Can you guess it? :)

Oh and better yet, it's entirely made of cupcakes. I was not a fan before this of the Cupcake Cake, but I have to say, I am a convert. So much so that I made another cake last night for a friend's son who had to bring a sweet to his class halloween party

Oh, and ignore the obvious missing pieces. A friend could not resist and just had to have one or two. Unfortunately, I had forgotten I had yet to take a photo.

Enjoy!

A Sad Day

2009-10-20T11:28:00.005-04:00

Patti is one of my closest friends, and the sister that I never had. Today her mom is finally at peace. She touched the hearts and lives of many people. She will be missed.

I don't know if Patti will post on her blog but if you want to leave condolences here, I will pass them on to her.

RIP Betty.

UPDATE: Patti has posted if you prefer to leave comments on her blog.

Lost and Found: Flowers

2009-10-17T12:19:00.004-04:00

It's been a while since I've participated in Mel's Show & Tell....

So, I've finished my cake decorating classes and I find myself with free time so to speak. I've got a couple of things on my agenda, but fear not, I will do the odd one day class. Meanwhile, the last class I took was called Gumpaste Flowers. It was one where we were taught to make life-like flowers for bouquets that would go on cakes. Initially I couldn't decide if I was enjoying the class or not, possibly because I was just so busy with work, home, and the other class I was doing at the same time. You can check out that finished product here. However, by the end of the course and seeing the finished product and what can be done, I think I did like it and in time could see myself making more of these.

Enjoy!

Doctor Visit Update

2009-10-08T14:54:00.002-04:00

So today was the big day. I was finally going down to see the OB who did my fibroid surgery and hope she would be willing to do some tests and exams to see if there is any reason why we haven't been able to get pregnant on any of our previous cycles.

For those of you just joining us....we have been with our current clinic since May 2007. Over the last 2+ years we have had two different egg donors. We have always gotten excellent embryos. The first donor we shared and we got 6 eggs and 6 embryos. Neither couple achieved a pregnancy with this donor. Our second donor we had exclusively. We got 20 eggs of which 14 fertilized and in the end had 9 quality grade A embryos. Our fresh transfer of 3 resulted in a beta of 21 which quickly went down, the FET a month later was a BFN so we've now got three remaining embryos on ice waiting for us to be able to do our last cycle. That brings you up to date if you don't feel like reading the archives. :)

So, I go in to see our favourite doctor and unexpectedly she is standing in the reception area and a) remembers me from the surgery in 2006 and b) she's totally on time! So, she sees me immediately. I am hoping this bodes well for anything we do with her. So, we review what's been going on for the past three years and specifically the past IVF cycles and what I want her to do and what she thinks. She's agreed to do pretty much anything I want.

So, I'm booked for both a pelvic and a transvaginal ultrasound on October 26th. We were hoping that they could have taken me today as I'm on CD2 because she also wants me to have a sonohysterogram if the ultrasound deems it necessary. Since that has to be done between CD6 and CD10 that will be likely the second week of November, if the technician sees something. After those appointments, I'll go in for a followup. Based on any findinds (or lack thereof) will determine our next steps. Just in case she sees a polyp, endometriosis or another fibroid, she's got a surgical date booked in April, so there's no additional waiting. I had asked her about the fibroid surgery we had done in 2006 and mentioned our REs comment back when we first began seeing him asking why we'd removed them as he might not have and she reminded me that they had been distorting the uterus so it was necessary. So, at least I know there was necessary (which I knew at the time and had forgotten).

She also sent me down to the lab for bloodwork. We discussed a number of things and because I don't know just how indepth the bloodwork had been initially, she wrote up an order for all kinds of things:

hemoglobin
rubella
Prenatal: ABO, RhD, antibody screen
Repeast prenatal antibodies
Russell-Viper Venom
MTHFR
Homocysteine
Protein C
Protein S
Antithrombin III
Anti-DS DNA

Looking back on an old post, I don't think the RE ever did all of these, but I never saw the request, I do know that we did the anti-cardiolipin IgA and IgM which isn't on this list.

Anyway, that's all I've got for now. But at least we're moving in a positive direction. :) Have I said how much I love this doctor? I really hope that she's able to help us and we can see her for a pregnancy.

It's October!!

2009-10-06T15:17:00.003-04:00

And for those of you who are still reading, and remember, October means I've got my appointment with the OB who did my fibroid surgery several years ago. Back in July when I got the appointment I thought it was for October 10th, but that would be Saturday. However it's this Thursday, the 8th!!

I don't know what, if anything, she'll be able to tell me but I'm hoping she'll be able to give me a once over and check and make sure everything is okay inside. I'm not sure she'll be "doing" anything at this appointment. I'm concerned that I may have scar tissue from the surgery that has affected our past cycles. Of course I don't want there to be anything wrong, but if there's nothing wrong why haven't we been successful?

So, if anyone has any suggestions of questions I should ask her or other issue I could point her to, let me know. I'll be heading in to see her on Thursday morning.

I'll let you know how it goes afterwards.

More cake

2009-10-06T14:59:00.003-04:00

So, it seems that all I do is post about cake....which really isn't that bad a thing considering it means, V gets a lot of cake. :)

I've just finished two cake decorating classes last week. This is the cake we did for one class. I have to say although my piping skills are getting better, they are far from being as good as I'd like. I guess that just means I'll have to make more cake. :)

The flowers are made from royal icing and dry hard. The little birds are made from colour flow icing and also dry hard but are somewhat fragile. The cake is a 7" oval chocolate devils food cake filled with raspberry jam and iced with vanilla butter cream.

Next week I hope to be able to show you guys the flowers I've been working on for the last 4 weeks....I just have some finishing touches to do. Meanwhile, enjoy!

Happy "Belated" Birthday to Me

2009-09-27T13:58:00.004-04:00

So, yesterday was my birthday. It wasn't a major one, but I'm pretty damn close. I had told V that I didn't think it was fair that every year, since his birthday is the May 2-4 weekend, we always have a party/bbq for him. It's usually the first bbq of the season and generally is quite a big affair. Not fancy, just a lot of people, food and drink.

Last year we missed out in his birthday because it was his Dad's 70th (his 40th) and so this year he wanted to make up for it and have a 40/41 birthday bbq but with everything going on we had it in July. So, it was that party which had probably 60+ people at it, and dancing in the basement, I decided I wanted something...just because it wasn't fair. :) Once I said that to him, it was a done deal. But, I said I didn't want a bbq. I wanted a West Indian feast. As many of you know, V is Trinidadian, and over the years I have learned to make a number of different foods and grown to like them.

So we although I didn't prep the whole party, and asked some people to bring and we bought a few items, I still did make a few things, namely the curried chicken, curried chickpeas and potato and the bbq chicken. Oh, and I also made my cake. :)

And because I made my cake, I didn't just make a cake with buttercream icing...I MADE a cake. I've been taking cake decorating classes for the 4-5 months and have shown you some of the results of those classes. Well, I decided I was going for it......

Next year who knows what I'll do. :)

A PSA for those who are looking to adopt

2009-09-22T11:21:00.009-04:00

As you know V and I aren't on the adoption track. Not because we wouldn't consider it, but more likely because although we haven't really discussed adoption for us (and wouldn't be opposed to it), funds are limited at this point, and it's not feasible at this time.

However, way back when we first started this journey and I was surfing the net madly looking for anything that might help us, I did look at information regarding adoption, particularly interracial adoption as we are an interracial couple. Since then I periodically receive emails from on adop.tion facilitator in the US which I generally read and file away.

This week I received an email from them only this time it really peaked my interest. Below is a partial screenshot of that email. Click the image to enlarge it, but this is what the beginning says.

Life.time Adop.tion currently is experiencing a shortage of families who are prepared to adopt African American and/or Bi-Racial Children.

Since the inception of the African American Enrichment Program in 2003, Lifetime Adoption has been fortunate to assist hundreds of babies find their way to their forever families.

Currently, we have 5 birth mothers who are due before the end of the year who do not have any adoptive families within their preferences from which to choose.

Now, I have to say I've never worked with them directly, I really don't know anything about them and I'm not endorsing them but I figured someone out there may want to check this out. I think if V and I were living in the US or were US citizens living outside the US, we probably would explore this opportunity. However, it seems that to work with them you need to either be living in the US with a valid home study, or be a US citizen living outside of the US.

If you want a copy of the email I received, send me a message and I'll be happy to pass it on.

Thank you

2009-09-01T13:49:00.002-04:00

I just wanted to thank everyone who voted for me during the Best Travel Story contest. However, I didn't win. C'est la vie.

I hope everyone is having a good week.

Last three days

2009-08-26T10:11:00.002-04:00

Since there's nothing to report in IF news, I'm hoping to get your support and vote for a contest to win V some hockey tickets.

Click here --> http://wildfireapp.com/website/6/contests/1663/voteable_entries/900736?order=votes

You can vote once a day until Sunday, August 29th. I've dropped to 5th place, and I have no idea how far behind I am. With your help, and hopefully the help of the LCFA readers, I can pull ahead.

Thank you in advanced and I hope everyone is having a great week.

Just a something to make you all laugh

2009-08-17T13:01:00.002-04:00

I haven't got anything going on so I thought we could all use a laugh. All of these are funny, but I nearly peed myself with the first one.

Enjoy!!

Shameless Plug

2009-08-06T12:58:00.003-04:00

I've entered a contest for the Best Travel Story using the surprise trip to Cuba that V planned back in October '06. V. did for me what we all want our husbands/partners/signifs to do for us....surprise us and wisk us away on an all inclusive vacation. My shameless plug is asking you to please vote for my entry to help me win opening game tickets for our home team as V is a huge hockey fan and die-hard Maple Leafs fan. You can vote once a day until August 29th....please...please...please.... Click here to vote --> VOTE

Click here to get the basics, and click here to get the full story.

You can click here too :) ==> VOTE

Not much happening on the IF front

2009-07-30T11:42:00.003-04:00

There really isn't anything happening regarding our FET and when we may do it. I've managed to get an appointment for October 10th with the OB who did my fibroid surgery to get her to take a look and make sure everything is still okay inside and there isn't scar tissue that could impact our success. I'm also on their cancellation list, so hopefully that appointment will get moved up.

Once we get past that appointment, we will know where we stand. We've got three embryos on ice and I ain't getting any younger. I'd prefer not to wait any longer than necessary because of that. I worry that my age is a factor, but I've been told that isn't so. Who knows. In any case, we don't have any other options other than me as funds don't permit us to move to a surrogate with these embryos, or even a surrogate with a new donor. Our donor was proven and really there's no reason for this not to work as far as everyone so far is concerned. I'm not wishing for there to anything wrong, but in a way I'm hoping something shows up that is fixable....sigh....

Anyway, that's where things stand for now.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer.

Show & Tell: Yep. More Cake

2009-07-30T11:15:00.004-04:00

It's that time again - Show & Tell

So you thought my life was way more interesting and I'd have something else to show you guys. Nope. Nada. Nyet. Not happening. There is nothing going on here except me and cake.

This week was the last class of the Tiered Cakes class I was doing. I really liked this course and I really like working with fondant. This last project was essentially a mock wedding cake. It was a two tiered, white almond wedding cake with lemon curd in the bottom layer and raspberry jam in the top layer. I got the recipe from here which is my go-to site for recipes. I doubled it to fill one 6"x3" pan and one 10"x3" pan. They were pretty full, 3/4 maybe, and I could have filled them a little less and made another 6" probably. Because of the size of the larger layer, I used a flower nail in the middle to ensure even baking. In future, I'd probably get a heating core for anything that big or bigger.

I was totally impressed at how moist and flavourful this cake was before I filled it. And the recipe doubled easily. I used a raspberry jam in the top and it tastes just like a jelly roll. The bottom was awesome with a home made lemon curd.

Oh, and the roses decorating the cake are all hand made by me. :) I think I may have found my calling....

Enjoy.

Check out what the rest of the class is showing.

Show & Tell: Cake

2009-07-17T12:17:00.003-04:00

It's time for Mel's Show and Tell.

As you all know I haven't got much going on except the cake decorating classes. So, here is the latest creation from class. This class is tiered cakes, but we don't get to that for two more weeks, so it's just a basic cake with fondant and decorating. I so liked the recipe that Cali pointed us to last week that I thought I'd try it out this week. I don't always bake from mixes, but I'm becoming a convert. The only thing I wasn't too sure about in this, and may not include next time is the chocolate chips. Anyway, I made this cake and filled it with cherry pie filling because chocolate and cherries just rock.

Here's the finished product. V can vouch for the taste. It was pretty good, and since it's gone to his office today for his colleagues, I think they've already deemed it good. Not sure how much is left and it's only noon. :)

I am definitely enjoying these classes and could see myself making this into a little business one day.

Go check out who else is showing today.

Show & Tell - More Cake

2009-06-26T11:21:00.003-04:00

My baking experience began at the age of 7, I think, when I was given an Easy.Bake Oven. I'm not sure what they're like now, but it was the kind where you had to push the pans through one side and out the other, sort of like a conveyer belt. From that point on, baking has always been my "thing". I can cook and definitely enjoy that, but baking really is where I have the most fun.

I've been taking a series of cake decorating classes over the last couple of months, and will be continuing this summer and fall. You've seen the results of the first class, with the clowns and the flowers. And then I did the cookie class which resulted in the baseball cookies. This month I did a fondant and gum paste course. This was a new are in the baking world for me having never worked with either. We learned how to make some flowers, how to cover a cake with fondant, and some other things. Until the final week there really wasn't anything worth showing to others. However, this pass Wednesday was the final class of this course, and below are pictures of what I made.

The cake is a triple layer, lemon pound cake filled with lemon curd and iced with a buttercream icing. There is a layer of white fondant over it, and the cake sits on a board covered with pink and white marblized fondant. The carnations are pink and white and made from gumpaste, and the ribbons and border are made with a pink fondant/gum paste mix. I wasn't sure at first, but I think it turned out pretty good for a first effort.

Up Next for July: Tiered Cakes. This will be interesting as I've never made anything like that before. But I'm definitely looking forward to it.

What are bringing to class for Show & Tell today?

Prayers please UPDATE

2009-06-24T10:40:00.003-04:00

No they're not for me or V.

V's brother, my BIL, was recently diagnosed with a fairly serious condition. Out of respect for him, I won't go into detail here. However, he is going in for surgery today. He is 36 years old and has a wife and two small boys. He's got an excellent surgeon from what I understand and we're praying that everything will go well today.

If you are the praying type, and even if you aren't, please keep him in your thoughts today.

Thank you.

UPDATE: My BIL is out of surgery and recovery and in good spirits. He will be in the hospital for about a week and home for about 7 weeks.

Nothing much going on

2009-06-16T13:35:00.003-04:00

It's been really quiet (for a change) in Chez Baby-Wanted. There really isn't much going on. After the weekend that Gil was in town and we had Patti and Aurelia over, there's been nothing happening. Which for us, is really a nice change. Those of you who know us IRL know that we rarely have a weekend, especially in the summer, where nothing is scheduled.

This past weekend was our 5th anniversary. We spent it playing poker on Friday night at our place with some friends, Saturday was our anniversary. So we had lunch with L, K and the kids and watched their son D's soccer game which was being televised. Then we went to one of our favourite restaurants The K.eg with A&K. Sunday was meant to me a day of relaxing at home, but V went to church with K, D and baby M as M's christening is in two weeks and he's her god father. I on the other hand was a sinner and stayed home. However, we all went for breakfast afterwards. V headed out to see a friend perfrom with her dance group and I stayed home doing laundry and playing Gui.tar He.ro. I love that game!

There isn't much on the books for this weekend except that on Friday, June 19th V and I (and Patti) are participating in one of the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life. There's still time if you want to support the cause and pledge us. We've all be touched by this terrible disease in some way. Pledges of $20 or more will receive a tax receipt.

You can pledge me here.

You can pledge V here.

I'm in mid way through the latest cake decorating class. This week we're learning how to do flowers with fondant and gum paste, so if there are any photos, they'll go up for Show and Tell. Otherwise, check back in a week when we get to do a whole cake.

That's if for now. If you have made a contribution, thank you.

Just a quick note.

2009-06-08T16:52:00.004-04:00

As you are all well aware, this is my wife's blog and I try to stay out of her way (much like when she is in the kitchen, it is her domain). However, I would like to take this time to acknowledge something we tend to take for granted far too often.

While we have made a number of acquaintances, passersby and curious onlookers, we have also been blessed to make a few good friends that have transcended the confines of the blogging multi-verse. This past weekend, we were honoured to host a gathering of our personal friends, the S-crew, meeting up with our new found friends in G&D from the valley and Aurelia from the T-dot. While not everyone could make it, it was very nice to be able to spend time with this group to share stories, food, drink and laughter.

I think that a lot of people go through this process and at the end, should things not work out, feel they did not benefit from it in any way. We will definitely not be one of those groups of people because our lives have been enriched in many ways and we thank you all for that.

OK, I will slink off back into the shadows now. Please resume what you were doing.

V.

Edited to add by Pam:

Rather than make a second post, just to add my two cents, we had a fabulous time! Gil and her hubby came to spend the weekend with us and it was just awesome. We're definitely going to do this again. I know I've said it before, but whenever the four of us get together it's like we've known each other for years and we talk non-stop catching up.

Saturday we had a barbeque for Gil and hubby, Patti and Mark, and Aurelia. Unfortunately MyReality and Mr. Wonderful weren't able to join us this time. We had a great afternoon talking non-stop again, drinking,eating, playing with little Jack and catching up. We all decided that we needed to plan another get together for more Toronto bloggers (and anyone else who's in the vicinity at the time) because we all really had a great time.

Here is a picture of the four of us.

Okay, here were really are. That's Gil, me, Patti with Jack, and Aurelia (you really thought you'd catch a glimpse, eh?).

Okay, one more. That's me, Aurelia (gotcha again!), Patti and Gil.

Show & Tell - Final Cake Class

2009-05-25T11:46:00.003-04:00

It's that time again... Mel's Weekly Show & Tell. As promised, here is the final cake we did in class this past week. They take all four weeks to teach you how to make the rose that appears on this cake. It's like they want you to learn how to do each section, even though it's something that could be done in one class. Needless to say, it isn't easy. I'll have to make up some icing just to practice the roses. Maybe I'll even make a cake to put them on. :) Somehow I don't think V will object to cake. :)

Well. here are the pics. The roses were actually a light lavender colour but are showing up as blue in the photos.

Next up, Fondant & Gum Paste class...not sure if there will be much for a show and tell post. Stay tuned. :)

CD2

2009-05-20T17:20:00.006-04:00

Normally that title would have meant something, perhaps the beginning of a cycle or something. However, today it means nothing except that it's CD2. I've not mentioned it before but I've been taking the DHEA for the last 3-4 months. I haven't done any monitoring, and we just go with the flow each month. I have noticed though that my periods have gone from lasting about a day and a half to maybe 2-3 days. I think this is better. I'm still as regular as always too. We haven't made any plans to do our last FET. Due to travel over this past weekend to Chicago for our nephew's Bar Mitzvah, some unexpected expenses, and just overall day to day stuff, it looks like it won't happen until July/August. I'd prefer it to happen before we get the invoice for the next year's embryos storage.

Anyway, other than the Show and Tell posts I've been doing (go take a look at my handiwork), there's not much going on. This past weekend was our nephew's Bar Mitzvah. Since it was a long weekend here in Canada, we took three extra days off and drove down to have some fun in the windy city before all of the festivities.

For those who know us IRL, promptness is not our forte. We had originally planned on leaving late on the 12th to arrive in the morning on the 13th. However, our very good friend's son was being confirmed on the 12th and V was his sponsor so we happily delayed our departure to be able to participate.

My SIL had asked me to bake for her for a few of the events which I happily did leading up to the past week. However, I found myself baking on last thing late on the 12th which meant I didn't get to bed until 2am...and considering V wanted to leave at 4am....it wasn't looking good. However, he saw just how tired I was at 4am and didn't push it. However, we didn't push it at all and didn't end up leaving until nearly 4pm.

Our drive was fairly uneventful until we reached Indiana. V was driving and I was dozing on and off (I don't sleep well in the car) and waking when I'd feel the wind pushing the van. About 30 miles outside of Gary the winds really picked up and the rain started. First it was just raining hard for a bit, then the rain got harder which required the fast speed on the wipers. It wasn't more than 10-20 minutes like that when the wipers just weren't cutting it. We were forced to reduce our speed as was everyone else on the road. About 10 miles outside of Gary the rain got so bad it was like the sky opened and a faucet was turned on. The wipers did nothing. We were forced to stop in the road where we were, as was the vehicle in front of us. We couldn't see the side of the road to be able to make our way over to the shoulder. V kept an eye on the rear view mirror to watch for approaching vehicles. After a few minutes, the rain sort of eased a bit and he decided we were better off moving and staying ahead of the traffic than sitting on the side of the road. Besides, we'd been listening to a Chicago radio station and they'd made no mention of the storm so we had to be able to drive out of it.

We carried on. Everything was pitch black. There was no lights except when the lightening would flash so bright it would make you squint. It was during one of these flashes, after V saw a semi truck veer around something in the road, that we saw what he'd gone around....it was a semi truck on its side across 3 of the 5 lanes (we were right by an off ramp). We were about 100 yards from it. All we saw during the flash was a long rectangular frame. V was able to slow and go around it which was when we saw the cab of the truck with it's lights still on. We pulled over on the other side as had several other vehicles. He considered getting out to check on the driver but we saw that another person had done that as he was struggling against the wind to open his own car door. I had said just earlier to V, during one of our stops on the road when the van was just being shaken from side to side, that this was gale force winds, like a hurricane.

We decided to continue on as we were about a half hour from our hotel. Once we reached the hotel, and had the news on the tv, we found out that the greater Chicago area had been under a tornado watch...so we had the "pleasure" of driving through tornado conditions. Now we wish we'd taken pictures! However, we were both too scared I think to even consider it.

Our weekend continued at a more sedate pace. The next day was a beautiful, warm sunny day and after dropping off the baked goods at my brother's, we headed downtown into the city to walk up the Mag.nificent Mile and got to Pizz.aria Un.o for some authentic deep dish pizza. It turned out that this was the best day, weather-wise of the whole weekend as there ended up being rain on Friday and Saturday.

On Saturday, our nephew did a fabulous job and everyone had a great time. Saturday was also V's birthday but he didn't want anyone to make a fuss so as to not take away from B's day. However, our table at dinner did figure it out when the waiter brought over dessert with a candle in it...and we all sang, and totally embarrassed V. It was great! :) Sunday we headed back home late in the afternoon after brunch at my brother's. Thankfully we had Monday off to recover. :)

Below are some pictures we took when we were downtown.

The Cloud Gate aka The Bean in Millenium Park followed by multiple reflections in The Bean.

The following pictures are of an art installation along Michigan Avenue called Green Revolution: Fill which represents the consistent growth of waste which we as a people on the planet produce. In the plaque it says "the ultimate goal is to create awareness in all of us and, as a result, help us think twice before disposing of objects that could instead be reused and creatively given another life as new materials.

Show & Tell: Cookies

2009-05-18T12:04:00.005-04:00

It's time for Mel's weekly Show & Tell.

I'm a little late because we've been away for the weekend as this is a long weekend in Canada. We have just returned from 4 days in Chicago for our nephew's Bar Mitzvah. My SIL had asked if I would bring some baking for her to use as the various events over the weekend. As you've all guessed by now that's not really a problem for me. :)

So for this week's show and tell, I wanted to show you these cookies I made for the Bar Mitzvah boy. He is a huge Chic.ago Whi.te So.x fan. They were a huge hit and I had a great time making them.

Check out these pictures and then go and check out who else is showing in the class. And come back next week for the final picture in the cake series. :)

Show & Tell: More Cake

2009-05-11T12:36:00.003-04:00

SO, I'm back for more of Mel's Show and Tell. As promised, here's this week's cake from class. I liked this one better than the last. Besides the fact that I made the cake chocolate with cherry filling (mmmmm), the butter cream tasted better. I will admit that I didn't make the clown sitting on the side of the cake. My cake was the demo for that one, but I made the others. :) I really like this cake. Hope you do too.

Afterwards, go and check out the others in the class and see what they're showing.

Show & Tell - Cake and Cookies

2009-04-30T14:50:00.009-04:00

This is my first foray into Mel's Show and Tell.

Those of you who know me IRL, know that I am a baker, probably first and foremost, over a cook. I can do both and enjoy both, but I think baking is my first love. It started back when I was six or seven and received an Easy Bake Oven for my birthday. I loved that toy....and my parents were so good about eating my creations. I have since expanded my repertoire and no longer rely on the heat of a light bulb to bake cakes, cookies or the like.

So, I started a cake decorating class with the local Arts/Craft store last week. Class one was really the introduction, we didn't do anything, but class 2 (of 4) was this week. We learned basic piping skills, how to make a border, stars, writing, and then had to apply what we learned to a cake. We have homework each week which involves bringing an iced cake to class onto which we apply the week's decorations. V likes this course. Who wouldn't? We have cake every week in the house. :)

This is what we made last Friday. Ignore the weird cracking effect. I had a minor casualty at the front door when I got home from class. Needless to say it hasn't affected the taste. :)

This past Wednesday I also did a one night Cookie class. I've always wanted to work with fondant and such, and had a great time "playing". Here are the fruits of my labour.

I have some baking to do for the upcoming Bar Mitzvah in Chicago in two weeks, so I'm hoping to be able to make a special cookie for my nephew. If I am able to pull it off, I'll post a picture.

Go check out the rest of the class at Mel's blog.

A Good Cause

2009-04-22T22:08:00.003-04:00

Sorry I've been quiet for the last few weeks. There isn't much going on.

I did want to post about something that is near and dear to my heart and ask for your support, if you can. As you may recall, my oldest and closest friend, lost her battle with breast cancer in May, 2007. My mother has also battled cancer in various forms as has V's grandmother.

Patti and I are building a team to participate in the Canadian Cancer Society's Relay for Life on June 19th. The Relay for Life is a 12 hour overnight event where teams of 10 walk, run or stroll around a track. It's an opportunity to celebrate survival, and to remember and honour friends and loved ones.

I have pledged $20 and I am challenging everyone to meet or beat my pledge. You can also purchase luminaries which are candles that are placed in special bags that bear the names of cancer survivors and loved ones who have lost their battle with cancer and you can honour/remember your loved one. At each Relay For Life event, the luminaries are lit during a moving ceremony at dusk.

Please visit my personal page to make a pledge, buy a luminary, join the team or just get more information.

If you have any questions, please just shoot me an email.

Thank you.

Dreams

2009-04-03T15:53:00.002-04:00

This isn't the hopes and dreams post that you may have been expecting. Yes, we do have the hope and dream of one day adding to our family. And I haven't given up on that dream yet...although I have to admit there are days when I really wonder if it will happen and why it hasn't yet. This is about sleep dreams, the ones that you wake up and can't remember enough about what it was about to tell someone, but you have enough of a recollection to know there must be a reason for the dream.

I believe I dream most nights, and I usually can remember what they are about, especially when they are disturbing and scary. Those are the kinds you don't want to fall back to sleep because you're afraid the dream will pick up where it left off. However, the dreams I've had off and on over the last several weeks have all had a distinct theme. In them, I am pregnant. I never see myself (which I have had happened in dreams), and I don't remember who else may appear in the dream. But I do know that our clinic has played a role in getting us where we are today. There is talk of IVF. And I am never newly pregnant, nor am I ever at the stage where we're ready to deliver. It's always midway. And when I wake up I don't really remember anything except that in this dream I was pregnant.

As I've told V, and those who know me IRL (plus I've probably written it in older posts), the next cycle whenever it may be, is never far from my mind, and I probably think about it almost every day. Because we do have those last embryos on ice right now, and we're hoping to be able to do the FET in June or July (I know it keeps getting later), I do think about the cycle. Perhaps it's in my sub-conscious and that's why it is appearing in dreams. However, over the last few years as we really got involved in the cycles, I never had dreams like this. Why now?

Unfortunately, I would say I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist when it comes to our achieving our dream. You all know that there is nothing I want more than to see our dream come true. My three year blogaversary is coming up in two weeks....but we've been trying for five years. In those five years we've done 7 IUIs both with clomid and with injectibles, donor egg #1 IVF and FET, and donor egg #2 IVF and FET and with those 11 attempts, we've had one BFP on the fresh cycle with donor #2. Our final FET is with the last embryos from donor #2.

I want to believe that the dreams I'm having are some sort of door into the future letting me know that we may just be able to achieve our goal, and the by hoping, wishing and praying the final FET will be golden.

Bad, bad blogger

2009-03-10T13:59:00.009-04:00

Okay, I suck as a blogger....I just looked and my last post was January 21st. That's terrible. I admit there's been nothing really to say, but still....I should at least post hello once in a while.

2009 has not been quite as busy as the latter part of 2008. We hosted our third and final baby shower a month ago. It was small and intimate and a big success. B & E enjoyed themselves and just last week welcomed their new addition, Hayden.

I have been a knitting fiend since October or November. I posted one of the projects, but I'll repost the picture here.

For Patti & Mark as well as for our other friends who were expecting in January I knit them each a sweater. I don't have a picture of the one I made Patti, but it's identical to this, but in a sagey green. I forgot to take a picture before I gave it to them. I understand from Patti that Jack is now fitting into the sweater.

After completing the two sweaters (and they were both finished for their respective showers in November), I made my nephew a sweater. My intention was to have it finished for Christmas, but with everything else going on (read my last post), it just wasn't happening. I did get it finished in mid January and we were able to give it to our nephew when we visited Ot.tawa (and saw Gil too!) over our long weekend in February. We had an enjoyable time visiting with my cousins, my BIL, SIL and their family and seeing Gil and D. I said to Gil that it's like we've been friends for years as we just seem to pickup where we left off. Below is the sweater MM got. :)

Once I was finished the sweater, I started in on the next project - a baby blanket for the soon to be arriving Hayden. I had really wanted to get it finished for the baby shower in early February but that just wasn't going to happen, so I took my time and decided to have it finished for when he arrived. It's actually much easier than it looks.

So now, no more knitting projects...at least not for the moment. I've actually started reading again...in between the reality shows. :) But I have not been exercising. at. all. Considering my goals, this is very bad. So, I'm determined that this week that changes. I want to get onto the treadmill a couple of times a week and back on the Wii.Fit too. We also have a Gil.lian Mich.aels Wii game that is quite good and puts you through various exercises...Gil.lian style.

So, I've got just over 2 months until our nephew's Bar Mitzvah (one goal) and a maybe a month following that for our last cycle (the other goal). Hopefully I can be a little smaller than I am now for those two events.

Anyway, I will try blog a little more often, even if it is just to say hello.

A post for Cali

2009-01-21T10:19:00.003-05:00

There's really not much going on so I thought I'd post some snow pictures for Cali. :)

And proof the snow is higher than I am. :)

Other than winter, there's not much going on. V and I have commitments up the ying yang for the next few months so now it looks like May/June for the FET but that's okay. I really want to try and lose some of the weight I put on during the last cycles and over Christmas.

Here's wishing everyone a good day. :)

An update of sorts

2009-01-07T14:36:00.002-05:00

I have been trying to write this post for days but I just haven’t been able to focused enough to do so.

It has been a busy 6-7 weeks for V and I and overall I think we’re just recovering from it now. Read on and you’ll see why. :)

As I have mentioned already, we hosted two baby showers in November which was the beginning of our 6 weeks of holiday hosting. As V and I have posted recently, both happy couples had their babies. Patti and Mark had Jack (check the link for pictures) and K and L had Mikaela.

Following those two busy weekends, V and I hosted our annual Christmas Poker Potluck which is a gathering of a group of our friends who play poker regularly throughout the year but gather at Christmas for some good food, a gift exchange (we do the auction type exchange), and of course poker. This was the 8th year we’ve gotten together at Christmas. I just couldn’t face doing anything particularly Christmas-y, like turkey or ham, for the entrée (that was our contribution) as Christmas was just a couple of weeks away, so we had the ever popular and totally un-Christmasy Pulled Pork along with some great sides and appetizers provided by everyone else. I’ve included the link to the Pulled Pork. Don’t let the root beer put you off. It’s excellent.

The next weekend (yes these events occurred on consecutive Saturdays commencing on November 22nd) was our annual Christmas Open House which we’ve been hosting for the last 5 years. The Evite always has at least 100 people on it but we rarely have that many people show up. Last year it was a small group as we were hit with a snow storm that day. However, this year was a rounding success with at least 50 attendees spread over the afternoon/evening. It’s always a long day but worth it as we get to spend some time with some great friends. People straggled in from 3pm onwards. I think the last group left around 1:30am after some Dance Dance Revolution on the Wii. Always a hit with the group.

The next weekend was a small, casual brunch with family who weren’t able to come to the open house. However, we were hit with a snow storm and they begged off. Although we would have liked to see everyone, we weren’t disappointed as V and I were exhausted. But, rather than rest, we took the opportunity to run errands and buy some last needed Christmas gifts as the big day was now 5 days away.

Stupidly I decided not to take the three days off right before Christmas. Boy could I have used them. V and I were hosting the family Christmas and were expecting 30 people for dinner. We had agreed to do so as long as the event was potluck. So, I ordered, and picked up on the 22nd, a 23lb turkey and an 18lb ham. This year we had expanded our family to include K and L as they were expecting their baby any time as K had been experiencing pre-labour for a little while, and we had some new found family from the UK attending that we’d found on Face.book. We all had a great time and all the hard work and fatigue was well worth it.

Several days after Christmas V and I headed off to Ott.awa and Mon.treal to visit some more friends and family that we hadn’t seen in a while. We both thoroughly enjoyed the break and there’s nothing like three-way Dance Dance Revolution on the Wii. If you’ve got the Wii but only have one mat for DDR, go get another or two. It’s a riot! Although we’d had several invitations for New Years Eve, we just wanted to spend the night home, watching a movie, just the two of us. So on the 31st we headed home with a brief stop on Am.herst Isl.and to visit some friends we hadn’t seen in a long time. We made it home, found some dinner, and sat down to relax. I have to say, this is the first year in a while that neither of us saw the new year in. Fast asleep….

It’s now 2009 and we’re hoping it’s a year of change. I’ve started back to try and lose some of the weight that I put on during the last couple of cycles plus over Christmas, I’m back on the Wii Fit as well. We’re going to make a concerted effort to clean up and discard/organize our basement. We’re hoping to get away someplace warm this year, and we’ve got a trip to Chicago over V’s birthday, for our nephew’s Bar Mitzvah. During all of this, we’re planning on doing our last FET cycle with the three embryos we’ve still got. I really, really want this to work. Who doesn’t? I am too afraid to hope or think positively at this point. I will admit that the idea of doing this cycle, maybe in March or April?, is never really out of my thoughts. I often wish that we hit the jackpot and were able to do the last cycle with a surrogate. However, I am looking forward to getting back in the saddle, so to speak. :) I continue to read everyone’s blogs and comment where I feel I want to. I am always happy for those who are getting great news, and sad for those who continue to struggle. I particularly want to congratulate Gil and her hubby who recently got their first positive beta and saw on the ultrasound that two embryos stuck!

I wish for all of us that 2009 is the year we are able to fulfill our hopes and dreams.

Maybe Ontario is finally getting a clue?

2009-01-06T16:57:00.002-05:00

Here's an interesting article on Ontario and proposed funding for infertility treatment. Because Quebec has agreed to fund IVF, people are now hoping that Ontario will follow suit.

http://www.parentcentral.ca/parent/article/558513

In addition, as quoted from the link below, "Ontario has appointed an expert panel on fertility treatment and adoption to help find solutions for people who are trying to start or expand a family. The panel will recommend ways to help make both fertility treatment and adoption more accessible and affordable". This panel has created a survey to gain information from Ontarians who have an interest in or had experience with adoption or infertility. The survey has been extended to January 12, 2009 so please go up and complete the survey.

http://www.gov.on.ca/children/english/infertilityAdoption/index.html

A second welcome.

2009-01-02T12:01:00.002-05:00

Another couple was pregnant at the same time and in the same time-frame as Patti and Mark; the wife is my friend of nearly thirty years dating back to grade nine. The H's had a baby girl, their third child following two boys (15 and 13), the day after Patti and Mark. Mother and child are at home and doing well and we wish them all the best as well. As I currently have the cold, I will be unable to visit the little one for a while; Pam will have to represent us both.

In a couple of months, we will be doing this again as we have a third couple near and dear to us that are expecting.

V.

Squirt has arrived!!

2008-12-30T00:23:00.003-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a little while, and I'll be back with an update about Christmas etc, but for now, please go and congratulate Patti and Mark as they welcome a baby boy at 10:47pm on December 29th!!! V and I are thrilled.

2008-12-16T14:31:00.003-05:00

I thought I'd steal this from m who shamelessly stole it from someone else. Before you read the rest of this post, jump over to m's blog give her a hug as she and M just lost their twin girls at 21w6d.

(Since I can't seem to strikeout I've bolded those items I've done.)

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band (all through high school, if the school band counts)
4. Visited Hawaii (won this trip and absolutely will go back)
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang/played a solo (in the high school band)
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill (who hasn’t?)
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkelling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie (crowd scenes in Meatballs)
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating (does lobster count or fish?)
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous (I used to work in a major hotel that catered to celebrities)
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby - which isn't the same as having one as far as I'm concerned
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

I wish I was making this stuff up.

2008-12-15T15:52:00.001-05:00

Mother ‘sold her twins to pay for liposuction’ - Times Online

Third Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange

2008-12-14T14:20:00.003-05:00

I was supposed to get this up on Friday but I was in massive baking mode because of our Christmas Open House on Saturday. If you want to check out the other contributprs, just go to Jenn's blog and see.

I made 11 different items on Thursday and Friday and have given you a picture of all items.

Starting at the top of the plate and moving down by row:

Sugar cookies, which I had intended to ice

Kiflins, Chocolate Walnut Truffle Squares, Egg Nog Tea Cookies, Earl Grey Bocca di Nonna, Maple Walnut Shortbread, Plain Shortbread

Tart Cherry Streusel Bars, Carrot Cake bars, "Inside Out" Almond Joy Macaroons, Fig-Date Rugelach

If anyone wants any recipe other than the one below just email me. My email is in my profile.

So without further ado. This recipe was in the Cuisine at Home Holiday COokies issue from 2006 (I think).

Egg Nog Tea Cookies with Butter Rum Icing

Makes about three dozen 2" cookies
Total time: about 1 1/2 hours + chilling

FOR THE COOKIES:

2 cups all purpose flour
2 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 tsp table salt

1 cup unsalted butter, softened
3/4 cup sugar
1 egg
2 tsp vanilla extract

FOR THE ICING:

2 cups powdered sugar
2 Tbsp unsalted butter, softened
1 Tbsp milk
1/4 tsp rum flavouring or light rum
Red and green candied cherries for decoration

Preheat oven to 350F; line two baking sheets with parchment paper

Whisk flour, nutmeg and salt together for the cookies in a bowl; set aside.

Cream 1 cup of butter and sugar together in another bowl with a mixer until smooth. Add egg and vanilla; beat until incorporated, the mix in the flour mixture just until blended. Cover and chill dough for at least 1 hour and up to 24 hours.

Roll dough into scant 1 1/2" balls. Arrange on prepared baking sheets spacing 2" apart. Bake 10 minutes, or until firm to the tough and lightly brown in the edges. Transfer to a rack to cool.

Whisk powdered sugar, 2 tbsp butter, milk and rum flavouring together for the icing. Frost cooled cookies, then decorate with candied cherries or ground nutmeg. Allow icing to harden before packing cookies.

(Freeze cookies unfrosted for up to 1 month)

Note: I added a bit more milk to the icing to make it more spreadable and I decorated as I iced as it started to harden fairly quickly.

I'm still here...or what I've been doing while on hiatus

2008-12-08T16:41:00.007-05:00

V pointed out to me that the my last post was October 31, 2008. I knew it had been a while. I didn't realize it was quite that long.

There's really not much going on IF-wise. When we last left our story our doctor had suggested using a surrogate and we had decided that financially, this was just not an avenue we could go down. Since then, and without going into any detail, we had a wonderful offer for surrogacy that in the end was not able to move forward. And we thank that person for even thinking of doing that and making that offer and putting herself out like that, regardless of the end outcome. So, we're back to doing our final FET hopefully March, but it may work out to being more like April or May.

I have also been to my own doctor for my annual checkup and to bring her up to speed and get her take on things. She found that my fibroids have returned (arg!) and since we have time before we are going to be doing anything, she has given me the requisition for a transvag ultrasound to see what's going on in there with them. I've got that scheduled for later this week and expect I'll hear something in January. Hopefully we don't have to do anything about them, and they aren't impeding progress.

So, to keep myself busy over past month and into the Christmas season I've been knitting and planning various parties. We are hosting six social events including the family Christmas. Three down, three to go.

November 22 and 29 had V and I hosting baby showers for two very close friends that are really family, and are having their babies in January, four days apart. One was for one if V's oldest friends (since high school) and the other was for Patti and Mark. I know that some of you think that I'm insane for wanting to put myself through the whole shower thing, but you know it didn't bother me. What does get to me is when people are sitting around swapping birthing stories, or passing around all the gifts. However, neither of those happened so all was good. We had the decorations, the games (which were pretty funny) and some great gifts. I chose to knit for both of them and in the end knitted the same thing in different colours. Patti had given me strict instructions that we weren't to buy them anything and by knitting, I abided by their wishes. ;) Part of the decorations for each shower was a diaper cake that I made (with the help of a friend).

This is the sweater I made first for our friend K who's shower was first.

I don't currently have a photo of Patti's sweater, but here is a swatch from the yarn website of the colour I used for hers.

This was K's diaper cake and below is Patti's diaper cake.

Each shower had about 30 guests who all seemed to have a good time.

The week following Patti's shower we hosted our annual Christmas Poker Potluck which he been going on for a number of years. This year about a dozen of us attended, and I made a completely non-Christmas pull pork recipe. We also always do a gift auction where you bring a gift with a value up to $40. We draw playing cards to see who starts and from there the first opens a gift. The next person has the option of "stealing" that gift or opening another gift. This goes on until all the gifts have been opened. This year I think the gift exchange lasted almost an hour as there were much thievery going on. Everyone had a good time and I don't believe anyone lost too much money during poker.

This coming weekend we are hosting our 5th Annual Christmas Open House. We usually have upwards of 100 people on the Evite but only see 1/3 to 1/2 that number. This year we may be seeing a few more as we've got 60+ people saying Yes. If there are any readers who will be in the GTA on Saturday who would like to join us to raise a glass to the holiday season, let me know and I'll add you to the list.

Our fifth event is much smaller and is just brunch for some family members on the 21st who can't join us on the 13th.

Then there is Christmas Day. We do this as a potluck event as well as we are expecting anywhere from 20-30 people if everyone were to attend. V and I provide the turkey and the ham, a few other dishes, beverages and I'm in the process of doing my holiday baking.

It wouldn't be a Trini Christmas without black cake (a very dark cake made with dried fruits and rum), ponche de creme (sorta like egg nog with a lot of rum), Sorrell drink or liquor (a drink made from the red sepals of the roselle plant), and Parang.

Anyway, that's what I've been and am doing right now. I'm hoping to participate in Jenn's virtual cookie exchange so watch this space in the next few days for my contribution.

TGIF

2008-10-31T12:37:00.003-04:00

I just thought I'd drop in and say I'm okay. I know many of you on the internet and IRL have been worried and concerned. I understand that and I appreciate all of your kind words and hugs both virtual and real. It's not been easy and I ask on an almost daily basis "Why". There have been no real answers at all. I had the day off last Friday so I went back down to the clinic to have a brief face to face chat with my doctor to ask him a few more questions. Even though I arrived at the near end of cycle monitoring, it was still about 90 minutes to see him.

I asked him all of the questions that you guys had put into the comments. He did not feel that my fibroid surgery two years ago could have an impact, nor did he feel that I had any scar tissue. I have already had an HSG, a hysteroscopy and a sonohysterogram (are any of them the same thing?) and he didn't think there was any need to re-do them, nor to have a laparoscopy.

I had spoken to the surrogate consultant the day before and mentioned to him the fee she told me. He said it was way too high, double in fact, and while we were talking he pulled out his blackberry and sent her an email questioning the fees. Regardless of that, I told him there was just no way we could do that financially and we were back to doing a final cycle next February or March.

So, that's where we stand right now.

Tagged

2008-10-23T15:09:00.005-04:00

I was tagged by Ellen. All answers can be one word. I've actually had this sitting to post...I think I had issues. :)

1. Where is your cell phone? on my desk
2. Where is your significant other? home
3. Your hair color? brown
4. Your mother? Ruth
5. Your father? Alan
6. Your favorite thing? not sure
7. Your dream last night? don't remember
8. Your dream/goal? success
9. The room you’re in? work cubicle
10. Your hobby? reading
11. Your fear? sharks
12. Where do you want to be in six years? self employed
13. Where were you last night? home
14. What you’re not? tall
15. One of your wish list items? new job
16. Where you grew up? Toronto
17. The last thing you did? phone call
18. What are you wearing? pants, sweatshirt, tshirt, runners.
19. Your T.V.? 50" plasma
20. Your pet? don't have one
21. Your computer? Dell
22. Your mood? sad
23. Missing someone? father
24. Your car? Grand Caravan
25. Something you’re not wearing? wedding ring (doesn't fit)
26. Favorite store? Williams & Sonoma
27. Your Summer? hot and dry
28. Love someone? absolutely
29. Your favorite color? blue
30. When is the last time you laughed? today
31. Last time you cried? yesterday

I'm not tagging anyone, but if you want to do it, feel free.

Virtual World Tour

2008-10-19T23:23:00.004-04:00

M is hosting a virtual world tour. The task was to take pictures of random things. So here it is:

This is the inside of my Aunt's sukkah.

Also inside the sukkah, but a view of the etrog and the lulav.

This one is for Cali. The leaves have changed colour, the weather has cooled off and the leaves are blanketing the ground in some areas.

This is my new GPS that V got me for my birthday. You'll notice it says Knight.Rider on it. This is my KI.TT just like on the tv show and it talks just like the car. It's sooooo cool.

This is a sample of V's toy collection.

This gargoyle was a gift from a good friend to V on his 40th birthday this year.

Follow Up or The Gift That Keeps on Giving

2008-10-11T23:41:00.002-04:00

This past Thursday I finally called the clinic again because in the 10 days since I'd received the negative and called to get a follow up phone called scheduled, I'd not heard anything from them and I was not feeling the love. I had called to see if by chance our RE was taking follow up appointments on Monday. I knew it was a long shot since it's Thanksgiving here but V was willing to go down to the clinic and wait if necessary. However, since it's a holiday I was told he wasn't booking appointments and if I wanted I could just show up Saturday and see him. This wasn't possible due to previous plans and it's something we were reluctant to do as we knew the wait was going to be 2 hours for a 10 minute meeting. In addition, because it was Yom Kip.pur he wasn't in the office the day I called so all I could do was have her leave a message for him to call me the next day. He wasn't going to be in until the afternoon as he had surgery in the morning, but that was fine. I left my cell hoping I'd hear from him during the day.

So on Friday I kept my cell phone on my desk and my bluetooth headset nearby as I can hear better on it plus it would allow me to move out of my office go outside for privacy. However, by the time I left, there was no call. We were out for dinner with Patti and Mark for 'all you can eat' sushi at a new place near us (which was really good) and, unusual for me but normal for V, I had my bluetooth headset on. So Patti asks me why I'm wearing it and I tell her that I was still waiting for the call and knowing my luck, he'd call during dinner. She was surprised that I thought he'd call that late but I know that our RE works quite late into the evening. Sure enough, at 7:40pm my phone rings and it's him. I excuse myself to go outside a) because the restaurant was noisy and b) so I could get some privacy. When I get back inside and mentioned that yes it was him Patti told me that V didn't think it was when I went outside. He was surprised when I told him that yes, it was the doctor.

He really didn't have much he could say. He says that we can do another cycle whenever we feel ready, that medically we don't have to wait for anything specific. He doesn't know why these cycles haven't worked. He says I'm on all the meds he can put me on and I've had all the necessary tests. He doesn't know why we've had two donors who've not given us good eggs (his words) but he agrees the embryos are excellent. Personally I think donor #2 has produced good eggs. All he could come up with was that perhaps I wasn't able to carry a pregnancy. Maybe he's right. I forgot to ask him if he thought that having my fibroids removed two years ago could have had a negative impact as he was surprised I'd had them removed in the first place.

He raised the possibility of a surrogate saying he could put one embryo in me and two in her and hope for the best. We discussed the surrogate option, which isn't really the route we want but if it's going to get us a live baby, then we're willing to consider it. We could either bring someone to them who has had successful pregnancies but I'm not sure we know anyone who would be willing to do that for us. But he said that they could get us matched with a surrogate within 2-3 weeks. I asked him about cost because I know that it's not cheap and he says there's the lawyer ($5-10K), a consultant ($5K) and another $3K but I'm not sure what that was for. He says basically it's $18,000 but it's prorated if there's not a successful pregnancy. I tell him that we have to think about it because this is another expense we just don't have the money for. I have emailed the Donor Coordinator as she's the only email address I have and asked her to pass my email on to the person who handles the surrogacies. I've asked for a proper breakdown on cost so we know exactly what we're up against. In Canada, like egg donors, you're not allowed to pay a surrogate for her services, just reimburse her for expenses. So the $18,000 just seems low to me. My guess is that the $3,000 is her expenses though.

When V and I get home I go over the call with him and he's quiet. I know he's not happy and I know he's torn because we hadn't planned on an expense like this. Our next goal was saving a down payment for a house. This has been his dream for years and one I can't let him give up. I told him we can't save for both and don't even think about giving up the house.

We already have to pay back the loan on the last cycle. I can't borrow another $18K and I'm not letting him give up his dream. Rock? Meet hard place.

I don't know what to do. As it is we're going to wait until the new year for the next cycle regardless of what it is. But what should we do? Do we say one more chance on my uterus and put in all three? Do we hope that somehow we are able to figure out a way to get the money and do the surrogate scenario?

I have no idea how we're supposed to find/raise that kind of money. Do I advertise that I will bake brownies at a price, or Christmas cookies, or Trinidadian Black Cake (a Christmas staple)? Do I put something on the blog asking for help from the IF community and setup a paypal account? That just feels like begging and I don't like that but I think I need your help. Any suggestions/ideas?

See what I mean by the gift that keeps on giving?

CD1

2008-10-08T11:42:00.003-04:00

Well, actually it was yesterday. Fairly uneventful really. We're still waiting to get a followup scheduled with the doctor. I think if we haven't heard back from them by the end of the week I'll drag V down on Saturday to get in at the end of the monitoring queue and see him. I know he doesn't want to do that because we end up wasting a lot of time. But we don't want to make any decisions on what we want to do going forward until we talk to him. So until we know, life goes on. I'm expecting that we likely won't do the last cycle until February/March just because with Christmas coming, plus we've had extensive vehicle repairs to V's truck and we just bought a "new" vehicle for me to replace my 1995 Nis.san Max.ima. We wanted to make sure with winter coming and us living outside of the city plus my 45-60 minute commmute each way, that I had a reliable, heavier vehicle. We should get it in about 2 weeks.

I wanted to thank everyone for their comments, good wishes and hugs. They are much appreciated. I'm better although I'd say not back to my old self. It's still hard and it doesn't take much to reduce me to tears. I have to say that much of my thoughts have centered around these past cycles and dwells on the "what if's" of the next cycle. I know I shouldn't but as many of you know, it's hard not to.

Anyway, just wanted to give you an update of where we are right now. When we've had the follow up I'll post again.

Now what?

2008-10-02T16:07:00.002-04:00

V says in the last post the question is "do you want to stop?". And he knows me well enough to know that I can't, as long as we have a choice. And right now, we have a choice because we have those last three frozen embryos. But what then?

He's right that emotionally, after I've gotten the call, I'm not the same. The pain is something I can't describe. I don't know if it's the same for him, but I know that those of you who have experienced failure after failure, know this pain. It's an intense grief for a loss that most people just don't understand. It's the fear that I may have to face a future where I never have a child, where I am not a mother, where I won't get the chance to raise, and love, and influence a child of our own. It's not one I ever imagined for myself. And for those of you know know us IRL, please do not say that I am a mother to TC because that is NOT the same thing, not even close, especially with what we've endured over the last year or so in that arena. I am not one of those people who can't be around pregnant women or babies. I love babies and children and we've got several small tykes in our immediate family. We've got three very very close friends who are all expecting in the first quarter of 2009. I/we are so thrilled for them. I can't imagine feeling anything but joy for them. It's just how I am.

I wasn't going to bother, but we're going to arrange to have a follow up with our doctor. I'd rather see him face to face, but with his schedule and ours, that's difficult. V wants to just arrange a phone consult with him. I really don't know what he'll be able to tell us. Perhaps there are some tests he can run that we've not done before? One of the nurses suggested a surrogate, but besides the prohibitive cost, there's not guarantee that will work either, and it's not a route I really want to go down. I want to hear what he has to say, but I think we'll end up moving forward with the same protocol. We'd probably add in the glue again as it's not a bad thing.

Do I do acupuncture on the last cycle? Because I forgot to eat pineapple in the 2ww this last cycle (and I did eat it in the positive cycle) was that the missing ingredient for success? Is the extra weight I'm carrying a detriment to success? The doctor has never said anything and I've seen women much larger than I in the waiting room.

And after we use these embryos, what then if we're unsuccessful? I try to think positively, that over the years we're being tested for some reason and that these last three embryos are the ones. But if not, are we done? Essentially, yes. The only way we'd be able to carry on (unless we won the lottery) is through the use of donor embryos and again there's no guarantee there. Although there are donor embryos at our clinic, they need to reach the parties involved who created those embryos and have them update blood work or something before those embryos can be donated. They've told me in the past that they aren't always able to locate all parties, especially when an egg or sperm donor was used. So, unless someone came to us, I can't see that being a viable option. I know there are donor embryos in the US, but how does one find out? Anyway, I'm jumping the gun here. Right now, V and I need to figure out when we want to try for the last time.

Why does this have to be so hard?

2008-10-01T09:38:00.003-04:00

Why not? I thought that would be the title of this post but it really does not capture it properly; nothing really does which is why it is blank. Most people in our situation typically asks the question "why?" I tend to think a little differently than most folks so I am left wondering "Why not? Why not us? Why not now?"

Besides the significant financial strain, the single most trying thing in this process is the day after finding out the test was negative. It's not the results of the test that get to me; rather, it is the results of the effects that negative has on my wife. As much as she tries, and as much as she strives, she is simply never the same for a while afterward. Truthfully, a little piece of her dies off the longer the process carries on and the more times we go through this. Anyone that knows us knows that in turn the same goes for me as Pam is my life.

The logical question, and an obvious one, would be "Do you want to stop?" The honest answer is yes. And no. Yes because as a man, a husband, a partner and a friend, I cannot stand to see someone I care about hurt the way she is hurting right now. Yet, the answer MUST be no because I am all those things to her and I know that we MUST try until we simply cannot try anymore or it no longer makes sense to. That time has not yet come to pass but it is near.

I will take this time to say it again, as it can never be said enough. Thank you. Thank you for allowing us our indulgent voices, for the detailed information, for the opinions and for the prayers. Thank you for the cheerleading, and the hand-holding, and the Kleenex(tm) and the tears. Thank you for unconditionally always being there and always being available. It means more than words can express to have family, friends and strangers alike help us on this journey. It rekindles a dwindling faith in humankind and rejuvenates the spirit to do good things with our lives. This has been a hard road but all of your support have made it much easier to travel.

Thank you.

V.
PS Give yourselves and your families a hug from us today and may the Divine One (whomever that may be for you) bless you all.

I don't think the fat lady even showed up this time...

2008-09-30T13:38:00.002-04:00

Negative. A big fat nothing. I hate this. There's really nothing else to say. The nurse who called asked if we wanted to book a follow up (I don't know if that will help) and asked about a surrogate. Unfortunately there's no guarantee with a surrogate and that is just way way too expensive for us. We've got three embryos left. We are just trying to decide when we'll do the last cycle.

13dp3dt

2008-09-29T14:08:00.003-04:00

So tomorrow is the day. The last week has just crawled along. The sore throat I had at the beginning of that week morphed into a cold on Wednesday but I'm fine now and was able to get through it with just the odd zinc lozenge. I really wanted to avoid any medications if I could. However, Friday I had a wicked tension headache. I was worried it could have been a migraine but it actually responded to a couple of Extra Strength Ty.lenols. So by later in the afternoon I was pretty good. Strangely though, that's the day I started feeling queasy off and on. It seems that if I ate sweet stuff it really turned up the nausea. There was one time when I told V that I seriously thought I was going to be ill.

We headed off to the B52s concert (it was awesome) later that afternoon. And since we tend to take the bus up to the casino to save us the driving and the gas, we always bring along the DS or PSP. Well, for me, I couldn't even play the DS without feeling totally ill, so I just napped. Dinner when we got up there produced another "omg I'm going to be sick" feeling, even though I wasn't eating anything sweet. But a short while later I was fine. Over the weekend I've still had the queasiness of and on. I'm trying not to read anything into it at all. I know much of what I've been feeling can be attributed to the PIO.

So tomorrow is beta day. I have not POAS even though I so want to. I'll be down first thing in the morning for the blood draw but won't hear back from the clinic until early afternoon. And because V is in a course all week, I can't post anything until I've let him know what's what. The course he's taking is pretty intense and I don't want to distract him from it so I'll need to check with him in the morning and see what he wants me to do. I expect he'll want to know asap regardless of the results.

I will post tomorrow as soon as I am able. I'm extremely nervous.

Right now I'm sitting at my desk eating chocolate chip cookies and feeling queasy. You'd think that would be enough for me to stop.

Happy Birthday to Me

2008-09-26T11:39:00.002-04:00

And no I am not POAS today. :) I can't necessarily say the same for tomorrow, I've been thinking about it.

I've got the day off which has been nice and I've been relaxing on the couch. Mind you I've got a wicked headache so I've caved and taken a couple of tylenols in the hopes that they relieve the pain before V and I head out later this afternoon.

To all who have sent birthday wishes, thank you. :)

7dp3dt or Half Way

2008-09-23T16:42:00.004-04:00

So, I've made it through one week. One more to go. It's been quite uneventful, except for our fancy dinner party (see last post). That night, as soon as it was all done, my throat started to hurt quite a lot and I've now got a cold. The sore throat is still there but no where near as bad, sniffles, sneezing but thankfully (knock wood) no coughing. I'm not uncomfortable so I've managed to get through the last three days without taking anything, except zinc lozenges.

I told V today that I'm not confident, but I'm still trying to think positively. I have no symptoms. Yeah yeah, I know that doesn't mean anything but usually, at least the boobs are sore. Last cycle I definitely had sore boobs, I had occasional cramping, and seemed to have a low grade fever. I know the soreness is caused by the progesterone and I'm on 3cc's instead of the normal 2cc's so you'd think I'd be feeling something. The only aches/pains I have been feeling is from the fragmin injections in my stomach. Because I'm doing two a day, it's always achy. I have, however, managed to keep the bruising to a minimum. Yeah! Except for one real doozy. And the low grade fever I seem to have is lower than last time and could be tied to my cold, although I don't feel feverish. Anyway, enough analysing!

The PIO shots are going well. V is a pro at it. Although we did have one night where he must have actually injected into a vein. Scary. I now have a huge bruise. Now before anyone goes and says we're supposed to pull back on the syringe first to make sure there's no blood...that's not possible when using a 3cc syringe and injecting 3cc's. There just isn't the room to do that. For the most part, he's done very well.

There isn't anything coming up for the next week except my birthday, which is Friday. That would be 10dp3dt. Now normally, I could POAS at that stage, but as I said to Patti, I'm not sure I want to. There's only one thing I've wanted for my birthday for the last several years. This is the one year I could actually get it. So, the question will be do I do it on the Saturday, or do I use great willpower and not POAS at all and wait for the beta on the 30th. I know several people (Hi Aurelia!) will tell me not to do it. And honestly, I'm leaning that way. In fact, I even told Patti I was determined not to do it this cycle. My resolve is strong but I'm wavering. So, to take my mind off things on Friday, and just have fun, V and I are heading up to the casino for some slots, dinner and to see the B52s. Should be fun!

Show and Tell

2008-09-21T11:23:00.008-04:00

I don't usually participate in Mel's Show and Tell, mostly because I've usually got nothing. ;) However, this weekend I figured I'd show you what has kept me busy for the last two days (and I kinda promised you pictures) and my mind off the 2ww.

Earlier this summer we were able to enjoy our city's Summer.licious festival, which is a 2 week period in the summer (and one is done in the winter too) where over 130 restaurants in the city offer prix-fixe menus for lunch and dinner ranging from $15-20 for lunch and $25-35 for dinner, usually a 3 course meal. It's a great way to try out more upscale restaurants without spending a fortune. Anyway, we were able to get to 4 or 5 restaurants with some friends. After Summer.licious was over V wanted to have everyone over later in the summer for a "formal dinner". This didn't mean formal in dress, but not beer and wings or bbq, but a more upscale menu. So our "formal dinner" was last night. I spent Friday prepping most of it and Saturday completing everything. Due to circumstance beyond my control we weren't able to sit down for dinner 6:30pm when I wanted, instead it was 9pm. However, it went well, although one couple was unable to make it in the end, but the four of us had a great time. Here is our 6 course menu in pictures. Everything was made from scratch. Enjoy!

Appetizer Course: Portobello Mushroom and Shrimp Crostini and Tomato Sauce

Soup Course: Vichyssoise

Pasta Course: Gnocchi with a Fresh Summer Tomato Sauce

Sorbet Course: Fresh Lemon Sorbet (to cleanse the palate)

Main Course: Chicken Breast Stuffed with Boursin Cheese and Spinach

Dessert Course: Grand Marnier Creme Brulee with Chocolate Biscotti

Cheese Course: We ended up skipping this course because it got too late. So V and I have some great cheeses to enjoy, well mostly V, but I'm pretty sure I can eat them all.

The Deed is Done

2008-09-16T16:40:00.008-04:00

Transfer was scheduled today at noon. It actually happened just before 12:30, with nary a wait for the doctor. If you've been reading here for the past year you know that waits for monitoring and transfer are common past times. However, today, things moved as they were supposed to.

We were requested to arrive for 11:15 with a full bladder, but we actually got there about 11:45am. We went in to the IVF suite and found out that he'd not yet started his 11:30 retrieval so things seemed as normal...at least we thought so. We checked in, got assigned our cubicle with gown etc and then was told that I had time to go over to the clinic to complete some paperwork. That took maybe 10 minutes and I was back, as was the doctor.

I changed and within minutes we were requested to come to the other OR (there are two) as he was doing the retrieval and we were next. Within 10 minutes he, a nurse and an ultrasound tech came in. The tech started getting prepped and realized my bladder was a little fuller than needed (I could have told her that) and I was allowed to "pee a half cup"....this time that was harder than before. In any case, I scooted off to relieve myself slightly and was back in a flash. I assumed the position and the ultrasound tech got things in order.

Meanwhile the doctor was at the window to the embryology lab requesting our embryos. We found out that all three survived the thaw and we still have three on ice. Yeah!! Anyway, we got down to business, showed us the "gorgeous" embryos up on screen and V took the requisite photo. It is pretty amazing that we can see them like this.

Anyway, I as the lab tech was getting them ready, I made sure to confirm that they were using the glue (yes they were) and then we were all ready. Transfer took less than a couple of minutes and we were done. Because we were in the smaller of the two rooms, we were able to rest there for the 20 minutes and then I was able to "pee slowly" and empty the bladder.

Off to our cubicle to get dressed and then wait for the directions from the doctor regarding the Fragmin because I'm on two shots a day and they need to be spaced 12 hours apart. So, for today, I got one immediately after transfer which is required and I'm to take the second at the time I'm normally going to take it from now on in the evening. I'm figuring I'll be doing them at 8am and 8pm so that's when I'll be taking the second shot tonight.

V and I headed home and I assumed the resting position on the couch and we've spent the afternoon watching spoiled rich kids on MTV. :)

I'm off for the next 4 days so I have no intention on moving off this couch until at least Thursday. We have some friends in for a "fancy formal" dinner on Saturday so I'll be menu planning. I am looking forward to the cooking and I'll definitely be getting V to help me with any lifting/reaching/shopping etc. I'll try post the pictures and menu on Sunday.

Anyway, that's it for now. So without further ado, please meet Alpha, Beta and Gamma.

CD11

2008-09-13T17:47:00.005-04:00

Today was the day V and I headed into the clinic for a lining check. We got there about 10 although we should have really been there much earlier as we had a number of things we wanted to do today. However, we arrived and I was astounded by the number of people in the waiting room. This clinic must have seats for 70-80 people and I'd say 2/3 of the chairs were filled. There were quite a lot of men as well, and several kids.

I got my blood taken without waiting and then I sat down to wait for my turn with the wand. I think it was possibly another hour, and I think I may have been one of the last to be checked. There are four ultrasound techs at the clinic, three of who are eastern European and really good. I quite like them. The fourth is also perfectly fine, but she's not as friendly as the others, possibly because she's more shy or reserved or something. But she also takes the longest to do the scan. Lining checks are usually quite quick as they just need to take a few measurements. Anyway, I think she was there for at least 10 minutes, or it felt like it, and on top of that she wouldn't tell me what my lining measured. The others will say if it's good and may even give you the number, but no, not her "I've taken lots of pictures for the doctor"....so in other words, two pictures is lots and I should find out from him.

So I head back out to the waiting room to sit with V who thankfully brought his PSP to keep him occupied (and me too). Between that and the computers, he had something to do because we ended up waiting a total of 4 hours to see the doctor!!! yeah, you read that right, four hours. And it wasn't just us, it was everyone waiting a long time. The theory is that word has gotten around (I just found out) that he has started to take Sunday's off (he'll just do his scheduled procedures) and won't see monitoring patients. So everyone who may normally have come in on Sunday had come in on Saturday. Even the staff were saying they'd never seen it like that. They were still doing cycle monitoring at 2pm. Usually they're finished by 11-11:30.

So we finally get called in to see him, or at least get into the short line. We waited in a room for about 10 minutes before he came in. I asked him about my lining and it's a "gold star" 13! That's one thing I've never had an issue with - building my lining.

So were scheduled for transfer on Tuesday September 16th. I'm on the doxycycline twice a day starting today for three days. I start the PIO shots tonight and the fragmin shots immediately after transfer. We've decided to transfer three embryos again. We also decided to spend the extra and use the embryo glue. We know there's no guarantee, but we've tried pretty much everything else.

Because I have so much vacation time still available at work I've booked off Tuesday through Friday so a) I don't have to "lie" about being sick as I don't want to have to explain needing a couple of days off, and b) I can totally take it easy. I'll get the call some time on Monday as to time of transfer, but it's usually scheduled for around noon, but seems to happen around 1:30 or 2 due to clinic activity. V and I will be sure to have the PSP and the DS with us to occupy the time. Nothing like staring at a wall for an hour or so.

I just wanted to clarify a point I made in my last post. My questions to our RE were to determine what may have been the reason for the last cycle being a positive (our first) but not going anywhere. Our donor is 24, and when you use an egg donor you assume the success rates for the age of that person. So when I questioned my age, it was more me grasping looking for a reason, and to see if our failures were my fault. So I think his response regarding success rates was more geared to women at 51 using donor eggs, rather than their own. Not sure if this helps or not. I know he is aggressive and with this being our 4th (and possible next to last) transfer, we are willing to up the ante in the hopes we hit the jackpot. We know it's risky and we appreciate everyone's comments and concern. We have not discounted the risks we face with transferring three. I only ask that you think positive thought for us.

Thank you.

CD2

2008-09-04T12:06:00.003-04:00

I went in to the clinic this morning to get the usual blood work and ultrasound done for the start of the FET. I also wanted to find out what the RE thought this time around. I saw the donor coordinator/nurse and she was sorry that things hadn't worked out for us and encouraged me to talk to the doctor. She agreed there must be something we could do differently.

Blood work was quick as usual and even though they didn't appear to be extremely busy today, the wait for an ultrasound was extremely long. Once that was done, it was only a short wait to see the doc. We like him because he says things straight up and doesn't beat around the busy. Today he sat down with me for about 15 minutes and we discussed my questions and came up with some changes to my protocol this time around.

For the questions:

my age - at almost 48, I wanted to know if my age was negatively impacting the situation. He said he's had the same pregnancy rates for a 25 year old and a 51 year old, so he doesn't feel that my age is an issue. He looked back at the sonohysterogram and said that everything was good there. I reminded him I'd had the fibroids removed a few years ago and that didn't seem to be an issue either.

progesterone - they don't test progesterone levels during the 2 week wait. He doesn't feel that there is a specific number that it's supposed to reach. If you achieve a pregnancy, then they assume that you're producing the right amount. However, he has agreed to increase my progesterone when the time comes from 2cc's to 3cc's of PIO and perhaps supplement with oral progesterone, but he didn't think so.

HCG - supplemental HCG doesn't apply to me as I wouldn't have ovulated

embryo glue - I was expecting a negative reaction/response from him. I'm not sure why. But he surprised me because he has used it before, but like the studies say, he's not convinced that it really helps. However, he will use it if a patient wants to. He had one patient that used it and was successful. On a subsequent cycle, she used it again and was successful again. So he's not adverse to using it, but V and I need to make a decision and let them know asap in case they need to order it. We just have to decide if we're willing to spend the money on it.

He said we have six "gorgeous" embryos in the freezer. That was his word. :) He wants to be a bit more aggressive this time and transfer 4 embryos. Obviously we'd be faced with the reduction scenario of they all take. I'm not sure at this point. My thought is if they all took, then that would be 2 that could have been used another time. However, there's no guarantee those two would have taken at another time, being in the freezer longer etc. And let's face it. If the cycle works, will we be trying again when I'm 50? And, if the cycle fails (let's hope it doesn't) would those embryos have failed another time as well? I'm assuming that yes they would have, so V and I will be discussing how many we want to transfer and letting the doctor know when I'm back in for a lining check in 10 days.

So, my meds have changed slightly:

2 estrace 3 times a day (no change here)
1 prednisone, twice a day (this has doubled)
1 baby aspirin, once a day
folic acid
prenatal vitamin

When we get to transfer:
Fragmin shot, twice a day (this had doubled) - unbruised belly skin will be at a premium
Progesterone in oil - changed from 2cc's to 3cc's. I think he's still sticking with once a day and not splitting it up

So, that's where we are for now.

CD1

2008-09-03T11:55:00.002-04:00

For those of you wondering, I'm still here. :) And like clockwork, CD1 showed up today, exactly 7 days later. It was a quiet week. The long weekend was filled with friends and family. We spent Saturday at the airshow, Sunday seemed to be a day of eating as we were out for a late breakfast at friends and then out for dinner with the same friends. Monday found us at home relaxing as our out of town friends headed home. V and I essentially did nothing. It was great. He watched football and I played on my Nin.tendo DS.

I had some cramping over the weekend but nothing to herald the onslaught of CD1. However, yesterday things definitely changed. The cramping picked up and as I said to my friend Red, with the strength of the cramping this had better be an indicator that CD1 was nearby. And sure enough, by the time I got home from work, I had started spotting. So, by this morning, it was here in full force. And the cramping has gotten quite intense. As I said to V. I don't think I've had cramping quite this bad since before I had the fibroids removed. This morning the cramping was so bad I even considered staying home from work, well it would have involved turning around and heading home as I was en route at that point. But I wasn't too keen on having to call into my male boss and try to explain why I wasn't coming in. (TMI coming next) Turns out the severe cramping was due to a large clot being passed. Since then the cramps have become mild to manageable. However, I'm sure the cramping will get worse before the day is done.

Anyway, tomorrow is CD2 (obviously) and I should be heading down to the clinic to see about beginning the FET cycle. When I meet with the RE I'll be asking him his opinion on the last cycle. I also what to find out whether he thinks my age (I'll be 48 in three weeks) has anything to do with this, if my progesterone is where it's supposed to be during the 2ww, whether we should be supplementing during the 2ww with HCG shots (I think I've read a blog where someone did this), and if he has used or has thoughts on "embryo glue". I know there isn't a definitive study that has said it will help but at this point, I want to cover all bases.

Anything else you guys think I should be asking about?

Not only has the fat lady sung, she's packed her bags and left the building with Elvis

2008-08-27T14:07:00.004-04:00

3 That's as good as zero. So I've stopped all of the meds and I'm now waiting for a period. Based on past history that should be about a week putting us at about September 3. We can do a FET immediately if we want to. I was hesitant because when projecting an estimated due date that puts us at the end of May beginning of June, just a few weeks after my nephew's Bar Mitzvah. Did we want to take that chance? However, on talking with V, we do. So, we are currently planning to do the FET immediately. Stay tuned for further updates. :)

Thank you all for you wish, prayers and hopes over the last week. It's been immensely comforting to know all of you out in the internet are cheering for us.

Crap!

2008-08-25T14:17:00.003-04:00

Okay, it's dropping. Now it's 13. This is definitely not what I wanted to see. But she said that they've seen it happen where it drops and then rises so right now they aren't thinking anything about this. She asked if I had any bleeding (nope) or cramping (mild and not constant). So, I'm back in on Wednesday for beta#3. Now interestingly, 13 is our lucky number, so hopefully this means that things will turn around. Fingers are crossed.

21

2008-08-23T14:34:00.003-04:00

Yep, the number is in and it's 21. Not exactly where I wanted to see it at 14dp3dt but technically a positive. The clinic likes to see at least 20 so as the nurse said we're "cautiously optimistic". I have to return for another beta on Monday. Let's we see good doubling.

Meanwhile, V and I are going to enjoy the weekend. We're off to a barbeque and then up to the Casino to see UB40 and play some slots/poker. Tomorrow is brunch at my mother's with my brother and his family who are in town for a couple of days.

So, keep fingers, toes and anything else crossed for us. I'll post Monday when I know something.

Something to pass the time...

2008-08-18T12:24:00.000-04:00

I'm a Chevrolet Corvette!

You're a classic - powerful, athletic, and competitive. You're all about winning the race and getting the job done. While you have a practical everyday side, you get wild when anyone pushes your pedal. You hate to lose, but you hardly ever do.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

8dp3dt

2008-08-17T10:21:00.002-04:00

Halfway through the two week wait. Man, I hate this. Time isn't exactly standing still, but it's not moving very quickly. It's the same lament that all of us have when we're waiting to find out if a cycle worked or not.

I'm feeling good. Still have a low grade fever but it fluctuates. I did some reading on Friday, which was 6dp3dt and technically when the embryos could be implanting, and found that if one is checking their temperature daily they will notice that there can be a drop in temp during implantation. It happens that mine did drop to almost normal on Friday, and it is back up again since then. I'm trying not to read much into this. I had some minor cramping on Thursday and Friday and then it's stopped. I am sleeping more than usual and have found that I'm falling asleep by 9pm which is definitely early for me.

Anyway, half way and still debating whether or not to POAS. The earliest I'd do it would be Tuesday which will be 10dp3dt. Still thinking.

On the non-IF issues at home, V is recovering from having all of his wisdom teeth out on Tuesday. He's impatient with his recovery and getting very tired of the "soft" diet he's on. There's only so long he seems to tolerate soup, pudding, yogurt, jello and such. He has taken advantage and managed have way more of his favourite Fro.sty from We.ndy's. Hopefully the swelling will reduce as he still has some and the pain will go.

Anyway, it's a beautiful Sunday here. Hope everyone has a great day!

4dp3dt

2008-08-13T14:15:00.002-04:00

I thought I'd just pop in and say there's nothing going on. I've been carrying on as normal, just taking things easier. I've noticed twinges etc down in the abdominal area but I could just be more aware of them and they mean nothing. Yesterday I definitely felt light-headed and dizzy. And I've been feeling much warmer than normal, such that I checked and I seem to have a low grade fever. I've been exhausted for the last 4 days or so but that can just be the PIO shots. Boobs don't really bother me, but they are a little tender...again, PIO.

I've been home for a couple of days because V had all four of his wisdom teeth out yesterday. Not a happy camper. :( But he's managing. He's really hoping he can eat something more substantial than pudding, yogurt, jello and soup by the weekend.

I called into the clinic today since we'd not heard back about the 5 embryos that were being left to grow to blast. They said that none of them made it to freeze, so we've got our 6 on ice for the future.

Anyway, that's it for now.

Third Time's a Charm (we hope)

2008-08-09T23:29:00.007-04:00

We were booked for 11am Saturday. When I got the message on Friday, sans any updated info on how the embryos were doing, I said to V. that the doctor must not have any retrievals scheduled and that we are likely the first transfer. From what I'd always noticed on the posted schedule behind the receptionist, he usually starts in the IVF suite at 11am after the morning monitoring is done. Boy was I wrong. :)

We needed to be down by 10:45am with a full bladder but V. wanted to make sure we were there early to ensure things got going on time (provided the Doc wasn't detained in the clinic). But every good intention gets derailed. We had planned on going out for breakfast first but in the end had to just settle for a fast McD's breakfast and the go down. We did reach at 10:45 but found a full house. There were two retrieval's I think, and at least one other transfer already waiting. But I found out that they've now got two rooms, so he's able to get through the procedures quicker as he doesn't need to wait for the room to be prepped for the next patient. In any case, when we arrived they had the ultrasound tech check me to see what state my bladder was in. I was deemed good...."don't pee, don't drink". So we waited. We'd brought the DS with us so V. played video games and I relaxed and dosed off. The doctor came around about 90 minutes after we got there and did a retrieval first. Some time after noon they moved us into one of the procedure rooms. My bladder was checked and even though I felt okay then, I was told to pee one styrofoam cup's worth. I'm glad she did because I think it was still at least another half hour before he got in to do our transfer. I think he actually came in about 12:50 because I was done and back in my cubby relaxing by 1:15 with instructions to rest for 10-15 minutes and then empty my bladder.....slowly. I was okay so I actually waited almost a half hour for good measure.

We had 9 "beautiful 9 and 10 cell, grade A embryos" and there were five more slower ones that they were going to let go to blast before freezing. That meant that all 14 were still going strong! So, he asked us how many we wanted to transfer, two or three. Now, I'd been thinking about three but I didn't think he'd do it because the donor is 24 and there've been good results with her other couples and herself. Plus he's never mentioned transferring three before. However, he was willing to transfer three provided we would agree to reduce if there were triplets. He is adamant that he doesn't want me carrying three (scary thought that) but he did say it increased the chances of twins. V and I had a quick chat and he was okay with agreeing and I've now got three embryos on board.

As much as I would have liked to have just gone home and put my feet up for the rest of the weekend, we've actually got a somewhat busy two days. However, we've had a baby shower in the afternoon and then there is the Earth,Wind & Fire concert this evening. The shower I figured I could handle but I passed on the concert so V. was headed up there with his sister and cousins. Sunday has us relaxing for part of the day with a bbq at some friends for the late afternoon/evening. That should be fine as well. I just want to take it easy. Once we got home I was able to stay off my feet and actually took a nap until it was time to head out.

So without further ado, meet Huey, Dewey and Louie.... This time we remembered to bring the camera in to get a shot of the screen when they show us the embryos.

Now for the 2ww....hopefully it won't be too stressful.

For the benefit of my LB

2008-08-07T19:09:00.002-04:00

Working at the Car Wash... working at the car washer....

So, it would seem that even with my bloody ear ache, AND the jaw hinge and facial pains of the ever present impacted wisdom teeth, AND the wonderful world of Advil Extra Strength Gel caps flowing in my system, AND the lack of sleep AND the anxiety AND my not so helpful wife yesterday morning, that there was enough will in the "boys" to make the effort to do their part. After the washing to have only six of the 20 not respond is fabulous. I guess the boys work best after a good bath.

Are you gagging yet little brother? :)

Having done this before does NOT diminish the funny feeling one gets as a man, walking around the floor of the clinic with one's dirty little secret in a small brown paper bag. It's not the staff of the clinic but ALL the other women's eyes staring at you. Yes, they know what IT is for but they are still seeing IT in your hands being traversed about like nobody's business right in front of them. The looks are not "good on you man, way to go, nice stepping up there fella"... it is more along the lines of "uhm, you going to submit that or play with it longer? Hurry up and put IT away for crying out loud" or just plain "EWWWWWW".

We hope to one day soon, return back to those ladies and show them that a little paper bag goes a long way as we show off the fruits of Pam's labour. In the meantime, we'll keep washing. Oh yes, I had to get that last one in little one. Just. For. You.

Peace. :)

V.

OMG!!

2008-08-07T14:10:00.003-04:00

14!!!

We have 14 fertilized embryos of the 20 retrieved! This is more than twice what we had on our shared donor cycle last fall. We'll know tomorrow how they're doing and what time transfer will be on Saturday.

V and I are beyond thrilled with this news!

Thanks all for the good wishes!

(I think I got a little exclamation happy)

Retrieval - UPDATED!!!

2008-08-06T16:58:00.003-04:00

Our donor had her retrieval today. I have no idea how many eggs they were able to get. Apparently they don't usually call with this number, just tomorrow with the fertilization report. My nurse said she'd find out and call me but I'm thinking since it's now 5pm, she forgot. I've sent her a quick email just in case she's still there, but I'm not expecting to find out anything until tomorrow.

Today went well for us. We got down about 9am. V went off to do his bit and I collected my progesterone in oil as well as prescriptions for more estrace and the fragmin. I also had the nurse give me the PIO shot as V was occupied. They like everyone to get all meds from the clinic, but I usually get them to write prescriptions for pretty much everything so I don't have to pay upfront and just have them go through on our plans. The PIO, however, is another story as they get it made specially for them and they like us to buy it directly from them. No big deal really it just means I have to manually submit the claim. Since I was getting the receipt for the donor's meds anyway to submit, it wasn't no biggie.

The only stressful part was the call I got yesterday from the billing department to let me know that the donor used more meds than were covered by our drug deposit and we had an outstanding balance. Not something you really want to hear or have to deal with on this particular day. They're really good though. She is well aware of how much people are spending (duh!) and how stress is not a good part of the mix, so she just wanted to be sure to let us know and have us make some arrangement prior to transfer so we aren't hassled about it on Saturday. V wasn't impressed by their timing but what can you do. Needless to say I spoke to the business manager today and we worked out something. Easy peasy.

So after I'd worked out everything with the billing department, gotten my meds and my PIO shot, I just sat down and waited for V before we both headed off to our respective employers. Today he was able to just walk to the office as he was working downtown. I on the other hand had to navigate across the city arriving at work at 11am.

So, if I find out anything tonight about the number retrieved I'll update here. Otherwise, look for a new post tomorrow. Meanwhile we're off to see Avenue Q tonight!!

ttfn

UPDATED:

20 eggs retrieved!!! She didn't say otherwise, so I'm hoping these are all mature. I'm ecstatic with this! We've never had this many before. I'll post later today when I find out how many fertilize.

Baby Wanted: Apply Within

Happy New Year

Still here....

Happy Birthday to Me

Should I or Shouldn't I?

Uhm, is this thing still on?

Farewell, Dad

It's July already!?!?!?

It's May

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And so the journey begins....

Call for Help

Cake!

I'm a bad blogger

Cake!

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Half a Century

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Diminutive Redemption

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Happy Anniversary DH!

Please sir, I want some more?

Still here

I'm a bad blogger

Sock it to Me 2010

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Good news, bad news?

Lions and Tigers and Bears, oh My!

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Cookies

I had dinner with Gor.don Ram.say

Update of sorts

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More cake

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A PSA for those who are looking to adopt

Thank you

Last three days

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Shameless Plug

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Show & Tell: Yep. More Cake

Show & Tell: Cake

Show & Tell - More Cake

Prayers please *UPDATE*

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Just a quick note.

Show & Tell - Final Cake Class

CD2

Show & Tell: Cookies

Show & Tell: More Cake

Show & Tell - Cake and Cookies

A Good Cause

Dreams

Bad, bad blogger

A post for Cali

An update of sorts

Maybe Ontario is finally getting a clue?

A second welcome.

Squirt has arrived!!

I wish I was making this stuff up.

Third Annual Virtual Cookie Exchange

I'm still here...or what I've been doing while on hiatus

TGIF

Tagged

Virtual World Tour

Follow Up or The Gift That Keeps on Giving

CD1

Now what?

Prayers please UPDATE